Finally Ready to Leave
Before summer ended, I finally achieved my goal.
I had made every spell and every form of Holy Magic that Master said I must learn completely my own! From recovery arts to detoxification, all the way to wide-area healing—there was so much to study that it was truly exhausting. Memorizing the formulas for rewriting natural law had been especially brutal, but in the end I pulled it off. I even passed the examination Master set for me with flying colors, and I could use every last one of them!
"Ah! At last!"
I had finally met the bare minimum conditions to leave this city.
"Keh-keh. A pity. What a pity."
"Master?"
"So… will you leave right away?"
"Uh, no…? I still need to prepare."
An adventure isn't something you can undertake with nothing but your bare body. Setting out empty-handed? That would be suicide.
You need tools, daily necessities, and all manner of other supplies if you mean to adventure properly.
I had no intention of leaving immediately. About a week? That much, at least, I meant to set aside as a preparation period.
"Good, good. You ought to bid farewell to Miss Meyer as well, shouldn't you?"
The baron's daughter… I truly hadn't thought of that. Even if I left, Master would remain in the city and continue teaching magic. But if I vanished without a word, the baron's daughter would surely feel the loss.
"You're right."
I offered Master my thanks once more. Under his guidance, I had grown a great deal.
And I'd had some fine experiences along the way…
I told my older sister to start preparing for our departure.
"Finally."
"Yeah. First I thought we might head for the capital."
The most prosperous city in the kingdom—Capital Barga. That seemed a worthy destination.
"Okay. Got it."
"And I'm not leaving right away. I still have goodbyes to say."
My sister nodded. And so I spent my days preparing for the adventure, until at last the day came to visit the baron's estate.
"Hah… so this will be the last time I go there…"
At first I had been terribly nervous… I was much better now, but I was still careful.
Today would be the last time I came here. If you asked whether I was sad, I wasn't sad in the least—but I did feel a little sorry toward the baron's daughter.
I hadn't brought the subject up from the start. She might not be able to focus on the lesson, so I decided to tell her during a break or at the end.
The baron's daughter studied magic diligently today as always. Now that she had developed a certain measure of mana, she had reached the stage of constructing it directly.
"This is difficult."
This stage had been the hardest for me as well. That elusive sense of it was never easy to grasp, and it wasn't something you could understand merely by listening to an explanation.
"It took me quite a long time too."
Here, instead of Master, I was the one offering the baron's daughter my sympathy.
"Is that so…"
And even once you had learned the sensation, casting other spells was an entirely separate matter.
In other words, to properly master magic, you had to learn the casting feel of every single spell.
One might think that learning many spells meant memorizing tens of thousands of formulas—but it was as if they were engraved into the soul. Strangely enough, the sensation of each magic formula became etched into the mind.
"Yes. So don't be discouraged—just keep practicing."
Even when break time arrived, I still couldn't bring myself to tell the baron's daughter I was leaving.
Something made the words hard to say, and I hemmed and hawed. On top of that, the fact that she was a noble was intimidating. What if she threw a fit and tried to keep me here?
No—the baron's daughter was a clever child with a good heart. She would never do something like that. I knew that, and yet a stubborn "what if" lingered all the same.
"Ugh. I'm such a damn idiot."
I muttered as I walked down the corridor.
"It is not becoming for a lady to use such vulgar language."
Hup! I jumped at the sudden voice from behind—the young master. Still, having been startled like this so often, I only flinched a little.
"Is something troubling you?"
"Troubling me?"
"Yes. You had that sort of expression."
Troubles… well, I was troubled about how to tell the baron's daughter. I let out a deep sigh.
"If something is weighing on you, I would be glad to listen."
He drew closer. Then he came up beside me, smiled, and said,
"Worries only grow more painful the longer you keep them to yourself."
Well… people did say that. But usually a worry is a worry precisely because it's hard to tell others about it.
If it were something you could easily consult someone about and resolve, you wouldn't be worrying in the first place.
My matter… was relatively hard to call a real worry. It wasn't even that difficult to say…
"I've finally finished my studies and will be leaving Master's tutelage."
"What?!"
The young master looked at me in shock. Without meeting his eyes, I continued speaking while gazing out the window at the garden.
"I've learned enough magic, so I thought I might see a bit of the world."
I kept bringing up little things. How I had only ever lived in a small village before coming to this city and seeing so many fascinating things—and how that made me want to see a wider world still.
"I need to tell Miss Meyer as well… but I feel somehow sorry."
I felt bad because the baron's daughter considered me a friend.
"Everyone at the baron's household has been so kind to me. I don't know how to suddenly say I'm leaving…"
The young master couldn't close his mouth.
"Y-Young Master?"
"When are you leaving? Where are you going?"
Suddenly he pushed me against the wall. I wanted to run, but my back was blocked by the wall and my sides by his arms. Why was he doing this? I was bewildered. And being hemmed in like this made me feel so small and frail.
When I lifted my head to look up, the young master was glaring down at me. Were men always this big…?
Why was he looking at me like that?
Meeting his eyes sent chills down my spine—a creeping, unsettling sensation. This was… fear. I was so scared, so terrified… I… I couldn't even resist. I just trembled in terror.
What was I supposed to do? To find a man this frightening!
I had never felt this kind of fear even standing face-to-face with a monster. My mind was in chaos, my emotions reeling. I could barely keep my wits about me. I was just—just so scared.
I was terrified.
I wanted to run away.
My surging emotions made my tear ducts impossible to control, and tears suddenly spilled out.
"Waaah! Wh-why are you doing this…!"
When my emotions ran high, I couldn't control myself. Trembling with fear, I blurted out what was in my heart without thinking.
"Wh-what did I do wrong?!"
My legs gave out and I sank to the floor, sobbing wretchedly. To think that I, who had once been a man, was crying like this! Once my emotions had been shaken, they would not settle easily.
Tears blurred my vision so thoroughly I couldn't tell what was happening—I just kept crying. By the time I noticed anything, a maid was nearby.
And with the maid's help, I was moved to a small room where no one else was present.
"Are you all right?"
I wiped my tears with the handkerchief the maid offered. My heightened emotions wouldn't settle easily, and just recalling the earlier situation made my hands and feet tremble.
He had done incomprehensible things before, but I had still thought him a kind person. Yet I couldn't understand why he had acted that way today. He had often done things I couldn't make sense of, but today had been far too frightening.
I drank the warm tea the maid offered and calmed my startled heart.
Now that I could catch my breath and take in my surroundings, the atmosphere was anything but ordinary. It was clear the baron's household had been thrown into an uproar because of me.
"You needn't worry. We were watching the situation from behind as well."
"Th-th-that…"
I was so embarrassed I couldn't lift my face. I hung my head and covered it with my hands. I didn't want anyone to see my devastated expression. My face felt like it was burning.
"You needn't concern yourself with the young master's affairs."
The maid kept reassuring me that everything was fine. Then the baron's daughter entered the room.
"My brother did something stupid?"
"My lady."
The maid tried to calm the angry baron's daughter.
"Julian! Did you cry?!"
The startled baron's daughter came toward me.
"That idiot brother of mine!"
She clasped my hands tightly.
"Forget about that fool!"
"Lady Amelie…"
Looking at the baron's daughter put my mind somewhat at ease. At the very least, it seemed the baron's household would not blame me.
And thinking this was my chance, I informed her that I was leaving the city.
"You're leaving? Is it because of my brother?"
"That's not it! I-I've learned all the magic I needed, so I've decided to travel and see the wider world."
The baron's daughter patted her chest in relief.
"So that was the reason. Then you'll come back later, right?"
"I'm not sure about that…"
"Ahem. Please don't hate me too because of my brother."
Seeing the baron's daughter plead so lovably not to hate her, my heart softened.
"Th… yes."
The cute and lovable baron's daughter gently hugged me. Being comforted by a child so much younger than me was a little embarrassing. Still, it put my heart at ease.
Just when I thought the situation was settled, the Baron and Baroness came and apologized for the young master's actions.
Even when I declined and said I was fine, they insisted they were sorry and tried to give me consolation money.
I refused the money. I thought there was a problem with me too, for crying over something so minor.
When something like this happened, they said it was no time for magic study and that I should hurry home—so Master and I prepared to leave.
The young master was watching me from a distance with an apologetic expression. The moment I saw him, I felt my body shrink back. Had that situation been so terrifying? It felt as if the fear had been branded into me.
I deliberately ignored him and headed for the carriage home. When people from the baron's household tried to follow to see me off, I told them it was fine and stopped them.
Once I boarded the carriage, Master asked worriedly if I was all right.
"I-I'm fine…"
"It would have been nice to part on good terms. What a pity."
I smiled awkwardly. Still, I was relieved that no one from the baron's household had said anything harsh. I had worried they might scold me or Master.
Master kept sending me signals of apology.
"It's fine, Master. It wasn't your fault."
And aside from the young master, everyone at the baron's household had been kind to me, a commoner. The servants went without saying.
The young master too… had been kind… But I didn't know why he had acted that way today.
"I thought he was a good person…"
Had my expectations been too high? Or had he been deceiving me? I was so depressed.
Anyway, he was someone I wouldn't see again.
Forget it…