Breaking the Promise
I lie down facing Dana and spread my arms wide. It's a little funny watching her approach me in a daze, like she's been bewitched by some yokai. But it's even funnier when my stupidly enormous tits press against her flat chest and squish all soft and pliant.
We hug tight, her face resting on my shoulder, and she speaks up. "You. What the hell was that?"
"What?"
I grin like an idiot. It's not just because the situation's hilarious. I'm feeling a bit of regret too. About what I just said. Shouldn't have opened my big mouth. But maybe I can still take it back. If I just play dumb long enough, she'll think she misheard and let it drop, right?
Unfortunately, no such luck. Dana's expression is more serious than I've ever seen it. Serious enough to make my forced smile twitch. I finally give up and drop the grin.
"Just... I kinda wanna meet them. Once, at least."
It's one lingering regret from my past life. Even now, when I close my eyes, flashes of that day flicker across the inside of my eyelids. The fall from the rooftop, the horrific scream echoing out, the sickening thud of flesh slamming into concrete.
After that day, I kept my distance from everyone. Anyone I even vaguely connected to the incident—I didn't exchange a single word with them. I just waited for time to pass. Until elementary school graduation, under the excuse of being a "victim."
I've been regretting it ever since. Shouldn't I have at least heard their side? I could speculate, sure, but that's all it was—speculation. I knew the circumstances from Dana's perspective, but it wouldn't be as accurate as hearing it straight from them. If only I'd talked to them at least once. Hell, if I'd paid even a little more attention to the people around me back then, maybe none of it would've happened.
"No harm done to your life." That's what they said, and then they shut up. It felt like a scolding. Some people might not get this hang-up of mine. You gonna go apologize or something? To who from who? What do you even plan to do if you meet them? You're the one who got hurt, aren't you? Or is this some lame attempt to feel morally superior? Tracking down people who are probably living fine lives now, claiming you "understand" what happened that day? What bullshit.
If someone laid into me like that, I'd have nothing to say. Truth is, I don't even know myself. I just vaguely feel like seeing them again. If I could, I'd love to pretend it never happened and keep living like I have been. But deep down, I sense it: I can't move forward like this. It's a brand seared into me, a shackle. Now I want to break free. Even if things go south, Dana's here. She said she'd handle it somehow, with me in her arms like this.
But her actual reaction is negative. "No. You don't need to get involved. They're people you can go your whole life without seeing. You won't run into them anyway. Why bring it up all of a sudden?"
"...?"
"Lily. Answer me..."
I can't see her face since we're hugging tight, but the tremor in her voice tells me everything about how rattled she is. Hell, she might be suffering more than I am. No, definitely.
I mumble like I'm making excuses. "Just... I feel like I can't keep going like this."
"Like what?"
Being a TS girl and using that as a lame excuse to push people away—I'm starting to realize how pathetic that is. I've always liked girls by nature. Just looking at one I fancy makes my heart race and my face flush. I want to get closer, closer than anyone else, something special. But I don't. No matter how much my instincts scream and thrash, I drag them back and lock them down. The trauma-forged collar works perfectly at suppressing them. Because something like that could happen again. That's how I trained my desires. Up until now.
Pretending not to notice, acting like it never happened—that was enough. But I want to change. So I can properly face these feelings for the girls around me now. Yeah, I'm anxious. Terrified that all this affection coming my way might vanish like bubbles. People's feelings wear out. Eventually, they fade to nothing. Especially if it's one-sided.
No one can cling to unreciprocated emotions forever. So who knows how long they'll keep liking me. They could get fed up and bail tomorrow. That's what scares me. When the hell did they all sneak into the deepest part of my heart? Not one or two—all three of them. If I keep rejecting them and they really drift away, I'll be kicking myself forever.
Alicia too. Serina too. ...And Dana.
But even when I try to open up, my fully conditioned instincts hold me back now. You can't do that, Lily. What if something happens because of you? Gonna play innocent victim and ignore it again? This time too?
"...?"
Not this time. I'll pay more attention to the people around me. Make sure nothing weird happens because of me.
My instincts don't even pretend to listen to my so-called resolve. They just snort derisively.
That's why I want to dig up the past. Because I think it's the only key to unlocking this collared instinct. How selfish is that? I couldn't care less about those elementary school girls who went through that horror—I'm just using them for my own self-soothing.
Words got long-winded there. Bottom line: I want to hang with all three without being stuck in the middle. And to do that, I need to meet those girls.
Ugh... Lily's too greedy for her own good...
Ow, thinking too deep hurts my head. I just squeeze Dana tight instead. At some point, I've started shivering from the cold. Ridiculous—it's the middle of summer, even at night; no way it's actually cold enough to complain about.
But what can I do? It feels freezing. I pull the blanket over us. Dana, lying in bed with me, ends up buried too.
I gaze into her deep, sunken eyes, darker than midnight, then stroke her back reassuringly. Flat-chested as she is, she's got her bra on properly. Every time I pet her, the hooks snag my fingers with little clicks.
Dana, suddenly trapped in a blanket with my fatty body, must be hot—she's huffing and puffing like crazy.
"I'm gonna go find them."
"...You even know where they live?"
"Nope. That's why I need your help. To track them down."
"No. Absolutely not."
Stubborn girl. Does she even get where I'm coming from? Looks like I need to show a bit more of my true feelings to convince her. I hesitate, but end up blurting it out.
"...The promise."
"What?"
"I wanna break the promise."
"...What promise?"
Playing dumb, huh? There's only one promise between us. I just smile quietly.
"Sorry."
Not that I'm actually sorry. In response, Dana's face under the blanket shifts by the second. Like a broken TV clown or a flower blooming through a thousand changes. Never knew she had this many expressions. Her usual sulky face flashes shock first. Then suspicion, anxiety, joy, worry, relief, agitation, excitement, doubt. Like an actor in a kabuki play, swapping masks—it's amusing, but so shocking? I laugh awkwardly, ehehe.
And that's when I remember that day's promise. If you never give your heart to anyone, Lily, I won't cross the line. It was the lifeline, the safety rope that pulled me out of self-loathing despair. Now that it's served its purpose, I want to snap it.
Like wagging my tail seductively. I'm okay now, so you can cross the line. No—please do.
To Dana, staring at me with utter disbelief, I say, "So... I wanna meet those girls."
...But she shakes her head. No means no.
I pout like a kid who didn't get what she wanted. "My chest feels so heavy..."
"Yeah. Looks heavy."
"......That's not what I meant."
Sweat's building up under my clothes, outlining them perfectly. I hug my chest to hide it. Dana peers at me obsessively from under the blanket. Lately, her sexual harassment's spiked. Hey.
"How heavy?"
"Yeah..."
"Want me to hold 'em for you?"
"Huh?"
See? See this? Hold still—don't wiggle your fingers like that. If you mean actually grabbing them with your hands, wait, no, don't—
As I start tearing up and whimpering, Dana scratches the back of her head, embarrassed. "...Lily. You make it sound like I'm gonna pounce."
"......Aren't you?"
"Wanna find out?"
"Kyaa!"
She's teasing so mischievously, but I know she won't actually touch. Not yet—we both know that. But I love the playfulness. Something tickles deep in my chest...
We fool around under the blanket until we're satisfied. Until, for once, Dana conks out first.
I watch her sleeping with half-lidded eyes and think, So careless. How do you sleep so defenselessly, not knowing what I might do? I straight-up said I wanna break the promise.
I did something naughty to sleeping Dana. Or at least, I tried to. Her warmth was so cozy, I got sooo sleepy, my eyes fluttered shut, and I passed out with her. Otherwise, I definitely would've.