Suffocating School Life

Human relationships had always been difficult things.

You grew up with them from childhood, learning them as naturally as breathing — and yet if someone asked you how to make a friend, you could never quite give a clean answer. You spent time together, and somewhere along the way you became friends. Time passed, and you became thick as thieves.

In that sense, relationships in this reversed world were especially hard.

People said the essence never changed. But when the entire framework of how people thought had flipped on its head, what good was essence supposed to do?

"Did you watch the LoL match yesterday?"

"It was insane."

I wanted in.

I wanted so badly to wedge myself into that conversation it hurt. But I resigned myself to a reality that wouldn't allow it. The chatter of the girls farther off was somehow easier on the ears. I wanted to bolt over there that very second — but the boys still circling me made that impossible.

Hoerang Academy didn't have that many first-years. It was a hybrid environment, part university and part high school, and the numbers reflected it. Five classes total. First-Year Class Three held about twenty-four students. The gender ratio more or less evened out — twelve boys, twelve girls.

When six of those boys clustered in one spot, eyes were bound to gather. Or was it just my face? It almost felt pathological, the way the girls in class kept glancing over so blatantly. They seemed to know that staring outright was rude, so they settled for those little sidelong peeks — and somehow that was almost cute.

"Hyeonsu, the homeroom teacher was looking for you."

"Oh, yeah?"

I'd gotten used to the way guys talked to each other in my previous life. These boys' conversations still felt deeply unnatural.

And right now, the moment the chatty one — Hyeonsu — left his seat, four of us remained, myself included.

"Isn't Hyeonsu kind of a lot?"

"He does talk too much."

"……"

Nothing to say to that. I kept my mouth shut and didn't pile on. Of course people who spent time together were going to find someone they didn't like. But did they really need to go this far?

I'd always lived roughly, bluntly. Getting used to this was hard.

Something I'd figured out over the past few days: the three of them, excluding me and Hyeonsu, already knew each other. Neighborhood-friends energy. Not especially close, though — so every now and then they'd bond by talking behind Hyeonsu's back.

I wasn't about to police how they got along. But why did they have to do it in front of me?

"Hyeonsu's still a good kid, though."

"…Yeah."

"Right? Sein's a good kid too."

I had no idea what "good" was supposed to mean here. An uncomfortable air hung over us, and a natural sense of suffocation rose with it.

We're all guys, same as my past life — why does this feel so completely different?

Just as I was starting to wonder if I was the weird one, their eyes flicked between each other.

"Sein, we're hitting the bathroom. You coming?"

"…Nah. I'm fine. You guys go."

Why do you need to go to the bathroom together?

I waved them off twice, and the others headed out. Alone at last.

If they were friends I actually clicked with, I could have sat with them forever. But this kind of conversation — awkward, like walking barefoot over thorns — drained every drop of energy I had.

"Haa…"

Then I felt it. A gaze, from not far away. Diagonal across the room — Jeong Ayeong. Our eyes met through the fringe of bangs covering hers.

"Hey."

"Ah— a-ah! H-hi…"

What was she so startled about? Jeong Ayeong flinched, then just stared at me blankly.

What? Why is it going up?

She was happy just from our eyes meeting?

I tilted my head at the climbing points, and the hologram flickered again.

What the hell. Why was it still climbing?

And then — the corner of Jeong Ayeong's mouth twitched into something sly and dark. She might have been pretty if she cleaned herself up, but the murky energy rolling off her reached all the way over here and sent a chill down my spine.

Fuck. What is she even imagining right now?

In the end I had no choice but to look away. I stared somewhere else, but a sound kept needling at my ears — the soft chime of points ticking upward. It was a little too unsettling to simply enjoy.

Half a day or so passed like that. Then a small storm hit First-Year Class Three.

"Alright, everyone~ We're switching seats, so pair up with whoever you want!"

A democratic decision, put to a vote. Since it was the first month, the homeroom teacher was being considerate — let people sit with someone they actually wanted to get close to. Ordinarily the school would have put effort into preventing anyone from being left out, but most of the class had raised their hands, so here we were.

And in the brief window of free time that followed, students started hunting for the partner they wanted.

I could feel the girls' eyes on me, but it was hard to pay them much mind. None of them were bold enough to walk up and ask me to pair with them — and besides, I was still ringed by boys.

"Sein, sit with me. With me."

"No, sit with me."

I don't want to, you bastards…

Hoerang Academy was freewheeling enough that there weren't many hard rules. Loosen the reins a little, just don't cause trouble — that kind of place. Being clung to by guys like this left me lightheaded. If it had been pure goodwill, maybe I could have lived with it. But the way they looked at me felt like… like I was a decoration. Pretty face, nice features — keep him around and you get a few extra glances. Maybe I was overthinking it. But that was how it felt.

What kind of friend took turns talking shit about the others, anyway?

Either way, the usual jockeying for position was still very much alive. That was the eternal problem of an odd-numbered group. Including me, we couldn't split evenly — someone was going to be left over. And the easiest target, Hyeonsu, was about to become that someone.

Everyone looked at him. The looks weren't kind. A cold, heavy atmosphere settled in. Hyeonsu's eyes darted between us, flustered, before dropping to the floor. His mouth started to open —

"I'll sit on my own. You guys sit together."

"No way, what are we supposed to do if our Sein bails?"

Surprisingly, that was genuine. But the boys in the group were clearly relieved. The second I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠volunteered to sit alone, I caught the shift in their faces. All that pressure they'd been dumping on Hyeonsu — wasn't it really just fear of ending up in his position themselves?

Anyway. I stood up slowly from my seat.

They'd been talking for a while, so some time had already passed. I could call that lucky. New semester, First-Year Class Three — everyone had already locked in at least one person they wanted to get close to. If I'd gone hunting for a partner from the jump, the girls with ulterior motives would have swarmed me. This was better.

"Jeong Ayeong, right?"

"Mm-hm…"

Other students' eyes gathered on us. Only one person left without a partner — Jeong Ayeong. The student everyone avoided. Even the ones who might have wanted to befriend her couldn't risk a word, terrified of catching Kim Hyeongmin's group's attention the wrong way.

And I was the one who spoke to her.

"You haven't picked a partner yet, have you?"

"Uh…"

I lifted my head and looked around. Students already paired off in twos. No more stragglers. One person who'd been pushed out and one who'd been alone from the start — there was no reason it wouldn't work.

"Then sit with me."

"Ah…?"

Could this girl not form sentences? She was basically a walking point dispenser. But even without the hologram, I could read what she was feeling. She was smiling. An incredibly dark, sly little smile — but a smile.

"Sein… maybe we should just tell the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠teacher."

"Tell her what?"

In that moment, one of the boys I'd been talking with earlier came over. He seemed genuinely worried, trying to stop me. But I wasn't about to throw away an opportunity like this.

"Well…"

He couldn't say it. Spelling out Jeong Ayeong's status out loud here would make him the trash one. That was how society worked — saying the truth out loud was hard.

"It's fine. Thanks for worrying about me."

"Mm…"

Why now?

I understood. Even without a subject stated, she wasn't someone who would miss the intent behind a conversation. A little gloomy, sure — but I believed she still had a normal way of thinking.

Anyway. Time passed, and the homeroom teacher came in. Partners had been chosen freely, so the actual seats were up to the teacher — more precisely, a random drawing program that assigned seats in lottery order. It was pure luck, and not a single student complained.

"Let's get along this month, partner."

"Mm-hm… Se— Se…"

"Han Sein. That's my name."

"Got it. Sein."

She answered just fine. Being bullied was one thing — she didn't seem like someone who was strange by nature.

"Hey, come with me."

"Go by yourself."

"Oh, come on!"

"Why are you getting pissed? You said you'd do it."

Kang Hyeona and Park Hyorin were bickering again today. Kim Hyeongmin's order: bring Jeong Ayeong. Park Hyorin had volunteered herself again to stay in his good graces — but now that it felt like she was doing all the work alone, she was spouting this contradictory nonsense.

From Kang Hyeona's perspective, it was pure bullshit. But you always had to hear a Korean sentence all the way through.

"Hyeongmin's going too."

"Ah, shit…"

That changed things. Once Kim Hyeongmin was moving, she more or less had to move with him. Kang Hyeona stared down at her smartphone with a bitter expression. She'd been right in the middle of a novel she was actually enjoying — and now she had to put it down.