Chapter 31
Chapter 31
Honestly, I had been a little worried.
When a protagonist and a heroine end up shopping together, the protagonist usually recommends something flowy and cute.
And the heroine who wears it is typically a character who's never tried that kind of outfit before. There's always an event where she looks in the mirror and goes, "Oh, is this really me?"
But I'm a man in his twenties stuck inside a female character's body.
Yeah, I know it's a bit weird to bring that up now, after I've been wearing a school uniform this whole time without a problem. I'll admit that.
But the uniform was something I had no choice about. This is different. These are clothes I'd be choosing to wear.
If my friend picked out several outfits for me and I ended up going with a floaty dress, the self-loathing would be immense. Even if the reflection in the mirror isn't me in drag, but the form of Ye Sa-ra herself, the fact that I'm the one moving that body would make it painfully clear that the person who chose to wear it was still me.
Still, I couldn't just tell Yu Ha-neul outright, "I can't wear something like that." From the perspective of a normal girl, there was nothing strange about Ye Sa-ra wearing those clothes, and naturally, there was nothing strange about recommending them.
I figured refusing would just make things awkward for no reason.
Turns out my worries were completely unnecessary.
Most of the clothes Yu Ha-neul picked out were pants, not skirts, which caught me off guard.
Sure, they fit a lot tighter than the pants I usually wore, but at least I wouldn't have to expose any bare skin on my legs. That was a win.
I came out of the fitting room wearing some reasonably dark jeans, a black T-shirt, and a khaki jacket.
The moment I pulled the curtain back and stepped out, Yu Ha-neul's face snapped up from her phone.
"How is it?"
When I asked that,
"......."
Yu Ha-neul went quiet for a moment.
Did I mess it up?
Come to think of it, I don't really have much of a sense for fashion. Honestly, I'd never put much thought into my clothes. I used to just grab whatever was on the hanger, whatever was within arm's reach. There wasn't anyone I particularly needed to impress, anyway. The only place it mattered was work, so my entire fashion sense boiled down to: wear a suit when something important was happening.
Since these were clothes I'd personally chosen from all those options, maybe they did look a little off.
"If it doesn't work—"
"It's perfect!"
I was about to head back into the fitting room when Yu Ha-neul rushed over and grabbed my hand.
"Let's get this!"
"Uh, uhh......."
There was an overwhelming brightness flooding my vision. And beneath it, a smile.
Flustered, I just ended up giving her that answer.
*
I hadn't planned on buying a hat or anything, but whether it was just Yu Ha-neul's taste or because my hair really was that bad, she pushed so hard that I eventually picked one out. A plain cap with no special features.
"Here, how does it look?"
She'd also tied my hair back into a ponytail using a spare hair tie she had. Unlike Yu Ha-neul's, where the ends just brushed the nape of her neck, Ye Sa-ra's hair was longer. Even tied back, it still reached below my shoulders.
My hair had been sweaty and slick not too long ago, and though it had dried out somewhat, it was still a little damp. Tying it up like this wasn't bad. The back of my neck, usually always buried under hair, was finally exposed, and it felt refreshing.
"Nice. Comfortable."
When I said that, Yu Ha-neul grinned.
"And it really suits you!"
Well, that much was a given. Ye Sa-ra's looks were so unreal she'd probably pull off a buzzcut. Not that I'd ever commit the crime of chopping it all off.
I didn't say any of that out loud, of course. I'd just sound like a total narcissist. I only shrugged noncommittally.
"So... are we done here?"
At first, Yu Ha-neul had insisted we buy at least one more outfit, but even she didn't want to end up hauling a mountain of bags around. When I said, "Let's just come back another time," she was absolutely thrilled. What is she, a golden retriever? Now that I thought about it, the way her ponytail kept swinging behind her head did kind of look like a dog's tail.
More of a foal's tail, technically.
"Yeah. This should be fine!"
The shopping bag I'd offered to carry had already been snatched away by Yu Ha-neul. Inside it were my school gym clothes, the ones I'd worn here.
Still, I was glad I'd changed into street clothes.
Just as I was thinking that, something suddenly pressed into my side.
I blinked and found Yu Ha-neul had sidled up and naturally linked her arm through mine.
I could feel something soft and squishy pressing against my arm.
"Let's go, then."
Standing right next to me, her face was much closer than I'd expected. Close enough that I felt like I could feel her breath if she just exhaled a little.
Whether she noticed me tensing up in surprise or not, Yu Ha-neul tugged my arm and started walking.
It was a different sensation from when we were running earlier, a gentle pull.
But the force unmistakably guided me in the direction I had to go.
Ah, so this is what makes her the protagonist.
Watching her lead the way, I convinced myself of that in my head.
*
I didn't really need to agonize over what kids do for fun these days.
Whether boy or girl, there just isn't much that teenagers can do. Thinking about it, being a girl doesn't mean you never go to a PC bang, and being a guy doesn't mean you never go to a café. It's just a slight difference in frequency.
Besides, no matter how fun PC bangs are or how easy it is to kill time in a café, you don't just sit in one the whole time.
So, what was the thing this teenager and I ended up doing the most? Walking.
I can't really say for sure, since I never had a girlfriend, or even friends of the opposite sex, for that matter, but sometimes I'd stumble upon blogs while browsing around. They'd list "date course" spots, introducing streets that were good for walking with a partner or places with lots to see. It might be a bit much for two guys to walk down, but girls do tend to go to those kinds of date-course places together sometimes.
...Or do they? I honestly don't know. Hard to tell when I've never had a girlfriend in my life.
No, more than that—I still haven't properly grasped the whole concept of sexuality in this world.
In the world I came from... I mean, it wasn't a place where homosexuality was seen as "normal." Two people of the same gender walking together didn't automatically get labeled as gay. Oh, sure, if two guys were walking around arm-in-arm like this, anyone would've thought they were gay. But physical contact between girls, as long as it wasn't overtly sexual, was often just written off as "they're just really close."
If someone saw two girls linking arms and asked, "Are you lesbians?" that person would be the one getting labeled as weird. I've heard it's different overseas, but I've never lived abroad, so I can't speak to that.
Anyway, let's say that's how it worked in the world I'm from.
The world I'm in now changes that.
Sure, there's still a consensus here that a guy and a girl linking arms means "they're going out." The most common form of sexuality here is still heterosexuality.
But that doesn't mean homosexuality is treated as abnormal.
It's not as common as heterosexuality, and it's unusual enough that someone who realizes they're gay might struggle with their identity. But same-sex marriage is entirely possible worldwide, and there's almost no extreme opposition to it. The in-game descriptions even mentioned that it's common to spot a few same-sex couples around campus—guy-guy or girl-girl.
I remember that part because the streamer burst out laughing and said, "What kind of world is this supposed to be?"
So that's why I'm a little confused.
It's an "obvious fact" that getting too close to guys will cause misunderstandings. Not that it matters much, since I never had any desire to get close to them in the first place.
But if that's the case, where do I draw the line when it comes to "contact with girls"?
How much physical contact is safe before it gets misunderstood?
That line has to be a lot narrower than the one I knew. In a world where homosexuality is this out in the open, the thought "Is she into me?" is going to pop up way more often. The bar for that assumption will be lower. This is a world where there's absolutely no reason for me to blindly believe, "She's the same gender as me, so she could never like me."
So, for example—
"Wow, this place must be gorgeous when the cherry blossoms bloom, right? Want to come back when that happens?"
Walking along a cherry blossom path with no blossoms yet, when a girl asks you that, I'm left wondering whether it's normal or not to think, Wait, does she like me?
Oh, of course, I'm not saying Yu Ha-neul thinks of me as... someone she's attracted to. Our relationship hasn't gotten that deep yet. We haven't known each other long enough for that. This has to be coming from a place of genuine friendship.
Even if she's still got her arm linked with mine... I'm just overly conscious of it, that's all.
The real problem is how to catch the shift in a relationship as time piles up.
When a girl you just met talks to you, you can think she just has business with you, or that you're in the same class. But if that girl talks to you every break, comes to find you on weekends, drags you out like this, and walks with you for months on what any sane person would call a date course... at that point, is it reasonable to start suspecting something, or not?
And Yu Ha-neul's relationship with me had one peculiar point. Ours was a relationship between the only two people in class who no one else talked to. I was the only person in our class Yu Ha-neul could comfortably speak to in the first place, so it was probably only going to get more confusing as time went on.
Then again, Yu Ha-neul does have a route in the game where she openly seduces Ye Sa-ra. I just have no way of knowing how events could possibly play out to make that connection happen.
"Oh... you don't want to?"
While I'd been stuck in my own mental anguish without answering, Yu Ha-neul asked me that. Maybe I was imagining it, but she looked so crestfallen that the light seemed to have physically dimmed on her face.
I guess it would sting, thinking your one conversational lifeline in class is ignoring you.
"...Yeah. It'd be really pretty. I'd love to come back if we can."
I held back the embarrassment threatening to show on my face and managed to squeeze those words out.
"Right!?"
Yu Ha-neul's expression cleared instantly. I felt like the light level went back up. Totally just a feeling, of course.
Well, whatever.
There's no point agonizing over that stuff right now. I can worry about it when the time comes.
And, you know.
What does it matter if Yu Ha-neul actually confesses that she likes me?
It's not like I couldn't just say yes when the time comes.
...Even thinking that, my face still felt a little hot.