Is It Okay to Like This Much? (5)
I was exhausted. Completely drained.
I stepped out of the bathroom and trudged toward the private room. Today’s energy level had been off the charts. Or maybe it was her aggressiveness. Whatever you called it, Chae-ryeong kept doing things she’d never done before, and it was sucking the life out of me.
…She’d even asked me to feed her french fries mouth-to-mouth earlier. Starting with that shamelessly flirty talk, then the hot dog thing—honestly, she’d been way too forward all day. It had to be because of the view count. When things go well, you naturally want more. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same greed, but unlike her, I couldn’t act on it so boldly. I’d always been the one dragged along by her enthusiasm.
The more we flirted and created those slightly risqué moments, the better the numbers would be. I knew that’s all it was to her. Still, my heart was taking a beating. Because while it was just acting for her, it was real for me.
“It won’t get any worse than this, right? No way?”
No matter what, Chae-ryeong was the type who knew where to draw the line. She’d hold back even if I didn’t worry about it. I carefully opened the door and slipped into the private room.
Soft, steady breathing filled the quiet space. Chae-ryeong, who had been lying down reading a comic, had fallen fast asleep. The corner of a page fluttered weakly between her fingertips.
“…No wonder she’s tired.”
The comic book café itself was practically designed for naps, and after all the chaos of filming today, it would’ve been weird if she wasn’t exhausted. Even the human energizer known as Yoo Chae-ryeong felt fatigue sometimes.
Anyway, we’d already filmed almost everything we needed for today. The part where we just read comics would probably be boring to watch, so I’d already turned the camera off. All that was left was a short closing remark later.
“How can someone sleep so uncomfortably?”
I crawled over beside her and gently pulled the comic from her hand. I’d just let her sleep. Waking her up would only make things loud again. Since we’d stopped filming and I wanted to rest too, I left her alone.
“…Mmm.”
The moment the book slipped from her fingers, she shifted restlessly, as if she’d been uncomfortable. She really was pretty when she lay there quietly. Looking at her like this, she seemed like some kind of goddess statue. Like a figure or sculpture that symbolized the word “beauty.”
But my Chae-ryeong appreciation time didn’t last long.
“How can she sleep so defenselessly? This girl.”
A sigh escaped me. Even if it was in front of me, falling asleep so comfortably in front of a guy… Her thin dress had bunched up, emphasizing her full chest even more. And as she tossed and turned, the hem of her skirt had ridden up slightly around her thighs.
—Yoon Taeo. You know what?
—What?
—What a lot of couples do at comic cafés?
Watching her now, I couldn’t help recalling the conversation we’d had earlier. What the hell was I thinking right now?
Back off! Satan! Get behind me!
You perverted demon in my head!
I scolded myself for having dirty thoughts about a girl who trusted me enough to fall asleep so innocently. I grabbed a nearby blanket and gently draped it over her thin dress.
“…She might catch a cold.”
It was a lie. A blatant, hollow lie. I’d only covered her because I was afraid her body would tempt me and stir up my heart any further.
Instead, I lightly fixed her messy hair and stroked it gently, the way a mother might soothe her daughter.
“…Hehe.”
A soft smile naturally curved her lips. Most girls hated having their hair stroked, but Chae-ryeong was different. Seeing her so peacefully asleep, the tension drained from me too. I started feeling drowsy myself.
She didn’t even stir when I touched her hair, so she must have been sleeping deeply. Maybe it was the relaxed atmosphere. Or perhaps she was lightly caught in a dream. Without realizing it, I confessed the feelings I’d been holding back.
“Actually, you know… Yoo Chae-ryeong.”
“…Mmm.”
As I continued stroking her hair, she mumbled in her sleep like she was answering me. It felt like she was listening even while sleeping, which made it easier to speak the words in my heart.
“Those lines you made me say earlier. The ones from the romance novel?”
“……”
“They weren’t a lie.”
You asked me, remember? You asked if I liked you. Yeah. I do like you. No—I love you.
“What wasn’t a lie?”
There was no answer, but I muttered to myself anyway. Just getting the words out eased the tightness in my chest. With this, I’d probably be able to endure a few more months.
“When I said I love you. That was real.”
Even if it had been for the camera… those words were my true feelings.
…Even if you never find out.
Chae-ryeong had posted that adorable hiatus notice on the YouTube community page.
We officially entered exam season. As always, it wasn’t exactly smooth sailing.
“Uweeeeng. Taeo-mon! I don’t understand any of this. What was I doing during class? Sleeping? I must’ve lost my mind. Seriously!”
“Ugh. You didn’t even take notes here. Just copy this down quickly while I explain. I’m only explaining once, okay?”
“W-wait! Listening and taking notes at the same time… you know I can’t multitask!”
Most of the time, I was the one helping Chae-ryeong study. Teaching her actually helped me review too, so it wasn’t a bad deal. They say there’s no better way to review than explaining something to someone else, after all.
After the hectic midterms finally ended, the first class we attended was Video Production Basics. It was our group project course. Even during midterms, this had been our only sanctuary. Because Video Production Basics only involved watching pre-made films together with the professor and having students evaluate each other.
“…I’m so tired.”
“I burned myself out completely. It’s finally over. The exams are really done…”
Having crammed until yesterday, we slumped together in the first class with exhausted faces. Once the tension released and relief washed over us, we felt drained even though we hadn’t done much the night before. The entire lecture hall had that same worn-out, deflated atmosphere. A lot of people had probably pulled all-nighters.
With a familiar scraping sound, the professor entered the classroom. He walked in with a kind smile, stood at the front of the lectern, and picked up the microphone.
“The midterm week ended yesterday, right?”
“Yeees…”
“Everyone looks completely drained. I was up late grading too, so I get it. Anyway.”
He cleared his throat once and continued.
“This is Class A, correct? Right? Ah, sorry. I teach so many sections of the same course that I get them mixed up sometimes.”
After the students nodded, the professor politely apologized, checked his laptop, and smiled as he spoke.
“Ah, here it is. Class A finished screenings last week, and the peer evaluations are done as well.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t usually like comparing or doing this sort of thing, but Class A’s overall video quality was noticeably high, wasn’t it?”
At the professor’s praise, the students’ attention sharpened. Students might zone out during lectures, but they were always sensitive to compliments about themselves. Both Chae-ryeong and I sat up straight and listened carefully.
“Thank you all for your hard work. And I suppose I should offer some congratulations. It’s such a rare occurrence that I wanted to mention it.”
“It’s my first time seeing this in the five-plus years I’ve been teaching this course.”
“I mentioned that I include peer evaluations in the final grade, right? Since our goal is mass video production?”
“So I compiled the peer evaluations for Class A yesterday. And almost unanimously, every group praised one particular group?”
Ah, so that’s what this was about. Besides just watching the films, we’d also filled out survey-like forms rating which group did the best. The professor’s intention to make sure we actually watched everyone else’s videos was pretty obvious.
At those words, I slowly turned my head to the side. At the same time, Chae-ryeong was already looking at me with a small smile. Honestly, we both thought our video had the highest quality by far.
“Well, I don’t think I need to say which one. Honestly, even I was surprised. The quality was way beyond what you’d expect from students. The directing was great, but especially the acting. Wow. They were really good.”
The professor continued like an MC before announcing an entertainment award winner.
“Group 3, who created the short film titled Breakup. Everyone, give them a round of applause. This was genuinely impressive.”
Clap clap clap clap.
A round of applause that seemed to carry real sincerity echoed throughout the lecture hall. I instinctively exchanged glances with my group members. Everyone looked proud.
“If it were up to me, I’d tell you to submit it to some film festival. Are you interested, Group 3?”
“……”
“No answer, huh. Anyway, that’s up to you students. Just a bit of personal talk—if I may, I actually thought the two students who played the couple had really dated and broken up. I even wondered if they should be in Theater and Film instead of our department.”
At the professor’s half-joking compliment, one of the female students in the front quietly spoke up.
“Those two are actually dating. They’re the department’s official couple, Professor.”
“Really? Oh my. I guess I was the only one who didn’t know?”
Ugh. Why did she have to say that? Seriously.
Laughter erupted here and there at the student’s words. Naturally, all eyes turned toward us. Both Chae-ryeong and I immediately ducked our heads.
…My face is burning.
With our faces slightly flushed from embarrassment, we stayed slumped over and looked at each other.
“…This is all your fault, Yoo Chae-ryeong.”
“Why are you blaming me? You’re the one who suggested we tell people we’re dating…”
We just bickered like always, shifting the blame back and forth. And that was how our group project came to an end.
“Kyaa, I’m so excited. So excited~”
After coming home from school and taking a shower, I flopped onto my bed with a huge grin. Midterms were over, and thanks to Taeo’s help, I’d done pretty well. On top of that, our most carefully made Video Production Basics group project had received such great feedback that I felt like I was floating.
It wasn’t just that I’d done well on the exams. I also felt like I’d been recognized as both a video creator and an actress.
“…It’s been two weeks since we last uploaded. I wonder if the hype has cooled off. How’s the response?”
I finally opened YouTube, which I’d sealed away for two weeks so it wouldn’t distract me from studying. Checking the rising numbers and comments had become my daily joy. Lately I’d even developed the habit of checking it before bed or during regular times.
I was a little nervous. Since we hadn’t uploaded many videos to begin with, I worried the long break might have killed our momentum.
“Guess I was worried for nothing. Heh.”
But when I glanced at the channel, it had actually grown. The view count and subscriber numbers were even higher than before. We were approaching 50,000 subscribers. Seeing that, I realized I’d been wrong. Everything seemed to be going perfectly, like my life was rolling smoothly down a paved road.
Well… except for my romance business.
Even after I’d pushed so hard at the comic café last time, Yoon Taeo had acted completely unfazed. Honestly, it made me wonder if I had zero charm as a woman, and it crushed my self-esteem a little.
After skimming the channel growth stats, I naturally opened the comment section like always. I clicked on the most recent comic café video. The number of comments had grown even more over the two weeks, and I started noticing ones I hadn’t read yet scattered throughout.
“…What is this…?”
I felt my heart tighten without warning. My breath caught and my fingertips trembled slightly. I thought I’d learned from the last experience. That running a YouTube channel didn’t only bring good things.
…But it seemed I still didn’t fully understand. That bad things didn’t only happen to me. Even if that bad thing involved the person I cherished most in the world.