Happy Customer Center (2)
“They multiply the more you kill them?”
“That’s what I told you…! Just answer the phone already!”
“Making calls based only on what other people say is a bad habit. Seeing and feeling it for yourself—that’s the real essence of things.”
“Please shut up and pick up the damn phone already……!”
I raised a hand at Yuina, who was voicing a silent scream, signaling that I’d got it, then plugged in my In-ear.
And pressed the red blinking call button.
“▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒!!”
I nearly ripped the In-ear out at a cry that defied description, but I gritted through it with pure customer-service spirit.
“Yes, this is Kim Daejang from the Happy Customer Center. Could you please slow down and say that one more time?”
“Weak, human weak! Stick one strand in head and die. Stronger, stronger!”
“Ahh, so you were dissatisfied because they’re too weak… Just a moment, valued customer. Let me look into that.”
The noise was still brutal, but a somewhat comprehensible translation-speak came through.
A complaint about humans who’d entered the Backrooms.
How the hell was I supposed to counsel anyone on this?
No—more than that, an entity was filing a complaint like it had bought some product at a mart?
“Yuina.”
“Yes, yes—one moment please, valued customer.”
I tapped the shoulder of Yuina, who was mid-call herself; she briefly disconnected and answered.
“What? I’m busy with a difficult customer right now… For most of it you can just wing it. Stuff like, ‘We’ll send you a sturdier model next time’—that kind of thing.”
“Yeah, but are these strong entities?”
“…? I haven’t seen them myself, so how would I know? Most of them just seem to kill in a simple way, so I don’t think they’re that strong… The disgusting part’s the same either way.”
“Is that so?”
“…What are you planning? Ah, I really don’t like it when you start feeling kinship with Namgo.”
How the hell had Namgo run his community for people to react like this.
Well, with his age and that cheeky personality, maybe it was only natural.
And with that timid heart of his, the beloved high-nick of Back Gallery was practically a seat reserved just for him.
Anyway—so these bastards were all roughly the same level?
The maniac-taste hunter types were dangerous, but these ones that only knew how to beat things to death could be treated like Mannequin Entity plus or minus.
“Thank you for waiting, valued customer.”
“Feed brain! Before that, laughed. Ate own brain. Why die without a word?”
“Ah, I see. So they died too early, without even a reaction.”
The first step of customer service.
Listening and empathy.
“These days they’re so fragile—they just keep hiding, and the moment you think you can play with them a little, they drop dead one after another, don’t they?”
“That is what I say! Sturdy toy! Give big pain!”
“Hmm, well then. Customer, you little shit.”
“What?”
“Ahh, I was talking about the toys. Bad little shits. Just too weak and they die. No grit. No grit at all.”
“Yes!”
Second: identify the need and answer it.
Our valued customer wanted humans sturdy enough to endure more of his play.
“Would you be able to connect a path through the Backrooms? Or file a separate request. Let’s see… shopping malls, abandoned warehouses, schools—there are some decent products over this way.”
“…No. There.”
“Pardon? Hmm, then what should we do……”
What’s with this bastard? Did he catch on?
Was our valued customer-shit smarter than expected.
“Or would you tell me where you are? I’ll look into whether I can visit in person and resolve the issue.”
“Vis… it?”
“Yes, yes. I happen to know humans quite well. I’ll show you a demonstration of how to enjoy them efficiently.”
If this was a customer center, we ought to offer at least some after-sales service.
Didn’t that Administrator bastard currently flying around the office on surveillance have the ability to connect the Backrooms?
Or hand over a ticket, whatever.
Anyway, if you offered sincere house-call service like this, the customer was bound to be moved.
See? The score was climbing steadily.
“You, good. Cooler than trembling.”
“Aigoo, it’s a shame I can’t provide even better service. So how would you like to put in the request?”
“Next! Have, thought thing. Squeeze ear and feed.”
“It would be nice if I could go explain it in person.”
“Diligent you praise. Try and then speak.”
And so the first consultation call ended anticlimactically.
Was the trembling referring to Yuina.
She was still flinching and sweating even now—the counseling really did look hard on her.
It wasn’t that big a deal, though.
See? The customer was so moved he praised me and the score went up.
“You okay?”
“You… how did your score go back up to seventy… Hah, no, I’m not okay. All my senses are so sharp that even the tiny moans beyond the speaker come through vivid and clear……. Even while I’m on the call, people are dying.”
“Just worry about yourself. There’s nothing we can do for them anyway. Focus on surviving.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
Of course it was disgusting how entities treated people like toys.
If I could, I’d smash them all and turn them into equipment.
But you had to accept your limits.
The opponents were the Backrooms with its inverted laws, and the entities.
With ordinary thinking, you couldn’t last a day.
No matter what methods you used, surviving alone was the most important thing in this place.
“Yes, Happy Customer Center agent Kim Daejang speaking! How may I help you! Ah, strangulation with intestines. I’d love to go show you in person… Would a request be possible?”
For now, raise the performance evaluation score first.
But couldn’t I really go out for house-call AS service?
Then I could demonstrate right on our customer bastards’ bodies.
Calls kept coming for a while after that, and it was definitely mentally exhausting.
Keep holding the phone to your ear while they went on about intestines this and wanting to switch eyeballs left and right—yeah, it would drive anyone nuts.
Plus Yuina was hearing every unnecessary sound.
She went pale in an instant; it was a miracle she’d held out this long.
Then noon. The Administrator and the other shadows vanished toward the closed door.
“Whew, lunchtime now. Let’s head to the break room.”
“Oh… so you guys work on a schedule of sorts.”
“It’s a half-assed imitation… Still, being able to rest for an hour is a relief.”
“They don’t even feed us properly, and the break time’s barely an hour—that’s a labor law violation.”
“You gonna report them somewhere?”
“Tsk, maybe we should form a union.”
This was a total black company.
But Yuina just handed me biscuits and milk with an exhausted face.
“Eat. We have to work straight through till evening, so force yourself to fill your stomach.”
“Tsk…….”
“And don’t attack the Administrator again. From four of them on, they start roaming so much you can’t even chat.”
“It doesn’t register as material, so I won’t. But I do want to smash the door a bit.”
“That won’t mean much either. It’s a door only in appearance—basically a wall.”
Backrooms for you.
I roughly stuffed biscuits in my mouth, washed them down with milk, and headed for the problem entrance door.
One stab with the Hungry Ghost Dagger.
Then Vortex for penetration, plus Storm—but amazingly, not a single scratch appeared on the door.
“Doesn’t even make a sound.”
Okay. Giving up.
Leaving behind the door that looked like it would only open on a clear, I headed this time for the warehouse Yuina had been afraid of.
Opening the door revealed shelves packed with A4 paper and file binders, and one wall stained red.
The apparent cause: a single document shredder.
An old shredder covered in something blackened and dark red.
People weren’t paper.
Termination processing probably wasn’t going to be that smooth.
Good thing Yuina didn’t see this. Imagining worse for no reason and then throwing a fit. These damn entity bastards.
I closed the warehouse door and returned to the break room.
We said nothing, just silently chewed biscuits in quiet silence, trying to wash the morning’s filth from our ears.
“Back to work time now.”
“Keep your head on straight and do it like me. They liked it when I said I’d go do the AS myself.”
“Eugh… that part’s a bit…….”
“Ah, who said do it to people? I meant go demonstrate it on the entities themselves.”
“Okay, I’ll try for now.”
And so the consultation rush began again.
Just as the same repertoire was starting to get boring, a customer finally showed interest in AS.
“Come, here? Give long suffering method?”
“Yes, yes! But you’ll need to file a separate request for that, valued customer. Aigoo, the procedures are a bit complicated so it’s hard on me too. I’d love it if I could just approach you comfortably.”
“Good, come. Expect despair.”
Ohh…! Finally! Something was happening!
My performance score, which had been climbing nicely for a while, had stagnated in the eighties and was getting annoying.
If a customer requested a visit, the Administrator bastard would have to pull out a method, right?
I waited with those expectations—when Yuina, whose face had been growing darker, suddenly tapped my shoulder.
“Ah—this is an important moment.”
“Th-this… is this you?”
“…Huh?”
What Yuina showed me was something like a gallery, heavily twisted and broken-looking, of unknown identity.
“This is like a community for customers—they file complaints through here too. It’s used almost like a review board… but is this you, Daejang?”
Go to friend, look
Friend wear
Broken friend, enjoy!
No, wrong, false! Not human!
Aside from the body text that was still halfway readable, none of it made sense—but looking at the comment count, it had clearly hit the recommended list.
Was this bastard the same floating entity-spy from before?
The way it talked was a carbon copy.
And that picture… it looked like when I’d smashed the mannequins on their floor.
They dared ignore portrait rights and just slap someone else’s face up there?
“H-holy crap, the visual is even more horrifying than I thought…….”
“That was when I was really thrashing around just to stay alive. Ah, of course they shot it under bad lighting—my face doesn’t even look decent.”
Seemed like a warning was in order, so I followed Yuina’s instructions, logged into the Entity Gallery, and left a comment.
What. I can’t even see it. What the hell did they spam as a reply.
The moment I tried to comment again—
You have been permanently banned.
Reason: Trolling
This son of a bitch?