Always with All My Heart (2)
Always with All My Heart (2)
"No, Idelon Halden Rehentra, 3rd Prince."
"......."
I truly, sincerely, have no idea what to say at all.
No, I'm not even sure if saying anything would have any meaning.
Deny it and, like before, mix a little truth with many lies?
The moment I do that, Belletria will get even more serious, even bribing people from the royal family, and tighten the noose around my neck even more.
'...Given her personality, she'd probably just kill me from the start. With just the current circumstances, it's decisive evidence that instantly negates eight years of pure devotion.'
If so, the answer was one.
To be completely honest, to explain fully why I had to lie to her.
That I mistakenly picked up a marriage proposal instead of the surrender document I was meant to present, and brought that to the Empire and presented it as is.
That I was afraid I'd be killed if I told the truth about the mistake, so I tried to survive by telling all sorts of lies....
And that all those actions ultimately ended up being nothing but mockery and disrespect towards the Emperor.
No, towards the woman named Belletria Lien Archesium... I had to tell her everything.
Having made my decision, I opened my mouth with great difficulty.
"First of all, what Your Majesty is thinking is entirely correct."
"What exactly from the beginning is correct?"
"...... I will now explain everything in detail, leaving nothing out."
Thus began the story of how we got from that first moment of meeting to this very moment—a story that could be called long or short depending on perspective.
Belletria, who had silently listened until the end of all my explanations,
once again wore an utterly unreadable expression and looked over the hill with slightly shadowed eyes.
"⋯⋯ Three days ago, while organizing the remnants of war in the office, I received this news from the Wolikdae commander and was genuinely enraged upon opening it. So that very day, I intended to have you executed for the crime of mocking me."
"... I am listening."
"But just as I was about to give the order, for the first time, a thought occurred to me: 'Is it really necessary... to go so far as to kill him?'"
Belletria turned her head again.
Her reddish eyes, now a bit more shadowed, were aimed precisely at my two pupils.
"So I pondered. I put aside all my duties and thought for an entire day. What exactly about me was so displeasing that you concocted such a miserable story and acted so perfectly that you completely fooled me?"
"......."
"And then, after watching your sleeping face for a long while, I was able to deduce one new possibility. 'Perhaps the premise itself was wrong from the start.'"
"......."
"My deduction was correct."
After taking in my eyes, which were still consistent in their silence, one last time,
she turned her head again and stared at the peaceful village beyond the hill.
"You and I were never destined to begin a story called love from the very beginning, but a single clumsy mistake of grabbing the wrong document started everything."
With those words, Belletria firmly closed her mouth.
I too could offer no reply and deeply bowed my head.
Only the sound of the mountain breeze brushing through the grass filled the space between the two of us.
It was around the time about five minutes of blood-freezing silence had passed.
"You may return."
"... Pardon?"
Thinking I had misheard, I foolishly asked back. Without even sparing a glance, she continued her words clearly and distinctly.
"I already finished sorting out my feelings three days ago. Even if the beginning was a lie, thanks to you, I was able to see the world from a different perspective and shake off the lingering remnants of the past... I intend to accept the story we have shared until now not as love, but as a splendid partnership."
"Your Majesty, that is..."
"Therefore, you may return to the side of the Princess of Ignesia, whom you sincerely loved and for whom you endured that hellish place."
As I tried to open my mouth urgently, she decisively cut off my words.
"If you wish, I can even completely annihilate Rehentra so it cannot interfere with the relationship between you two. So... please just disappear from before my eyes now."
With those final words, Belletria turned her body away without any lingering attachment.
Then, towards the royal carriage approaching from the foot of the hill, kicking up dust just in time, she began to move her unwavering steps.
For a moment, I blankly watched her receding back.
Instinct was telling me.
That the words she just spat out were perfect sincerity, without a single shred of falsehood mixed in.
Therefore, I should just stand still like this and let her leave.
Then, the life with Ersil, which I had only dreamed of while confined in the detached palace for a lifetime, would be granted to me.
I could live proudly, no longer oppressed by the label of an illegitimate child and ignored, nor trembling not knowing when my head would be taken off and forced to play the fool.
So I had no more reason to hold onto that woman.
But.
"Ugh... ugh..."
Suddenly, my breath choked up as if my throat was being squeezed.
As if air truly wasn't entering my lungs, the very center of my chest felt heavily pressed and stuffy.
It would be enough to just leave like this, but for some reason, my vision kept wavering.
The sensation of staining my hands with another's blood for the first time, for the sake of one woman in the damp underground dungeon of the Imperial Palace, revived at my fingertips.
Grand Duke Xenos's low, suppressed voice, bowing his head and asking me to change his master's future, filled my head.
Her body temperature on the night the Black Mud assassins rushed in, as she held me, bleeding, in her arms and raged.
The trivial conversations we shared while sharing one bed, and her overwhelming back as she willingly accepted numerous losses to protect me on the Dharon battlefield, even splitting a 15-meter castle wall in an instant.
Memories that had been scattered like fragments swept through my head like a storm.
And.
'Ah....'
Only then could I perfectly realize what I had been missing.
If Ersil was the lifeline of survival that allowed me to endure hell.
That back now moving away was the great opportunity and driving force that enabled me to live the new life that lay ahead.
The moment I became aware of that fact, my body jumped out ahead of my thoughts.
Kicking off the ground so hard it dug into the lawn, I sprinted down the hill.
My thigh muscles tightened and my breath rose to my throat, but I couldn't stop.
Thump!
I rushed behind Belletria, who was walking unguarded, and strongly wrapped my arms around her slender waist and shoulders.
Her body swayed greatly from my sudden action, but I didn't let go and instead pressed her back tightly against my chest.
"I'm sorry... Really, I sincerely apologize..."
With my face buried in her shoulder, I spat out disjointed words between ragged breaths.
"Thanks to Your Majesty... thanks to Belletria, a new opportunity was given to me. At first, it was just a struggle to survive... but I truly never intended to deceive and trick you until the end."
"⋯⋯."
The shoulder of the woman trapped in my arms was trembling ever so slightly.
Feeling that tremor exactly, I tightened my arms even more.
"Before it became too deep to turn back, I wanted to confess all the truth with my own mouth and beg for forgiveness. I know it's truly shameless, but please give me just one chance."
I knew I looked ugly, clinging on like this.
But if I let go of this warmth now, I felt I would flounder in regret for the rest of my life.
Even if I reunited with Ersil, I didn't think I could become happy.
And Belletria, held in my embrace, for a while remained motionless, offering no answer, silently looking only ahead.
After a while.
She very slowly, while still in my arms, turned her head slightly to face me.
Eyes that carried dignity, those unwavering ruby-red pupils that were always steady.
From the very corner of the right side of those pupils, a single strand of tears, transparently sparkling in the sunlight, was silently streaming down her white cheek.
Seeing that, despite it being a completely unexpected reaction, I didn't panic and hugged her even tighter.
"I can't say the time we've spent together has been long at all, but one thing I can say for sure. Thanks to Belletria, I was able to feel once again that life can be this enjoyable, and because of that, I wanted to know more and more about Belletria."
"......."
Belletria, as if unable to pour out all her emotions, moved her lips slightly, barely squeezing out her voice.
"May I ask just one more thing?"
Not a confident demand like usual, but a cautious question from a wounded woman.
I answered while putting just a little more strength into the arms holding her.
"From now on, I will answer any and all questions completely honestly, without mixing in even a speck of falsehood."
Hearing my declaration, Belletria steadied her breath for a moment, then, while staring into empty space, opened her mouth.
"Exactly... when did you start showing your true self to me?"
"From the day the Grey Wild Dogs and Black Mud attacked the Imperial Palace. To be precise, it was from the night we first shared a bed in Your Majesty's quarters."
I continued speaking, pressing my forehead against her shoulder.
"From that time on, I went beyond acting to survive, and truly, sincerely, began to want to be interested in the person that is Your Majesty."
At my answer, her shoulder flinched slightly.
But soon, she let out a low sigh and shook her head.
"The questioning isn't over yet."
"... Yes?"
"In that case... when the Empire attacks the Ignesia Kingdom someday, what choice do you intend to make, Idelon?"
"......."
A question that was far too sharp and heavy.
What I would do when they attacked Ignesia, where Ersil was.
I was briefly taken aback by the completely unexpected question, but I quickly sorted through my tangled thoughts and answered.
"If they surrender and choose submission, I will show mercy. But if they resist the Empire to the end... I will erase the Ignesia Kingdom from the continent's map entirely."
"......."
"And the Princess of Ignesia... I intend to bring her here."
Even after hearing my answer, Belletria didn't move a muscle for a while.
Only the clueless mountain breeze still swirled between us.
Eventually, as if she had heard the answer she wanted, she slowly freed herself from my arms and took one step forward.
Her back, as she began walking towards the waiting carriage at the foot of the hill, somehow looked a little lighter.
"I have become unable to trust you anymore. No, I do not intend to trust."
She continued speaking without stopping her steps.
"Even if you whisper love to me, I will endlessly deny it, and if you say you are going somewhere, countless eyes will follow your shadow. Even so... will you really not leave?"
A very clumsy and cautious confirmation, wearing the mask of a sharp warning.
Following her receding back, I returned her words exactly as they were.
"I will continue to love Your Majesty. If Your Majesty denies it, I will prove my love even more strongly, and if Your Majesty says you are meeting someone, I will be insanely jealous of that person."
A single word spoken with all sincerity.
"Even so... will you really give me a chance?"
At my counter-question, Belletria's steps came to an abrupt halt.
However, she never turned to look at me.
But that was okay.
Because I confirmed that the earlobe visible beyond her fluttering silver hair was tinged a very faint red.
And Belletria, who had kept her silence, answered in a voice that had softened somewhat.
"... Let's head to Solty quickly before it gets any later. I've become curious about what you've prepared."