Chapter 133
Chapter 133
Lee Su-a felt just as unsettled watching Yang Hye-in's situation.
The reason was simple: Lee Su-a's own situation wasn't so different from Yang Hye-in's.
Of course, you couldn't put them on the exact same level. Yang Hye-in had been Sara's constant attendant, someone who had actively participated in isolating 'Sara,' whereas Lee Su-a had been an indirect perpetrator, someone who had simply averted her gaze from a distance.
...No, that wasn't right.
In truth, it had been exactly the same.
Yang Hye-in hadn't 'actively' abused 'Sara' either. She had just, slowly, little by little, cornered her with an endless indifference.
And that wasn't something you could do alone.
To isolate a person thoroughly from society, from the world, everyone around that person had to act with one heart and one mind.
So in the end, Lee Su-a was just as much a perpetrator.
Ha-neul had only met 'Sara' this year. So-hee had, too. Out of everyone around the current Sara, those two were among the very few who 'hadn't wronged Sara.'
And what about Lee Su-a herself?
...Hadn't she cooperated in isolating 'Sara' at school?
The reason didn't matter. In the end, the one who had sincerely believed that flimsy reason and gone along with it was Lee Su-a herself.
Even the fact that she'd had a change of heart at the very last moment offered little comfort now.
...Because in the end, the 'Sara' Lee Su-a had watched throughout middle school was a different person from Sara.
The one who had accepted Lee Su-a's greeting, the one who had taken that photo with her that day, all of that had been Sara.
She wasn't unhappy about it. In fact, it was because of that that Lee Su-a had been able to properly acknowledge her wrongdoing and to see which direction she needed to go from now on.
But despite everything that had happened, nothing had been resolved.
If Sara and 'Sara' saw things differently, would 'Sara', the one she had truly wronged, even accept Lee Su-a's apology?
...She'd probably accept it.
But it would surely be exactly like Yang Hye-in's situation. A simple nod, as if it meant nothing, as if it hadn't really mattered from the start, and that would be the end of it.
Could you really call that 'being forgiven'?
...She'd thought she would spend the rest of her life repaying Sara, bit by bit.
...She'd thought she was looking out for Sara, in her own way.
But now she finally understood what 'Sara' really thought.
Could anything Lee Su-a had been preparing truly mean anything?
Lee Su-a might be a friend to Sara, but could she be a friend to 'Sara'?
To 'Sara,' over the last three years, Lee Su-a had been nothing more than one of the countless students who had ostracized her.
...If it had been 'Sara,' could they have taken a photo like that?
"What's with the mood?"
At 'Sara's' question, Lee Su-a jolted out of her thoughts.
"We have to sort this out one by one. Well, if you don't want to help, I can't force you, but—"
"I'll help!"
At those words, Lee Su-a replied so loudly she even startled herself.
"Hik!?"
Startled by her voice, 'Sara''s eyes widened as she turned toward Lee Su-a.
It was just a wide-eyed look of surprise, but to Lee Su-a, that gaze looked slightly different.
'You?'
To 'Sara,' Lee Su-a was surely nothing special, and she couldn't know if the thought had even gone that far, but—
"...Well, okay."
After studying Lee Su-a's face for a moment, 'Sara' gave a little shrug and answered.
"Su-a says she's in. What about you two?"
She'd carelessly addressed them as 'you two' for convenience, but it seemed that group also included Yang Hye-in, with whom Sara used formal speech.
Seeing that, Lee Su-a felt relieved.
And at the same time, she felt a terrible self-loathing.
Unlike Yang Hye-in, who had at least offered an apology, Lee Su-a still hadn't offered a proper one.
And now, as soon as 'Sara' accepted her offer to help, her heart was already at ease.
No, this wasn't right.
The sin was a heavy one.
It was, by nature, not a sin you could end with just an apology. A sin you couldn't push onto someone else, and couldn't make excuses for.
...A sin that, someday, without fail, she had to atone for properly.
...She didn't know how to make Sara forgive that sin, no, whether she'd even acknowledge it as a 'sin', but—
* * *
Wow, they're all burning with motivation.
I could see So-hee, Ha-neul, and even Su-a feeling that way, but I hadn't expected Yang Hye-in to get that fired up, too.
Maybe this also comes from the way I used to judge the person. The Yang Hye-in I had seen was someone who was almost always mechanical, except for the occasional curious glance she'd send my way.
...The fact that the person's anger was so sudden and overly intense was a point against her, but well, I suppose that could be sorted out somehow.
Not that I had any grand method for sorting it out, really.
The person just needed to rest slowly inside my consciousness and let her anger cool down. That was my job.
"Then from now on, let's do this."
And while I was at it, it would be good to arrange things so that when the person returned to my body, she wouldn't have to worry about anything.
Honestly, what I'm thinking right now is exactly the kind of thing that would get me an earful if I brought it up in a dream tonight. Because I was planning to mostly paper over the problems and make sure nobody brought them up again.
In a sense, this might be a bit of a betrayal to the person who had gone out of her way to put in this much effort for me.
But, I'm sorry. I hate watching you struggle, too.
Especially when you struggle because of me.
"First, Miss Yang Hye-in."
I called out to Yang Hye-in.
Still bowed, her shoulders trembling faintly, Yang Hye-in raised her head at my words. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, as if she might burst into tears at any moment, but no tears fell. What impressive professionalism. To be fair, she'd spent three years as my direct personal maid with that expressionless face, so she'd probably do well from now on, too.
"From now on, cut off all contact with Mother. Unilaterally."
First things first: sever ties with Mother.
I could never cut her off completely. No matter what, Mother was still Mother. Deep in my heart, I was still waiting for that gentle Mother from my childhood. That's why earlier, when So-hee gently hugged me, my consciousness nearly switched without me even realizing it.
Drawn by that faint yearning, if I met Mother again, I wouldn't be able to withstand the torrent of emotion; I'd end up in her arms again.
The only reason I can think rationally like this and say such things is probably because my emotions and memories have blended somewhat with hers.
Emotions and memories that I had never possessed. All of those things were filling the empty places and the holes in my heart, keeping me from collapsing. Whether it was intentional or not, the person had saved me, even like this.
And if I cut ties like this, the person would surely respect my decision. Even once I retreat back into my consciousness, she'll avoid meeting Mother.
"Understood."
Yang Hye-in bowed without another word.
"Oh, and don't say you're quitting your job. From now on, Miss Yang Hye-in is once again the manager of this estate. If anyone says anything or refuses to follow your orders, just kick them all out. This estate is mine anyway, isn't it?"
The person might not have gone this far, but I'm not generous enough to tolerate people I didn't invite running their mouths in my own house.
Maybe if it were the old me, who couldn't do anything about their attitude, it would be different, but after the person has taken such control of the estate, it would be a shame not to use it. In fact, I'd feel sorry not to.
"...Understood."
Turning my eyes away from Yang Hye-in as she bowed deeply once more, I looked at So-hee, Ha-neul, and Su-a.
So-hee and Ha-neul wore expressions of firm resolve.
...They didn't need to steel themselves that much.
I wasn't planning to do anything grand to begin with. I just intended to tidy up what the person had started, with my own hands. So that when the person returned to my body, no one could interfere and mess it all up.
So it wouldn't be such an arduous fight this time.
More than anything, I had these three people with me now.
The new relationships the person had gifted me, back when the only person in my life was Mother.
Maybe the reason I didn't miss Mother, right in this moment, was all thanks to that.
Even being able to trust someone.
Except, among these three, one person's reaction was oddly out of place.
That was Su-a.
If the other two looked 'passionate,' Su-a looked 'forlorn.'
...Was my story that sad?
...Well, I guess if you wanted to get technical, these three could all be seen as competitors with each other over me, but a friend was still a friend. A friend I liked being around.
So, maybe I should have a proper talk with Su-a sometime.