I Clearly Warned You

I clearly warned them, right?

I handed Popo the bag packed with Almond Water. I'd meant to carry it myself, but the thing was so heavy my shoulders were already aching. Back when I'd still been built solid, it would've been nothing. These days I was soft and squishy instead of sturdy and dense, so it was a no-go.

"From now on, leave anything that requires strength entirely to me, Miss. Understood?"

"Mm. Okay."

"And you don't have to speak so formally ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠with me."

"But..."

"Miss, please address me like a proper employer—with commands. With authority!"

"Urgh... Yes, ma'am... Wait, no. Got it."

"Perfect! Shall we be off, then~!"

And so I followed Popo into an alley, and from there we kept pushing into places I could've sworn had never existed on any map. It was hard to put into words. Like walking the thin line between reality and its underside.

"Hey, Popo. We are going the right way, right?"

"Yes~ Of course! Don't you worry, Miss!"

Yeah, well, not worrying was kind of impossible!

The alley was getting weirder by the second. Strange gazes prickled at my skin. I could've sworn I smelled something fishy and metallic. This didn't feel like the kind of place you ran into muggers—more like the kind where you met an actual monster.

Ah! Right!

I was out here looking for an Entity, wasn't I?!

Yeah, the vibe was absolutely perfect for a people-eating Entity to pop up. We were definitely on the right track.

"Oh! There she is!"

"That person..."

"Yes. A friend of mine."

Halfway down the alley, beneath a flickering streetlamp, stood a figure that looked like a woman.

A vivid red coat. A vivid red mask. And a pair of scissors dangling from one hand.

"Wait, is that...?"

That was totally her. The one who asks if she's pretty and then, no matter what you answer, rips your mouth open with scissors!

So Popo—the Eight Feet Tall lady—had a friend who was the Red Mask. If I'd still been a guy, this would've been a dream lineup of creepy anomalies. Unfortunately, I was a girl now...

"How've you been?"

"....."

Even after Popo's greeting, the Red Mask said nothing. She just stared straight through me.

"Ah, this is my employer."

"...Hmm."

Without a word, the Red Mask shoved her face into mine. The snick-snick of scissors snipping empty air sent a chill straight down my spine!

"Am... I pretty?"

"E-ehh...!?"

There it was! That question!

Say yes and she tears your mouth open. Say no and she gets angry and tears your mouth open. That question...!

"...I said, am I pretty?"

"Uh, w-well... You're pretty!"

"Then... you can be like me, too..."

The scissors were rising toward my face when Popo cracked a knuckle sandwich down on the crown of the Red Mask's head!

KRAAAANG—!!!!

Could a human skull even make a sound like that? Oh, right. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠These weren't humans. They were Entities.

"Ghhhk..."

"Hey! You're scaring the Miss!"

"Making a fuss over a little joke... More importantly, what are you doing all the way out here? Dragging a human along, too. Planning to eat her?"

"The Miss is not emergency rations!"

"...That so? Then why all this 'Miss' this and 'Miss' that?"

What the hell! This conversation was terrifying!

You crazy monster girls, stop eating people already!

"She's not food. Doesn't look particularly special, either. So... a toy to mess with? You always did like teasing kids."

"Yaaah! Shh...! Don't say weird things in front of the Miss...!"

"Heeh... Trying to look good in front of this girl, are we?"

"Of course I am! Miss, would it be all right if I showed my friend what's in the bag?"

"Ah—yes."

With my permission, Popo unzipped the bag and tilted it just enough to flash the contents. Radiant glass bottles. Inside them, a creamy ivory liquid that sloshed gently.

"....This. Don't tell me."

"Eleven bottles of Almond Water. All belonging to the Miss. And this person here is the Basement Manager."

"....!!!"

Popo introduced me as if she were showing off a prize. I felt oddly proud.

"She's currently recruiting vagrant Entities who've been cast out of the Tower."

"What? Are you serious!?"

"Yep. I felt bad watching you live as a drifter, so I came to find you a job—and you go and be rude to your prospective employer? You're done. You can spend the rest of your life on the street. Miss, let's go find a different Entity."

"Yeah. Let's. I'm not a fan of the ones who hold their heads high, either."

"W-wait just a second!!! No!!! Don't go!!! Please give me one more chanceeeeee! Please!!!"

The moment she grasped the situation, the Red Mask bent nearly ninety degrees at the waist. As if that weren't enough, she dropped flat onto the ground!

Where did your dignity go!

Yes. Honestly, this was exactly what I wanted. Who did she think she was, holding her head so high? Hmph!

"I'm so sorry for the disrespect!!! Please give me just one more chance!!! I didn't realize this was a job interview!!!"

"Heh heh. Apologize more."

"I was so stupid I failed to recognize a person of importance and dared to act rudely...! I-I'll tear my own mouth open right now... the best apology I can offer..."

"Hold on! No! Absolutely not that! Whoa! No bloodshed!"

"Hey! The Miss doesn't like seeing blood."

"Th-then I'll crawl on all fours like a dog and bark! Woof! Woof woof! Woof!"

"....."

She completely fell apart in an instant. What even was Almond Water to an Entity? What kind of nutty liquid could reduce someone to crawling on all fours and barking like a dog?

"Hic... sob... I d-don't want to eat people anymore... People... honestly don't taste good... Every time I eat one it feels like drinking filthy water... I want to throw up... I've been pretending to be an emotionless psychopath, but... honestly, I can't keep up the act anymore... Please take me in... I want to go back to the basement... The streets are dirty and cold..."

What was she, a stray cat?

She was way too pitiful. Granted, as an Entity who'd eaten people, she was still bound for hell no matter what—but still.

"Hey, Popo."

"Yes? I take it she doesn't suit your tastes. I'll prepare the next Entity right away, Miss."

"Ah—no, no! That's not it. I was thinking of going with this one."

"I will follow the Miss's decision."

If I left ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠her alone, she'd just go back to eating people. And I was short on time myself. Hiring her was the best outcome for everyone.

"All right. Red Mask? I hereby appoint you as my escort."

"Ohh...!!! L-loyalty! I swear my loyalty to the Manager!"

She promptly bashed her forehead against the ground and drew blood so she could stamp a fingerprint. I still hated blood! Better get this over with fast.

"So what should I call you from now on?"

"I am Kuskus... just call me Kuku for short. And please, speak freely with me."

"Got it. Kuku."

Nice. That covered the minimum condition the quest had laid out. Now—how was I supposed to get these two into the basement?

"Since we are currently employed by the Miss, we can freely enter the basement."

"That's right! Manager!"

They could go down on their own. Perfect. While we were at it...

"Hey. Could you two head to Floor −1 first and clean up the Entity down there?"

"The Entity on Floor −1?"

"Yeah. That one gave me a really bad feeling."

The Entity of Floor −1. The doppelgänger monster I'd first run into in the basement. The one that gradually copied my voice and my face. You could say it left a bit of a trauma.

I wouldn't mind if Popo and Kuku roughened it up a little.

"Oh my. Of course that's possible, Miss. We'll educate it thoroughly."

"A hierarchy war against the full-time staff... I will absolutely win. Please watch over me, Manager!"

All well and good, but wasn't Kuku a little too wound up? Every word and gesture was packed with tension. Scared of being abandoned, maybe?

This felt weirdly like adopting a stray dog.

"Then both of you wait for me on Floor −1 first."

"Yes. We'll be waiting, so take your time, Miss."

"I will wait with burning passion, too!"

After handing each of them a bottle of Almond Water, I returned home. There were still twenty-two hours left before my leave ended. Since I'd already burned a whole day to get this vacation, I wanted to roll around the house a little longer.

Right—while I was at it, maybe I'd poke around the galleries and gather some intel. Naturally, the most valuable information lived in the Starry Gallery and the Babel Gallery!

I, after all, could lurk in both galleries at once. Time to look into the basement assault squad.

What? They were already fighting among themselves?

People who'd been summoned by Constellations on one side. People seething with inferiority toward those chosen by Constellations on the other. They were tearing into each other like animals!

The gallery had completely gone to hell. This wouldn't do. Time for me to step in and restore order.

Heh heh. A warning like that should keep them away, right?

I clearly warned them. If they still came down after this, that was on them.

What. Nobody... believed me at all?

I was the real deal, though? I really was the Basement Manager.

How was I supposed to make them believe me? A method that could put real weight behind my words....

"Ahh. I really didn't want to resort to this. Mods, I'm sorry."

No choice. I had to use the authority only I possessed.

Multi-Account Creation Privilege.

Time to dust off all those burner accounts I'd been making on the side.

Starting now, I was dumping every last burner in the stockpile and flooding the board with posts. This was a privilege only I—armed with the Lurk Function – Guest Accounts—could pull off... pure chaos-sowing.

What? Spamming gets you banned?

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

For every account they banned, I'd bring three more burners. The crime of doubting my identity. Go ahead and die once.

Let's gooooo—!

Naturally, victory was mine.

Thanks to this incident, the Basement Manager's threat level skyrocketed. I cut off, in advance, all those young idiots who might've swaggered into the basement on pure Constellation faith and thrown away precious lives!

I'd warned them this hard, and they still wanted in? That was just them wanting to die.

There was nothing more I could do for them. I didn't have enough free time to talk every suicide volunteer out of it, either.

Fine. Come if you're coming. Uninvited guests would be punished!