Crossroads (7)

Gawol laughed.

She looked far more fragile than she did in-game — ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and that only made her seem more pitiful. A woman who could look indecent with nothing more than the elegant line of her neck let out a peal of laughter, as if happiness itself were almost too much to bear.

With her face uncovered, Gawol looked dangerous in more ways than one.

Her mischievous streak tended to dominate first impressions, but the pros who had actually faced her told a different story. There was something about her that set your teeth on edge — something faintly unsettling.

Camelia. Looking back, Shin Eun-chae could still feel it: every one of Gawol's sword paths had been steeped in something dark and damp. Which meant this woman had to be Gawol. And somehow, that was a little reassuring.

So you were carrying a shadow inside you too.

You hadn't just been treating our dreams lightly. There must have been a reason.

And so, in Shin Eun-chae's eyes, Gawol's shadow — a look that even bordered on decadent beauty — sent a shiver through her.

"Alright, stop with the sexual harassment. Want me to put the mask… back on?"

"Game questions. What should I do. Take them, or not."

"I don't want to take them. Hmm… if you all behave yourselves, I might consider it?"

"My tongue? Why would you… want to see that…?"

"Ah, Unnie says no to that one."

Camelia stood there for a long time, watching Gawol's stream.

It was different from Sulpang's stream back then. If the Gawol of that day had been dynamic and full of life, the real-world Gawol carried a certain gloom. Breathtakingly beautiful — and so fragile she looked ready to vanish at a touch.

Was that sense of desperate, aching want just her imagination?

Even as she stammered and fidgeted with her fingers for no reason, fragments of the in-game Gawol still showed through. And when she broke into that shy little smile, Camelia felt the contradictory pull of sadism and a protective instinct at the same time.

"Mm… Unnie, I'm sleepy. I think I drank too much."

"I'm ending the stream, so… a goodbye? Ugh. What would be good."

"Huu. That one's nice. Okay, then — it's a little embarrassing, but."

"I love you. Please come see me again next time."

Camelia clapped a hand over her mouth. Hup. She clamped ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠down hard on whatever was about to spill out — and then did something she hadn't planned at all.

Her grip tightened on the spear in her right hand. Vitality seemed to surge through her whole body. The jealousy that had been so corrosive twisted into a driving force, pounding through her like madness.

And so the white-clad warrior took a few more steps forward. The raid that had briefly stalled began again.

A dry, flat voice she had only ever heard in videos rang out.

When I woke up, the ceiling was unfamiliar. A little past two in the morning. I'd managed to fall right asleep in someone else's studio.

Was it because I'd claimed the only sofa? Elderin was slumped over the desk deeper inside the studio, asleep. I felt a little bad waking her now, and I had no way home if I slipped out quietly. In the end, I just buried my face in the pillow.

Because I'd remembered what I'd done before the alcohol put me under.

"Ugh, ah… augh, hik."

I slammed my forehead into the pillow stuffing — thump thump thump — until I couldn't breathe and my face went scarlet. I only lifted my head when the suffocation started to rise. The blocked air came back quickly enough, but the flush in my cheeks was slower to fade.

Should I just die?

Dying might actually be better. What was the point of living with this kind of humiliation. If I just couldn't remember, that would be one thing.

But I hadn't blacked out completely — so I remembered every single thing I'd done, vividly. Even the mood I'd been in while doing it.

I got carried away again…

No matter how I looked at it, I was way too weak to praise. People hyped me up no matter what I did, and I'd gotten completely drunk on the atmosphere. My brain had been guzzling alcohol and compliments at the same time and just melted down.

No. There was still hope. If my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠mind hadn't been sound, wasn't there a chance my memories weren't sound either?

Right. Actually, I never made it onto Elderin's stream. Too chicken to go through with it, I'd wanted to stream so badly that I'd just… fantasized…

…Of course not.

I'd known my name was coming up more and more lately. But I hadn't really felt it. I hadn't been ego-searching for a while — ever since I couldn't bring myself to open the webcam box, I'd been afraid of the gap between Gawol and Han Daeun getting any wider. So I never imagined it would be this bad.

It felt like no matter where I went in this world, people were talking about me. Infinity Black's game sites were a given, and the communities that covered internet streaming. Apparently the reaction had even spread to overseas sites. The whole world was looking at my body and that humiliating stream.

"Haa… hng."

But something was off. I should have been dying of embarrassment. Instead, a strange heat was pooling in my stomach.

I pulled the blanket over my head, covering my face and body. My thighs pressed together as I curled in tight. If I brought a hand anywhere near there, I had a feeling something terrible would happen — so I wrapped my arms around myself instead.

This was dangerous. I felt like I was about to discover something weird. That strange feeling kept rising, and my big toes rubbed against each other restlessly.

I fidgeted like that for who knows how long.

"Ugh, bathroom."

I'd clearly had way too much to drink last night — alcohol or water, either way. Luckily the crutches were right under the sofa. Se-rin must have set them there for me ahead of time.

I'd already noted where the bathroom was, and the inside was spotless. Every time I sat down on a toilet like this, I was forced to remember I was a woman… wait, huh?

My underwear felt sticky. Fairly warm, slick, and the scent was faint.

"Hwieeek?"

The sound came out before I could stop it. Because — no. No. Nothing had happened. Nothing had happened to me. Nothing had happened to my body or my clothes.

I brainwashed myself while I finished my business. After washing up thoroughly, I looked fine on the outside.

Elderin was rubbing her eyes at the desk — I didn't know when she'd woken up.

"Daeun… you're up."

"Ah, sorry. Did I wake you?"

"Mm, no. I always wake up around this time anyway."

She stretched with a long uuugh. I even caught a faint crack of joints — so it must have been uncomfortable after all.

"You hungry? Want something to eat?"

"Ah… yeah. A little."

Obviously, there wasn't much you could properly cook at this hour. Which is how my oldest friend — ramen — ended up on the table. After passing out drunk and waking up, it didn't taste half bad.

Still, was this what a women's table looked like? Even just boiling ramen, she skimmed the oil once and threw in bean sprouts — little arrangements like that. Personally, I'd always considered anything in ramen besides an egg to be heresy. But it tasted much cleaner than what I usually ate. Not bad, for something I'd been so prejudiced against.

Was this another effect of the body change?

"What are you going to do now, Daeun? Has your heart settled a little?"

"Yes… thanks to you."

"If you're thinking of streaming for real, I'll help you."

"I want to think about it a little more. For now… I can still use the connector, so."

I'd done well to just go through with it once. I'd thought I was backed into a corner, but it felt like a path had opened up. With a little room to breathe, I finally had a chance to think calmly.

What was already done couldn't be undone. Either I started a cam stream following Elderin's lead, or… I'd have to find another way. But just like in a fight — it wasn't over until I was dead.

"Okay. Once the date for the staff visit is set, let me know."

"You're coming?"

"Of course. Better than going alone, right? And if it comes to it, they need to see you've got someone who'll protest with you."

"Thank you. For today, and for looking out for me."

Elderin smiled, looking satisfied. I finally understood why people liked Unnie so much. It had to be because of that radiant smile. The jealousy that had been sitting in my heart seemed to be slowly turning into admiration.

"I'll drive you home — are you going straight to sleep when you get back?"

"No. I've got something to do."

"Something to do?"

"That balding ajusshi. I'm going to torment him until every last hair falls out."

"Ah… yeah. Go get him."