Starting Over
September 15th. She had to make calls to equalize the insurance beneficiaries, and she still had to finish the handover documents she hadn't completed, but she...
“Ah, you’ve already done this? Hmm... then how about this?”
“Yes. I’ll get right on it.”
That was how Min Suyeon had changed. After what happened the night before, he had told her during their brief conversation that there could be a better life if she treated her mental illness. Honestly, he didn't care about the quality of her life, but if this woman were to join GPL and work, having an untreated mental illness would make her a burden rather than a help.
Every morning, the first customer at the toast shop on the first floor was Min Suyeon. After eating her toast, she would swallow her ninth dose of medication and head to work. She was someone who barely managed to wake up by 9:00 AM, but this week, she hadn't been late once, arriving right on time.
“Is this all finished too?”
“Yes. I’ll give it to you later.”
“...”
Mixing, boiling, dissolving, flipping, and vaporizing various chemicals. The people around her clicked their tongues at the sight of her messy workspace. She hadn't been like this before—was it the medication, or was it because there was finally someone willing to listen to her outbursts? Many things were changing.
“Um, Ms. Min Suyeon. About this chemical agent...”
After she showed a diligent and intelligent side of herself on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, other employees began to approach her to discuss work. In this research center, the title used to address others was "Teacher." Normally, if she received such a question, she would have snapped, "I'm busy, so get lost, you moron," but now—
“Yes, this substance usually uses an advanced oxidation process... but electrochemical treatment is also possible. So, what this means is...”
It was more accurate to say she was returning to the Min Suyeon from before she was twenty, rather than just changing. A researcher would ask her a question first to understand a problem, and then another researcher would ask about things they were curious about. The team leader, who had always thought of her as a troublemaker, trash, and someone he wished would be fired immediately, looked at the atmosphere in the lab and muttered—
“...Our lab wasn't usually like this.”
“Haha...”
Everyone laughed awkwardly. She would answer others' questions, then quickly finish her own work, spend an hour standing in front of chemical equipment, skip lunch at the cafeteria to make a phone call, and ask someone to source urea for her. Because of that, she had no time to make the handover documents, and calling the insurance company was naturally out of the question.
And as she worked like that,
“What are you doing?”
“Ah, I have to... use the centrifuge.”
“...”
While she briefly explained the research she was working on, she inserted a burette into the centrifuge and started the machine. As she did so, the team leader stared at her blankly and made a joke: “Teacher Min, they say people change when they’re about to die... I’m worried about you...”
Normally, if she heard something like that, she would have retorted, “Are you picking a fight because you want me to die? Huh?” But upon hearing the joke, she just scratched her head.
“No... well, you know...”
“You’re working hard. Good job.”
She actually was scheduled to die soon. *Is it because I know I’m really going to die that I’ve changed like this?* she wondered. However, unlike when she had first made up her mind to die, as the days went by, Min Suyeon felt she was growing more things rather than just tidying up her life in preparation for death.
“....”
She felt something was strange.
— September 16th, Friday.
There was a reason she found herself checking her phone frequently at work.
Using formal language with this man was something she simply couldn't bring herself to do. Especially on a messenger. If she used formal language, wouldn't it be displayed as text on the screen? Since she would be conscious of it constantly, she absolutely refused to do it.
After replying like that, she turned off her phone, bit her lip, and shook her head slightly. She was annoyed and displeased with herself for reacting this way whenever he suggested doing something, but she still liked it. A walk. Were they going to walk together? Would they do other things, too?
Despite Min Suyeon acting indifferent, saying "Whatever, whatever," her reply speed on the messenger was incredibly fast.
“Jia is going to get sulky.”
“We did it yesterday.”
“...Then the secretary is going to get sulky.”
“I’m really busy.”
“I shouldn't have introduced them... Min Suyeon...”
He and Eunbyul were looking at the PC KakaoTalk screen together. Eunbyul, who had been watching the messenger, said that. It was true that he had been neglecting his home life lately.
“I’m not trying to add more women to my life. You know this is really important.”
“I know, but you know how jealous Jia gets.”
“...”
Jia’s jealousy was now known even to Eunbyul.
“...Now that I think about it... I was a failure as a husband, too.”
“Why?”
He, who went to Min Suyeon’s house every evening to persuade her, began to reflect on his behavior during his past marriage.
“Back then, um... I’d take my wife home, but I think I only talked about work in the car.”
“Huh? You never talk about work to me.”
“Not now, but I did back then.”
A good wife would have the patience to listen to such things, but where would one find such a woman? If she had spent 1 to 3 hours telling him, “I had to interpret for her in the car, and it was so hard because she kept talking about who she met, what language she used, and what food she liked,” would he have been able to listen to all of it? His body was at home, but his heart was essentially still at the office.
“Are you suddenly reflecting on yourself?”
“...I feel a bit sorry about that. A bit. Hmm. Yeah.”
And when he was married, he had to "learn" and accomplish much more than he did now. Now that he had more leeway, he replied to Jia’s messages promptly, but back then, he hadn't even touched his phone at work.
— “Do you dislike the Cheonggyecheon Stream?”
If you looked at this woman’s expression, you couldn't help but ask that question. Beyond just disliking it, it was like... she seemed to find it filthy.
“Of course! The water smells like shit...!”
“Really? Then should we go somewhere else?”
“Just go... everywhere else smells like shit too...”
Contrary to the thought of *What do you want me to do?*, Min Suyeon’s inner thoughts were—
‘...I was supposed to come to Cheonggyecheon on Sunday, so what should I do on Sunday then?’
‘I’m glad I don’t have to come alone...’
‘It would have been really boring if I’d come alone.’
‘Hurry up and ask me something you’re curious about, I want to talk more...’
...She was a crazy bitch.
“So, what do you think about joining GPL?”
“...Don't you have anything else to say? It’s been that talk since a while ago.”
His purpose was only that. There was nothing else. In fact, he was anxious because she was so unresponsive. It had been about a week since he started visiting Min Suyeon’s house. He would have been glad to see even a hint of interest, but there hadn't been any. However, Min Suyeon tended to dislike hearing that.
She didn't know why she disliked it when he asked her to work, but... Min Suyeon just hated it. She hated this man who only talked about work whenever they met.
‘If he would just listen to my story again... that would be nice.’
Deep down, she wished he would ask about her life or the alternative gasoline she had researched, rather than that. She didn't want to talk about things he didn't ask about. It was a strange mentality...
‘...Like, something difficult I went through.’
She had joined a strange club and wasted a semester, but she had done well on her exams. Since she was professional regarding alternative energy, she thought, *Can’t you ask me about those things?* At first, her attitude had been, *Why would I tell you that?*, but now she was desperate.
“...Are we just going for a walk today?”
“We already ate dinner earlier.”
. . .
Thinking of meeting him, she had run to the team leader’s desk and asked if she could leave work one hour early. Since the amount of work she had done today was equivalent to three days' worth of work for the entire research center staff, the team leader readily agreed, “Oh! Teacher Min, go ahead and leave early. Yes.”
“...Thank you.”
“No, you worked very hard today.”
After doing that, she took the subway to Yeoksam-dong as soon as the clock hit 5:00, but this man had taken her to some pizza place, and since it wasn't appropriate to drink alcohol there, they had only talked about work-related matters while eating. If only they could have a simple late-night snack and have a drink after this walk ended...
“...Then I’ll just cover,”
“What was that? Ms. Min Suyeon, is talking to yourself a habit?”
“No, I didn't, no, I didn't!”
“That’s strange... since last time. Shouldn't you go to the hospital for that?”
Talking to herself was something she had really only started doing after getting to know a man named Han Suhyun, so what kind of illness could it be?
“It’s not an illness.”
“Yes, yes.”
“...So annoying.”
She acted annoyed even when asked to meet, yet she arrived incredibly early. What was he supposed to do with this woman who acted bothered when they actually met, but did everything he asked her to do?
“Is there something about me that you don't like?”
“Just shut up and walk.”
...Was it right for him to be treated like this...?