Chapter 8
Chapter 8
What Exactly Is That Quack?
Today’s counseling session ended surprisingly easily.
After listening to my words, Elara shed a few tears for a moment, then told me to leave.
……For some reason, I could tell that the counseling had still ended positively.
Of course, the extra +5 affection was a bonus.
At this rate, I only needed 80 more affection going forward.
“ ……Hoo, I can’t sleep. ”
I locked the door and considered opening the gallery window to announce my victory, but quickly gave up.
Because the “real guest” was still left.
I didn’t head toward the bed.
Instead, I buried myself deeply into the armchair hidden within the darkest corner of the room.
Hopefully spending 1,400pt at the gallery shop earlier would prove worthwhile.
Beside my head sat the 900pt [Mischievous Goblin’s Ink Pot] I’d purchased from the gallery shop, and specially…… I had also set up the 500pt item I’d prepared right by the door.
“ Now then, dear late-night patient. When will you arrive? ”
Chuckling quietly, I held my breath within the perfect darkness.
How much time passed?
The room temperature suddenly dropped sharply, and even the last traces of candlelight flickered out eerily.
……What?
Something unpleasant crept into my head as though trying to stab my brain with a sharp awl.
As if it were merely my imagination.
But……
The system quickly informed me that it was not my imagination after all.
Ding.
[ Warning: Someone nearby is attempting an attack constructed through mana. ]
……Lillian?
[ Due to the effect of the Mischievous Goblin’s Ink Pot, the magic is nullified. ]
Nice try.
And then……
[ Mischievous Goblin’s Ink Pot (Single Use) has activated. Detecting the low-level mental curse 「 Nightmare Thorn 」! ]
Before the curse could even reach my brain—
Splaaash!
A cold sound rang through the air, as if someone had overturned a bucket of water.
[ All curses have been nullified. ]
[ The caster has been branded with the unremovable mark [Idiot] for 24 hours. ]
Crash────!
“ ……?! ”
Within the darkness, the transparent space near the door distorted with a crackling sound, revealing Lillian dressed in assassin gear.
“ W-What…… what is this……?! ”
Instinctively, she reached toward her forehead.
Her palm came away covered in wet, slippery…… ink.
“ W-What the hell is this……?! Ink?! Aaaah?! ”
Realizing what state she was currently in, she fell into complete panic even within the pitch-black darkness.
Some assassin.
She looked more like a complete idiot drenched in ink.
“ Y-You fucking piece of shit……! ”
Panicking, Lillian hurriedly stumbled backward, trying to hide herself again.
But it was already too late.
As she stepped back, her foot landed perfectly on the thing I had “kindly” left by the entrance.
— Screeeeeech!
It was so slippery that the floor itself let out a squeaking sound.
[ You stepped on the Golden Banana. The target immediately falls down ‘ridiculously.’ ]
Along with the system’s friendly explanation—
BAM!
Lillian crashed to the ground.
The elite mage of the Hero Party.
Turns out, she was all fluff?
Despite her title as an assassination-specialized dark mage, both her legs flew into the air in a perfect V-shape.
And then—
— CRASH!
A wonderfully satisfying sound echoed throughout the room.
Her head didn’t hit the floor, but instead there came an even more humiliating sound—her tailbone practically shattering.
“ Gghk, urgh! ”
There she was in the darkness, clutching her backside with tears forming in her eyes, the [Idiot] mark stamped across her forehead.
Above her sniffling, my laughter echoed from the chair hidden in the darkness.
“ Hahahahaha. ”
Click.
Like turning on the lights of a counseling office, I switched on the desk lamp.
“ Fuuuuck……!! What the hell is this!? Aaaagh! ”
“ Miss Lillian? ”
Under the light, the completely disheveled Lillian stared up at me.
Smiling pleasantly, I repeated the exact same words I’d told her earlier that day.
“ I distinctly remember telling you to book an appointment first. Why did you enter without permission? ”
“ ……Y-You! ”
“ Would you like to look in a mirror? You’re…… pfft, honestly ridiculous right now. ”
Deliberately, I held up a hand mirror for her.
Her pale white face was a complete mess, stained with ink, tears, and humiliation, flushed bright red.
“ Y-You fucking……! You quack bastard……! Y-You dare set a trap for me!? ”
“ A trap……? ”
Tilting my head slightly, I rested my chin on my hand.
“ Didn’t you already come into my room intending to harm me? Let’s speak honestly here. ”
“ Y-You……!!! ”
Was this really the same Lillian I had first met?
She was completely idiotic.
Mocking me while smoking her pipe…… had she even forgotten the word “quack”?
All she could do now was stutter “Y-You, Y-You” while trembling furiously.
“ You son of a bitch!! You fucking quackkkk!! ”
“ Hmm, are you injured somewhere? Would you like my help? ”
“ Fuck you! J-Just wait……!”
Clutching her backside, Lillian limped out into the hallway.
The [Idiot] mark on her forehead shimmered beneath the moonlight before disappearing into the darkness.
♣
Creeeeak.
The maid swallowed nervously as she opened the door to Elara’s bedroom.
Her heart pounded violently.
Leader of the thugs, Hero Party candidate.
……She didn’t care about those grand titles.
To the maid, her mistress was simply terror itself—a monster capable of stabbing servants to death over “lukewarm tea.”
Even this morning, she feared she might die because of some trivial fault.
Her hands trembled violently as she prayed for this moment to end quickly.
But then—
“ …… ”
Her mistress…… was already awake.
At an hour when she would normally still be in bed, irritated and furious.
Elara stood barefoot by the window, basking in the morning sunlight. The maid felt chills run down her spine at how peaceful she looked.
“ M-Mistress…… your clothes, prepared…… ”
“ Mmmh……. ”
Stretching lazily, Elara turned toward the maid.
Without thinking, the maid let out a tiny “Hiiik!” and shut her eyes.
Was she about to be killed?
“ ……Ah, you’re here? ”
It wasn’t the cold voice she had expected.
Opening her eyes slightly, the maid saw Elara smiling faintly.
‘……She’s smiling?’
The maid panicked.
What kind of new torture method was this?
“ D-Did I do something wrong……! ”
“ No. ”
Cutting her off, Elara strode toward the wardrobe.
The maid’s heart nearly stopped, terrified her chosen outfit would displease her mistress.
“ M-Mistress! Today’s outfit is the blue dress…… ”
“ ……That one’s nice. ”
“ Excuse me……? ”
The maid doubted her ears.
Usually, Elara would scream, “Not this trash,” while ripping dresses apart.
“ I said that dress is fine. ”
After saying that, Elara held the blue dress up against herself before the mirror.
The expression on her face wasn’t fake.
It was a genuinely soft smile.
The maid was stunned.
She had never seen such an expression on Elara before.
Seeing the maid’s reaction, Elara let out a low laugh.
“ Hey, why are you so slow? ”
“ S-Sorry……! ”
“ Leave it there and go. ”
“ Excuse me……? D-Does that mean…… you don’t need me……? ”
The maid thought it was over.
Finally, the moment had come.
Elara was creating an excuse to kill her.
“ W-Well…… I…… n-need to help you…… ”
“ Ah……. ”
Covering her mouth lightly with one hand, Elara smiled.
“ No, today I’ll dress myself. Tell the butler I’d like toast for breakfast. ”
“ B-But still…… ”
“ I said it’s fine. Must I repeat myself twice? ”
Her tone was still frighteningly sharp.
But the elegant curve of her smiling eyes no longer seemed fake.
“ S-Sorry……! U-Understood! ”
Leaving the dress behind, the maid fled from the room as though escaping for her life.
Alone now, Elara put on the blue dress while looking into the mirror.
“ The color of today’s dress is pretty. ”
Even humming softly to herself, she stepped outside.
The servants lined up in rows on both sides.
And the old butler stood in the center.
“ Mistress, did you sleep well? ”
— Did you sleep well?
At the servants’ greeting, Elara let out a quiet laugh.
“ Everyone, good morning. Mm…… what a nice smell. Tea and toast, right? ”
Warm aromas drifted gently from the mansion entrance all the way inside.
For the first time in ages, even the old butler formed a small smile at Elara’s bright expression.
“ Yes, as requested, everything has been prepared. Since the weather is nice today, I thought it best to set things outside. ”
“ Then I suppose I should eat. ”
Smiling softly, Elara lightly descended the stairs.
Every servant lowered their head while the old butler escorted her.
“ Ah, Butler. What about Teacher? ”
“ He still appears to be asleep in his room…… Shall I wake him? ”
“ Ah, no. Hehe, just leave him be. ”
Elara giggled quietly.
“ ……Please sit. ”
The old butler naturally pulled out a chair for her, and Elara sat gracefully.
Lifting the teacup, she smiled as she inhaled the aroma.
“ What a nice scent……. Earl Grey? ”
“ Yes, indeed. ”
Drinking her tea peacefully, Elara gazed out at the scenery.
The courtyard was truly peaceful.
The fountain water sprayed refreshingly upward while butterflies fluttered beautifully through the air.
Though within such scenery, there did happen to be one unfamiliar woman standing there……
“ Hey! Elara!! ”
“ …… ”
Elara paused with the teacup near her lips and stared irritably at the approaching woman.
Narrowing her eyes, Elara glanced at the old butler.
“ She still hasn’t left? ”
“ My apologies…… Since last night, she’s remained in front of the mansion gates…… ”
The butler trailed off awkwardly and forced a cough.
Elara didn’t miss the slight trembling of his stiff mustache.
“ ……? ”
Turning around, she noticed every servant lined behind her shaking with suppressed laughter, desperately bowing their heads.
— Pffft.
— Kh……kgh.
What was wrong with them?
When Elara looked back toward Lillian again, she immediately understood why.
Lillian wasn’t walking normally.
Instead…… like a newborn foal, or someone with a severe tailbone injury, she waddled awkwardly while limping forward.
Every step made her grimace in pain with an “Urgh!”
But the walking wasn’t even the best part.
“ Hey, Elara! You bitch! Hand over that quack bastard right now! ”
The moment Lillian stepped fully into the sunlight—
“ ……Pffft. ”
Elara burst into laughter.
Across Lillian’s once-proud, pale forehead, written in thick black ink……
[ Idiot ]
……Were those two characters, shining clearly for everyone to see with traces of magical energy.
“ L-Lillian…… you…… pffhahah…… ngh…… ”
Elara covered her mouth with one hand, but couldn’t stop laughing.
“ D-Don’t laugh! You…… you bitch! ”
With “Idiot” written across her forehead, Lillian limped up to Elara’s table clutching her backside.
“ T-That bastard, what the hell is he!? He’s not just your new toy, right!? What, is he some kind of mage?! ”
“ Puhahaha! Ah, my stomach…… Lillian. ”
Even tears formed in Elara’s eyes as she pointed at Lillian’s forehead with her chin.
“ Did you look in a mirror? ‘Idiot’? Though honestly…… you really do look like one…… kekeke…… ”
“ This is all because of that quack bastard! He trapped me last night and…… urgh! ”
Halfway through shouting, Lillian clutched her backside again and nearly collapsed.
Apparently her tailbone still hurt terribly.
“ A trap? What do you mean? ”
“ ……Ah, well. ”
Suddenly, Lillian couldn’t continue.
There was no way she could openly admit that she’d tried to assassinate that “quack” last night and gotten humiliated instead.
Elara vaguely pieced together the entire situation.
Lillian had attempted to harm “Teacher” and somehow ended up like this instead.
A lazy smile spread across Elara’s lips.
“ I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I see…… Lillian. ”
Then, just as if she’d never been laughing at all, Elara’s face instantly turned cold.
The refreshing, satisfying remarks he had thrown at Lillian on her behalf earlier that day.
Now Elara returned those exact same words back at Lillian.
“ Hmm…… You seem seriously hurt. Our counseling teacher is apparently very skilled at treatment. Perhaps he could even fix that ‘idiotic’ way you’re walking. Why don’t you try making an appointment? ”
“ You fucking bitch……! ”