Uncomfortable Cohabitation (12)
I stepped in close to Priest Daniel.
He immediately took a step back.
Every time I closed the distance again, he retreated once more.
“Hey, why are you running away?”
“W-we can talk just fine without you getting that close.”
That was true, of course… but I’d wanted to share a quiet little secret.
“Ahem. D-do you know what this is?”
I quietly produced the cigarette I’d been hiding.
“That’s a cigarette…”
“Mary’s being completely unreasonable, you know? I made the thing, yet she won’t let me use it.”
Priest Daniel’s eyes began to change.
“Don’t tell me… you want to try smoking it right now?”
I nodded at the startled priest—vigorously, repeatedly.
“C-can I refuse?”
“Just once. Only once…”
As I pleaded, his expression twisted through a dozen emotions.
“Please. If we get caught, I’m genuinely dead.”
“C-come on. Even Mary wouldn’t actually kill you, would she?”
“She can’t lay a finger on the Saintess. I’m a different story.”
W-was that true?
“I-it’s fine. We just won’t get caught, right?”
Priest Daniel finally heaved a long sigh. Having made up his mind, he put on a deadly serious face.
“Just this once.”
I nodded so hard my head nearly came off. I knew cigarettes weren’t good for the body either.
But it was only once. What could possibly go wrong?
“First, we move.”
“Where to?”
“Somewhere on the second floor Sister Mary rarely visits.”
The two of us carefully made our way upstairs. We avoided the study and any other room Sister Mary frequented, slipping instead into an empty chamber near Priest Daniel’s own quarters.
“This should be safe enough.”
The moment we were inside, the door shut behind us.
We sat at a slightly dusty table, and I took out the cigarette again.
“But… how do you even use this?”
“Huh?”
“The tobacco I’m familiar with is finely shredded leaf packed into a pipe and lit.”
In other words, the shape was different, so he had no idea how to handle it.
“Uh… well…”
I was a complete novice myself. Even if I half-remembered the method, I couldn’t exactly pretend expertise.
“Hmm. Maybe just cut a bit off and pack it in…”
Priest Daniel took the cigarette and snipped a small piece from the tip—barely a tenth of the whole thing.
“Is that enough?”
“We’re not planning to smoke much.”
Looking thoroughly displeased, he finely chopped the tobacco and packed it into his pipe.
“Do you truly insist on this?”
“Yes!”
My cheerful answer earned me a faintly pitying look.
“How do you use it, then?”
“On second thought, you really shouldn’t smoke it yourself.”
“What?!”
Now he was changing his mind?
“This pipe is mine. Anything that touches the mouth stays with its owner.”
“W-well…”
No helping it, I supposed.
“Fine.”
“There’s nothing particularly special about the method. First you light it. Once the tobacco is burning, you mix the embers thoroughly. When everything is evenly lit down to the bottom, you’re ready.”
With practiced ease, Priest Daniel struck a light and used a tool to tamp the tobacco inside the pipe.
“Ooh…”
It looked rather fussy, yet the moment he put the stem between his lips, that impression vanished.
“You simply hold it in your mouth and breathe normally. The embers keep the tobacco burning, and the smoke naturally enters.”
He demonstrated. Soft smoke curled from the bowl.
The fragrance that rose was nothing like the cigarettes of my previous life—warm, aromatic, almost pleasant.
Priest Daniel held the smoke for a moment, then removed the pipe and exhaled with a soft huu.
“You don’t swallow it. You hold it in your mouth, savor the aroma, and let it out.”
“Ooh…”
I clapped before I realized what I was doing.
He gave an embarrassed little smile and returned the pipe to his lips.
It felt strange to admit, but a handsome man with a pipe looked… cool. Was it the fashion? The face? Priest Daniel’s strong features suited it especially well.
“I-I want a turn too!”
“Pardon?”
“I really want to try it myself.”
“Saintess, please…”
Merely watching and smelling from the side was nowhere near enough.
“There are plenty of cigarettes left, after all…”
“What?”
“If I just smoke it myself, problem solved.”
I grabbed the cigar. Priest Daniel had no idea, but I roughly knew how these worked.
“A-all right.”
He surrendered with a sigh and carefully wiped the mouthpiece with a handkerchief.
“So how does it taste? Different from what you used to smoke?”
“Y-yes, very. Almost no harshness at all—fragrant, smooth. Even a short draw leaves the mind and body relaxed.”
“Maybe the herbs and evening primrose?”
“Perhaps…”
Once the stem was thoroughly cleaned, he offered the pipe to me with great care.
“Hehe.”
I accepted it and lifted it for a closer look. I sniffed near the bowl, peered inside at the glowing contents.
Truly, there was nothing foul about the scent. The subtle fragrance almost lifted my mood on its own.
“It smells just like burning incense.”
“It really is nothing like ordinary tobacco.”
The moment of truth arrived.
I carefully set the stem between my lips and drew a breath.
“Ugh!”
Scorching heat flooded my mouth. Far too hot. I couldn’t taste the aroma or anything else. How—how was anyone supposed to smoke this?!
“Saintess?!”
“H-hot…!”
My tongue and palate burned. I opened my mouth wide and panted.
“Why would you inhale like that?!”
“Th-then how…?”
“Just breathe naturally.”
“Ugh…”
I gingerly replaced the pipe and breathed through my nose instead. Smoke drifted gently into my mouth.
I was supposed to hold it there? The aroma bloomed across my palate—completely different from simply smelling the smoke. A comfortable, languid warmth spread through my body.
“Haa…”
I removed the pipe and exhaled.
“Th-this feels… really nice…”
I’d always imagined cigarettes as harsh and bitter. This was nothing of the sort. Was it because it was an alchemical creation?
I started to raise the pipe again, only for Priest Daniel to snatch it away.
“That’s enough. No more.”
“Ah…”
A pang of regret hit me.
“And I’m confiscating the rest as well.”
He gathered every remaining cigarette.
“A-ah…”
So disappointing. I’d wanted to feel that pleasant haze a little longer…
Priest Daniel emptied the bowl and wiped the pipe clean.
“This is dangerous.”
“Huh?”
“Honestly, even while smoking I found it strange. Far too different from ordinary tobacco. Alien, almost.”
W-was it?
A delicate floral fragrance still lingered in the air around us.
“If you wish to smoke again, wait until the church finishes its inspection and then ask Sister Mary’s permission.”
“That’s…”
An absolute non-starter.
“You’re not planning to smoke alone, are you?”
I fixed him with a sharp glare.
“N-no.”
He stammered the denial.
“Really?”
“Y-yes. I won’t smoke.”
Judging by his face, if I hadn’t called him out he absolutely would have finished the rest by himself.
“Tsk…”
I wanted to feel good too…
“Ah, whatever.”
I slumped back in the chair and simply enjoyed the scent still floating in the air.
A stronger fragrance would have been nicer… it was a bit too faint…
Still, not bad at all.
Priest Daniel sat blankly as well, lost in thought.
The two of us drifted, pleasantly intoxicated by the lingering smoke.
Thump-thump!
A sudden noise shattered the haze.
“Huh?”
I jerked upright, mind clearing.
“What was that…?”
Priest Daniel rose too. Together we opened the door—
“Saintess! Priest Daniel!”
Gasp!
“M-Mary?!”
Sister Mary was back?!
She strode into the room, nose twitching as she sniffed the air.
“Did you smoke cigarettes?”
The terrifying intensity of her glare froze me solid. When I failed to answer, her gaze shifted to Priest Daniel.
“Daniel…?”
“G-gulp…”
A choking terror seized my throat.
“This smell… it’s cigarette smoke…”
Sister Mary lunged at him and began searching his person without ceremony.
She found the leftover tobacco at once.
“Saint. Ess!”
Yikes!
She seized my shoulders and shook me hard.
“I told you not to smoke!”
The shaking was so violent I couldn’t even form words. I clamped my mouth shut and simply endured until she finally released me.
“So whose idea was this?”
Priest Daniel and I were both on our knees before her.
Neither of us opened our mouths.
Speaking first would have been pure betrayal.
Sister Mary crushed the remaining tobacco in her fist. When that failed to vent her fury, she pounded the table with the same hand.
“Are you going to stay silent?”
I couldn’t meet that gaze and looked away.
I’d known she’d be angry if we were caught. I just hadn’t expected this angry.
When we both remained stubbornly mute, Sister Mary finally exhaled a long, weary sigh.
“Hoo… don’t do it again.”
Was it really that serious a crime?
“Answer me!”
“…Y-yes…”
Sister Mary was far too frightening to ignore.
Hng… but the cigarette had felt so good…