Cruel Movies and Harsh Realities
The dawn after the debate. It was still before sunrise. Han Yeoreum was taking advantage of the kids all being asleep to watch a horror movie.
Good thing the kids are sleeping at home. She'd been worried thinking they were sleeping outside for training, but they'd said they were sleeping at home since it was a play day. How am I going to get them to sleep at home tomorrow? Just as Han Yeoreum was pondering that, a grotesque ghost appeared on the TV screen.
-Grrr...
It was the highlight scene where the protagonist faced off against the ghost. At that pivotal moment, as Han Yeoreum swallowed hard, the door to Gyeowol's room creaked open slowly.
"Gyeowol, you're up already?"
Han Yeoreum quickly changed the channel before Gyeowol's eyes could reach the TV. It was a kids' channel with cute characters.
"Y-yes..."
Gyeowol rubbed her eyes and toddled over. She sat right next to Han Yeoreum, at a precarious distance where their bodies just barely didn't touch.
"Gyeowol's up even earlier today, huh?"
"Yes, I went to bed early yesterday."
Saying that, Gyeowol looked at the TV. The kids' program was showing a moral lesson scene about not fighting with friends. Gyeowol would probably like this stuff, right? She's still at that age. Han Yeoreum glanced at her, but Gyeowol showed no interest whatsoever.
Not fun for her?
If Gyeowol were interested, her ears and tail would perk up straight. But the tail Han Yeoreum observed was just hanging limp, utterly indifferent.
"Gyeowol, that boring?"
"Um... yes..."
It's a kids' channel, after all. No way an adult would enjoy it. Gyeowol stared at the TV with a blank expression.
"I see? I thought you'd like it since Penguin Uncle comes out."
"Oh, no, I don't really like it... It's too full of false hope, and what they say isn't realistic at all..."
Gyeowol shook her head hurriedly. How did she see me as someone who'd enjoy kids' programs? Gyeowol couldn't comprehend it.
"Not realistic?"
"Yes. The world isn't that easygoing. It's much more horrific and..."
"R-right..."
A child criticizing a kids' program for not being realistic. An adult-like kid might say that, but Han Yeoreum, who knew Gyeowol's past, couldn't brush it off easily. It wasn't because the show was childish; it was because she'd experienced far too much of the world's horrors. Yeoreum hurriedly changed the subject.
"So, what genre does Gyeowol like?"
"I like the brutal ones."
"Uh, yeah...?"
"Like ones with bloody fights or wars breaking out."
Especially zombie apocalypses. Gyeowol's tail swished back and forth.
"Wh-what makes Gyeowol like those genres...?"
It came out like she was wondering why on earth. Gyeowol could only tilt her head in confusion. War and battle genres were pretty common, after all.
"Because they're realistic...?"
"R-realistic?"
Stories of people dying and blood splattering being realistic? Yeoreum's pupils shook violently. She wanted to say reality wasn't like that at all, but knowing what kind of life Gyeowol had lived, she held back. She didn't want to dismiss the child's hard-fought survival with a few words. That would be arrogantly invalidating Gyeowol's entire existence.
So that was Gyeowol's reality...
Through the videos, Yeoreum had indirectly experienced Gyeowol's life. Days in hell without even a shred of hope. That's why Gyeowol saw 'hope' as unrealistic. It made sense she disliked overly hopeful kids' shows.
The world is horrific, sure, but...
Still, she wanted to show Gyeowol that there were places with some hope. Han Yeoreum forced her lips into a smile that wouldn't rise naturally.
"I see, so Gyeowol likes realistic stuff?"
"Yes. Wanna watch a war movie?"
"Yeah. Unnie likes realistic stuff too."
Gyeowol liking brutal genres might be because it gave her a sense of relief. Seeing characters survive miserably would make her feel she wasn't the only one living a horrific life. Maybe despairing genres felt like 'hope' to Gyeowol.
"But can you handle brutal stuff okay?"
"No, actually, unnie can't handle brutal stuff well."
Han Yeoreum scratched her cheek with a sheepish hehe laugh. She couldn't even properly watch Gyeowol's videos. It was embarrassing to be more ignorant about brutality than an eight-year-old.
"Then should we watch something less brutal?"
"Wow, really?"
"Yeah. Let's watch that one. I saw the trailer— it starts with the protagonist's whole family getting massacred."
"Th-that, um..."
The protagonist's family massacred? Isn't that super brutal? Yeoreum looked down at Gyeowol with flustered eyes, then bit her lip recalling her past.
Right...
Gyeowol had been abandoned by her family and lost even her close friends. For her, a whole family massacre would be no big deal. Only then did Yeoreum realize it: scenes like that were just ordinary to Gyeowol.
So what kind of brutal scene would satisfy her? Yeoreum was intensely curious but decided not to find out. She knew a normal person like herself couldn't handle it.
Hmm...
Don't think too deeply. Right now, she just needed to enjoy the movie with Gyeowol. Wrapping an arm around the girl sitting beside her, Yeoreum watched on. Whether Gyeowol had good taste or not, the movie was surprisingly fun. Though the ending was pretty horrific.
**
The movie we watched with Han Yeoreum was more enjoyable than I'd imagined. The protagonist, having let go of the last thread of hope, ended her own life.
"Wow."
I couldn't help clapping. Startled by the sudden noise, Han Yeoreum flinched.
"F-fun?"
"Yes. The shocking ending made it fun."
That's how movies should be. For someone like me who loves brutal films, it was plenty satisfying.
"Y-yeah. The protagonist was so pitiful. If only she'd struggled a bit more at the end."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Life is precious, after all."
"Hmm... But I totally got the protagonist's actions."
Was there something weird about what I said? Han Yeoreum froze in her seat. Her lips moved like she wanted to say something, but no words came out. It was a while before she finally spoke again.
"...What part did you understand?"
"Ending her own life. She was in that desperate a situation."
Family massacred, left alone. Surrounded by otherworldly monsters, unable to do anything. Better to end it cleanly than be torn limb from limb in agony. Resisting in that scenario was something only the strong like Han Yeoreum could do. It was absolutely not a situation where an average-powered protagonist could accomplish anything.
"That's how Gyeowol sees it...?"
Han Yeoreum gave an awkward smile and patted my head. She seemed to be doing that more lately, but I didn't mind.
"She'd just die painfully to the monsters anyway. Ending it herself means no pain. It's choosing the easier path, even if just a little."
I couldn't help hehe-laughing as I spoke. It had been so long since I'd debated movies and people like this. Feeling like a normal person made me incredibly happy.
"R-right. It'll hurt anyway. Sometimes ending it might be easier...?"
"Yes, exactly."
"I see..."
Han Yeoreum rubbed her own arm. Her pupils were unfocused, looking terribly lonely. She seemed to pity the protagonist for choosing differently from her own resolve to fight to the end.
That's why I love movies.
They give you philosophical things to ponder. The one we just watched was philosophically excellent too.
"I respect the protagonist's choice. Not everyone can be strong enough to fight monsters."
"Yeah... But Gyeowol's strong, right?"
Strong? Asking if I was strong enough to fight the movie's monsters. Even with my now much stronger abilities than before, I doubted I could kill those. At best, I'd handle small, weak ones. Shaking my head at Han Yeoreum, I concluded.
"Who knows? Maybe I'd do the same as the protagonist."
"......"
She gave no reply to my words. She just hugged me tight.
"Huh?"
Why switch from debate to a hug? I didn't know, but feeling human warmth was nice. Since we'd even debated movies like normal people, today felt like it'd be a really happy day.