Chapter 138
Chapter 138
As if there were some separate cause.
One look at Ha-neul's face and I could more or less guess what had happened.
It had to be something involving Mother.
......She was the woman who had neglected me so thoroughly, yet the depth of her obsession was strangely intense. Given that she had sought me out separately last time and told my friends to "just wait" as she left the room, Mother did seem to "love" me, in her own fashion.
Even thinking about it now, a flame still kindled in a corner of my chest. It wasn't the kind of love I wanted, even if it was something altogether different, but I had been the one who still longed for the smallest sliver of it.
But the situation had changed now.
There were people who would support me.
There was even someone who would stay with me.
Maybe when the direction of your desires and their number shift, the intensity thins out to a surprising degree. Even I was startled by how much my feelings toward Mother had faded.
......No, maybe the direction had simply shifted.
It seems I'm the type who loves the people who love me.
At any rate, Ha-neul clearly had no intention of telling me about it, whatever had happened. So, for now, I decided to pretend not to know.
If she doesn't want to talk, what can I do?
But that doesn't mean I can just sit back and do nothing.
That person had put enormous effort into making sure my current situation wouldn't crumble. Especially since, even with a surplus of money, she was working to grow it further and had already asked someone else to manage the stocks in order to solidify my standing within the company.
The gleefully delighted expression she wore whenever she did that really got on my nerves...... but since she trusted that person, I decided to trust him too.
Since that person worked so hard, I, in my own way, have to work to protect this life she built.
If there was one point where I held the upper hand over her, it would be "memory."
She was probably reading my memories inside my unconscious as well, but no matter how you looked at it, she wouldn't have enough time to see years' worth of memories. At the very least, she wouldn't be able to pop out into my body this very instant.
But I was different.
I could properly sort through all the memories inside my own consciousness.
Because they were "my memories."
Among those memories, filled as they were with nothingness, there weren't many recollections worth pulling out.
And because of that; I was able to recall one person immediately.
*
"Senior."
"Huh?"
A few days after that incident.
April was now slowly approaching its tail end. The cherry blossoms had nearly all fallen, pushed aside by new leaves, and the occasional spring shower was moistening the dry weather.
The sweat I naturally shed while running had increased too. Maybe because I'd never really exercised before, the amount felt a little excessive.
But it wasn't a bad thing. My stamina was steadily improving, and the track I could barely manage at first, I could now reliably circle at least once.
The range and amount of food I could swallow had grown as well.
I learned that eating with others makes you eat more than eating alone, and that moving your body is the best way to digest all that food.
I still didn't particularly enjoy moving my body.
And one of the people who had contributed most to making me healthier was the very Nam Da-un I had just called out to.
It wasn't exactly what you'd call systematic training, but he was also someone who had helped me "without looking down on me from the start."
"......Could I talk to you for a moment?"
When I, who had been sprawled on the ground as usual, picked myself up and said that, Nam Da-un, surprisingly,
"Uh, sure."
Immediately answered, though a slightly reluctant expression crossed his face.
"Ah, wait. I have something to discuss privately."
To the three people who were getting up to follow Nam Da-un and me, I said that right away.
"......."
Hearing my words, the three of them froze for a moment before sitting back down with expressions of understanding.
They were probably thinking there was no way I would develop romantic feelings for "this person."
Whatever each of the three was thinking, that was likely the conclusion they reached.
"Shall we go over there and talk for a bit?"
As I pointed to a corner of the field and spoke, I heard a sudden whistle from behind.
I turned around and saw the Captain whistling at us.
"Wow, Nam Da-un! Go get her!"
......He was harboring a misunderstanding my own friends wouldn't even make.
The Captain wasn't the only one who was mistaken. Behind him, the male club members were looking at Nam Da-un with envious eyes, and the girls were staring at me with expressions that looked ready to get up and leave right then and there.
......Seems like to those people, we looked like we had that sort of relationship.
"......."
But even that commotion quickly died down when I glared at them.
The moment the Captain's eyes met mine, he immediately looked away and started whistling again, far more timidly than before, and the other club members hastily scooped up balls, pretending to train hard.
......They all know what my stamina is like, and yet they do this.
Seeing that, I guess money really is a good thing. The way those people looked down on me was because of "money," and the way they can now act so chummy was also resolved with "money."
How ironic.
"Let's go."
I said that to Nam Da-un, who had been watching those people with eyes as contemptuous as mine.
"Uh, uh. Okay."
Nam Da-un obediently followed my lead.
*
"Senior."
"Huh?"
"Senior, you know me, right?"
"......."
At my question, Nam Da-un wordlessly got drinks from the vending machine. With a clunk, two cans dropped out, one after the other.
He handed me one of the cans and asked,
"Do you still like it?"
It was an apple-flavored soda.
"I'm not sure. It's been a long time since I've had one."
Aside from how my body had grown weaker by the day, I'd never been allowed near this kind of "seemingly unhealthy" drink at the mansion. No, it wasn't just drinks. I hadn't eaten any "unhealthy" food like snacks or instant meals since I was nine years old. I only managed to try them this year by tagging along after my three friends.
......If she cherished me that much, she could have loved me in a different way.
"......So you really are you."
Hearing Nam Da-un say that, I momentarily flinched and looked up at him.
"What are you so surprised about? Didn't you come find me knowing all of it?"
"What?"
What he was saying was a little hard for me to follow.
"When you first came to find me. Didn't you ask for help knowing that?"
"What?"
What was that sound?
......Ah, I see.
He was thinking that "I" had remembered my history with him "from the beginning."
"No."
I shook my head.
"I only recalled it recently."
Of course, what I was talking about was the "memory." No matter what, I was reluctant to tell him that another personality was sleeping inside me, and that it was actually that person who had been meeting him up until now.
Even if this was the one who first spoke to me when I was isolated.
And even if, despite all that time passing, his fundamental character hadn't changed.
"Really? Hmm. I see."
With a little grunt, he sat down on a nearby bench, and I followed suit, sitting down as well. Though, I kept a little distance, not like how I usually sat with my friends. Just like we used to back then.
"......You knew from the start, didn't you?"
"Well, of course. Does your face have that much unique character?"
Nam Da-un waved a hand in front of his own face. I gave him a slight glare, but Nam Da-un just chuckled dismissively, "Heh," and left it at that.
Tssssk.
As he popped the tab on his can, he continued.
"Still, it was a long time later that I heard about the situation you were in."
"Did you have that look on your face back then because you thought I didn't remember?"
In that person's memory, Nam Da-un had clicked his tongue when he first saw me.
"......."
Nam Da-un didn't answer that.
"What did you mean by what you just said?"
"What did I say?"
He asked back, not drinking from the can in his hand, just spinning it around.
"What you said about me really being me."
"Ah, that."
At my question, Nam Da-un shifted position, resting his right foot on his left knee and his right elbow on his right knee, propping up his chin. If only the can in his hand were a beer can, he'd be the perfect specimen of a delinquent.
I seem to remember us arguing as kids about whether cherry soda or apple soda was better.
No, our first meeting wasn't a big deal either—we just bickered.
"I don't know if you'll believe me, but I actually have a sort of, how should I put it, talent for seeing the fundamental part of a person. When I ran into you after a long time, it didn't seem like you remembered me at all. No, more than that, I should say something was a little different. Anyway, the face was clearly you, and the name was you, but I thought you were different from you."
"What about now?"
"Now is...... also a little different from back then. Though it's hard to pinpoint exactly what's different."
Only after saying that did he take a sip of the drink in his hand.
......Honestly, I don't know what's so tasty about that stuff.