Winter's Scars
The terrifyingly feral Saebyeok was not the kind of child who spoke harshly to others. With her characteristic gentleness, she embraced everything around her. Even if such a child tried to imitate a troublemaker, how well could she really pull it off? At most, she would stomp her feet or huff in mild protest. Han Yeoreum did not take Saebyeok's attempt at acting out seriously. She knew the girl's kind nature too well for that.
So this is what Saebyeok looks like when she's different. That was all Yeoreum thought—until she realized it too late. Children usually learned by watching adults. Saebyeok had lived through unbearable pain. What she had seen and learned was obvious.
—Beggar, eat this.
Had she heard words like that too? Yeoreum felt her mind go blank, but she quickly pulled herself together for Saebyeok's sake.
"Wow, Saebyeok knows how to say scary things too?"
"S-sorry…"
"Sorry for what? You were just trying to help."
Yeoreum guided Saebyeok to the folding chair nearby and sat her down. In the girl's hand was the sausage she had thrown at Kwon Arin earlier. It was a raw barbecue sausage, now covered in dirt.
"Saebyeok, you can't eat that, okay?"
"But if I wash it with water…"
Saebyeok hid the sausage behind her back. If she had known she wouldn't be allowed to eat it, she never would have thrown it in the first place.
"Well… um…"
Washing it might make it edible, but people had feelings too. As an adult, it was hard to watch a child pick food up off the ground. Yeoreum decided she had to stop her. She reached out toward Saebyeok, then froze as a thought struck her.
—Eat it, beggar.
Would Saebyeok really have picked up the thrown food? The answer was almost certainly yes. To the girl, food had been a lifeline that kept her alive one more day. No one cut that lifeline just because it hurt their pride. Having to accept food from someone who mocked you just to survive… Even thinking about it felt miserable. How must the person actually living it have felt?
Without a word, Han Yeoreum pulled Saebyeok into a tight hug. Telling her not to eat fallen food was something only someone who had always lived in comfort could say. She had no right.
"Saebyeok, can you give me the sausage? I'll wash it clean and give it back."
"Clean?"
Saebyeok tilted her head, but her tail swayed gently. She didn't understand why she was being hugged so suddenly, but she didn't mind.
"Yeah. I'm a little sensitive about food. I'll wash it myself and give it back."
"Mm… okay."
Saebyeok handed over the sausage she had hidden behind her. It wasn't like Han Yeoreum would suddenly refuse to return it. Saebyeok simply chose to trust her.
"Hehe, I'll definitely give it back."
She would have to ask Yuna for a cleansing spell. It felt like putting the cart before the horse, but for Saebyeok, she would do anything. This wasn't about guilt anymore. It was for her precious family.
**
Night had fallen. I lay in the tent with the children. The wind wasn't cold, and the air didn't feel lonely. The painful thoughts about when my life might improve never came. When I turned left, Saebyeok, tucked inside her sleeping bag, blinked at me. When I turned right, Levinas, in the same situation, grinned and looked at me.
"Yeoreum, Levinas turned into a caterpillar…!"
"Yeah. Trying to become a butterfly?"
"No! Levinas is a horned rabbit!"
Inside the sleeping bag, Levinas wiggled her body up and down. She even crawled across the floor like a caterpillar.
"Whoa."
How on earth was she doing that? Just as I watched Levinas with curious eyes, she unzipped her sleeping bag and climbed out.
"Trans… formation? Change…?"
Levinas raised both arms and tilted her head. She seemed to have forgotten the word for when a caterpillar becomes an adult.
"You mean metamorphosis or transformation?"
"Yeah! Transformation! Levinas is a transformer! Transformer horned rabbit!"
"Uh, yeah…"
The word choice was a little off. While I scratched my cheek inside the sleeping bag, Saebyeok, lying beside me, also climbed out of hers.
"Me too, transformer…"
Grrr. Saebyeok made a cat-like sound. She seemed to be saying she had transformed from a caterpillar into a cat.
Children could have fun with anything. I smiled at them, but for some reason both kids were staring at me with expectant eyes.
"What about you, Yeoreum?!"
"Me…?"
"Yeah! You have to do it too!"
The children wanted it. It was embarrassing, but I decided to play along.
"I-I'm just… winter…"
Ziiip— I unzipped my sleeping bag and stepped out. Even though it wasn't much of a performance, the children looked delighted. They seemed happy simply because we had done something together.
Was it because of the noise coming from the tent at night? Jung Yuna, who had been chatting outside, stepped inside.
"You guys aren't sleeping yet?"
"We're about to."
"Yeah. You have to sleep early if you want to grow taller."
Taller. One of the few worries I still had. Maybe because my body had changed, I was even shorter than the children. The desire to grow taller made my eyes close. Truthfully, I always got sleepy around this time anyway.
"Mage, it's camping and you're going straight to sleep?!"
"Hmm… Then should we play a little first?"
"Yeah!"
Levinas bounced around inside the tent. Then she looked up at Jung Yuna with a confident expression.
"Mage, are you transforming too?!"
"Uh, yeah…?"
"Mage! Transformer!"
"Did I do something wrong…?"
Jung Yuna broke into a cold sweat. I added an explanation to help her out.
"We were playing caterpillar in the sleeping bags."
"Ah… that kind of transformer?"
With a sigh of relief, Jung Yuna pressed down on Levinas's head. Levinas's rabbit ears spread out to the sides.
"Levinas became a horned rabbit!"
"Mm… Then should I be a grand mage?"
"Yeah! Mage is now a grand mage!"
I wasn't sure what kind of game it was, but the children were clearly enjoying themselves. I sat beside them and laughed along. After playing with the kids for a few minutes, Jung Yuna checked her watch. It was time for bed.
"We should sleep now."
"Okay!"
Jung Yuna scooped Levinas up like a princess. With a light whoosh, she placed her inside the tent. Another whoosh, and Saebyeok went in too. Next was me.
"I-I can…"
It's fine. Jung Yuna's hands moved faster than my refusal. With a whoosh, my small, light body was lifted without resistance. I was sucked into the magically expanded sleeping bag. This was pretty embarrassing. My face burned, so I closed my eyes.
"Be quiet so your little sisters can sleep, okay?"
Jung Yuna went to the tent entrance and used magic to block the light. Saebyeok and Levinas answered faster than I could.
"Okay!"
"Got it."
Huh. Jung Yuna had clearly said "little sisters." So shouldn't the oldest one here—me—be the one answering? Something felt off, but it was just something the kids were doing. No need to overthink it.
"Sleep well."
Once Jung Yuna left the tent, Saebyeok reached out from her sleeping bag. Without a word, her hand patted my stomach.
"Rock-a-bye baby."
"······!"
It was dark, but with beastkin eyes I could see Levinas's ears perk up. Levinas reached out just like Saebyeok and started patting my stomach too.
"······?"
Why were the children doing this? I didn't know, but I understood they were doing it because they liked it. I didn't push their hands away and decided to just sleep. For some reason, I fell asleep much easier than usual.
**
The next day. After eating lunch with everyone, we returned home. The camping trip had worn me out, but I had no intention of resting. After experiencing Sofia's feral state, I wanted to train my own instincts. I approached Sofia, who was sitting in the massage chair.
"Sofia, I have a question."
"What is it you wish to know?"
Vrrr— Sofia's small body shook with the massage chair. She must have set it to the highest intensity. It was quite an amusing sight.
"Do beastkin become more aggressive when their feral instincts awaken?"
"···I was simply unused to it after such a long time."
"So you weren't adapted to it?"
"Rather than adaptation, it would be more accurate to say I had tamed it."
Taming a wild beast, huh. For some reason, that made me start to worry.
"What if I can't tame my feral instincts?"
"That won't happen, but… even if you couldn't tame them, it wouldn't matter. Feral instincts are like a switch."
"Ah…"
Just don't turn it on. I didn't have to worry about becoming aggressive.
"You're worried about your feral side."
"Yes. If I can't control it, it could be dangerous."
"···If you're that curious, experiencing it once might be the answer."
"Huh? I can experience it?"
I still couldn't control my feral instincts, though. My ears and tail perked up.
"Normally it would be impossible, but you experienced a small amount of water yesterday."
"What if I go on a rampage?"
"That would actually be better. You're still in a weakened state."
"Ah…"
Sofia was right. If I rampaged while weak, it would be easy to subdue me. Experiencing it before I grew stronger was probably for the best.
"Well then, shall we try it?"
"Yes."
The moment I answered, Sofia took my hand. Warm mana flowed deep into my heart. Something unknown began to boil up inside me. Without thinking, I squeezed Sofia's hand tightly.
"Sofia."
My tone was rough, but I felt no guilt. I simply frowned and glared at her.
"Sofia, give me chocolate."
"Did you not eat some earlier?"
"I did. But today I'm going to eat more."
Eating even more snacks on top of that. How impulsive and violent. My heart pounded, but I had no intention of stopping.
"My, my."
Sofia let out a long sigh.