Chapter 108
Chapter 108
......There's a way?
Yu Ha-neul reacted immediately.
"Well."
I thought about it for a second.
No, I'd been thinking about it all night. Thanks to that, I now had a rough idea of when my personal maid liked to crawl into my bed. She'd watch me for a long time, and once she was certain I was asleep, Shin So-hee would slowly get up, without making a sound, and slip under the covers.
I don't really mind it. That other person got close to Shin So-hee and didn't seem to mind it either, so she let it be.
If the relationships between people have changed by the time I give the body back, that itself would be rude. She must have worked hard to build those bonds.
It felt a little like having a jealous little sister... which was kind of endearing. I've never had a younger sibling, but I think someone once talked about things like that.
Anyway. That's how one idea came to me.
"The pills."
......Pills?
Given how quickly Yu Ha-neul reacted with hostility, she'd definitely read the will.
Her expression sharpened in an instant. The fragile look she'd worn yesterday, like she might break at any moment, was gone.
Maybe it was because she thought of this body as her friend's body.
I shrugged before speaking.
"You know the moment I got my memories back, don't you?"
And at the same time, it was the moment I lost them.
"......The day you met Chairwoman Choi Na-kyung."
Even the honorifics had vanished.
Well, I can understand that. I'm probably the only one who actually wants to call that person 'Mother' with the utmost respect.
It feels strange. There was a time when just thinking about Mother made me miss her terribly. And a time when I hated her just as intensely.
Maybe it's because that person had been staying in my body. Those emotions feel a little more distant now.
As if she'd carried away only the bad parts of me when she left.
"......Right."
I realized I'd unconsciously placed a hand over my chest. I let it drop casually as I went on.
"I got my memories back after seeing Mother. Why do you think that is?"
"......Because she was the only person who could tie you to this world."
So she'd heard everything.
That meant that person had trusted these kids that much.
In that case, the least I can do is pretend to trust them too.
"Yeah, exactly. So then, what do you think connects that 'Sara' you're talking about to this world?"
"Connect Sara to this world?"
Yu Ha-neul echoed.
"I mean it literally. To find my memories, I found the cord that connects me to this world and pulled on it, right? So what connects 'Sara' to this world?"
"......."
Yu Ha-neul hesitated for a moment, then her face flushed, like she was deeply embarrassed.
"Th-That's... maybe... us...?"
Seeing that expression, I could sort of understand why 'Sara' liked her. She has such a wide range of expressions.
Not that I'm saying I've fallen in love.
"Is that so? Are you sure?"
When I asked, Yu Ha-neul stayed silent for a moment.
The silence felt heavy, so I spoke first.
"Want to test it?"
"Uh...."
Yu Ha-neul's expression went blank.
Without a word, I opened my arms just a little.
"... Really? Right here?"
Yu Ha-neul looked deeply uncertain. I nodded without speaking and kept my arms open.
"......."
Awkwardly, she stepped closer and gave me a light hug.
A few seconds of stilted silence.
"... Um, Sara?"
"Hm?"
"Did you... come back...?"
For an instant I thought about teasing her, but then I let out a deep breath and answered.
"No."
"......."
Yu Ha-neul hurriedly pulled away.
That person and I share the same body. I wondered if she really needed to be this embarrassed about it.
... No, wait. Having thoughts like that at all might be rude.
Whether it's what that kid thinks, or what I think, in the end, it all comes down to the fact that she and I are different people.
"Honestly, I thought it would turn out like this."
I said it quietly. I won't deny I had a little hope. But I've already hugged Shin So-hee and Lee Su-a a few times. My consciousness stayed completely the same then. If the three of them really were the cords that tied that person to this world, I would have slipped back into the depths of my mind a long time ago.
"......."
Yu Ha-neul kept her face flushed and avoided my eyes.
"What I'm thinking of is a little different."
I grabbed the rooftop railing and looked up at the sky. The weather was so warm now that you could almost call it full spring. Then again, it was nearly April.
"... Do you know what happened to the pill bottle I left in the drawer?"
"Uh, that—Ms. Yang Hye-in probably..."
Yu Ha-neul caught herself mid-sentence and clammed up. Then she glared at me.
"You can't mean—that's the method you're thinking of?"
"Probably the exact method you're thinking of."
I lowered my gaze. People were running around on the field. Way off in the distance, a male student with bleached-blond hair was kicking a ball.
Right. Over the past week I'd met someone like that, too. I followed the kids out there, and he made me run without warning. It was ridiculously hard.
I don't have the kind of eyesight that could pick out a face and recognize someone from up here. I couldn't even see any light.
Yeah—light.
Until now, I'd never seen so many people's faces shine with light.
When I was young, my mother's face shone. My father's face shone too, before he passed away.
Now I knew what that light meant. It appears on the faces of people who will change my life. I'm certain of it, because after my father married my mother and she locked me away, the light vanished from her face.
My life has already changed, so I guess it'll just keep going the same way from here on out.
Yes; it was a special ability that made people look like saints in a religious painting. But the truth is, not everyone whose face gave off that light brought me a positive outcome.
That was why I couldn't bring myself to trust it, even after I saw those three shining.
... They might have been the same kind of person as Mother.
"How much did you hear? Do you know I took pills?"
"... I do know the bottle was half empty."
"Yeah? Then this'll go fast."
I turned a little to the side and faced Yu Ha-neul straight on.
"I took the pills that day. Normally, I should be dead."
"......."
Yu Ha-neul's mouth fell open.
"But I was able to wake up. Except, the person who woke up wasn't 'me.'"
No matter how I thought about it, it didn't add up. I could accept that I almost died and survived. Maybe I didn't take enough. Maybe the dosage wasn't lethal, and I was rushed to the hospital and barely saved.
But the idea that those pills caused a complete personality change? That doesn't make sense.
It wasn't just memory loss. If I'd lost a few years of memory, I would have simply become a younger version of myself.
Everything that person did while living in my body as a separate personality; she could only have done it if she'd accurately recognized the situation I was in.
No matter how many mysteries the human brain still holds, something this blatant might as well be called fantasy.
"That's when I started wondering. What if the thing that links that person to this world is 'death'?"
To be more specific—my death.
*
"......."
Yu Ha-neul stood frozen, staring at 'Sara,' completely at a loss for words.
What is she saying right now...?
"So you're saying you want to try dying one more time?"
The words burst out of her before she could stop them. It was the kind of remark she'd never have made in front of Sara.
But she couldn't help it. Sara had cared about her that much. Had tidied up everything—had even thrown away her own life.
And now this girl was saying she'd wager that life all over again.
Yet, somewhere inside her, another Yu Ha-neul kept poking at the corner of her heart.
Just hear her out.
Who knows—this might actually work.
... Was that really true? Was this 'Sara' truly saying she'd go this far just to bring Sara back?
Or was it just that she wanted to give up properly this time?
Over the past week, she'd thought 'Sara' had been living pretty happily. Yu Ha-neul had read the will, and she still remembered what Sara had said to her. She couldn't claim she'd followed it a hundred percent, but—
'Not a hundred percent'?
Deep in Yu Ha-neul's chest, another Yu Ha-neul murmured.
If she'd really been thinking that way from the start, wouldn't she have avoided telling 'Sara' all of this?
No matter how painful or tempting the thought was, she would have tried to keep that promise.
Wasn't she saying these things because of her own selfishness?
Because she wanted to see Sara again?
"......."
Once those thoughts surfaced, Yu Ha-neul couldn't open her mouth again.
"Calm down."
'Sara' gave her a wry smile.
"I'm not planning to just take them recklessly. I only thought, 'what if it's like that?'"
"... So?"
But even so, hearing those words, a tiny seed of hope had started to sprout in the corner of her heart.
"I want to meet that person. I'm not trying to die again. For now, the first step is to find out if I can take those pills and definitely not die."
"... Is there a way to confirm that?"
"No."
'Sara' cut her off flatly.
"Scientifically speaking, probably not. Because taking that many really will kill you. But."
"But?"
"If I really did die once after taking those pills—wouldn't there at least be a record of being rushed to the hospital? Someone who treated me would exist, and someone who was at that hospital that day would exist."
"Ah...."
Her heart started pounding. Thump, thump, thump.
"Let's start there."
'Sara' said.
"......."
Yu Ha-neul stared at her for a long moment before she spoke.
"... This might sound a little weird coming from me."
"Hm?"
"Why did you think of that? Wanting to meet that... kid."
"Ah, that."
Sara turned back around. She looked down again at the students running far below.
"Just."
She gave a little shrug.
"It bugs me, you know? My life changed this much, and I don't even know why."
"......."
Yu Ha-neul gazed quietly at 'Sara' as she answered.
Maybe following her words would be a mistake. Sara had moved for 'Sara's sake and had ultimately achieved her goal. To give Sara a happy week, just as the will said.
And making sure that week could last was supposed to be the job of the friends around her.
... What if, while following this plan, even 'Sara' disappeared?
No, the worst case was sacrificing 'Sara' to bring back the Sara Yu Ha-neul knew.
... I don't want that.
Yeah. I don't want that.
The idea of sacrificing someone else for the sake of my own selfishness; it was unthinkable.
But—
But I want to see her.
Whenever she imagined never seeing her again, she'd grow so unbearably sad she couldn't even get up.
And so.
....
Her heart had been pounding for a while now. Thump, thump, thump.
Yu Ha-neul had felt this sensation before.
When she decided to take this school's entrance exam.
When she'd first spoken to Sara.
When she'd walked beside Sara and felt happy.
It was the feeling she always got whenever she'd made a choice she wouldn't regret later.
"... Fine."
Yu Ha-neul nodded.
"I'll cooperate too."
Once again, Yu Ha-neul decided to trust her instincts.