The Weight of Reality
Min Suyeon went down to the convenience store, thinking she might try smoking. After asking the clerk what the best cigarette they had was—and enduring the strange look he gave her—she paid and headed back home. Once she closed the balcony door, she lit a single cigarette.
"French Black..." She had never been to France. At most, until now, "...I've never even been able to go anywhere, not even for a trip..." That was how her life had been so far. Going to England? That was for employment. She had wanted to see what kind of company it was that had granted her such a large scholarship, and perhaps try applying there.
At first, things went well for a few months, and she worked for a high salary. She had been happy until then. "This is work worth doing. Please, I really want to produce results..." But after receiving a rejection notice following her months-long internship, she immediately looked for other companies. It wasn't a place like Total or BP, but she thought it would be fortunate if they just accepted her, so she applied and got in. But here, too—
"We aren't interested in alternative gasoline. We're just looking for all kinds of renewable and alternative energy; we can't just focus on one thing."
"It's the most promising one. The thesis I wrote in the past contains the same content..."
"...It's difficult."
She was cut off again. After tasting two losses in England, Min Suyeon had holed herself up at home, not even stepping outside for a while. One day, she checked the Doowon open recruitment information and, thinking she couldn't just stay unemployed forever, she applied. She was accepted here as well. But this time, Min Suyeon didn't show anyone the research she had done—the work she considered her own child. She just thoroughly did what she was told. She knew the chairman's son here had tried to make something related and failed, but that was someone else's business, and she couldn't afford to take any more risks.
Still, as a chemist, she had high expectations. Isn't God too heartless to say we should only use oil? Other energies have lower efficiency and slow charging speeds. Biodiesel? The fertilizer consumption is no joke. But—
"...Cough, ugh, ah, ah... Ptooey, it's disgusting, damn it..."
The cigarette smoke was too harsh. It couldn't be helped. Since it was her first time smoking. Her colleague's words—that it relieves stress and is good—were all lies. Her head was throbbing, and she felt terribly dizzy. She had only taken one puff.
Anyway—
"Anyway, that person failed again. This time, I had to investigate that failure myself. So I was even stricter. Because it would be good if anyone could succeed at such a thing. I had long ago given up the thought that maybe I could lend a hand in such a place."
If she had brought the hardcover thesis, the thick books, and the experimental reports she had written—all covered in dust on her desk—to the company—
"There is no possibility. It's slim."
"It's impossible. It's a difficult task. Someone already did something like this a long time ago..."
"It sounds like an old alchemy story, trying to mix this and that to make gold..."
"...It's just talk with your head in the clouds."
It was obvious she would hear things like that. But to say she should just go out and start a business with this—as mentioned, her family was dirt poor. Even though the company she was at now gave her 6 million won a month in performance bonuses and benefits—
Remaining Balance: 176,760 KRW
That was her reality. Even if she worked for a year in this state, the money left over after pinching every penny would be 2,121,120 won. Business? She was in a position where she could starve to death tomorrow.
"..."
If you asked why she had to die exactly 10 days later, it was because if she committed suicide before two years had passed since signing up for life insurance, the money wouldn't be paid out. She thought that if she received that money and gave it to her family, her sacrifice might give them some breathing room. They say dying before your parents is unfilial, but it felt like living in this state was the real unfilial act. Even when the family gathered, it was hard to go to a common barbecue restaurant, and if she just splurged out of frustration, there wouldn't even be that 170,000 won left that month. Her family was always busy walking on eggshells around her, and her mother, from some point on, would hold her daughter's hand and just apologize, saying she should die soon. Her father's face looked more troubled the more she saw it.
And her only younger brother—
"Don't send money. I transferred it back."
"Just use it, I said."
"Noona, eat well, buy some good clothes... Do that. Okay? I'm... Yes! Foreman, I'm coming now!"
"What are you doing?"
"Huh? Ah, haha, I'm just helping a friend with some work. Anyway, Noona, eat properly. When I went over last time, the ramen..."
"...."
Her brother hadn't gotten into Seoul National University, but he had graduated from a good university comparable to it—
"I'm sorry."
"Aren't you going to earn money? Let's do this quickly."
"Yes. I'm sorry."
During the day, he worked at a trading company, and when he got off work, he would run out if there was a construction job, or—
"Hello! Yes, please give me the car keys. Yes."
Or he would do designated driver services. It didn't matter since his clothes were a suit anyway. The money he earned living like that was half of hers. Perhaps because the sound he made during the phone call kept lingering in her memory, Min Suyeon quickly wiped away the welling tears with a tissue and bit her lip hard.
'Right now, should I just die?'
Enduring 10 days was too hard. Hard enough to die. It was really, really hard. Since she was in that state right now, the reason she didn't go even though such a proposal had come today was for other reasons, too. She was aware that she was in a state where money was a severe issue and she felt like she was losing her life, unable to plan or judge anything properly. If she went to a place like that, she would only be a hindrance.
"...Legal... response."
Knowing she was someone desperate for money. She was about to argue, asking what he took her for, but... since that was the truth, she just ended up feeling annoyed.
She thought she should stop thinking and just go to sleep early, but she eventually turned on the internet to search for his name and tried to find out more about what kind of person he was. She wondered what kind of life a person like that lived.
—
"Anyway, we have to recruit that person, Min Suyeon."
"Master, calling it 'recruitment' makes it sound like we're recruiting a North Korean spy."
"...It's that kind of feeling. Eunbyul, how about you?"
"Hmm..."
As she turned her gaze away from the musty-smelling studio apartment, in a house in the middle of a place lined with high-rise apartments that seemed to pierce the sky, he sat between Eunbyul and Seo Jia, drinking coffee with his feet up on the table. The topic was: Persuade Min Suyeon to come to the Alternative Energy Development Group! That... was it.
"You heard her swearing today, right? She's not an easy person to tame."
"Tame? Is that woman a pet?"
"...Master, who are you taming? A woman?"
"No, you, go over there for a second..."
Ugh. Tired. It's stressful.
"You have to be careful. You might get bitten hard, Senior."
"..."
"Who bit Master?"
"Ah, Seo Jia, please!!!!!"
"Sob..."
He watched Jia, who was cowering in the corner of the sofa in fear, for a moment, then rubbed his forehead and thought for a bit before pulling Jia's clothes up with his right arm and sitting her up straight.
"No, this is a really important matter. Okay?"
"...You yelled at me. That's too much..."
"Oh, seriously!"
"I got it... Anyway, so if you bring that woman, Master will do even better..."
"That's right. I'm going to set gasoline at 150 won per liter. I'll raise or lower it as I please."
It was an absurd story, but he said it to lighten the worried atmosphere.
"How are you going to bring her?"
"I don't know. Unnie, that woman... she came today and swore at Senior like that?"
"...?"
Jia, who had been looking at him for a moment, slid her gaze toward Eunbyul and said, "Anyway, young people these days have no manners, how dare a rude bitch swear at someone..."
"...Hey Unnie, she's the same age as Senior..."
"Does age matter? Someone dared to throw insults at our Master. What kind of slut..."
Wait, I need to calm her down... I'm the one who got sworn at, so why are you—
"Master, are you an idiot?"
Master, could the word 'idiot' even be attached to you...?
"No, damn it, if you were sworn at outside, you should have told me, I would have destroyed them over the phone—"
"...."
"What kind of commoner slut from a messed-up family dares to swear at someone and act like that—"
Right, she's good at swearing too...? But I have to calm her down. The dignity of the apartment complex... it won't be damaged, but I'm having a hard time. No, why is she suddenly starting up? Is there any way to stop this? Ah! Soundproofing!
"Wait a minute, can the neighbors hear this..."
"Senior, I'm the owner of the next apartment."
I feel dizzy.