The Tree-Fucking Monk of Shaolin
"What the hell is that guy doing over there?"
Hong Mi tilted her head, staring at the blue-eyed thug monk Kosa Byok.
Kosa Byok glanced around furtively, checking if anyone else was nearby. He looked just like some criminal scoping out the area before pulling off a heist.
His suspicious movements made Hong Mi narrow her eyes and focus on him intently. Luckily, he hadn't spotted us yet.
Kosa Byok gently stroked the bare, skeletal branches of an old tree. His touch was so bizarre, like a guy caressing his lover. He carefully unpacked the bundle he'd brought with him.
"Huh? What's that...?"
What Kosa Byok pulled from the bundle was a block of white tofu. He stuffed it into a knothole in the tree.
"Holy shit! Egg money!"
Hong Mi jumped in surprise. And no wonder—Kosa Byok had suddenly hiked up the hem of his monk robes. The cock dangling from his lower half was already rock-hard and erect. It was a bit bigger than average.
"What the fu—?!"
Hong Mi's shock didn't end there. Kosa Byok thrust his raging hard-on into the knothole with the tofu. Then he started shaking his hips like he was pounding a woman's pussy.
"Urgh! Tree hole~! Your hole is as fucking tight as ever today!"
A delinquent monk excommunicated from Shaolin for breaking precepts through lewd acts.
In the original story, Kosa Byok joins Gong Wooseon as a comrade and later provides crucial help in taking down Abbot Gwanum Daesa.
Squelch! Squelch! Squelch!
Like he was venting all his pent-up frustration, Kosa Byok's hips pistoned into the tree faster and faster. It was fucking hilarious. Too good not to share, so I recorded the whole thing with the Surveillance Eye.
Kosa Byok hugged the tree like it was his lover, thrusting wildly.
"Hah!Hah!Hah! You're feeling it too, huh~! Haha! I'm about to blow!"
I waited patiently for Kosa Byok to finish jerking off. Luckily, his little session lasted just over two minutes. The dude was a premature ejaculator.
"Huuuh... Feels so good~! I'll come back again, so don't miss me too much. Alright, I'm off, tree hole."
Even giving the tree a cute pet name while he fucked it—pure comedy gold. I should upload the video to Credit.com under the comedy category.
Kosa Byok slung his bundle over his shoulder and turned to head back the way he'd come. This was my chance.
I stepped out in front of him, blocking his path.
"A Shaolin monk fucking a tree knothole. Now that's a sight you don't see every day."
"Eek!!! Wh-who the hell are you!?"
Kosa Byok reflexively raised his fists. His stance alone screamed trained martial artist. But after that pathetic display, he had zero intimidation factor.
"This is Shaolin territory! Not a place for outsiders to wander! State your identity!"
"Hmm. Says the filthy pervert who just shoved his dick in a rotten tree hole. You really a monk?"
Mocking his lewd act made Kosa Byok's face flush beet red.
"Urk! Tch! You're some evil scum from the unorthodox sects! A spy scouting Shaolin, no doubt! I won't forgive you!"
There was desperation in the way he charged at me in his fist-fighting stance. He had only one option left.
Silence him through murder.
Not exactly fitting for a Shaolin warrior monk, but then again, this was a temple where even the head abbot got caught with syphilis from whoring around. Murder was small potatoes. And Kosa Byok himself was no saintly monk.
"Hya! Take this, you scum! This is Shaolin fist technique!"
His form was decent, but there was no power behind it. Kosa Byok's skills were nowhere near mine to begin with. I casually swatted his attack aside.
"Kuh!"
After a few light deflections dismantled his offense, Kosa Byok retreated with a defeated look.
"Hey. I'm not here to fight you."
"Hmph! As if I'd believe some evil bastard!"
"You clueless fuck. Let's settle this with your ass whooped first."
Subduing Kosa Byok was a breeze.
'Straight Fist'
I advanced smoothly, chaining into a straight fist. He tried to redirect with his arm, but the gap in strength and speed was too vast. My fist sank right into his gut.
"Guh!"
I'd held back just enough that he only staggered back—no internal injuries.
'Hammer Kick'
I closed in on his left as he retreated and slammed a kick into his right side. His body crumpled to the ground like rotten wood. Two strikes, and his will to fight was shattered.
"Argh! I-I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you, senior! Forgive my rudeness!"
Kosa Byok surrendered fast. He slammed his bald head into the dirt, begging for mercy.
Beating him like a dog in summer heat sounded fun, but it wasn't my goal right now. I brushed off my hands and hauled him up.
"Good thing you figured it out late. Get up."
"Um... may I ask your honorable name, senior?"
"Jongchil."
Kosa Byok
He'd endured a wildly turbulent childhood before somehow ending up at Shaolin Temple.
It was pure luck that he'd been accepted into Shaolin, the pinnacle of the orthodox martial world, a place that only took the true prodigies of the jianghu. Even those with exceptional talent and physique often got rejected.
But for Kosa Byok, monk life was endless suffering. Chewing on those tasteless grass blades was torture, waking at dawn to chant sutras and crashing late at night was exhausting, and worst of all, no women.
Shaolin precepts strictly forbade monks from having sex with women. Yet everyone knew the senior monks secretly indulged. Some even made wigs to sneak off to village brothels every weekend.
Of course, to maintain Shaolin's image of piety and asceticism, if word got out, they'd cripple the offender's dantian and excommunicate him.
Low-ranking disciples like Kosa Byok couldn't even dream of pussy. Getting caught jerking off meant a savage beating from the seniors. With the sect like that, no wonder disciples went astray.
"Senior Jong. What do you plan to do with me?"
"I have a question for you. About the passage to the Meditation Cave."
At Jongchil's words, Kosa Byok looked like his hair was standing on end in shock. The Meditation Cave was a massive cavern inside Shaolin. Used by high-ranking members for closed-door training, it was currently home to Abbot Gwanum Daesa.
No one below elder rank dared enter. Yet Kosa Byok knew a secret passage there.
How the hell did this guy know?
He'd never told a soul about it.
"H-how did you know that?"
Was this guy really a spy from the unorthodox sects or demonic cult?
"None of your business. If you show me the passage... I'll give you this."
Jongchil pulled a book from his robes. It was no ordinary book—the material alone was exotic.
The cover was adorned with vibrant, hyper-detailed illustrations no human hand could replicate.
Playboy
Unfamiliar letters spelled out the title. Half-naked women decorated the cover.
"I-is this... an erotic book collection?"
"Not just any erotica. Take a look."
Jongchil opened Playboy in front of Kosa Byok. Women in provocative outfits struck all sorts of poses. Nothing this realistic had ever existed.
To low-ranking disciples like Kosa Byok, erotica was treasure. Hard to come by, one book circulated among everyone. Passed hand-to-hand, pages tore and crumpled fast.
And Kosa Byok, ostracized for his blue eyes, rarely got a look. He'd even written "pussy" on the floor before jerking off back when he made do with his hand.
"Senior Jong, you're a true hero!"
Kosa Byok said, eyes trembling with excitement.
"You gonna show me the path to the Meditation Cave?"
"Of course! Right this way!"
Kosa Byok's attitude did a complete 180. At this point, Jongchil could be a demonic spy for all he cared.
We climbed a rugged mountain path. Dense bushes and boulders surrounded us. We arrived at a small earthen cave.
"I found this cave by chance. It connects to the Meditation Cave."
Probably while scouting jerk-off spots. Disciples hunting for handjobs, the sect leader rotting corpses and catching STDs... total shitshow.
I handed Kosa Byok the Playboy.
"Thank you!"
He bowed so low his head nearly touched the ground. Pathetic how thrilled he was over some paper porn.
Anyway, we entered the cave. Kosa Byok followed, guiding me.
"Keep going straight, and you'll see a small hole."
"Oh ho. Just big enough for one person to squeeze through."
"Yes. Crawl in a bit, and you'll reach the elders' closed-door training area. You first."
I crouched and wriggled through the hole. As he said, the passage widened soon after, opening into a new chamber ringed by tall rocks.
"Hngh!Hngh!Hngh!"
A woman's scream-like moans echoed off the cave walls. Kosa Byok poked his head out from the passage.
"Looks like the abbot's at it again."
He plastered himself flat against a rock and peeked out cautiously. Clearly familiar with this. I did the same.
Through a gap in the rocks, we saw an old monk raping a ghostly-pale woman. Pus oozed from his body, his skin blackened. But his face still burned with raw lust.
"Hngh! Please, stop already!"
"Kuhaha! We're just getting started!"
The woman looked in agony, but the monk didn't care. I didn't intervene. Her face was utterly ordinary.