I Am Finally Free!
After the divorce, he returns to the office and heads home with a sense of complete indifference. He is a Senior Managing Director at Doowon, his father's company. He sits at his desk, processes the documents that come his way, travels whenever a business trip is required, and attends meetings. As he does so, he often notices the way other executives look at him, prompting him to clarify, "Well... that’s just how things turned out." It’s hardly an explanation, but it serves as a silent warning for them not to bring up the divorce elsewhere or act as if they know too much.
To friends, acquaintances, and other employees who try to offer their condolences, he acts as if he couldn't care less. "Living alone is actually amazing. Everyone, don't get married. Being alone is the most comfortable thing in the world." Having become an evangelist for the unmarried life, he tells everyone this before returning home to fire up his PlayStation. And it isn't just the console. He bought a Nintendo for one side of the room, and the room she used to occupy has been transformed: a racing wheel and a seat fitted with exquisite, high-end leather are set up, accompanied by six monitors arranged horizontally. Not content with just joining a gaming club, he hops on Discord and shouts, "Whoa, whoa, holy shit, wait! Whoa! Behind, he went behind! I saw him on the radar, hurry!"
If you can't control your sexual desires, you're an animal, not a human. It might be a fact she doesn't know, but if he lacks sexual desire, he can simply fill that void with something else. Growing his wealth through stocks is one such desire. Instead of the home-cooked meals she used to make, he embodies the role of a lonely, solitary city salaryman, visiting one-person restaurants to eat to his heart's content before returning home to spend his day in bliss. He can go for a drive alone or meet friends to drink past midnight without any restrictions. Laundry, dishes, cleaning? How much do you think this apartment costs? If you request it from the management office, they clean the place while you're out. Their identities are verified, so there's no risk of theft.
"Is... is it really okay to be this comfortable...?"
He hasn't felt the agonizing sensation of being unable to satisfy his sexual urges even once in the past month. No, if anything, he feels like he might even forget how to have sex if things continue this way. More than that, he feels a strange, lingering fear—wondering if it’s really okay to live this comfortably.
At this point—no, if his wife were still here, he would have had to throw all these tools away. In the past, it would have been:
- It’s noisy, turn the volume down.
- I’m tired, turn it off and go to sleep.
- I don't find this fun. Why do you even do this?
- I don't like it... I’m going to sleep. I have to be at work by 6:00 AM tomorrow.
His wife would have been there to pour cold water on him just as he started to have fun, but since that person is no longer around, he feels a strange, creeping dread at how comfortable his life has become. But that, too, is only for a moment.
- Stone, are you AFK?
- stonesing, please hurry up, are you AFK?
- My apologies!
He dives back into the game.
It was a call from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. She hadn't even had the strength to pick up, but when the phone rang three times in a row, she answered, her voice thick with tears. As soon as the call ended, she let the phone drop limply from her hand. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs keeps people skilled in interpretation as Grade 5 officials, and among them, when a private company gets involved in matters closely related to national diplomacy, they provide an interpreter. Among them, she was the elite of the elite, capable of speaking Russian, Arabic, French, Japanese, Chinese, and English as if they were her native tongue, so it was common practice to call her from the start whenever an interpreter was needed. It wasn't just simple interpretation, either. She had an outstanding ability to act as a mediator, choosing one of many words with the same meaning to deliver a message that would sound favorable to a foreigner or pleasant to a Korean ear during negotiations. That was why everyone wanted to call her, but right now, she...
"...."
She had no heart to work. Time had passed too quickly. She had only closed her eyes for a brief moment, and in an instant, she had become the ex-wife who had coldly told her beloved husband to get a divorce. She had actually gone through with the divorce, moved out of the house, and was now in a position where she had to do everything on her own. The kindness he had shown her—which she hadn't felt when he was there—the way he would make porridge and bring it to her when she was sick, call a doctor to check on her if she was unwell, place a wet towel on her forehead to check for a fever, and hug or stroke her warmly, asking if she was very tired—that husband had disappeared. To be precise, she was the one who had made him disappear.
On the day of their wedding, before walking down the aisle, she had made a promise to herself: Don't lose sight of what's precious by being blinded by familiarity. The aftermath of acting as if she had forgotten all those words was far too violent. Even setting aside the aforementioned matters, her phone no longer rang with calls from the contact she had saved as "My Husband." She frequently checked the KakaoTalk chat room she had saved as "Beloved Husband," hoping he might have sent a message of regret, but all she saw was the last message she had sent:
"I have something to tell you. I wish you would come home quickly."
That was the one thing she should have died before sending. Why on earth did she do that? Had she taken some drug and gone crazy? Was she out of her mind from working too much? Couldn't she have just said it with words? I want to try this. Can't you let me do this? I want to use these tools, I want to tease you. That was all it was, but the words had come out wrong. She had said she wanted a divorce, and in the same breath, she had said she was sick of sex, didn't want to do it, and had no interest in it. In short, she had said something equivalent to, "You don't satisfy me." That was clearly going to leave a massive scratch on his pride.
"What do I do, really, I... I... really, haa... it's not, that's not really..."
Even so, there was only one thing that kept her barely holding on. She thought to herself:
'I know. Han Suhyun, you really... I’m waiting for you, so contact me soon. Tell me you miss me. I know you’re going to do it anyway. If you just come to me like a madman, I’ll act as if I’m forgiving you.'
'Yeah—you too... I said that, so you could make that kind of judgment. You could have made a mistake in the moment. I know. I made a mistake like that too.'
'So, I made a mistake, but you’re a man, so you should be the one to reach out first. Who actually gets a divorce just because someone asked for one? I know you’re just acting right now.'
'I know you’re dying to do it soon. That’s what you want, isn't it? To stuff me full, to press down on me until I can't breathe. It might be hard to walk if you shove it to the end of my womb like you always did... but well, I’ll specially... really, with my broad generosity...'
...'No, no. Yeah, that’s good. ...I’ll even quit my job. If you come back, I’ll quit my job. Even if you tell me to work, I won’t.'
'I’ll treat you better every day, and I won’t say anything about you playing games or watching movies. I’ll watch them with you by your side. And I’ll tell you that you can do it without a condom, just like you wanted.'
'Then... then you’ll really like it. Even if it’s dangerous, you’ll like it even more if I tell you to do it inside. Definitely. You told me yourself that I’m very pretty. That’s right. My breasts are quite large, too. I still remember that look in your eyes that made you look like you were going to go crazy.'
'I’m canceling the talk about having a baby later, too. I should have one right now. If you want it, I should tell you to do it right away. I’ll have to raise it well... but well, I can endure it even if it’s a bit hard, right? The shock and pain of having to live like this alone forever is worse.'
'I’ll have a baby... and I’ll do it a lot with my mouth, too. Using an onahole is only a one-time thing. My mouth would be better, right? Suhyun is a man, too. I... I will kneel, and in a submissive position... looking up at you... yeah. You really liked that, too. That, too...'
"I'll do everything for you... please, please..."
At that moment, someone else was saying:
"Wait, is it really okay to live like this? Is that what divorce is like?"
"Wow, it's fucking refreshing. Hey, didn't I buy this well? If you put a glass in here, it cools down."
"No... Suhyun, you definitely said you were divorced... I came to comfort you..."
"You'll understand how I feel once you get married and then divorced. It’s like... really, haha, it’s like starting to live alone after being confined at home for 20 years? I could die happy..."