Eh...? Condom... Eh...?
I dropped the cookie I was holding onto the floor.
With trembling hands I picked it up. Then, before I could bring it to my mouth… Eun-a stopped me.
My head simply could not keep up with a story this shocking. I trembled all over as if paralysis poison had been pumped straight into my veins. I wanted to say something—anything—but the words would not come out. Like a broken wind-up doll I just clacked my teeth together. Honestly, getting caught in the condom skirt would have been emotionally easier than this.
“What? Your reaction’s way more intense than I expected. You really had no idea at all?”
Of course I didn’t!
I screamed that inside my head while nodding blankly. Beside me, Eun-a was covering her mouth, clearly holding back a laugh. It was annoying… but if I’d been a third party I probably would have laughed too.
The guy who had soothed the overblown self-consciousness of a clumsy, fragile TS pretty girl had liked me?
Surely not from back when I was still a guy… no way. He’d dated two different girls in his freshman year. Neither lasted long, but still. That meant the feelings only started after I became a girl….
But why…?
“Hmm… is it really something to be that surprised about?”
Seo-yeon’s expression hardened a little as she asked. Well, having the person your boyfriend once liked react like this could easily feel unpleasant for a girlfriend. I took deep, careful breaths—hee-hee-hoo, hee-hee-hoo—trying to calm myself down.
“No, it’s just… well, hearing that a close friend liked me… and realizing I somehow indirectly influenced the two of you getting together makes me feel… weird? Kind of? A little?”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
When I answered in a fluster, Seo-yeon nodded in understanding. It wasn’t entirely wrong. There were more complicated issues tangled up in it, but….
Eun-a straightened her back, leaning slightly away so she could watch us from a proper third-party distance. To think the day would come when I’d find Eun-a’s sly little smile unpleasant…. I lightly kicked her leg while trying to sort out my thoughts. Seo-yeon tilted her head when I suddenly stared at her.
…Seo-yeon has a pretty easygoing personality. Considering how casually she’d gotten Eun-a’s number earlier, she’s the extremely sociable type—lots of friends regardless of gender, the kind of person everyone says is comfortable to be around. It’s a little weird to admit, but… she feels similar to me. And thinking back on Won-jun’s ex-girlfriends… they’d all been like that too.
Maybe Won-jun’s taste in women, plus the fondness he’d already felt for me as a friend, shifted once I became a girl and those feelings just got layered on top? It seemed like a reasonable enough deduction.
Ugh….
I couldn’t risk upsetting Seo-yeon again, so I kept my tone ordinary while desperately wrestling my queasy stomach under control. The problem wasn’t that a friend had liked me. Well, if it was a problem it was, but….
It wasn’t the feelings themselves that made me feel guilty—it was the fact that those feelings had changed. Because of me, because of us, a friend’s precious emotions had been arbitrarily messed with. And there was an even bigger problem.
Seo-yeon and I are similar in a lot of ways. Even now that I’m a girl, that hasn’t changed. So doesn’t that mean Won-jun might have started dating Seo-yeon as a substitute for me? In that case, haven’t I done something pretty rotten not only to Won-jun but to Seo-yeon as well….
The breathing I’d been carefully keeping normal started to quicken. I tried to hide it by biting into a cookie, but just because something is hidden doesn’t mean it can actually be concealed. Eun-a, who caught the change immediately, tilted her head.
“Sunbae? What’s wrong all of a sudden?”
“Huh? Ah, it’s nothing….”
“You’re even breaking out in a cold sweat… are you sure you’re okay?”
“…….”
Seo-yeon stared at me steadily. I couldn’t meet her eyes properly and looked away, shrinking a little into myself. Catching something from my reaction, she narrowed her eyes and spoke quietly.
“I think I roughly know what you’re thinking….”
“…….”
“But you don’t need to feel sorry about any of that. I approached Won-jun knowing full well…. Actually, I’m kind of grateful. I used it too, after all. Plus, Won-jun kept rejecting me at first, saying he was sorry. I just kept pushing until he eventually came to like me and we started dating. You thinking that way right now is what’s more pitiful. Geez.”
Seo-yeon pinched my cheek with a kind voice and stretched it out. As I listened, Eun-a’s expression turned serious once she roughly grasped the situation, then relaxed again at Seo-yeon’s gentle tone. I gradually let the tension drain from my own body as well. Confirming that my face had improved, Seo-yeon nodded and let go.
Why do people always knead my cheeks whenever I get tense….
I stroked my slightly stinging cheek while thinking that, and then another thought arrived. There are… too many good people around me. I felt like I might tear up a little, in a completely different sense from earlier.
“Sorry… and thank you.”
“Honestly, your problem is that your thoughts always shoot off in weird directions by themselves. Just try living a little more simply.”
“…Exactly. Always having weird delusions alone.”
“But isn’t that my identity?”
To pull the atmosphere back, I said it with exaggerated flair, lightly resting a hand on my collarbone like I was performing on stage. Seo-yeon snorted a laugh and played along.
“True. That is your charm.”
It got a little awkward for a moment, but we quickly returned to the earlier mood. Even Eun-a’s expression, which had been a bit reserved toward Seo-yeon, gradually brightened. At this rate she might start making friends behind my back and going out without me later.
After lunchtime passed, students who had come to campus to study even during vacation headed down to the library one by one. When almost no one was left at the terrace seats, Seo-yeon leaned her upper body forward, glancing around cautiously, and opened her mouth.
“By the way, you two… you’re going to get married, right?”
“Huh? Yeah. Why all of a sudden.”
“Well….”
Like little kids sharing secrets, we leaned in and gathered our faces over the middle of the table. Seo-yeon hesitated for a long while before speaking quietly.
“…So, how do you progress things so quickly?”
“Huh…?”
“I mean… thinking about marriage when you haven’t been dating that long means you progressed things extremely, extremely fast, right.”
“Th…at’s true.”
In reality it had been far more complicated—and at the same time that simple. Before we’d even properly said we were dating, Eun-a had jumped me, and I’d jumped her right back. Honestly, it had been ultra-fast beyond ultra-fast. Eun-a and I exchanged glances and smiled a little awkwardly while waiting for her next words.
“I called him a late bloomer, but honestly I’m also in my first relationship, so I have no idea how to progress things?”
“…Really?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t particularly interested in dating until now….”
So a girl like that had actively dashed at Won-jun and was now trying to move even more boldly. What kind of charm does that guy even have…. As a former same-sex friend I couldn’t begin to grasp it.
If Won-jun is like that, then the other two might surprisingly…?
Maybe I could start thinking positively about the blind date with Unnie Sujeong after all….
While I was thinking that, Eun-a unexpectedly answered first.
“We’re a bit of a too-special case, so it might be hard to use as a reference… but first, just doing skinship naturally will solve most things.”
I immediately backed her up.
“That’s definitely true. Don’t bother with any push-and-pull and just actively show that you like him. Link arms and press your chest against him. Then no male will not fall for it.”
“Ah, come on, what’s with ‘male,’ ‘male.’ Anyway, actively… yeah, that won’t be a problem. Then next. Underwear or plays that guys might like? You always go around making sex jokes with the guys, right. Don’t you know anything?”
“…Ugh, why are you suddenly asking all that.”
“You started it first.”
They say that when only girls are together they talk dirtier than guys, and as if proving it, Seo-yeon seemed to have zero reservations about this kind of conversation. The shyness from earlier must have just been because she was admitting she had no dating experience….
Anyway, preferred plays…. If it was stuff I’d heard back when I was a guy, there were a few. Nothing rising to the level of actual paraphilia, but even if she was his girlfriend, telling a friend’s sexual preferences still felt a little off.
Moreover…
“But… do you really want to hear that from me specifically…?”
I mean… first of all, I’m the woman his boyfriend used to like?
“That’s exactly why you should reference it even more, right?”
Seo-yeon crossed her arms and nodded with a serious expression. Faced with that force and those eyes waiting for an answer, I just said something random.
“…As long as it’s not mismatched, what wouldn’t he like? It’s his girlfriend. Just wear something appropriately sexy. And even if I made sex jokes, would they tell that kind of stuff to me now that I’m a girl? Since he’s a guy, he just likes big breasts and big butts, I guess. If you’re really curious, get him dead drunk and ask.”
“Hmm… is there nothing you think would be okay?”
“No… isn’t the boyfriend’s opinion the important one, not mine?”
I deliberately used the rough speech I’d usually restrained, trying to shake off the embarrassment. It’s fine when it’s with Eun-a, but talking about this stuff with another girl is seriously stressful. Talking about this with a girl is awkward and embarrassing…!
In the end, was all my boldness just fake madness after all.
“That’s right. Referencing Sunbae’s opinion is meaningless. Sunbae is too much of a pervert.”
“True….”
Seo-yeon agreed with Eun-a’s casually spoken words. I wanted to deny it on the spot, but the condoms I’d completely forgotten about stopped me cold.
…As someone who had made a condom skirt and been delighted about it, I really couldn’t deny it. But since I’d become a girl, wouldn’t it be a bit of a loss not to do the things only girls can do? Eun-a had gotten super turned on too.
…I should have brought more condoms.
“Anyway, if it’s just dating advice I’ll give it, so end the dirty talk.”
“Got it. Then… where do you usually go on dates? I always end up just going to places I already hang out.”
“He’s a homebody, so if you do too many outdoor activities he’ll want to die, you know?”
“Hmm… then movies are safe after all….”
“No. Just make him walk around all day.”
“Huh?”
“And when he’s exhausted, get him drunk a lot and drag him to a motel.”
“Hey, you said end the dirty talk.”
“This isn’t dirty talk, it’s about progressing things, so it’s fine.”
“That seems like the same thing….”
We kept chatting like that until every last cookie Seo-yeon had brought was gone.
“Wow… it’s already this late. Shall we go soon?”
“Yeah. We’ve been here too long. Phew… I’m all sweaty.”
“I had fun today. The cookies were really delicious too….”
“Thanks for the advice as well. If there’s anything you want to ask next time, just say so. I’ll do anything I can.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
Oh my. Making such a dangerous statement.
“Hehehe… there is one thing I really want to ask of you.”
“Huh? What.”
“Look forward to later for that.”
“…You’re not going to ask something weird, right?”
Seo-yeon wrapped her arms around herself and stepped back hesitantly.
“Are you crazy?”
“You’re the one who went crazy.”
“Anyway, I’ll tell you later.”
“Okay.”
It was just something I’d been thinking about, but if Seo-yeon helped, things would go pretty smoothly. I grinned triumphantly and gave Eun-a a thumbs-up. Eun-a, not knowing what it was about, tilted her head and gave a thumbs-up right back.
“Alright, let’s go~”
We walked to the parking lot and exchanged farewells with Seo-yeon. She ran nimbly toward the main gate, waving continuously until we were completely out of sight. Seeing her not fall even while running backwards, she really did have talent.
“Shall we head home too?”
“Yeah.”
“Ah, Eun-a, can you block the CCTV up ahead a bit? I need to take the condoms off before getting in the car.”
“Just take them off inside the car.”
“It’ll get dirty… well, since the car owner permitted it, I’ll take them off inside then.”
“Okay.”
Relying on Eun-a’s kindness, the moment I climbed into the passenger seat I immediately lifted my skirt and carefully peeled the condoms off one by one.
One… two… three… four… five…
Huh…?
Why is one condom missing?