2
ch 2 ## Grandma Disses the Dead Grandpa
“Is something going on?”
The door beside the funeral room opened, and Aunt Kyunghee came out with her characteristic limp. She spotted Bongbong,
who was still bouncing his shoulders around.
“Bong, what are you doing over there?”
Mother came out behind Aunt Kyunghee and clicked her tongue.
“Well done. Dancing happily in front of your father's funeral portrait. Why don't you sing a song and clap your hands
too? Good grief... When is that boy ever going to grow up?”
“No, Mom. That's not it...”
“Hey. Stop making so much noise and sit down here.”
She gave him a light tap and quickly pulled him over to sit beside me. Across from us, the relatives from the smaller
branch of the family snickered.
When Bongbong sat down beside me with his lips poked out, the strong smell of cigarettes wafted from him. His face was
still flushed with excitement. In the hall beyond the funeral room, the younger relatives were completely worked up
talking about Lara.
“Hyung, you really don't know Lara? You don't know A-Pulse?”
“I know, idiot. They're the ones who sing that hammer song, right?”
The hammer song I was referring to was Bonnie's Hammer, the hit song from A-Pulse's second album. That didn't mean I was
some middle-aged guy who knew everything about girl-group songs. If it was SES, Fin.K.L, or, going a little further
ahead, 2NE1, I could tell whose song it was. But when it came to recent songs, I couldn't tell what song it was or who
sang it even after listening to it.
I only knew about this girl group called A-Pulse because the news kept going on about Billboard this and MTV that.
Anyway, this girl group, which had only released two albums so far, had become so overwhelmingly famous that even little
kids and old people on the street knew them.
But A-Pulse? What a ridiculously old-fashioned name. It sounded almost as dated as the Bunny Girls from the seventies.
“So? Who died on the third floor for Lara to come?”
“She isn't there as a mourner. Lara is the chief mourner. Apparently, Lara's mother died.”
“How?”
“Sounds like she had some kind of illness. Probably cancer. Anyway, we didn't know because we were busy with Father's
funeral, but the news has spread everywhere outside. I don't know if they're reporters or what, but people keep
gathering. It's no joke.”
Cancer...
Considering Lara's age, her mother probably wasn't that old either. I wondered if her mother had been able to close her
eyes peacefully, leaving her daughter behind.
But who was I to worry about right now?
“Should I go up to the third floor?”
This guy was so random. Just like Mother said, he really had no sense of timing.
“Why would you go there? Our father died too, you idiot.”
Just then, mourners entered, so we stopped talking. Before the mourner had even completely left the funeral room after
exchanging bows, Bongbong opened his mouth again.
“But she's pitiful.”
“What is she pitiful about, idiot? Is she pitiful because she's having a funeral in a VIP room? Or are we pitiful
because we're holding ours in a corner of the basement? Stop talking nonsense and stay in your seat.”
When he pouted, I added,
“You're doing this because you want to see the celebrities who come to pay their respects, aren't you?”
“Apparently Lara is the only chief mourner.”
“Of course she's alone. I'm alone too.”
“Why are you alone? Mom and Aunt are right there.”
“You're a mourner, idiot. Mom and Aunt are mourners too. They're all people who are in mourning. I'm the eldest son, so
I'm the senior mourner as well as the chief mourner.”
“Ahhh. That's how it works?”
“Uneducated fool.”
Actually, I'd only learned that when I was getting instructions from the funeral home staff while making the
arrangements. But who cared? This was one of those times when I could put on a little act of dignity as the eldest son.
“But why is she the chief mourner? Where's her dad?”
“You don't know? Lara doesn't have a father. Lara's mother was a single mother. So Lara is alone... well... she's the
only one at the funeral room.”
Why did this guy know so much?
“Even if her mother was a single mother, wouldn't she have family on her mother's side?”
“Her mother was apparently an orphan.”
Quite a story for a celebrity.
But was this guy Lara's stalker? He seemed to know everything about her.
“How about it, Hyung? Isn't Lara pitiful?”
“No. I think you're pitiful for worrying about a celebrity who's on a completely different level from you.”
Aunt Kyunghee, sitting across from us, chuckled. Her eyes were swollen from crying so much. Seeing her laugh with that
face somehow made it funny.
“Hyung, seriously! Celebrities are people too. If she's suffering, she's suffering...”
“Her father is probably going to show up now.”
“They said she doesn't have a father. What are you talking about?”
“If she doesn't have a father, how was Lara born?”
What an idiot.
“Lara's father is somewhere out there. Because he ran away and left Lara and his wife behind. That's how most
single-mother stories go. Some young guy gets a girl pregnant, has a mental breakdown, and then pretends it has nothing
to do with him.”
“You think that guy would show up?”
“Yeah. There's no one to be wary of anymore. Lara's mother.”
“But Hyung, what if that guy who claims to be her father is already married? Then he'd have a wife and children. Would
he really be able to show up in front of Lara?”
“You're an actor and you don't understand people that well? Is Lara just some ordinary person? Like you said, she's
Nininini~ a global top star. And she makes an incredible amount of money.”
Wait.
This could actually make a story.
A top idol left alone after her mother dies, only to have her estranged father and his family try to strip away all her
wealth, putting her in danger, but eventually she overcomes it...
No! No!
If her money got stolen, the readers would scream that it was too frustrating.
Then what if she doesn't lose her fortune but still gets into trouble...
No, that's not right either!
Even if the protagonist merely gets into trouble, readers will probably call it frustrating.
What should I do?
Should I just have her father appear and make her happy without any trouble? The father who abandoned her returns, and
they all live happily ever after?
Sigh~
Then people would probably complain that it was just happiness for no reason and ask whether I'd thrown logic out the
window.
As expected, making the father a villain would be better.
If I create conflict between the father and daughter, there would be plenty to write about...
Sigh!
Then people might complain that the story is moving too slowly.
Or they might call the conflict frustrating too.
Damn it!
Then what the hell am I supposed to do...
Just then, Bongbong interrupted my train of thought.
“Hyung, now that you're becoming a writer, I guess stories just pour out of you.”
“I haven't even debuted yet. What kind of damn writer am I?”
Embarrassed, I clicked my tongue and snapped at him.
Actually, I'd already been at it for two years.
Two years as an aspiring web novel writer, desperately waiting for the day my work would become monetized.
“What you just said actually sounds like it could make a story. A hidden father of an idol suddenly appears? It's a
cliché we've seen a lot, but maybe this could be what gets you to debut, Hyung.”
What do you know!
“Oppa really liked that girl.”
Huh?
Bongbong and I looked at Aunt Kyunghee.
“Father? Father liked Lara?”
“Yeah. That girl who dances like Nininini~. Your mother knows too.”
We turned our attention to Mother.
She scoffed.
“Your father used to stare at her on the television like he was possessed. How could I not know?”
“Father? A girl group? On music shows?”
“Yeah. He watched her on his phone too, and even at the dining table. The old man really acted shamelessly when his time
to die was approaching.”
Aunt Kyunghee quickly spoke up.
“She probably looked like your mother-in-law. Honestly, sis...”
By mother-in-law, she meant Father's mother.
My paternal grandmother.
“She looked like Grandma? Lara?”
“Yeah. She looks like your grandmother. Around here, especially... and the lower half of her face is exactly like your
grandmother's. When she smiles, dimples appear here on her upper cheeks. You can see a little of her gums too. Her teeth
are straight, just like your grandmother when she was young. Your grandmother was such a beautiful woman too. The reason
you two are handsome is because you inherited it from your grandmother. Especially Bong.”
Really, Aunt.
I was much better-looking than Bongbong.
“That's why whenever Lara came out and danced and sang, Oppa would stare at her like he'd lost his soul. Your
grandmother could sing well too. Come to think of it, her voice sounds similar as well. Doesn't it, sis?”
Did Grandma really look like Lara?
Then I heard Bongbong complaining.
“Come on, Aunt. How could Lara look like Grandma? Lara is so pretty.”
“You kids... The grandmother you remember is old and wrinkled, but we saw her when she was young and beautiful. Right,
sis?”
Mother simply smiled faintly.
“We didn't know any of that and gave Oppa such a hard time for losing his mind over a girl who looked like his
granddaughter. Hehehe.”
“How does she look like our mother? The old man was just acting shameless.”
“You too. Not in front of the kids.”
Aunt Kyunghee looked at Father's funeral portrait.
“Joon. You said you took that picture, right?”
“Yes.”
“When did you take it?”
“I'm not sure exactly. Maybe twelve or thirteen years ago. At Seoul Station.”
“Oppa was really young back then.”
It was the day Father had come to Seoul to see Gyobong and me. After staying for two days, he was heading back down to
Busan. I had taken that picture of him as he walked toward the platform to catch the KTX. That was the moment he smiled
and waved at me.
I liked that picture.
At a glance, I'd thought it would make a good funeral portrait.
I never imagined it would actually become one.
“He should've taken care of his health while he was still that energetic instead of drinking himself senseless every
day. That's why he died like this.”
“You too, sis.”
Aunt Kyunghee kept her eyes fixed on the funeral portrait as she continued.
“I really like that picture. Unlike the other families' pictures where they just take a photo of the person's face
straight on, this one feels natural. Doesn't it look like he's saying, ‘Take care, everyone. I'm going somewhere nice to
have some fun now’?”
“What good is going somewhere nice? He'll just drink himself silly again. Almost all the friends he used to drink with
are dead too, so they'll probably gather in the afterlife and start another drinking party.”
“Oh, sis. Enough already.”
Aunt Kyunghee gave a shy smile and turned her gaze toward us.
“If only one of you two had a child by your side. If that had happened, Oppa would've lived longer.”
“Why are you saying useless things? Just like those relatives from the smaller branch.”
Huh?
Had she heard the uncles' conversation from the next room too?
Aunt Kyunghee continued with a bashful smile.
“Our Joon and Bong are both handsome, so why don't they get married?”
Aunt, it's not that I didn't get married.
I couldn't.
I answered her silently in my head and only gave a bitter smile on the outside.
Bongbong also lowered his head and gave a bitter smile.
Perhaps because Lara had become the topic of conversation, Aunt Kyunghee continued.
“Whenever Oppa came home after drinking, he used to sigh so much. Right, sis?”
Mother confirmed it with silence.
“For old people like us, the only thing we have to talk about is our children. Bragging about sons-in-law or
daughters-in-law.”
“...”
“There aren't any grandchildren either. No daughters-in-law. So what could Oppa do? He had nothing to talk about among
his friends, so he just kept drinking.”
It was embarrassing for no reason, but fortunately another mourner entered.
However, as soon as the mourner finished paying respects and left, Aunt Kyunghee continued.
“If even one of you two had gotten married and had a child, Oppa would've been grinning from ear to ear. He would've
taken the child all around the neighborhood saying, ‘My grandchild! My grandchild!’”
Mother smiled faintly.
“Maybe Oppa would've even cut down on drinking because he wanted to give his grandchild pocket money. Then perhaps he
wouldn't have gotten sick.”
Before we knew it, my brother and I had become unfilial sons who had supposedly hastened Father's death.
“Just stop saying useless things now.”
Although Mother didn't say it openly, it was obvious she regretted not having grandchildren, whether a grandson or
granddaughter.
They say when your parents die, the things you regret doing as an unfilial child torment you.
Was not getting married also an act of being unfilial?
Father insisted that a man had to study science if he wanted to make a living.
Because of that, I ended up majoring in architectural engineering, something I'd never even considered.
That's what a passive life was like.
I realized how foolish it was not long after entering university.
I enjoyed the relatively free college life, met all kinds of friends, and played around to my heart's content. It was
then that I made a resolution.
From then on, I would live actively.
I would live the life I wanted.
I began making more and more choices that went against Father's wishes, and the distance between Father and me gradually
grew.
“Both of you hurry up and get married. While your mother is still healthy, you need to let her see a daughter-in-law or
grandchildren. Once you get old, every day is different.”
Aunt, that's exactly how I feel right now.
Every day is different.
My body aches all over.
Marriage is out of the question.
“Enough. Kyunghee, why do you keep saying useless things to these kids?”
Bongbong interrupted.
“Come on, Aunt. You need money to get married too. You need a house at least with a jeonse deposit, and preferably an
apartment that's at least thirty pyeong. And how much money does it cost to raise a child?”
“If it's money you're worried about, don't worry. I have money. You two just have the baby. Then your aunt and I will
raise the child.”
“What are you talking about? Why would we raise their kid? I don't have the strength. I'm not raising them.”
The two grandmothers bickering with each other were adorable.
Father was gone now, but Aunt had Mother, and Mother had Aunt, so neither of them would be lonely.
Bongbong chuckled and said,
“Then, Aunt, do we just have to bring back a baby from somewhere? Without even getting married?”
“Yeah. Get into trouble first. Everyone does that these days and then gets married.”
She answered cheerfully despite her swollen eyes.
For the first time in a while, a smile appeared on all our faces.
Bongbong looked at Father's funeral portrait.
“Since Father is already dead... Okay! Hyung is hopeless, so I'll be the one to get into trouble. Fine, why not?”
Everyone chuckled and laughed.
That was when it happened.
“If you're going to build a funeral hall, you should've made the parking lot bigger too. Does it make any sense that
there's no parking space?”
“Oh, sister. It's because everyone's driving here since it's raining.”
“Doesn't everyone have cars? Are they the only ones with cars? And when people come, they should be able to enter. What
are they supposed to do when they're blocking the entrance like that? Is being a celebrity some kind of high office?
They're nothing but entertainers! Maybe because they're such low-class people, they don't know any manners! No manners
at all!”
A sharp, irritated voice echoed through the corridor.
We stopped laughing.
The voice grew louder as it drew closer.
“If Oppa died, Gyojun should've contacted us himself. How could you, Yong, be the one to contact us? Is a nephew
supposed to make his elders do things? What kind of etiquette is that?”
“Father just died. Do you think the kids have the presence of mind for something like that? Please try to understand,
noona.”
We heard the sounds of relatives getting up from various tables.
The uncles from the smaller branch sitting at the table in front of the funeral room did the same.
Bongbong nudged my arm.
“Aunt's here.”
“What is that thief woman coming here to blabber about?”
Mother also frowned and stood up.
Aunt Kyunghee hurriedly got up and limped toward the adjoining room.
“Stay right there, Aunt.”
Aunt Kyunghee looked at me.
She had a flustered expression.
Well, Father was already dead anyway.