Chapter 143
Chapter 143
"Did something good happen?"
Ha-neul asked, seeing me in a good mood from the morning.
"Huh? Oh, no, it's nothing."
Of course, there was no reason to tell Ha-neul what happened last night. It was a secret between me and him.
That person had also once written, in his younger days. There was a time when he diligently filled notebooks with fantasies about the life he wanted.
Though he said he'd never finished a single story, not the way I had.
Still, a commonality is a commonality, isn't it?
"......Hmm?"
Ha-neul looked at my expression and clearly found it suspicious. Honestly, I'd like to turn that question right back around on her.
Ha-neul still hadn't talked about what happened with her mother. Maybe because her mother hadn't made any overt moves yet, or maybe she meant to hold out and hide it to the very end.
Well, I was planning to make the first move and find the cause myself anyway.
"Hey, So-hee, did something happen this morning?"
This time I asked So-hee. But So-hee only shook her head.
Of course she wouldn't know—she can't read my mind.
Seeing their reactions made my heart flutter faintly.
It felt like that person belonged only to me.
I don't need to watch him getting along with other people. I don't need to see him approach Ha-neul to call me over, or be held in So-hee's arms, or run into Su-a just after she'd stepped out of the shower.
.......
Yes, I know perfectly well that this feeling is never quite "right."
But this sense of superiority wasn't something I could easily erase.
The person who doesn't talk to anyone else, who only has conversations with me.
The person who shares secrets only with me.
"......Ah."
Without warning, a sense of unease flickered through my chest.
I couldn't identify the cause of the unease.
The current situation makes me so happy.
I can do everything I want, and every situation is unfolding exactly as I wish.
Yet in a corner of my chest, an inexplicable unease blossoms.
......Why?
"Sara."
While I was agonizing, Ha-neul called me again.
"Is something going on?"
It was a question I'd already heard several times.
Ha-neul's expression as she looked at me was tinged with genuine concern.
"......No, nothing."
I answered.
Yes, nothing is wrong.
Everything is moving along properly.
So there's nothing for me to worry about.
Nothing at all.
*
Another day passed today.
Nothing happened.
Ah, when I say nothing happened, I don't mean it in the same way as "nothing happened" back when I used to live before.
If you looked at individual "incidents," plenty of things obviously happened.
More than ten kids whose faces I barely remember came up and greeted me.
There were about three teachers who called out my behavior during class.
Son A-reum spent the entire lunch period giving me a look that said she found me extremely suspicious.
While walking in the park during leftover lunchtime, I happened to run into the Student Council President, who avoided my eyes.
The person who is supposedly my fiancé didn't even appear in a corner of my field of vision today.
So-hee looked at me and asked, "Are you okay?"
Su-a looked at me and asked, "Are you okay?"
"......Sara, is there really nothing going on?"
Ha-neul asked me that question for the fifth time today. She was relentless.
"I'm fine, because nothing is going on."
Yes, 'nothing at all' happened.
If you broke it down into individual events, several things happened, but if you summed it up as an ordinary day, it amounts to "nothing happened."
Nobody got hurt, nobody suffered an unexpected accident, no bad person suddenly appeared to interfere between us.
Yes, so if there isn't that kind of "major incident or accident," then "nothing happened."
Simple yet clear, and that's why I like this method of classification.
"Because nothing happened."
I said it once more, smiling.
Yes, if days where nothing happens could just keep going like this.
Just like this.
Continuing just like this.
Because I'll pour all my strength into making that happen.
*
Yu Ha-neul had a lot on her mind these days.
The biggest worry was, as expected, the matter involving her dad.
Her blunt father hadn't contacted her separately since then. He didn't say anything at home, either. Her mom even seemed to have no idea that anything had happened at all.
Something had definitely taken place, but not knowing what it was felt immensely frustrating.
And on top of that, the matter involving 'Sara'.
'Sara' was smiling all day long.
No, strictly speaking, she wasn't just smiling.
Her expression mostly looked cheerfully pleased, but occasionally her face clouded over when she was alone, and she'd sink blankly into thought before her expression turned into a smile again.
The expressions 'Sara' used before were...... I hate to say it, but they hadn't been very diverse. Especially right after she entered Sara's body, 'Sara' was almost always expressionless.
Of course, it was a good thing that 'Sara' had started expressing her emotions so actively.
It was a good thing, but......
Yu Ha-neul felt acutely today that actively expressing emotion doesn't mean you can accurately know what the other person is thinking.
She couldn't tell what 'Sara' was thinking.
What could the constantly smiling 'Sara' be thinking?
'Sara's laugh and Sara's laugh were clearly different.
Sara's smile mostly came from a joyful heart. When she was with friends, when she felt a sense of accomplishment about something she'd done, when she encountered something pleasant or funny.
But the smile that 'Sara' wore now—
She was smiling. And yet she wasn't smiling.
Her lips were clearly smiling, but her gaze was always sharply focused on something.
That something didn't seem to be the conversation partner in front of her. She wore that expression wherever she looked—out the window, blankly at the ceiling, even while watching the teacher.
She was probably looking toward some target in her own mind.
Then, suddenly, the expression crumbles. She frowns as if feeling something unpleasant and agonizes for a long moment, before slowly returning to a smiling expression again.
That drop was terrifying.
Every time she saw that shift in expression, it made Yu Ha-neul think that 'Sara' really isn't Sara, after all.
......And a sense of fear bloomed in a corner of her chest.
But what about Sara?
Two weeks had already long passed since 'Sara' entered Sara's body. April was nearly over now. Midterm exams would come soon, and the time to study hard was approaching for both Yu Ha-neul, who wanted to keep attending school by her own power, and 'Sara', for whom the teachers no longer had any reason to go easy on her.
But she couldn't concentrate on her studies at all.
She wanted to see Sara.
......But Yu Ha-neul didn't have the right to do that.
Because Sara shared a single body with 'Sara'.
The Sara who had willingly yielded her body to 'Sara' and entered 'Sara's consciousness; she couldn't pull her back out for her own selfish desires.
Inside the Ferris wheel, and afterward inside the room, Yu Ha-neul had already felt many things.
Every time they resorted to provocative methods, the situation demanded something even more provocative.
......If this kept up, what if someday she could never see one of the two again?
Even if she didn't completely disappear, what if no matter what they did, she could never come back out?
Sara was an existence too precious to Yu Ha-neul.
But that didn't mean 'Sara' wasn't precious, either.
"......Sara, is there really nothing going on?"
That's why she asks one more time, like this.
Even as she asks, she's confused about whether she's truly worried about 'Sara' or worried about Sara.
"I'm fine, because nothing is going on."
'Sara' answers with an expression that says she truly is "fine."
All throughout the day, to her friends' questions.
And to the teachers who called her out, intimidated by the look in her eyes.
"Because nothing is going on."
'Sara' just answered like that.
......It wasn't the expression of someone with nothing going on.
But she had no way of knowing what on earth that thing was.
"......If something's hard for you, tell us. We'll definitely help you."
And as she watched that 'Sara', no matter what she said in front of her, Yu Ha-neul didn't feel the usual sensation of the "right choice" at all.
It felt as though, starting from this moment, everything was unknowable.
Her head and her heart seemed to refuse to help, saying so.
"Yeah, I'll definitely tell you. If something hard comes up."
'Sara' answered with a smile.
The same way she'd answered all day. Exactly the same.
But seeing that expression on 'Sara', Yu Ha-neul felt she could be certain of one thing.
No matter what happened, 'Sara' wouldn't say a word.
......A crushing sense of helplessness washed over her.
Yes, the things 'Sara' could do were far greater, beyond comparison, than all their strength combined.
"......Okay."
Yu Ha-neul nodded at her words for now.
"Then, see you tomorrow."
She had a lot to do. She needed to pay attention to what was happening at home, and now she really had to start studying.
......Yu Ha-neul looked at So-hee and Su-a.
The two of them nodded with serious expressions.
Please, let those words from 'Sara' not be a lie.
Praying that, Yu Ha-neul turned around with a reluctant look on her face.