Hasty, Impatient, and Rash
I was hasty. Impatient. Rash.
"Perfect!"
I wanted to shout Yeong! Cha! — but no, that wasn't it. And I couldn't do that anymore anyway.
"Ahem. Nice."
At any rate, the feast was ready. Not the kind of absurdly lavish spread you'd see in a historical drama, where they waste ingredients just for the spectacle. Just… right. Funny how "just right" is the hardest thing of all. Nowhere in this world does "just right" truly exist. Too salty is too salty; bland is bland; and even when something lands perfectly, someone else will still call it too salty or too bland.
No wonder people say living an ordinary life is hard. Where does the standard for ordinary even sit?
By that measure, I supposed I looked like a pretty ordinary housewife myself.
"Oppa~ Welcome home!"
"Oh~ yeah… huh!?"
So this was what they meant by something rising straight from the chest. I'd practiced hundreds of times in front of the mirror, and I was pretty sure I'd nailed it.
The price? My masculinity had completely vanished…?
I don't know anyone named Lee Jiwoo anymore.
They say a tiger leaves its hide and a person leaves only a name. Yeah. Even the name was about to disappear.
"Heehee."
I gave him a bright, fresh smile — just enough to snap him back to reality. And of course I did. Oppa looked completely stunned right now. Mm-hm. Oppa.
If a guy's handsome enough, he's oppa. Simple as that.
Ah — but not Jihyuk. Nope. Absolutely not. He was staying hyung.
"Go wash up first~☆"
Ah. That was way too fresh.
"Or would you rather eat first…♡"
Let's pack a little more love into it.
"Nu… wha… ah…?"
…He'd completely short-circuited.
Honestly, maybe I'd always had a talent for being a woman. Maybe I'd just been born a man because someone mistyped a single letter on my chromosomes.
"Ahem…"
I took the hand of the still-dazed oppa and tugged him along. I'd worked this hard preparing everything, and while I hadn't exactly expected a different reaction…
It was a little embarrassing. It felt like I'd done something weird. Weird, but still.
"Do you want to eat? Or bathe?"
"O… today I'll bathe fir—"
"Alright then. Let's eat."
"!?"
I kept the pace entirely in my hands. Come on, give me a reaction. That bewildered look of his was so handsome I somehow wanted to keep staring, but if he'd just smile and tell me I looked pretty, how happy would I be?
I'd crossed hardship after hardship today — dozens of them. It was honestly astonishing how far I'd come.
I'd trained that soft, honeyed voice that snipes straight into a man's heart, learning from my sister the way a woman's voice flips a full hundred and eighty degrees the second she picks up a phone. The clothes, too — not outright slutty under the apron, but teasingly so: a sleeveless top, and for pants, dolphin shorts.
Tightening the vocal cords and speaking through the nose — I still didn't fully understand what that even meant… and why were dolphin shorts this short?
In the end the voice came out, and these things that were basically underwear got hidden under the apron, so I wore them. This… was what I'd been aiming for.
No body hair to speak of, not even under the arms, so at least I didn't have to bother with waxing. Convenient.
"Oh… this is a real feast."
"Right? I prepared a lot!"
In more ways than one.
Everything left over later would be things hyung — ah, oppa — liked, and the short-shelf-life dishes that needed eating right away I'd made in smaller amounts. Nothing would go to waste.
It had been exhausting. My sister had helped for a bit and then left to match her commute home. I'd owed her one wish in return — whatever she wanted — but at this point the trade-off felt fair.
"Oh… it's good."
"Isn't it? It's delicious, right!"
I propped my chin on the back of my hand and smiled faintly. This way I could see oppa's face clearly.
"…It's really good."
Oppa smiled softly at the food, then glanced at me and quickly turned his head away.
Why won't you look at me? I'm no narcissist, but I look incredibly pretty right now…!
I'm… delicious too, you know.
Uggghhh…! I wanted to say it…
How did I end up changing this much?
Thinking about it, maybe our chemistry had just clicked too well. Over those three months, buried under this hyung's good points, I'd found it almost impossible to dig up any flaws. If I had to name one, it was that he never talked about his own hardships.
Which was how I only found out about the marriage after the divorce, of all things.
Anyway, that was the end of the flaw list. There really weren't any. Where did they go? I had no idea either.
Do men have secrets they hide even from other men…? Hmm. No clue.
As for his virtues, there were countless ones now. I could just keep embroidering them one careful stitch at a time.
In the end, oppa barely looked at me the whole time he finished his meal — almost as if he were deliberately turning away.
"But the time will come."
Eventually~ oppa would have to face me, and we'd sleep in the same bed… well, not the same bed, but the same room.
If there was one mistake I'd made, it was coming on too strong — so strong he wouldn't even meet my eyes. And to make up for that mistake…
I just had to tempt him harder. What a shame. He'd given up on sight, but smell and hearing were still intact.
Like me… ugh. There goes the self-absorption.
I'd sprayed a perfume like me — sweet, with a soft fruit scent that unwound like a thread and finished on a bright, fresh note.
I was going to seduce him through every sense he still had left to feel me with. Show a little interest already.
After all this, fall for me a little!
I was fully ready.
I was checking one more time that nothing was wrong with my body when the door opened quietly.
"…Ah."
"Come here."
Sitting on the bed, I patted the spot beside me. For the record, it was oppa's bed.
"Umm…"
"Ah-ah."
"…Fine."
A little forceful, maybe, but if I didn't do this he'd run. And even if he ran, this was a rental — where exactly would he go? Was I supposed to just sit and wait?
"Hup…"
"Oppa."
"……"
Th-this is a bit much…! Why the second you sit next to me do you cover your nose and mouth and squeeze your eyes shut…!!
But it was fine. Oppa was genuinely flustered.
Once you're caught in the trap, how do you get out?
"Mmph… mmph-mmph!!"
"Hey. Where do you think you're going!"
With strength. Yes. I'm a woman. Delicate, you see.
"Huh?"
I felt somehow discarded.
Then came the sound of him heading outside, slippers dragging across the floor, the door lock beeping open, and the automatic close clicking shut — all of it driving into my ears and confirming, beyond doubt, that oppa had fled.
"Huh… wait."
I snatched up my phone in a panic and dialed.
…Ring… ring…
The call tone stretched on and on. Was he too cheap for a ringtone, or did he just not know how? The long, endless ringing poured from the receiver straight into my ear.
"Ugh… was I too much…?"
Ten seconds. Twenty. Thirty.
Wondering if he'd left his phone behind, I wandered around with my own receiver muffled, hunting for the source of the sound.
"Nothing."
I even pressed my ear to my hand, searching for a vibration in case he'd switched it to silent.
A full minute must have passed — the minute on my phone clock ticked over. By my count it had been about fifty seconds.
"Dammit…"
Hang up and call again?
But if someone doesn't pick up the first time, they won't pick up the second either. Normally it might be because they're genuinely busy — but not now.
He ran, and now that I'm calling, he's deliberately not answering.
While I sank into that shallow spiral of thought, another ten seconds slipped by.
Thirty more and it would cut off. Instead of oppa's voice, some mechanical sister-voice would pick up and deliver a truly devastating message on his behalf.
"Uuu…"
Honestly, yeah. Taking it slow had been the right call.
I'd been impatient. I'd been wrong. Me.
No — I committed a grave sin.
"Ugh…"
I won't do it again. I'm sorry.
Please come back.
Don't throw me away…
A chance. The chance that had seemed about to vanish completely found me again.
"I'm sorry…"
Through the continuing silence I checked the phone again, but yes — it was oppa.
"I'm so sorry. I won't do it again. Please come back. Please forgive me…"
I didn't want to lose this. At the very least. Yes. I could start again from the absolute bottom…
That would be enough. Start carefully, take it slow. Because I really had been too impatient.
Please…
"……Haa."
"Hic."
"Alright."
That single alright, and the call cut off. My phone slipped weakly from my hand, and a single drop fell from my damp eyes as well.
"Huu… hhk…"
I hurriedly wiped the tears from my face and the water pooled on the floor. Oppa was the one who should be flustered — so why was I the one crying from feeling left behind?
"Hss…"
This coward. Oppa was a coward. Couldn't take what was handed to him.
That thought crossed my mind, but… still. Yeah. I was the idiot. I'd even started calling him oppa too fast. Let's just go back to hyung.
I pulled out one of my old men's T-shirts — the kind I hadn't expected to wear again. I'd keep the sleeveless top on for today and just throw the T-shirt over it.
The least conspicuous option that still clearly read as men's clothes: the one I used to wear all the time.
The moment I finished changing, I already heard hyung coming back.
"Haa…"
I left the pants alone, picked my phone back up, and in that frantic instant — just as the door opened — I sat down on my own bed.
"Hhk… ah."
"Uh…"
"Hic!… Hyung, I'm sorry. Hhk…!"
Hyung had been searching for something to say, then saw me hiccuping and lost even that.
"…Sorry."
I was the one who should have been apologizing, and instead I was the one receiving an apology.
"No. That's hic! I was too. Hic!"
"Ah, ah. It's fine. It's fine… I just couldn't accept it yet… uh. That…"
Damn these hiccups!
With the hiccups refusing to stop, I fled from hyung.
Not outside — into the bathroom.
I didn't think hyung would come after me and hold me back if I ran.