The Last Man in the Apocalypse
I am a human. And more specifically, a man.
Since things had come to this, it was do or die. Besides, there was no way I could leave this spot without a tent or a parasol anyway. Even if I managed to run away safely right now, evening would be upon me soon. That meant if I slept in the nude, I’d be looking at a hypothermia-induced case of facial paralysis by morning.
"Rather than waiting for the guaranteed hypothermia ending, isn't a distress signal—which might be a gain or a loss—at least a better bet?"
Let's think positively. The drop rate in a standard anime girl gacha game is 3%. Compared to that, I’m looking at a coin flip. I’m waiting for rescue with a whopping 50% probability.
It was just as the siren was wailing so loudly that all the herbivores in the vicinity had fled, when—
Thud-thud-thud.
Thud-thud.
"Oh...!"
Footsteps, echoing from afar. It sounded like a fast-moving group of at least three or four. I pressed my ear to the ground with my butt stuck high in the air to hear better, when suddenly, accompanied by a powerful, snarling roar...
"Wait... a snarl?"
A human snarling? No, there are no humans here. An android snarling?
According to the lore, androids were mechanical lifeforms modeled after the appearance of humanity. In other words, they shouldn't be able to make a sound like a snarl. And as a veteran player with over 20,000 hours in the game, I could immediately recognize what kind of creature made this godforsaken sound.
"Grrrrr."
"Woof, woof, woof!"
"Arrrrrgh..."
"Ha... son of a bitch."
A classic trope of Soulslike games. There’s always that one canine-type monster that dies in two hits but always travels in packs, using their speed to swarm and kill you instantly.
In Star's Doll, those canine monsters were usually wolves. From far away, a pack of ferocious doggies was charging toward the dilapidated campsite where I was still blaring the distress signal. Back when I was a newbie, I’d once underestimated them, thinking they were weaklings because they lost half their health after a single hit. But this world? This was a world where humanity had gone extinct. Maybe that’s why there were only "bad dogs" left in the world.
The wolf that took a hit suddenly let out a howl, "Awoooo!" into the sky. Back in the 18+ mode, that guy even showed scenes of bestiality, but now he wasn't acting like a man, calling over three or four of his buddies to gang up on my character. It seemed like that was about to become my reality.
"Woof! Woof!"
"Grrr... Woof!"
"Wait a beat and dodge, wait a beat and dodge, wait a beat and dodge, wait a beat and dodge, wait a beat and dodge, wait a beat and dodge, wait a beat and dodge!"
Surprisingly, in Soulslike games, those animal-type enemies were harder to deal with than the humanoid monsters. Humanoid shapes with arms and legs at least let you see how they were swinging their attacks with your own eyes. Even if it was an enemy I was meeting for the first time, I could manage to deal with them to some extent. But for those beasts, the only gesture indicating an attack was a "slightly twitching face." They were enemies you had to feel out rather than watch.
'The moment it comes, wait a beat and roll!'
Normally, the best move was to parry—a technique to counter at the perfect timing of the attack to create a temporary stagger state, opening them up for a finisher to slice their heads off. But that was only possible for combat-type androids. For a mere Average Man A (with a large dick), that was an impossible technique. So, if I couldn't parry, I had to dodge! It looked like I had no choice but to "roll," which granted 0.1 seconds of invincibility if timed correctly.
"But how many years has it been since I last did a forward roll?"
If I recall correctly, it was probably back in elementary school. From middle school on, I’d refused to do them, complaining it was a hassle. They said you could throw out your back, and that kind of thing was for elementary school gym class when you had good flexibility.
"Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!"
Ah, screw it, I don't know. Let's just do it. If it's between being eaten alive by a pack of wolves and throwing out my back, the latter is obviously better.
The wolf pack was now within five meters. I trusted my veteran self; I had memorized all their attack patterns. I planned to wait a beat and roll to the side the moment they opened their maws. ...Or so I thought?
"Woof! Woof, woof!"
"Arrrrrgh..."
"Woof, woof, woof! Woof!"
The wolf pack literally zoomed right past me.
"...Huh?"
Were they... full? Or did my dick size crush their pride as males, forcing them to give up on the fight entirely? They didn't even look back at me as they passed the dilapidated campsite.
Watching them go, the fact that I’d survived death...
Thump... thump...
"Ah......"
A smile blooming on my lips? My ass. In Star's Doll, there had been a few times when a pack of beasts that looked like they were about to charge just bypassed my character. Was it simply because they were full? That’s nonsense. This isn't some nature-themed farm simulation game. In a Soulslike world where you either kill or get killed the moment you meet, such a "peaceful situation" couldn't exist. If it did, it would only be a situation on the verge of despair, masquerading as peace.
"...I smell it."
The ground was trembling, slowly. At the same time, the familiar, savory scent of a Soulslike world wafted to the tip of my nose. My nose, trained by various Soulslike games, had been honed to detect the following scent when encountering a situation "above average."
That’s why I knew immediately. The reason the wolf pack, who looked like they’d find me delicious, had just passed me by. They hadn't been charging to eat me in the first place. They were just desperate to run away.
As if to prove my thought, a long shadow slowly emerged from the corner of the building the wolf pack had just fled from. Simultaneously, the ground tremors that had been constant came to a dead stop.
"......"
Gulp.
Typical Soulslike. Look at them, not attacking immediately. How nasty, really. Something that wouldn't show its face from behind the corner, as if to make me savor the current terror. But acting to run away would be the move of a novice. That "opening" would surely be a signal for an "ambush." The moment I showed my back, I’d be caught and killed. My instincts were telling me that. So, for now, I’d just stay still and watch, as the thing wanted.
Swoosh.
"Huh?"
Soon, the monster slowly emerged from around the corner. But unlike what I’d expected, it was just about three meters tall—only a bit tall. It had a very frail physique, like a walking blue skeleton.
'I don't think there was anything like that among the monsters in the original work... Well, the world itself was Earth. I can't say I've encountered every single type of monster.'
Even so, isn't that thing too thin? If my grandmother saw it, she’d say it was too skinny and force-feed it some Korean rice power. It had that kind of visual.
Wobble, wobble.
Oh my god. Look at that thing. Every time it walks, its body wobbles as if it’s being blown by the wind. At this point, maybe the wolf pack was just overwhelmed by its sheer size and ran away.
A bamboo-like monster that looked like it would snap if you poked it. Just in time, the emergency power must have run out, as the distress signal ended right on cue. In the now-silent, humanless city, I knew that since I was possessed in a Soulslike genre, letting my guard down was forbidden.
'Was it just passing through? It doesn't even have its eyes on me.'
The blue skeletal monster was silently passing from right to left beyond my field of vision. Perhaps it was because I felt relieved watching the thing that didn't seem interested in me, but my legs suddenly lost their strength, and I slumped down right where I stood. Then, as I let out a sigh of relief—
"Whew."
"Krak?!"
"Huh?"
"*Glargh-nuh-fuh-meh-nuh-shuh-krah?*"
I take back what I said about it looking frail. The face of the thing that turned back to look at me had a hideous, inhuman appearance with two bloodshot, bulging eyes. And there were sharp, protruding teeth, and an unpleasant gaze where bone and skin were half-mixed. Besides, it wouldn't have mattered if only its face looked like that.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump!
"Oh, oh?"
It had been walking around limply just a moment ago. Now, it lowered its body to all fours and came sprinting toward me, hopping like a frog with such force that the concrete floor was cracking. It was a grotesque display of movement itself.
"Shit. Is this really something I have to do?!"
As a veteran with a combined 50,000 hours in Soulslike games, I could grasp the movements of monsters rushing at me after just a minute or two of watching. However, my current perspective wasn't third-person, or even first-person—it was VR itself. Even if my eyes could follow, would my body actually keep up like the protagonist in a game?
"*Glargh-nuh-fuh-meh-nuh-shuh-krah!*"
The monster, already arrived right in front of my eyes, raised its right arm, and I could see it about to swing. It was a typical horizontal slash pattern without even a delayed timing. I prepared to roll in time. Such a simple attack was nothing but child's play to me.
Whoosh.
But before my face, which I was trying to duck, a palm so large it could tear my entire upper body apart was looming. It was right in front of my nose. In other words, what I was seeing now must be the "life flashing before my eyes" I’d only heard about.
"What..."
Did my body fail to follow my eyes and my head after all? However—
Slash!
"Kee, keeeeeeeeeeeek?!"
The next moment. Along with the familiar sound of a blade slicing through flesh, the monster's skeletal arm flew high into the sky in an arc before crashing into the floor. At the same time, an android landed in front of me.
"I have arrived in response to the distress signal...?"
Hair as white as snow. Perhaps it was thanks to her golden, beautiful eyes and the bodysuit she was wearing. The skin-tight outfit left her voluptuous body fully exposed. Ah, of course, I was in a state of even greater exposure—that is, "nude."
"......A human?!"
"Yes. I am a human."
"And that thing hanging down there, don't tell me..."
"It's my dick, a friend I’m always indebted to."
"D-d... No, then don't tell me... a man?"
Boing.
"Yes, I am a man."