The Spiral of Apathy

“Ah.”

The claymore clattered loudly as it hit the floor. What emotions had coursed through Shae the moment that thick, writhing tentacle touched her? Fuck this? Terror? One thing was certain: for a regular monster, it had unleashed a brutally powerful mentality attack, and it synergized perfectly with her state of apathy.

“Haha… hahaha…”

My teeth ground together involuntarily. The true horror of the mental affliction Apathy was on full display. Once trapped in its mire—like quicksand you couldn't escape—it halved mentality recovery speed, boosted drain by 25%, weakened the hero's own mental resilience to trigger drain events more frequently… The vicious cycle had already begun.

How long had it been since her mentality had shattered? Already down to -44. Thinking about facing the boss in 1-10… We were already in crisis.

“Shae! Grab your sword!”

“Sword…”

She mumbled listlessly. Her movements were sluggish beyond belief. It was draining just to watch. If it hadn't been my command, she might not have even tried to move.

“Remember your oath! Shae! Was the weight of your oath really just this much?”

“My… oath.”

“That's right!”

The 'oath' keyword still worked on Shae, at least. A flicker of energy returned to her expression and posture. I could see strength returning to her hand as she picked up the sword.

Yes, that's it.

It must hurt. It must be terrifying. But she couldn't just collapse in total apathy and do nothing. She couldn't. Why? Because she swore an oath. To stand at the front and protect us. To go to the end of the dungeon together. To the goddess Justitia, her object of faith. And to me, the first person she ever showed her true self to, by her own words.

So Shae, you can't give up.

“-----!”

While I was focused on Shae, I'd let my guard down. It was the Sacrificial Lamb's turn next—the novice priest grabbed her ankle and transferred its terror once more.

Thud—

“Shae…!”

It was like pushing someone who'd barely climbed back ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to their feet, sending them tumbling down again. That light touch must have felt like a devastating fall for Shae after her hard-fought recovery.

She'd barely mustered the will to recover, but before she could act, an even deeper apathy swallowed her. Even the act of doing something felt terrifying now.

“Heh…”

My turn came again, but I hesitated to swing my axe. After my turn ended, Kaya's would come next—what unpredictable action would she take? And then Shae after that? I'd laughed bitterly earlier, but now I just wanted to cry.

No. I can't break.

If I crumbled, it was over. Steel yourself. I charged full-speed at the novice priest.

“Tentacle fucker!”

My axe cleaved the tentacle freak's head in a satisfying split. Its filthy beak that had squawked terror like a parrot was gone without a trace. A one-shot crit, but there was no joy in it. Not in this situation.

I quickly ordered Kaya.

“Take out that monster first.”

“…”

“Answer me.”

“…Yes, Captain.”

Kaya tried to cling to me again, but I thrust forward the axe caked in blood, flesh, and oil. Her face twisted slightly, but at my firm command, her mace swung toward the Sacrificial Lamb. Fortunately, she targeted another monster.

After striking the Sacrificial Lamb's head, Kaya ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠returned to formation without even glancing at the collapsed Shae, then stared at me intently. I nodded in approval of her good work, but she didn't move.

“Kaya.”

Fuck, damn it… Relax, relax.

Kaya took another step closer. Even knowing the layman's turn would target Shae next, I had no choice but to embrace her and stroke her hair.

Like getting soaked in a drizzle—Shae's HP had dipped below half before I knew it. Proof of how many mentality hits she'd taken.

And the turn passed to the Sacrificial Lamb again.

Stop it, you fucking monster bastard… Shae's mentality is already in shreds…

We somehow scraped through and cleared 1-8, barely escaping. Shae was utterly broken, body and mind. She could hardly walk anymore.

It was vicious. The apathy born of terror hadn't just infected her—it spread to the entire hero party. My Awakening kept me from succumbing easily, maintaining resistance. If I'd been corrupted by terror too… We'd have shattered in 1-8.

“I'll carry her.”

“I… will do it.”

“You're not in good shape right now. You gonna ignore me?”

At first, I'd been the one carrying Shae out of 1-8. But soon Kaya insisted on doing it herself, stubbornly. So resolute she wouldn't budge an inch otherwise. That's how it'd been until now—with Kaya carrying Shae. The problem? Shae's feet dragged behind, scraping the ground.

Wearing heavy plate and being tall, Shae was heavy. Kaya could barely manage. But she refused to yield.

Why the hell are you doing this? Huh? Your actions aren't rational or reasonable at all! I'm in the best shape—me carrying her is better for formation integrity and emergency response. Why don't you get that!

The words surged to the tip of my tongue, but superhuman patience held them back. Rational? Reasonable? What bullshit.

“Kaya. Be honest.”

Kaya nodded faintly. The scraping of her metal boots was grating.

“You don't like me carrying Shae?”

Kaya nodded more clearly this time.

I had my answer, the reason clear. But it solved nothing. She wouldn't get attention while carrying Shae, so she'd do it herself—what could I say to that? Force the order and take Shae anyway? Even obedient Kaya might snap completely.

My chest felt so tight. Aaaargh! I wanted to scream.

You terror-quitting bastard. Having fun?

It must be hilarious. Especially my situation, resisting its corruption.

Of course. As if to say why bother telling me, mentality drained at the perfect timing. I'd forgotten amid the team-kill mentality drain after my comrades snapped, but natural drain couldn't be ignored.

Just two rooms left. 1-10 was the confirmed boss room, so 1-9 would decide our clear odds.

Boss. Can we take it?

I set aside worries about 1-9 for now, pondering the Zone 1 boss. Like in The Long Terror, would it randomly pick one of seven? Or had DLC added something new? In our state, which one would be the least nightmarish?

Physical or mentality… neither will be easy.

As playtime grew, the Zone 1 boss became a benchmark for party strength. Clearing it without nodes meant we had a shot—at least in The Long Terror Hard mode.

Thud— thud— scrape—

Kaya's heavier-than-usual footsteps and Shae's dragging toes echoed through the passage.

“Kaya!”

“…Captain!”

“Urk!”

Luckily, I spotted the trap. But too late—it had triggered, the dart aimed at Kaya carrying Shae. I wanted to shove her aside but jumped into its path instead.

“Captain! Captain!”

“I'm fine. Not dying. It's minor. Pop an antidote and good as new.”

“Captain…!”

“Look after Shae. We move now.”

I yanked out the deeply embedded dart and chugged a bland antidote. The poison debuff lifted immediately, but now Kaya was fidgeting anxiously. I barely stopped her from dumping Shae to check my wound.

Kaya, please.

Kaya thoroughly blocked my path ahead. Sidestep right, she mirrored. Left, same. Too obvious. She was ensuring I couldn't pass her again. Couldn't urge her to hurry, couldn't overtake.

Etching patience into my soul, I prayed once more.

Lady Raella. Your daughters have gone completely mad. Lost it. Pardon? Shae's not your daughter? How heartless. Still, she's the neighbor's kid. You're close with Justitia, right? Then she's your friend's daughter.

No response, of course.

Your daughters aren't this weak. You didn't raise them to crumble like this.

Even prayers that wouldn't reach—maybe if wished hard enough, they'd come true sometimes. With my 3000+ hours in this luck-forsaken roguelike shitfest, my prayer skill might pull off minor miracles, if not cheats.

Look at this. How much I'm suffering. I know you have many fine daughters, Goddess… But that doesn't make Kaya and Shae any less precious. Right? I'll take responsibility somehow. So… please help a little. Please.

I'd done my absolute best so far. Comrade mentality care, situational judgment, damage dealing, even Awakening. What I couldn't control—like what spawns in 1-9—fell to luck.

They say ghosts of the well-fed glow bright, so at least let me have some hot soup, and I'll donate to the monastery when I get back…

Finally, 1-9's door appeared. I overtook the exhausted Kaya and flung it open. The moment I saw the message—

“Thank you so much for your warm mercy!!!”

“I'll believe even harder from now on! Lady Raella!!!”

For that moment, at least, this atheist of over 20 years was the most devout believer alive.