Chapter 14
Chapter 14
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 14
Chapter Title: The Lowest Place in the Tower
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The face of 'Abyss' came into sharp focus.
I was taken aback. I hadn't expected her to pull back her veil without a second thought and show her face just like that.
I figured there had to be a reason she kept it hidden.
Maybe a scar on her face, or perhaps no face at all. Or at least, something shattered like a mosaic.
"She has a proper face..."
I couldn't hide my surprise.
Her face was far more intact than I'd imagined. In fact, it was so striking that I wondered why she'd ever hidden it.
Touching it, her skin felt surprisingly plump and satisfying under my fingers.
As I leaned in closer, a scent of ink wafted over me. The fragrant aroma of fresh ink, not unpleasant at all.
'Abyss' pushed me away and said,
"That's creepily unsettling. What did you think I was?"
Without a word, I pointed to her wrist area.
The exposed skin was shattered like a mosaic.
As I stared at her, as if to say even this makes you talk like that, 'Abyss' furrowed her brow slightly, gave a pouty smile, and said,
"Ah, this is unavoidable. I can't control when it appears."
"Is it some kind of illness or curse?"
I asked as cautiously as possible.
To emphasize my care, I lowered my gaze and kept my voice as soft as I could.
"Nothing like that. It's just unconscious. I can erase it anytime if I want."
"But you can't control it?"
"I can't control it appearing, but I can make it disappear."
Sure enough, just as she said, her wrist began to look normal.
"The problem is, it's as hard as holding back a sneeze."
"Then just stay however it's comfortable."
"It's fine. This feels pretty good too."
She turned her fully exposed wrist this way and that, as if fascinated by it, and said,
"It's weird seeing it after so long. Feels unfamiliar."
I quietly watched her without a word.
Squatting down, chin in hand, I took in her every move.
'Abyss' acting like a child with a new toy felt utterly out of place.
Truly intrigued, 'Abyss' even took off her gloves and began examining her hands.
She held them up to the light.
She spread her fingers wide, then curled them back, repeating the motion.
With one eye squinted shut, she intently studied her hand.
She even stroked it with her other hand, lingering like that for a while.
"My hands didn't look like this in my memories."
"Then what did they look like?"
"Grotesque enough that I hated looking at them. So hideous even I couldn't stand it."
She pressed firmly on her palm and continued.
"Rough and jagged, like a monster's claw, not a human hand."
She couldn't really have been a monster. It was just her delusion.
Simple self-loathing. The way she unconsciously hid herself only strengthened that guess.
"Guess people get more self-loathing the longer they live."
All the ones I'd seen so far were like that.
Resentment doesn't last forever.
It's like fire—if you don't keep feeding it fuel, it dies out.
Depression, despair, sadness—they're like mold.
If you don't clean them out regularly, they spread in an instant and eat away at your heart.
Bit by bit, like getting soaked in a drizzle, the heart gets damp.
A damp heart rots easily.
And a rotten heart easily turns to self-hatred.
"You're quite the poet. Must be from reading all those books?"
"Has nothing to do with that."
I grumbled in reply.
"Heh heh."
She let out a low chuckle and looked up at the ceiling.
I followed her gaze and looked up too.
The endless rows of birdcages pressed down heavily.
"I wanted to find the bluebird."
The empty cages told of her failure.
"I wanted to find the bluebird even though I couldn't see any colors. Funny, right?"
She twisted her lips in a smile that was half cry, half laugh, confessing her obsession.
"I envied the sky. That unreachable place. I loved the word 'blue' even without knowing what color was."
'Abyss' stretched her arms toward the ceiling.
No sky visible here—what was she even seeing?
"I envied the birds in that sky. If the sky could hold birds, then birds could hold the sky. That's why it's a blue bird. A bird flying with the blue sky inside."
The birdcage in her hand creaked.
"I thought observing that bird would make me like it too. I knew it wouldn't, but I couldn't let go, so I kept at it."
"You're insane."
'Abyss' hugged her knees and buried her face in them.
She mumbled,
"Insane. Of course, you have to be insane to survive this world."
This was the first time I'd seen 'Abyss' so vulnerable.
"You know, Abyss didn't just appear out of nowhere like the Tower. It's existed since the beginning."
"The beginning?"
"When gods were born, the present was born, and from that present, infinite past and future stretched out. That's how the world is made."
"You go way back."
Thwack. She lightly smacked my head and continued.
"Originally underground. When the Tower appeared, it got pushed up. See how it's slightly sloped if you look closely? The Tower's at the highest point, and it gets lower the deeper you go into Abyss."
'Abyss' sighed as she began spilling her past.
"Where I am has always been the darkest, lowest place."
I could only look up from the very bottom.
The deepest, darkest place—that's where I was.
No light at all here; so dark I couldn't even see myself.
All I could do was huddle and gaze upward.
People placed the most valuable things up high and buried the worthless in the earth.
The higher you go, the more precious it is.
They looked to the sky and worshipped everything there.
The sun blazing the strongest light, the moon illuminating the night and its attending stars, the sky embracing it all—they made gods of them.
The underground depths, though, never became objects of worship.
People bury the worthless in the earth.
They bury useless trash underground, then cover it with soil like they can't stand the sight.
The underground was a place of fear for them, not reverence.
Various creatures walking above me, the sky blanketing it like a quilt.
The sky was vast and open. Just looking at that endless blue gave real satisfaction.
Birds flying freely through that sky.
Unbound by anything.
I heard people say the sky is blue.
To me, without any concept of color, "blue" sounded special.
"Blue."
Murmuring the word, a ripple of blue stirred in my heart—a faint thrill.
Could I become like the sky?
A bird holding the sky: bluebird. I wanted to catch one.
Keep it close and observe it quietly.
Maybe then I'd resemble the sky.
Fear touches worship, granting me a kind of dignity.
Without even that, I might not have developed a self.
This place—my world—I could shape as I pleased.
First, I filled my world with birdcages.
To make this place like the sky, I needed a reference.
I caught a bird and put it in a cage.
Watched it closely.
A few days later, it died.
What went wrong?
Unlike me, living things need food to survive.
I caught another bird, put it in a cage.
This time, fed it properly and observed.
Soon, it died again.
Food had to be given at certain times, regularly.
Again, again, again.
Countless attempts, but empty cages just multiplied.
No satisfying answers.
As empty cages grew, so did the void in my heart. Like a hole punched through.
When wind brushed that hole, intense emptiness hit me.
Then a god died, and the Tower was born.
The old world crumbled; a small world inside the Tower emerged.
I was excluded again, pushed outside.
No one around; abandoned once more.
People throw trash underground, so I was discarded too.
No confidence to see myself, I desperately hid.
Surely grotesque and twisted.
Not just me abandoned by the world. Those not part of the Tower appeared.
Ones left out of the new world.
They couldn't endure my world's stale air, negative emotions.
Touching the scattered bird corpses, they warped into strange forms.
They became monsters.
They showed extreme aggression, as if hating the Tower.
The Tower loomed far away.
Unlike me, radiating bright light.
In my black-and-white world, it shone the most brilliantly, beautifully.
I envied the Tower for what I lacked.
Admired it. Wanted to shine, be loved.
Hated it. Envied how it had everything so easily from birth. Jealousy, they call it.
Obsessed. Admiration and hate mixed into obsession. Wanted to possess them from admiration, imprison from hate.
And in the end, I grew weary.
So here we are.
Just an unremarkable tale.
A sob story, nothing more.
The pathetic backstory villains spit out at the last moment.
'Abyss's long story came to an end.
I saw 'Abyss' looking glum.
"You said people bury the most worthless things underground?"
"Yeah."
"But you know? People also bury their most precious things underground."
People hide their dearest treasures where others can't find them.
In the deepest, darkest earth.
Close enough yet hard to reach.
And they bury their dead underground.
Not because they're worthless, but to commemorate.
Not hate, but longing and memories.
"In a way, you might be the most precious existence."
It was true, actually.
The only one that could rival the Tower, born differently, wielding power in another way.
In the end, Abyss was a necessary existence too.
"You said destruction is different from end?"
"Yeah."
"Then you want an end. To prevent destruction."
The Tower and Abyss had the same goal from the start.
Preventing destruction.
Just different paths.
The Tower wanted to preserve the world gods built. No end, perpetuate with new gods.
Abyss wanted to end this world. Bring closure, build anew.
Common in history, right?
New dynasty or continue the old?
"I'll keep writing the same answer. Racing toward the end forever."
Her voice trembled faintly, like blue ripples.
She almost seemed to hope her own answer was wrong.