Dohyun's Wish (3)
Mom and I took a seat at a nearby cafe.
I stopped her from trying to pay and opened my own wallet to buy the coffee.
Mom finally opened her mouth.
"...Have you been doing well all this time?"
The words didn't come out easily.
"...I'm sorry, for asking that."
My expression was stiff.
Mom bowed her head for a moment.
"...I never imagined you would be driven to such an extent."
The fact that I had come to Father's [Charnel house] meant that I also knew the cause of his death.
Mom must surely think I was the one who killed him.
I didn't bother to correct her.
It wasn't like we were going to be seeing each other for long anyway.
"If I had known it would turn out like this, I wouldn't have left you behind in that house."
I hadn't even finished elementary school yet when Mom left the house.
It wasn't that I didn't understand.
Around that time, Father had started to act strange.
He got fired from his job, spent his days drowning in alcohol, and after laying his hands on this woman and that woman, he eventually started beating Mom.
It would have been strange if she hadn't divorced him.
But.
Still, couldn't she have taken me with her?
Why did you leave me in that house?
When Father was beating people.
"...Why did you do it?"
"...."
"You knew what kind of person he was. Why did you leave me alone in that house, why?"
Even while understanding Mom, I couldn't hide the feeling of resentment.
"You could have taken me, too...."
Mom replied.
"Because your father promised. He promised he wouldn't touch you, at least. He said he'd look for a job again, so he begged me to leave you behind."
"...."
"...I decided to give him one last chance. Because your father loved you, too."
But he beat me like a dog on a dog-meat day.
"There wasn't a single day where the bruises on my body disappeared."
"...Dohyun-ah."
"I...."
I swallowed the words I was about to say next.
I asked the question I had been curious about for a long time.
"...Why did you never come to see me? You could have seen my face sometimes. No matter how much you divorced, I'm still your son, Mom."
"I was in too much shock at the time. I couldn't find the moment to go see you...."
"Do you think I wasn't shocked too?"
I was 12 years old at the time.
My family was completely shattered at 12, and you neglected your child because your own mental state was ruined?
I don't know if that's even an excuse.
Anger began to well up.
However, because she was my mother, I couldn't bring myself to raise my voice.
"Did you even love me?"
"...."
"If you had pulled yourself together, couldn't you have taken care of me sometimes?"
But my tone grew faster.
As if pouring out all the resentment I had held back, I let out every word I had swallowed.
"You didn't even come to visit me once when I was imprisoned. A month ago, I was having such a hard time that I even called you, but you didn't pick up."
I suppose I could say she didn't pick up because I changed my number.
But she could have at least visited me in prison.
"And now, if you suddenly apologize like this, what are you expecting me to do?"
Mom took out a handkerchief and wiped the corners of her eyes.
I'm the one who wants to cry right now, so I don't know why she's doing that.
"Answer me, Mom."
"...."
"Why did you do it?"
Mom opened her mouth with a trembling voice.
"...I wanted to erase the entire past."
"...."
"I met a man I didn't want to lose. I was afraid that if he found out I had abandoned my son, we wouldn't be able to be together."
I listened to Mom's story quietly for a moment.
"Even though I knew he was a good enough man to understand such things... I erased everything, just in case."
She deleted my phone number, deleted Father's phone number.
She erased my existence and found a new family.
A-yeon's mother did the same, and my mother was no different.
Mom made an excuse.
"I only recently found out that your father... that he passed away like that."
"Does that make sense?"
My child support payments must have been withdrawn from his bank account every month.
The withdrawals must have stopped after his death.
"You just didn't want to know."
Mom kept her mouth shut and couldn't answer.
"...."
"...Haa."
I wonder if there is a more irresponsible parent than this.
If you're going to pop out a child, you should take responsibility until the end.
To protect her own life, she abandoned her child's life.
Perhaps because my stress has been through the roof lately, that fact hit me even more sensitively.
It's a pity, but it seems my relationship with Mom won't go any further than this.
I no longer have the confidence to keep looking at this person's face.
Mom couldn't even nod; she just stayed still for a while, wiping her face with her handkerchief.
That was the moment my phone rang.
[ My beloved son ]
It wasn't my phone.
"...."
I was so dumbfounded that I couldn't speak.
Mom hurriedly glanced at me.
"...It's okay, go ahead."
Mom asked for my understanding and picked up the phone.
"Hello. Dohan-ah?"
Her voice was filled with affection.
"Why did you call?"
A voice I had heard in the past.
A voice I would never hear again.
"Yes, you want me to buy something on my way back? Dubai chocolate cookie? ...Alright, Mom will buy it."
However, perhaps because of me, a slightly sorrowful look flickered across her face.
"Yes, Mom loves you too. I'll be there soon. See you later."
After finishing the call, Mom let out a faint sigh.
It seems she feels guilty for having such an affectionate conversation with her new son in front of the son she abandoned.
"Is he your biological son?"
"...Yes."
Then he's my half-brother.
...So there was a blood relative of mine somewhere in the world that I didn't know about.
Not A-yeon, who is a stepsister and not even a sister anymore, but a real brother.
It's a strange feeling.
"...Go on."
Being together is just stressful for both of us.
I gestured for Mom to go quickly.
Mom, who had been hesitating, finally lifted her hips at my persistent behavior.
"...Dohyun-ah, I was sorry."
I didn't answer.
I didn't even tell her to take care.
Mom was about to leave the cafe quietly.
But my hand was already grabbing Mom, who was trying to leave.
"Wait."
Mom sent me a questioning look.
"...Can I see his face just once?"
I had never seen him before, and I didn't even know he existed.
But I have a younger brother born from the same womb.
"Dohan. He's my brother, after all."
Just how perfect must he be for Mom to have completely forgotten my existence?
I really wanted to see that kid's face.
Mom hesitated for a moment.
"Are you worried that I might do something to him?"
Since Mom must also know that I'm a murderer, perhaps that's why she can't answer easily.
That's quite a wound.
"...It's not like that. I was just wondering if you would be okay."
But Mom shook her head, saying that was definitely not it.
"Okay? What do you mean?"
My mental state?
It couldn't possibly be shattered any further than this, could it?
"...You'll know when you go there."
I followed Mom, who had given her permission, and walked down the street.
She tried to call a taxi, but I immediately stopped her.
"I have a car. I'll take you if you put it in the navigation."
My supercar was parked in a nearby parking lot.
"...This is your car?"
For a moment, Mom's eyes wavered.
"I was lucky and made a lot of money."
I did rake in money like a madman, after all.
Even if it is a poisoned chalice.
I put Mom in the passenger seat.
It's funny to see her opening the door carefully, as if she's afraid of scratching the car.
Mom, who had taken my phone, entered the destination into the navigation.
The place was.
"...This is."
It was a place I knew very well.
*
Dubai chocolate cookies are fucking expensive.
Why does one of these tiny things cost over 5,000 won?
I used to eat nine meals with 5,000 won.
Even though I have a lot of money now, my mindset is still that of a beggar, so I couldn't help but think it was expensive.
[ Korea University Hospital ]
'...Here again?'
The place where the car stopped was a hospital.
The hospital where Yoon-seo had been hospitalized until just a month ago.
I stayed in the hospital all day in the US, and to think I'd be coming to a hospital in Korea too.
The nauseating smell of medicine, I'm sick of it now.
I read the name written on the hospital room door.
[ Lee Do-han ]
"...."
Mom looked at me as if asking if I was really going to be okay.
I had already prepared my heart.
As the door opened.
"Ah, fuck, what are you doing!"
...There was a normal 12-year-old elementary school boy cursing while watching YouTube.
'What the hell is this brat.'
What kind of video is he watching to be so angry?
Since it was a private room, he had the TV all to himself.
On the screen, a famous streamer broadcasting a game called [Legend of League] had popped up.
A gray screen.
It looked like he had connected his phone to the TV.
"You're so fucking bad!"
Without even noticing that we had entered.
The elementary school boy, eyes glued to the TV, tapped on his phone.
[ KingGodDohan donates 5,000 won! ]
- It was obvious he was going to gank, is it for real that you didn't go home?
He even sends donations.
Is his family rich?
"...Dohan-ah, Mom told you not to curse."
"Oh, Mom, when did you get here?"
"And that donation. If you spend all your allowance again, I won't give you any more."
Lee Dohan.
That bratty kid must be my younger brother.
Just as I was about to open my mouth carefully.
"Who is that middle-aged man behind you?"
The kid scratched my pride.
"...Middle-aged man?"
I'm only in my mid-20s, and he calls me a middle-aged man?
A headache started to throb at the back of my head.
"He's not a middle-aged man."
Mom defended me, but the kid didn't seem to have any intention of changing his address.
"If you're old, you're a middle-aged man."
No matter what, I'm not old.
If he knew how popular I was with women, he'd be shocked.
Is this why she was worried?
I realized that talking to this kid wouldn't be easy.
"Hello, middle-aged man."
I don't think I'll be having a good day.
Mom tried to mediate somehow, but she couldn't because of the voice coming from behind.
"...I'll go talk to the doctor for a moment."
It seemed to be Lee Dohan's attending physician.
"Stay here and play with your brother for a while."
And so, we were left alone together.
"...."
The kid's expression, which had been innocent until a moment ago, suddenly turned dark.
I was momentarily confused by his sudden change.
"What is it?"
Realizing that Mom had completely disappeared, the kid made eye contact.
"...Middle-aged man."
The kid asked.
"Are you my real brother?"
Huh?
Did Mom already tell him?
Since there was no need to hide it, I readily admitted it.
"How did you know?"
"...Then the person Mom abandoned must be you, brother."
"Who told you?"
"I saw it in Mom's phone photo album a long time ago. He looked just like me, so I thought it was me."
Usually, kids don't know about such family circumstances at that age.
"But since Mom said she had a history of divorce, I figured you were my brother. You looked so much like the boy in that photo that I recognized you right away."
Is their family also a bit of a train wreck?
It doesn't seem like it.
Looking around the hospital room for a moment, the kid's belongings were overflowing.
From game consoles to laptops, pads, and comic books.
I can even see a [Fantastic Gear] over there.
A happy family photo, which looked like it was taken recently, was sitting on one corner of the table.
He was a child receiving plenty of love.
I can imagine the image of him somehow eavesdropping on stories he shouldn't have heard.
"I thought I wanted to see your face once, but I didn't think I'd actually see you."
"I just found out that you existed a moment ago. So maybe that's why it feels a bit...."
Suddenly, I felt a sense of incongruity.
"...strange."
Does a hospital room usually have this many entertainment items?
That can't be.
Usually, people are discharged within a few months, so they don't bring this much luggage.
However, the kid was acting like this was his home; he had the TV connected, the Switch installed, and it was a mess.
Suddenly, I thought of Yoon-seo's hospital room in the US.
That place had a scene just like this.
"Are you very sick?"
I moved the pad on the chair and sat down.
After thinking for a moment, the kid replied.
"Didn't you hear from Mom on the way here?"
"Hear what?"
Soon after, I realized why Mom asked if I would be okay.
And I realized what my wish would be.
"That I'm going to die next year?"
The kid was terminally ill.
Unlike Yoon-seo, he was terminally ill with an incurable disease for which there was no treatment.
'...Another terminal patient?'
It was truly a life that was hitting a dead end.