Pretending Not to Know Is What Romance Is (2)
***
"Second—sometimes my chest hurts."
Once the prayer was over, Maru offered up one more confession about himself.
"When I push my power to its absolute limit, I get severe chest pain."
"Is that why you got treated a few months ago, when your chest was acting up?"
"Yes, that's right."
Audrite looked at him with a worried face.
"So what's the illness called?"
"No, I don't think it's an illness. More of a curse than a disease, really…?"
Maru said it with a smile.
"I get this feeling that if something ever bursts out of my chest, the whole world will be in danger. So I've been holding it back on purpose."
"Don't tell me… a monster?"
"A monster, exactly. Every day it wriggles around in there like an earthworm crawling through my gut."
"Ewww!"
The mere thought of it seemed to disgust her—she covered her mouth with both hands and scrunched up her whole face.
"And you just left it there?"
"I left it there. Because it was a load of nonsense."
"Oh, honestly!"
She balled her fist and smacked him on the shoulder.
"I'm begging you, stop with the jokes every single time we meet!"
"Sorry. You fall for it so easily, though. It's fun."
"Was the chest pain a lie too?"
"That part was real. It genuinely hurts after I use a lot of power."
Her fist stopped mid-swing.
"Then starting tomorrow, you and I are going to find out what's causing it."
"I think it's fine to just leave it alone. For some reason it doesn't feel dangerous."
As long as the world goes to hell, I'm perfectly safe.
Something along those lines, anyway.
He'd love to ask a god about it, but this damn tsundere of a deity still hadn't answered a single prayer.
"And what exactly do you plan to do if something really is living in your chest?"
"I'm sure the god will protect me."
"Don't give me such a throwaway answer."
Maru said nothing and looked up at the wall clock.
It was already eleven at night.
"I can't help but resent Her Majesty the Queen, who told us not to spend our nights together until the engagement ceremony. Much as it pains me, it's time to say goodbye."
"Is it that late already?"
Not long ago, after the welcome ceremony for the Crown Prince, the Queen had summoned the two of them separately and impressed upon them, again and again, the importance of decorum.
'A man and woman who have not yet held their ceremony sharing a room is not a pleasant sight. I remember very well what it was like when I was newly in love. It will be difficult, I know—but please, endure it at least until the engagement ceremony.'
Audrite glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, let out a small pout, and rose from her seat.
"How does time fly like this? I could have sworn you arrived at seven."
Her voice was thick with reluctance.
Maru found it every bit as regrettable.
But what could he do?
It was his future mother-in-law's command, after all.
"You'll have to finish the rest of your story next time."
"You'd better listen properly, then. Don't even think about glossing over it."
She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face against his chest.
The broad, solid warmth of it steadied her. Nuzzling into him, she murmured quietly.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
They shared a light kiss, smiled at each other, and left the room together.
When Maru closed the door behind them in the corridor and moved to follow, Audrite gave him a puzzled look.
"Were you planning to come with me?"
"I'll see you to your door."
"It's literally the floor directly above this one? I can walk there myself. Why bother with the trouble? It's late—go get some rest."
"If that's how you put it, I'm honestly hurt."
When Maru deliberately pulled a wounded face and sighed, she jumped in alarm.
"What's wrong? Did I do something? What did I get wrong—tell me right now!"
"Well, in times like these, the proper move is to pretend you can't do something even when you can. That's how you get to stay together longer."
He flashed her a sly grin.
Audrite caught on instantly—a smile spread across her lips and she burst out laughing.
She held out the back of her hand to him.
"Sir Maru. I'm far too frightened to walk to my room alone at this hour. Would you do me the honor of an escort?"
Maru bowed low with perfect courtesy and pressed his lips to the back of her hand.
"Of course, Your Highness. I shall deliver you safely to your chamber."
The two of them strolled down the corridor side by side, giggling.
"Where on earth did you learn tricks like that? Don't tell me—from when you were dating Lady Kiera?"
"Of course not. I just picked it up watching other people."
"I don't believe you."
"Ack—stop pinching my side!"
They traded idle chatter all the way to the princess's door, and just as Maru was about to take his leave, Audrite caught his sleeve.
"Seems the Baroness has already gone to bed. Sir Maru—I find myself craving tea. Won't you come inside and brew some for me?"
"Applying your lesson immediately. You deserve an award, truly."
Maru curled his lips into a smirk.
As she held his smile with a long, steady gaze, a faint shyness crept across Audrite's face.
"It just means we get to stay together longer, doesn't it?"
"This is my first time inside your room. I'll make you a delicious cup of tea."
"I'll look forward to it."
Audrite beamed and stepped inside first, and Maru followed her in.
The moment the door closed behind them came the distinct sound of the lock turning.
And until well past midnight, deep into the small hours of the morning, that door did not open again.
***
The next day, concrete news of the Eastern Expedition finally arrived.
It hadn't merely been a defeat on a single battlefield—the expedition itself had ended in total failure, and Kiera was being named as the cause.
"For the Hero to abandon the demon and flee—the world truly is in its dying days… tsk."
"I never imagined something like this could happen. Even a comedy couldn't write something this absurd."
"From now on we should call her the Hero of Flight instead of the Hero of Silver White. When I saw her before, she was endlessly dignified and gallant—and all the while she was a coward who trembles before demons. I clearly had no eye for people. None at all."
Among the news delivered that day was this: mid-battle, Kiera had suddenly begun behaving in a way no one could comprehend and fled. Because the entire expeditionary force had placed its faith in the Hero alone, its troops had been all but annihilated. Every member of the Hero's party was dead. Duke Toledo was dead. His eldest son, Yosef, was dead. The devastation was so utter, so grotesquely thorough, that one had to wonder how anything could possibly be destroyed so completely.
"…Why would she do that?"
When the news reached him, Maru tilted his head with a grave expression.
Kiera was, admittedly, a bitch—but she was no coward who would cut and run in the middle of a battle.
He'd watched her from close quarters for years, and she had been overwhelmingly strong. Powerful enough that he'd genuinely believed she could march out and slay the Demon King right then and there. On the strength of that power, she had never once yielded ground in combat.
And yet she fled?
"A real puzzle…"
In a way, though, he could understand it.
Her years fighting that disease, suffering through agony after agony, had left her with a will to survive stronger than anyone else's. The desperate cries she'd let out back then, begging to live, still lingered somewhere deep in Maru's chest.
'I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die…! Why? Why me? Everyone else my age is healthy—why me? Oppa… I don't want to die… please, I don't want to die…!'
Having barely clawed her way out of that despair, the woman she was now understood better than anyone how precious her own life was. The very concept of sacrificing herself for someone else simply didn't exist for her. In any situation, no matter what, her own safety would come first.
To an almost pathologically selfish degree.
So rather than picturing her losing her nerve mid-battle and bolting, it seemed far more likely—Maru reasoned—that she had seen the allies' defeat coming from a mile away and slipped away before the fighting ever started.
"But even so, that's strange. With the power Kiera has, she should have been able to turn things around even from a losing position."
Short of asking the woman herself, racking his brain over it alone was nothing but a waste of time. Maru gave up and started walking.
Honestly, tossing a scoop of feed to some stray mutt on the roadside would be a better use of his time than worrying about the person who'd thrown him away. At least the mutt would wag its tail and follow him around.
He was strolling along an open-air corridor, admiring the flower beds bathed in sunlight, when a huge body suddenly blocked his path.
Right in front of him stood a pair of very generous breasts.
He tilted his gaze upward and found their owner fidgeting in place with the expression of someone who badly needed a bathroom.
"M-Maruuu…"
"Move."
"C-could you just spare a little time…?"
"Busy."
"Um… d-did you hear? About Kiera?"
"Heard it."
"Don't you feel… like a drink?"
A drink?
So she's thirsty for booze, is she.
Looks like she wants to knock back a glass with Kiera as the side dish.
"Drink alone."
"I-I don't really do drinking alone… it has to be a little lively, you know… and the only people who really knew Kiera are you and me…"
Maru felt his irritation flicker to life.
Showing up out of nowhere with no read on the mood, proposing a drink over that news—it was beyond absurd, and on top of it, the bad old memories came surging back and sharpened his eyes into a glare.
She was suffocating to even look at.
"You want to drink with me so you can pull another dangerous stunt?"
"A dangerous stunt? What did I ever do that was so bad?"
Natalie blinked both eyes at him, genuinely bewildered.
Did she really not know—or was she pretending not to?
Ridiculous. He'd have to say something cutting enough that she'd never dare approach him again.
Whether she got angry or not, he didn't care. He let it all pour out with full intention.
"Whenever you drink, you turn into a whore."
"A… whore?"
Her eyes went wide, and she frantically waved both hands.
"N-no! I'm not a whore!"
"Then what are you? The second you get tipsy you go pawing at this man and that man. You even got your hands on me—is that some kind of joke to you?"
"A-ah, that was—! I-I'm sorry! It really was a mistake!"
"You know Matthew, right? The mercenary who died two years ago."
"Matthew? Ah… ah. The twin-blade guy?"
"That old man called you a slag. Didn't know that, did you?"
"That… that bastard said that? For real? That son of a bitch!"
Natalie smacked her own palm with her fist and growled.
"Should've beaten him to death while he was still breathing!"
It was two years ago.
An early morning at camp, mist blanketing everything in sight. The bleakness of that morning still lingered in Maru's memory.
He'd woken early to prepare the others' breakfast. He was raking the dead campfire back to life and setting a pot of porridge to simmer when a shaggy, middle-aged man came crawling out of Natalie's tent, groaning in a voice rough with sleep.
"Ugh, shit… my back. It's creaking audibly. Did I throw it out?"
The man was Matthew.
He stepped outside, stretched until his spine popped, and yawned. He was the leader of another party that had set up camp nearby. They'd only met the night before—he'd come sauntering over with that easy tongue of his, made fast friends, gotten roaring drunk with Natalie, and apparently ended up in her bed.
"Hey, kid. Is there breakfast in it for me too?"
"I'm not a kid. I'm over twenty."
"Kid, to me. You've got at least twenty years on me, sprout."
Matthew sat down in front of the campfire, stuck a cigarette between his lips, and exhaled a cloud of white smoke.
"So what's her deal, being such a slag? She begged for it five times in one night—nearly killed me. Young as she is, the girl's got stamina like you wouldn't believe."
"Don't insult Natalie. She's my comrade."
The man gave an ugly, crooked laugh.
"Feisty little pup, aren't you."
"Promise not to curse, and I'll feed you."
"Fine, fine. No cursing. In exchange, you'd better lay out a damn feast."
Perhaps because he'd spent all his vigor before dawn—well, that very evening, a colossal monster with a head shaped like a lamprey's sucker devoured him whole.