Chapter 179
Chapter 179
Come to think of it, Yang Hye-in's attitude was subtly different from how she acted at the mansion.
At the mansion, she would stand and bow the moment she saw me. But here, she didn't rise or bow even after I called for her.
Yang Hye-in herself didn't seem to realize it.
And that meant... my coming here hadn't been entirely without effect. That much, at least, was a relief.
"......."
"......."
Neither of us spoke.
It looked like Yang Hye-in couldn't sleep either, just like me.
"Just use my name."
I said that.
"......."
Yang Hye-in silently turned her head and looked down at me. I couldn't make out her expression. I wasn't looking at her, after all. I only caught a glimpse from the corner of my eye.
"And while I'm here... I'll call you big sister. The way Ha-neul does."
Honestly, the phrase 'big sister' was way too cringey for me to use naturally.
And it wasn't just because the other person was Yang Hye-in.
Digging deeper, the real reason I didn't want to use that word was that I used to be a man. Sure, men used "big sister" back in the Joseon Dynasty, but this isn't the Joseon Dynasty. If a man calls a woman "big sister" nowadays, or another man, for that matter, people treat him like a weirdo.
People wouldn't say anything if I used the word in Sara's body... but that didn't mean I thought of myself as fully a woman either.
Big sister!
...If nothing else, I wish you wouldn't call me that.
As I heard Sara teasingly call me that, I smiled bitterly. Well, even in Sara's dreams, I had taken Sara's form.
"Understood."
After thinking for a moment, Yang Hye-in answered.
"At least in front of Grandmother, speak to me casually."
"Yes, understood."
Then silence again.
Ironically, Yang Hye-in's silence was less awkward to me than the embarrassment and discomfort I felt with the affectionate Grandmother. That doesn't mean I was completely at ease. I came from an ordinary family where I'd never once had a servant like a maid.
But Yang Hye-in's silence wasn't the kind you get when someone clams up because they're uncomfortable and don't want to talk.
It was the posture of someone who deliberately made themselves as unobtrusive as possible, neither fully present nor absent, simply waiting to be asked for something, so as not to disturb their employer.
Whether that posture came from her nature or from training, after watching her for the past several months, it was a silence I was very grateful for.
Even now, in this moment.
"......."
But,
Still.
I didn't know much about Yang Hye-in. Too little, in fact. And that was only natural, since I'd barely ever had a real, human conversation with her.
With Ha-neul, So-hee, and Su-a, I recognized them as heroines from the moment I met them and actively talked to them, so we could become close. But with Yang Hye-in, growing close was far from easy. It wasn't her silence that was the problem. It was the influence Yang Hye-in had exerted on Sara's life.
After all, an accomplice is still an accomplice.
No matter how much Sara thought it didn't matter, for some reason, whenever I looked at Yang Hye-in, that thought kept coming back.
And so, there was something I couldn't quite understand.
Why Yang Hye-in, who'd always silently done only her work, had suddenly started showing personal concern for Sara, and had even tried to apologize. Why she had told the police about her own actions.
Why, when I was kidnapped, she'd rushed over immediately and shattered the car window without a second's thought about how it might look to others.
If she was just continuing her duties as a maid, I didn't understand why she would do something so dangerous.
Unless there were some trope, like in a manga or a game, where she was "the one loyal maid who stood by the young lady," I couldn't make sense of it.
"......Sigh."
Well, I'm not sleepy yet anyway.
"There's something I want to ask you."
"......Yes."
Yang Hye-in answered my words in a polite voice. I could feel a professional's approach—paying no mind to whatever age difference existed between us.
"Before, I asked you why you didn't report me to the Chairwoman."
When I was breaking away from the routine that the old Sara had kept, I once asked Yang Hye-in whether she'd reported me to the Chairwoman.
I'd asked without any particular expectation, but Yang Hye-in had answered that she hadn't, and that had surprised me a little.
"Yes, that's correct."
Yang Hye-in nodded as she answered, apparently remembering that moment.
Well, when it came to memory alone, she seemed like she'd be better than me.
"I think it started around then. When you began helping me, little by little."
At first, she hadn't helped me openly. She'd helped indirectly, by leaving out reports like that, or not contacting the Chairwoman separately. Then, at some point, she'd started actively helping me.
It had happened so suddenly that it wasn't easy to accept.
...That incident where she'd taken Sara's will and shown it to my friends still made my head spin just thinking about it.
"Back then, you said, 'I just felt I had to.' If I asked again now, would I get a real answer?"
Sara said she forgave Yang Hye-in.
In my dreams at night, I spent so much time talking with Sara that I hadn't had much chance to look through Sara's memories separately. But even so, I'd heard about it while talking with her.
An infinitely light forgiveness, so simple that even the person being forgiven couldn't understand it.
It was a memory from a time when Sara had no great passion for her life. So Sara had simply said that one thing and moved on.
And it seemed that Yang Hye-in considered that to mean she "hadn't been forgiven."
That was probably why she'd given her all to help me, why she'd tried to save me from Choi Na-kyung.
Even though, normally, someone would just give up and leave it at that.
And that wasn't the kind of action you'd expect from someone whose answer was "I just felt I had to."
"That is...."
Yang Hye-in wrestled with it for a good while before finally opening her mouth.
"That is because I saw you smile, young lady."
"......Excuse me?"
What on earth was she talking about?
"Could you explain in a little more detail?"
"......."
Yang Hye-in fell silent again for a long moment, as if she herself didn't fully understand what she'd just said.
"It's simply that, after seeing you smile, I thought I wanted to protect it."
"......."
This time it was my turn to fall silent.
I clearly didn't understand that either. Seeming to sense that, Yang Hye-in slowly continued, as if unraveling a difficult problem to make it as understandable as possible.
"When I first started this job, I thought I was lucky."
Yang Hye-in spoke, as if making a confession.
"Because the pay was high, and the work was comfortable. Above all, the reason the work was so comfortable was because you had such a quiet personality, young lady."
"......."
It was true. Sara had been quiet.
Though, of course, it wasn't a "normally quiet" sort of personality.
A state like a time bomb that could go off at any moment. So much held inside her heart, but not knowing how to express it.
"And...."
Yang Hye-in's normally stiff speech grew a little softer.
"And, I never imagined that you were thinking such thoughts."
"......Even though you were watching from right beside me?"
"......."
Yang Hye-in might have bitten her lip.
"I think... I likely rationalized it to myself that things would be that way."
Yang Hye-in spoke as if forcing the words out.
"I thought, 'You have so much money, young lady. Even if this moment is hard, in just a few more years you'll be an adult, and then you can live freely with that wealth.'"
"......."
I couldn't think of anything to say in response.
What had I, myself, thought of Sara at first?
"The reason I probably thought that way... was because I wanted to rationalize my job. Because I had this thought that I wanted to keep making this much money and keep working this easy job."
"......."
"When you screamed in the middle of that night, to be honest, I thought about my job before I thought about you. Because I couldn't even imagine what kind of trouble I'd be in if something happened to you."
....
"But after you woke up again... as I saw you change, my own thoughts began to change as well. That, ah, you were just an ordinary kid after all."
"......."
No.
No, that's not it.
Sara had been an ordinary kid from the beginning.
The reason Sara's personality became far from ordinary was simply because of the abnormal situation surrounding her.
An abnormal stepmother, and the people around Sara who didn't treat her like a person.
In order to turn Sara into a doll of her own, with all emotion and connection severed, Choi Na-kyung had driven Sara into such extreme circumstances.
For years.
"And so, because you were an ordinary kid who couldn't be expected to properly endure this, I wanted to protect that smile."
"......But that wasn't Sara. That was me."
"......."
I heard Yang Hye-in draw a breath.
The sound was trembling badly.
"......Yes, that's right."