9
I Killed the Demon King. It Was a Mistake.
Chapter 9
The whole world is a mess.
Some didn't even know how to aim a gun, holding it at their side and shooting like Rambo. Others ate their own fingers while trying to load bullets.
What could you expect from giving guns to such a ragtag bunch?
They were busy putting bullets in the heads of friends they were giggling with just moments ago.
Caesar leisurely walked among them, kicking over the burning oil drums to blind them.
"Aaaaargh!"
"Where is it! Where?!"
Caesar approached like a ghost behind a panicking thug shooting randomly.
"Right here."
"Eeeek!"
Thwack-!
Caesar killed only those he could occasionally, then vanished from their sight.
Bang-! Bang-! Bang-!
How long had it been since they started putting holes in their comrades' heads with blind misfires?
Ping-! Ping-! Ping-!
They ran out of bullets.
What's a gun without bullets?
It's like a penis with no sperm.
At this moment, cold weapons reign supreme over guns.
Wherever Caesar's axe touched, a spray of blood arose.
They tried to block with their guns, but couldn't stop Caesar's arm muscles, swollen with aura.
Caesar split the guns in half and harvested their necks.
"P-please spare me!"
"Big Brother!"
Right, where are you?
Where is this leader you're calling out to?
If your boss is a wolf, he'll come out proudly. If he's a dog, he'll run away quickly.
Caesar swung his axe while scanning his surroundings.
Then, he saw two figures in the spotlight of the crisp moonlight.
One was chubby.
The other was scrawny.
They were the boss and deputy boss he had found in the mind of the guy who dared to put a bullet in his stomach.
As soon as the chubby one saw Caesar, he said:
"Everyone run!"
A dog, it seems.
Since ancient times, the cure for a dog has been a stick.
Caesar's legs swelled up like balloons, filled with aura.
Defying gravity, the curse of all living beings, Caesar flew high into the sky.
With a single leap, Caesar flew towards the chubby and scrawny ones and brought his axe down on a pile of cement.
Kwa-aang-!
With a thunderous sound, a cloud of cement dust covered the sky and blocked the moonlight.
"B-brother! Where are you?!"
"When you can't see, you shouldn't make noise before the enemy does."
"Eek!"
Bang-!
Caesar dodged the gun Small Brother fired, then struck his head with the axe handle.
True to his scrawny nature, he fainted without even making a sound.
Just then, Caesar heard the heavy sound of wind behind him.
He blocked something flying at him with one of his axes.
Clang-!
A rather heavy hammer clashed with Caesar's axe.
"You bastard!"
Big Brother's hammer flew towards Caesar's head.
Caesar deflected the hammer's direction with his axe, then headbutted the empty face.
"Urghhhh!"
Thud thud thud-
The sound of his teeth falling accompanied his collapse.
"You close your eyes because it hurts?"
This guy lacks the basics.
Caesar's merciless knee struck him square in the forehead.
Thud-!
Big Brother's brain rattled, and he fainted on the spot.
As the smoke cleared, Caesar looked around.
There were only three types of people left in the hideout:
Those who were dead.
Those who were injured.
Those who were unconscious.
Caesar belonged to the injured category.
"Fucking hurts like hell."
The stitches that Finn had worked hard to sew must have burst, as the bandages were dyed red.
At this rate, he might die from excessive bleeding.
Time to head back.
***
Ramsky rushed over on horseback when he heard the news that Caesar had been attacked at the hotel.
Somehow the reporters had also gotten wind of it and were snooping around in front of the Hilton Hotel.
Upon arriving at the Hilton Hotel, Ramsky approached the general manager.
"What happened to Lord Caesar?"
"He's resting in another room after sustaining injuries."
Damn it.
It really went to hell.
Of all places, an assassination attempt at the hotel Ramsky personally recommended.
Ramsky wanted to rip out all of that smug general manager's hair right then and there.
"If Lord Caesar is seriously injured or dies... Parker Bank will absolutely not overlook this matter."
"I truly have no words, even if I had ten mouths."
"What's his condition?"
"Lord Caesar's personal doctor has arrived and is treating him. And from what I hear, he wasn't seriously injured."
That's somewhat of a relief.
Ramsky and the general manager got into the elevator.
"Who exactly did this?"
"It's said to be the Kelvin Brothers, a mafia group that's been notorious in Southline recently. Fortunately, Lord Caesar reportedly took care of all of them. The problem is... He was shot in the abdomen..."
Ramsky finally exploded.
"Is that what you should be saying?! A gun in a safety hotel! Who the hell let them in?!"
"The person in charge of the lobby last night apparently let them in for money. He's currently in custody."
"Can't you manage your staff properly?! And how is getting shot not a serious injury?!"
"I'm truly sorry. I'm so sorry."
No matter what, this bastard's head is on the chopping block.
What's the point of getting angry at someone who's going to be fired anyway?
Now the important thing is damage control.
As the elevator arrived, Ramsky got off.
"Huff... Huff..."
Ramsky tried his best to calm down and compose his expression.
He imagined what he should say first when he opens the door and then...
He opened the door.
"I'm truly so- Hic!"
Ramsky hiccupped in shock.
When he opened the door, two men were sprawled on the floor with their faces beaten to a pulp.
Ramsky cautiously entered.
There was Caesar, receiving treatment from Finn.
The coachman was standing beside Finn, attending to him.
Caesar took a sip of alcohol and stood up.
"You arrived faster than I expected, Branch Manager Ramsky."
"What... Hic! Should I... Hic! Say..."
"Come now. Have a glass of water. Dino, please give Branch Manager Ramsky a glass of water."
The coachman gave Ramsky a glass of water.
"Then I'll be taking my leave."
"You worked hard today. Get some rest, Dino."
The coachman whispered quietly to Branch Manager Ramsky.
"...Good luck."
Ramsky drank the water while looking for a place to bash his head.
Before Ramsky could bash his head, Caesar pointed to a chair and said,"Please, sit down. We have so much to talk about, don't we?"
Ramsky simply couldn't bring himself to sit.
He bowed his head deeply."...I sincerely apologize."
"No, no. I was the one who almost had a real misunderstanding, wasn't I?" Caesar pointed at the beaten-up Kelvin Brothers guy and said, "Just 12 hours after I deposited gold bullion and jewels at Parker Bank, assassins show up. I thought Parker Bank was trying to kill me and swallow up the gold and jewels, you know?"
This madman speaking politely is even scarier.
He really seems to have lost it.
"Th-There's no way! Absolutely no way! Our Parker Bank protects our clients' personal information and assets 100%. We would never do such an abominable thing!"
"But isn't it really strange? Assassins just happened to come to the hotel room that Branch Manager Ramsky arranged and put a hole in my stomach."
Finn whispered quietly. "That's why I told you not to move."
"But when my body moved, I had to kill the bastard who tried to kill me, Finn."
"I'm charging you for this."
"Alright, I'll pay. Stop interrupting."
Ramsky carefully chose his words. "I swear by the four goddesses, our Parker Bank has absolutely nothing to do with this incident."
Caesar stood up. "But who would believe that? If I keep my mouth shut, the reporters will let their imaginations run wild and spill everything about what happened last night in this morning's newspapers, won't they?"
The most important thing for a bank is trust.
That's how people entrust their money and borrow from it.
Who would deposit money or borrow from a bank that has lost trust?
Ramsky was sweating all over.
"M-May I know what you want?"
"When I personally interrogated them, they said that a guy called Deputy Security Chief Gordon from Southline leaked my personal information to these guys?"
Ramsky's expression brightened considerably.
Great.
The culprit behind the assassination has been revealed, and now we just need to catch him.
Ramsky exclaimed, jumping up and down: "That son of a bitch! How dare he try to assassinate the great Lord Caesar who led us to victory in the Demon Realm War! I'll call the police chief of Southline right now and have him brought here within an hour! Absolutely!"
'The Demon Realm War isn't even over yet, and he's already saying 'led us to victory'.'
But Caesar didn't particularly dislike Ramsky's flattery.
"And one more thing."
"Yes! Just say the word!"
"Give me a mansion to live in."
"...Pardon?"
Caesar rolled the unconscious thug like a ball and said,
"There are intruders with guns in the middle of the night, and someone who ordered my assassination. I'm not sure if I can live in Homigraph, it's too scary. So." Caesar smiled brightly."Give me a big, safe mansion where I can live and have fun with 20 maids."
***
Ramsky first grabbed the phone at the hotel front desk and called the Southline police chief's home.
"Vigo?. It's me, Ramsky. Catch that son of a bitch Gordon or whatever his name is. You know who I'm talking about, right?"
-Hmm... If it's Gordon, you must mean the Deputy Security Chief... What does he have to do with this incident?
"That bastard instigated the Kelvin Brothers to assassinate our client. Bring him in no matter what."
-Ahem! We're not anyone's dog to come and go at your command. I understand you're upset, but we need to follow proper procedures first...
"Then should I spill everything to the reporters in front of the Hilton Hotel about how Deputy Security Chief Gordon ordered the assassination of Lord Caesar last night? Is that what you want?"
-W-Well, if you have evidence...
"Peter and James of the Kelvin Brothers are here at the Hilton Hotel right now. Our client personally went and caught them. We can put them in a photo line-up right now. What should we do? Should I do it now?"
-Give me an hour. I'll bring him in right away!
Ramsky hung up the phone.
Next is the mansion.
Ramsky pulled at what little hair he had left.
"What the hell is this about a mansion! And what's with the maids!"
Does this mean he has to find maids too?
Was that bastard always a lecher?
If so, why didn't he call for prostitutes yesterday?!
No, more importantly, why is he suddenly asking for a mansion?!
"Huff…Huff"
Let's calm down first.
That madman is a crazy dog who personally went after and dismembered the guys who shot him in the stomach.
It's nonsensical to expect rational judgment from a mad dog.
Especially if that mad dog has a hole in his stomach.
'Let's at least pretend to look for one.'
The priority is to deal with those damn reporters crowding in front of the Hilton Hotel.
The moment those bastards' fingers, possessed by the soul of some cursed novelist, whip up a strange novel, Ramsky's head will roll too.
Ramsky worked like a dog for 30 years to reach the position of branch manager.
He couldn't lose his position as branch manager because of this nonsensical incident.
Ramsky called the deputy branch manager.
"You know those mansions that went bankrupt and are up for auction? Prepare all the related documents by the time I come to work today. Don't ask why! Just do it!"
Ramsky put down the phone and wiped away his sweat with a handkerchief.
He can't give away a mansion for free, so he'll have to settle for selling a decent auction property at a low price.
He can only hope that Caesar will stop at that.
***
Gloomy men gathered closely in Caesar's hotel room.
First, Ramsky, the branch manager of Parker Bank.
Vigo, the police chief of Southline jurisdiction.
Gordon, kneeling like a traitor and sweating profusely.
Tubby and Skinny, who had barely regained consciousness and were kneeling next to Gordon.
Lastly, Finn, Caesar's personal doctor.
'Why am I here...?'
Finn wanted to go home and sleep right away, but the suffocating atmosphere made it difficult to move.
Caesar clapped his hands and said, "Everyone's here. Shall we have a chat?"
Vigo opened his mouth. "About what happened last night..."
"Let's skip the feeble apologies and have a constructive conversation. That's not what's important, is it?"
Caesar looked at Gordon and said, "Gordon."
"...Yes?"
"Why on earth did you try to kill me?"
Gordon spoke in a deeply aggrieved tone, "I, I absolutely never instigated anyone to kill you."
"Really? James. The story seems a bit different."
James spoke, trembling, "N-No. Gordon clearly told us to kill Lord Caesar..."
"You bastard! Have you lost your mind?! This is a misunderstanding!"
"B-But it's true! You said Lord Caesar had a lot of money! That we could make quite a bit if we killed him!"
"This is slander! I absolutely never did such a thing."
"D-Don't lie, you bastard!"
As it looked like they might come to blows at any moment, Caesar clapped his hands.
"Alright. Let's move past that for now."
Everyone's looking at him with eyes that say, 'This madman is just going to let that slide?'
It hurts me too when I see such looks.
"Then where are my weapons? The bombs and such."
"...Huh?"
"I mean my guns. You said you'd connect me with an arms dealer and sell them."
"Ah, that... Well..."
Peter spoke up, "Th-That bastard gave them to us. Said he found a proper sucker and sold them. He even ate up 300 Dels per gun."
Caesar looked at Gordon in disbelief. "So you're saying I got shot with the guns I handed over to you, and now there's a hole in my stomach? This is unbelievable!"
Vigo couldn't hold back and pulled out his revolver.
"You son of a bitch! Smuggling weapons?! And selling them to the mafia?! That's grounds for immediate execution without trial, you bastard!"
"I-I'm sorry! I'll never do it again. If you could just forgive me this once..."
Caesar intervened, grabbing Vigo's gun. "Now, now, calm down. My rough guess is that Gordon sold my guns to the Kelvin Brothers while passing on my personal information to these two guys. And then Tubby and Skinny, overcome with greed, came to kill me."
This is correct.
I checked by rummaging through Skinny's memories.
"But if we leak all this to the press, wouldn't the citizens start doubting Homigraph's public safety?"
Vigo's expression brightened. "You mean..."
"Weren't these guys already notorious as madmen in Southline? These crazy bastards came for revenge, saying we killed their gang members. We actually did kill their gang members on the way to Homigraph. Isn't that right, Gordon?"
"...Y-Yes, that's true."
"Then let's conclude the investigation with that. Wouldn't that be a happy ending for everyone?"
Gordon's expression brightened like the morning sun. "Thank you! Thank you sincerely! From now on, I'll be good..."
"In exchange, let me bash these three bastards' heads in."
"...Pardon?"
Caesar picked up the axe placed by the bedside.
"Then I'll let it slide."