My Friend Is a Complete Idiot
A truly shocking outcome.
All fifteen Seekers who entered the basement: missing.
Returnees: zero.
The entire world had been turned upside down.
This was the incident that laid bare the basement's danger for the whole planet to see. These weren't ordinary climbers — fifteen of the world's top hundred Rankers, talent proven under the sponsorship of Constellations, had all gone missing?
And as if that weren't enough, the posts they'd left on Babel Gallery while dying had been dug up and circulated, making the situation even more dire.
At this point, the basement was effectively an unconquerable place — an inhuman hellscape that Rankers "merely" playing around on the fiftieth floors wouldn't dare set foot in.
I figure all fifteen of them were pretty well-known over on BBG.
But if even people who've hit the 50th floor couldn't do a damn thing… just how high is the difficulty on that place?
The multinational climber community — Babel Tower Gallery — was in complete chaos as well. The fifteen Seekers led by Noah Johnson, one of the 60th-floor openers, had been top-tier powerhouses in their respective countries.
The reactions from neighboring nations that had always looked down on Korea were especially volatile. Meanwhile, Koreans were swelling with enormous pride and satisfaction over the fact that the basement opener was one of their own. Some Korean climbers had even begun offering praise that bordered on outright worship.
lol our Manager personally gave them a warning and everything
Aren't the weird ones the ones who forced their way in just to fill their own pockets?
Especially that Noah Johnson bastard — I raised a toast when I heard he died. Racist piece of shit who treated Asians like garbage. Good riddance lmao
Long live the basement! Long live the Basement Manager!
Tower backwater. Idiots who die on the 20th floor. The weakest race. A Tower colony of China and Japan. And so on.
The Koreans of Babel Gallery, long dismissed under every slur imaginable, had finally poured out every ounce of resentment they'd swallowed over the years — all thanks to the Basement Manager.
The mods already got gallery-raided by the Basement Manager and are getting flamed left and right, so they're probably already depressed.
Don't you feel even a little bad making them mediate your fights on top of that? Is it fun lighting fires just so the mods can't sleep?
Sounds hilarious actually. Guess I should join in lmao
On one side, a full-blown festival atmosphere. On the other, an entire nation's people spiraling into collective mental breakdown over a national loss. The prevailing opinion was that the basement needed to be destroyed — but not a single person could step forward to do it.
In the end, Babel Gallery gradually descended into pure chaos as both sides hurled hate speech at each other. And at the absolute center of every one of these problems, the Basement Manager was peacefully dozing off, scratching her belly…
"Is someone talking about me…?"
Cheonwoo, who still hadn't checked the gallery and knew absolutely nothing.
The rest-area sofa was so comfortable I dozed off for a bit. This place knocks you right out the second you lie down.
Anyway, now that I'm awake, maybe I should check what Hyeji's up to?
Lying on the rest-area sofa, watching my friend suffer through the Personnel Management Terminal. This is actually more fun than I expected. How do I put it — like watching someone else play a game?
"Hyaaah! Die! You goblin bastards!"
Hyeji's spirited battle cry poured out of the Personnel Management Terminal's speaker. Yeah, Hyeji was always better at physical stuff than studying. She used to force herself through civil-service exam prep just because she was following my lead, even though it never suited her. Now that she's in the Tower, she's completely flying.
The problem is she's gone in a slightly different direction than I had planned…
No, Hyeji, my friend who I was trying to raise as a mage… why the hell are you punching things while holding a magic book?
And why did you dig out that ancient Taekwondo uniform in the first place? Is that the one from middle school? It's tight! Your chest is gonna pop out at this rate…!
"Whoa. That one looked like it hurt."
Lee Hyeji, you fearless idiot. Hand-to-hand combat against thirty adult-male-sized hobgoblins? No — I gave you Agni's Heart and three magic books… please actually use them…
Please take the mage route where you one-click everything and farm free wins. I force-fed you endgame mage gear and you're walking the martial artist path with it? You ungrateful…
Martial artist is the absolute bottom-tier garbage class and of all the paths you could take… please, I'm begging you, do not go down that road. No, seriously, don't.
"Aigoo. Hyeji. Why do you go looking for suffering… aigoo."
A wail of despair just slipped out on its own. The kid is completely covered in blood!!!
Hooo… at this point I feel worse for the hobgoblins getting beaten up. I can't even tell if they're burning to death or getting punched to death. The magic books are trembling in fear because of their owner's antics.
I can't. I can't watch any more of this. My stomach's turning…
Mental Filter has been activated.
"Okay, that's more watchable."
All the red liquid had been replaced with rainbows. Everything that had been exploding outward was filtered into candy, so it was actually nice to watch while snacking.
"Kyaaaah! What the—! Aaaagh!"
Oof, that one looked rough. That's what you get for going hand-to-hand with an orc warrior…
"Wait, she's grabbing that thing barehanded?"
I nearly jumped out of my skin. My friend Hyeji is a complete meathead who wears endgame mage gear and uses martial arts. But… she's fighting so well it's actually kind of a problem.
So hitting things with the Magic Book of Blue Flame produces blue flames. And thanks to Agni's Heart, her wounds seem to heal right away. Was this gear set accidentally perfect for a martial artist?
No way. You're the first person in history to use a magic book as a glorified elemental accessory. Feels like common sense itself is being destroyed.
Fine… good job, Hyeji. Go punch the entire Tower to pieces.
Ding!
Repel the Constellation's Subordinates.
🎁 Reward: Granted
"What? It's already over? Popo and Kuku — I can't even begin to gauge how competent those two are."
What are my house entities even made of? Were they SSR-tier entities all along? Last time I peeked at the Constellation Gallery, a bunch of middle-aged guys hanging around the 50th floor were supposedly coming in force just to take me out. And every last one of them met their end on Basement Floor 1…
Tragic, really. I clearly warned them. If they came in out of their own greed, they have no one to blame but themselves for dying. Succeed and plunder. Fail and die. That's the law of the Tower.
"Alright, alright. Let's check the rewards…"
Two rewards for repelling the Constellation's Subordinates. One was the Almond Water Vending Machine. The other was the Quest Issuance Ticket.
Clunk!
A new piece of furniture appeared in the corner of the rest area: the Almond Water Vending Machine. It was a completely ordinary-looking vending machine. Insert points, get Almond Water…
"A hundred points per bottle?"
But what are points? How do you even earn those?
Ding!
◈ You can assign quests to climbers!
◈ When a climber completes a quest, you earn points!
So that's how it works. Fully understood. Use the Quest Issuance Ticket to put climbers to work, and when they succeed, points flow to me.
"A subcontract for the purpose of subcontracting. A system where I, a desk worker, make the field-labor climbers grind in my place!"
The amount of points I receive when a climber completes a quest scales with the quest's difficulty. Something like "Hold your breath for ten seconds" is so easy that even on success, I'd only get a fractional point. But if I post a deranged quest like "Solo a 40th-floor boss" and a climber actually pulls it off? That means a massive point payout for me.
Of course, to get climbers to accept quests hard enough to risk their lives, I'd need to offer rewards worth that much, right? Maybe I put basement items on the line as payment. Offer to lend out a magic book if they solo a boss mob, and plenty of climbers would take the challenge.
I've basically stolen the Constellations' job…! Plundering the Constellations' little pleasures… now I'm really curious what the Constellation Gallery will say about this.
"Hmm. This could be pretty fun."
The more Almond Water I have, the easier it is to hire more entities and work them as hard as I want. The usefulness of entities was just proven today. And if I just leave the unemployed freeloader entities that got banished from the Tower out on the streets, they'll keep eating people, which is way too dangerous.
Assuming the Constellations keep sending Subordinates into the basement going forward, the more entities I have, the better.
"Alright then…"
Maybe I should send a test quest to Hyeji first? I've got a few things I want to say to her anyway. But what do I use for the reward?
"Right — I've got these."
I've got a whole pile of gear from the climbers who were grinding on the 50th floor! Climbers sponsored by Constellations should have some interesting equipment, right? Let's put it to use right away.
The Tower of Trials, Hell Difficulty — 5th Floor.
On a stage soaked in blood, Lee Hyeji gasped for breath.
Ba-bam!
You have overcome the trial.
All stats increase by 10.
Level increases by 5.
Random Skill Box ×3 granted.
Rewards poured down. Clearing Hell Difficulty yielded massive rewards. From the 1st floor to the 10th — once you passed through this stretch, you could never go back. This was the range where a climber's grade was decided and their potential was measured.
The gifted ones punched through Hard difficulty and rose to become Rankers. The weak and inadequate ones cleared the Tower on Easy and lived a life of scraping by. And Lee Hyeji was now trying to become one of the vanishingly few Hell Difficulty clearers inside the Tower.
"If I'm gonna do this, I might as well aim for the top."
Her one and only male friend had been dragged into the basement and turned into a little girl — and now that friend had become her one and only female friend. Cheonwoo had to be incredibly confused and disoriented. And even in that situation, Cheonwoo had brought her a Mythic-grade item and three Legendary magic books for her sake.
"If I want to pay Cheonwoo back… I have to get stronger."
Ding!
"Huh? What is this."
In front of Lee Hyeji, who had been steeling her resolve, a quest window of a completely different type from the usual ones appeared.
Your Goal!
Hey, you absolute dumbass
If you've got a magic book, USE MAGIC
Why do you keep fighting with your fists?
Use magic. Magic!
U S E M A G I C
🎁 Reward: Noah Johnson's Loot
"No way, is this…"
The moment Lee Hyeji saw the bizarre quest window, one person flashed through her mind.
"Hey! Ji Cheonwoo! Are you watching me right now!? No! Cheonwoo! I'm really sorry! I tried to use magic, but this stuff is actually way too hard! Feels like my head's gonna split open! Dumbasses like us can't use magic! But I'll still try my best, so… watch over me!!!"
Truly, pearls before swine. Mythic-grade items and Legendary magic books had gone to an idiot, of all people!
"Ugh. Lee Hyeji, you absolute dumbass. I knew you'd be like this."
At the cry of Lee Hyeji, currently flailing around with Mythic-grade gear, Cheonwoo — still in the rest area — laughed in pure disbelief. And at the knowledge that her friend was watching over her, Hyeji felt a strange sense of relief and broke into a grin.
Idiots, after all, are happy just saying hello to each other.