Is It Okay to Like This Much? (3)

Is it really okay to like someone this much? (3)

......No way she found out, right?

A thousand thoughts raced through my head. If she had figured it out, when? And more importantly, had I really been that obvious about liking her? No, even if I had shown it, she would’ve just thought it was part of the couple vlog acting. Or would she? Had my real feelings somehow slipped through the performance? My breathing grew shallow. Without realizing it, my heart was pounding faster, a mix of anxiety and strange anticipation rising together.

Maybe, deep down, I’d been hoping she would finally notice how I felt about her. The only thing that scared me was the possibility that she might not feel the same.

“Yoon Taeo?”

“.......Yeah. What?”

“What’s wrong with you? Why are you suddenly spacing out? I asked if you like me.”

Seeing how flustered I looked, she broke into a bright, mischievous grin. The moment I saw that smile, I realized I’d gotten my hopes up for nothing. The tension that had gripped my heart finally loosened.

Yeah, of course. There was no way she’d figured it out. If she had, she would’ve noticed years ago. I’d been secretly in love with her for nearly three years now. If my feelings had been that obvious, she would’ve caught on long before this.

“Yeah, I like you. Why?”

“Just because? I suddenly felt like asking. Is it weird for people who are dating to ask each other if they like one another?”

“No. It’s just that you don’t usually say stuff like that. I got curious.”

“If you say it like that, the viewers are going to get the wrong idea. They’ll think we’re a couple that never shows affection.”

“Well, they wouldn’t be entirely wrong. All we ever show in the videos is us bickering.”

“That won’t do. We need to be more clingy from now on. Let’s rebrand ourselves as a super lovey-dovey couple.”

It was just acting after all. Chae-ryeong had simply come up with a line that couples might say. She hadn’t asked with any deeper meaning behind it.

“So why did you suddenly think of that?”

“Look at this. This is what the male lead says.”

I glanced at the manga she was pointing at. It was a modern high-school romance, the classic shoujo style. The female lead was lying on the male lead’s lap in her school uniform on a bed, looking up into his eyes as she asked:

The male lead’s normally sparkling eyes turned romantic as he gazed at her.

It was a direct, almost cheesy confession of love. Chae-ryeong’s eyes had turned into those of an admiring young girl as she showed it to me.

“Isn’t it cool? Like, he grabs her hand like this and says, ‘Why are you even asking? Idiot.’ Kyaa~!”

“Isn’t it just because the guy’s handsome that it looks cool?”

“What are you talking about? The line is more important than the face. Idiot. You really don’t know anything, do you?”

She squealed with excitement and playfully smacked my thigh a few times. I was surprised by this unexpected side of her and asked,

“You actually have that kind of innocent, girly sensibility?”

“What exactly do you think I am?”

“At the very least, not a girl… uh…”

“I am a girl! My heart is still that of a maiden.”

She was at an age where she was closer to being a full-grown woman, but since she insisted on calling herself a maiden, I decided not to argue the point.

“You should try saying things like that too. Even in everyday life.”

“Chae-ryeong. If I went around talking like that normally, people would think I’m weird. You know that, right?”

“You can just do it in front of me. Okay?”

“Get real, Yoo Chae-ryeong. Shoujo manga isn’t reality… There aren’t any guys in the world who actually say stuff like that.”

“That’s not true! There have to be! Don’t lie! Tae-jin oppa exists!!”

She shook her head vigorously, refusing to accept reality while covering her ears. Still, what doesn’t exist doesn’t exist. Apparently the male lead’s name was Tae-jin. I felt a little jealous. Even though he was just a fictional character, the fact that Chae-ryeong liked him made me feel strangely annoyed.

After throwing her little tantrum of denial, Chae-ryeong suddenly got a wicked smile on her face, as if a brilliant idea had struck her.

“Then you can just become Tae-jin oppa. You’re my boyfriend, aren’t you?”

“What? No way.”

I looked at her with an expression that clearly said that’s not me, but she just grinned and nodded enthusiastically.

“Say that line for me. Just like Tae-jin oppa.”

“You want me to do that?”

“I believe a boyfriend has a duty to fulfill his girlfriend’s fantasies.”

“Ah, I see. Is that how it is?”

“Don’t respond so coldly… Just do it for meee…”

She turned her head slightly and glanced at the camera. Sigh. She only looks for the right angle when it benefits her. I could already guess what was going on in Yoo Chae-ryeong’s head. Something like, A couple recreating lines from a romance manga would be fun content, right? It was so obvious.

“Fine. Give it here.”

“Ehe. You’re really going to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠do it? Wow.”

I shot her a look that said, You’re going to owe me for this, and decided to go along with it. I had a pretty high tolerance for cringey stuff anyway. I figured I could just steel myself and half-ass it.

I took the manga from her and skimmed the line. Chae-ryeong, now fully excited, asked,

“Ready?”

“Yeah. I’m good.”

“Okay then, lights, camera, action!”

She jumped straight into character. Pretending to be casual, she read the manga with a shameless expression before turning to me.

“Yoon Taeo. Hey.”

“What?”

“Do you like me?”

Even as she said it, the corners of her mouth twitched. It seemed the mere act of recreating the scene was hilarious to her. You’re the one who asked me to do this. How are you breaking immersion already?

I did exactly what she wanted, recreating the manga scene perfectly. I grabbed the wrist of the hand holding the book, yanked it toward me, and leaned in until my face was right in front of hers. Then, in a whisper right beside her ear, I said,

“......Why are you even asking something like that? Idiot. Of course I love you.”

The moment my face drew close, Chae-ryeong flinched hard, her whole body trembling. Her eyes widened into perfect circles.

“Uh… ah… um…”

For some reason she couldn’t speak. The longer she stayed silent, the more awkward I felt. I did what she asked, so why wasn’t she saying anything?

A wrist gripped tightly. The sudden closeness. His face right in front of mine and that sweet whispering voice.

Even though I knew he was going to do exactly this, for a second I forgot how to breathe. He was just following the script, just doing what the scene required. He wasn’t actually in love with me. He was only saying the lines because he had to… So why was my heart racing like ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠this?

His voice made my mind go completely blank. It felt like I’d lost the ability to speak. Everything around me turned white, and the only thing I could see was Taeo’s face.

“Uh… ah… um…”

In my panic, the only sounds that came out were strange, broken noises. I could feel heat rushing to the tips of my ears. The image of Tae-jin oppa from the manga had flown out of my head ages ago. My heart was pounding so hard I thought his lips might actually touch mine.

I’d been pretending it was for the camera while trying to seduce him… I’d used the excuse of recreating the line to create an opportunity. I’d wanted to hear him say he liked me, but… at this rate, instead of seducing him, I was the one getting completely swept away by Yoon Taeo.

I couldn’t let him see how I felt, so I shot up from my seat.

“W-wait a second! I need to use the bathroom!”

“Hey, you said you didn’t need to go earlier.”

I heard him complaining behind me, but I flung the door open and dashed outside. I practically ran to the women’s restroom, slammed the door shut with a bang, and finally let out a long breath.

......Did he see it? My face. No. Of course he saw it. There’s no way he didn’t.

The face reflected in the mirror was bright red like a ripe tomato. All he’d done was lean in close and say he loved me. And it wasn’t even real—he’d only done it because I asked him to.

“......Yoo Chae-ryeong. Were you always this easy?”

I was a little disappointed in myself. I covered my face with both hands and tried to steady my breathing. This was seriously getting out of hand. How had I not realized I liked him this much until now? It was ridiculous that I hadn’t noticed my own feelings while liking him so intensely.

Or maybe it was because I had finally become aware of them. Like how you don’t feel the pain of a wound until you actually look at it—then it suddenly hurts even more.

“...Cold water. I need cold water.”

To calm my burning face, I quickly turned on the faucet and splashed icy water on my neck and forehead. I wanted to wash my face properly but couldn’t risk ruining my makeup. The moment the cold, wet hands touched my skin, my ragged breathing finally began to settle.

Once I confirmed in the mirror that my face had returned to normal, I let out a sigh of relief. But my legs were still trembling. The parts of my body that refused to listen to me seemed to be proving just how excited and thrilled I still was.

See? This is how much you like Yoon Taeo.

It felt like they were telling me that. I grabbed the edge of the sink, leaned against it, hung my head, and muttered to myself.

“......What do I do? Mom. What am I supposed to do now…?”

I like him so much that it’s actually scary. Is it really okay for me to like someone this much…? I stayed like that for a long time, until my shaky legs finally stopped trembling.