I'll Teach You How to Cry

"If you keep that up, are you going to draw maps on the blanket?"

KABOOOOOM──────!!!!

Wow. This crazy bitch.

She actually went and did it.

The instant the words left my mouth, she swung her hand.

Filthy, vicious flames roared to life. This was no ordinary fireball. A colossal tidal wave of fire, vast enough to swallow the entire dead-end alley, came surging straight at me.

…As expected of this anger-management disaster. Fists before conversation, is it?

I didn't dodge.

I'll say it again: no patient wants to be treated by a doctor who runs away.

Of course the scorching blaze was plenty terrifying. My knees were practically knocking. But I was Aris Mardia—in this world, a highly competent psychiatric counselor.

And… I had an ace up my sleeve.

"You're quite the impatient one…"

FWOOOOSH─────!

Hands casually in my pockets, I murmured the words toward the oncoming inferno with complete calm.

A dazzling white flash erupted from my chest.

"…!"

CRACK-CRACK-CRACK─────!

White's Oath.

An absolute defensive wall, massive as an iceberg, materialized right in front of me.

HISSSSS─────!

The ferocious flames slammed into an invisible barrier a mere meter from my nose and stopped cold. A transparent dome of ice. It flash-froze every scrap of heat that touched it, sublimating the fire into pure white steam.

"…Huh?"

Ruby's mouth fell open.

The finishing move she had poured every ounce of her rage into was vanishing without a trace against what looked like nothing more than a thin sheet of ice.

"Fuck… what the hell are you…?"

"Hmm, my identity, you mean?"

I gave a deliberate little shrug.

"I already told you at the start. I'm a counselor…"

"…Bullshit. You fraud bastard."

I pushed through the thick steam, advancing one step at a time.

I couldn't back down here. Whether I relied on Aris Mardia's knowledge or my own gut instinct, the answer was the same.

Show a mad dog your back and it will bite. I had to push harder.

"A fraud, you say… Haha, that's rather harsh."

"This cocky little brat… seriously…"

As the ice dome advanced in step with me, Ruby's flames shrank back like a frightened beast tucking its tail.

"A brat, am I? From ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠now on, call me Teacher. Ruby."

Before she realized it, I was standing right in front of her frozen face.

"…Get lost."

—Static crackled in my ear.

The noise that always sounded when a heroine's emotions wavered. Looking at her expression and the feeling behind it, she wasn't afraid of me. Not even close. Her pride—her flames—had been blocked, and her ego was thrashing around in pure humiliation.

"Getting all full of yourself just because you blocked a little fire… You think walking up to me changes anything? You got a death wish or what?"

She snarled and lunged for my collar.

But the residual cold pouring off the ice shield made her hands sluggish and clumsy.

All that remained now was to subdue her.

Of course I could never win with raw strength. Even a hybrid the pure elves looked down on was still an elf. Her physical abilities far outstripped any human's.

So there was only one way to win: break her momentum.

Sliiiip─────.

I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠reached out.

Her eyes flew wide and she tried to swat my hand away. But all I did was—

Smack!

—deliver a light flick to her forehead.

"Ow!"

Ruby let out a short scream and clutched her brow.

It wasn't the pain. In three hundred years of life, she had never once imagined anyone would dare flick her on the forehead.

"You… you son of a bitch, have you lost your mind?!"

"If you play with fire like this at night, you'll draw maps on the blanket."

I grinned playfully as I said it. Ruby's face flushed crimson with pure indignation.

"Ha?! Wh-who the hell is drawing maps?! You little brat! Do you even know how old I am?!"

"Yes, yes. How old are you?"

"I've eaten way more years than you!"

…Eaten more years?

She looked twenty at most.

I sighed and asked again with a deliberately mocking tone.

"Yes, yes. So how old, exactly?"

"Three hundred and seventy! You blood-sucker brat! A kid whose blood hasn't even dried yet, how dare you!"

"…Excuse me?"

She looked human enough, but an elf was still an elf. Three hundred and seventy?

That wasn't big sister territory. That was grandmother. Hell, that was ancestor territory.

More importantly… could elves even live that long?

Hmm. Thinking it over carefully, the lore did give elves long lifespans. And even though she looked human, the pure elves had called her a hybrid.

So… rough summary: half-elf, three-hundred-seventy-year-old grandma?

I had zero tolerance for dealing with elders, but I was still a counselor. If you simply believed everything a patient said, you lost the initiative.

"…Ha."

I let out a dry laugh and shook my head.

"Your symptoms are quite severe. Anger management issues, and now delusional disorder on top of it?"

"…What?"

"The delusion that you yourself are three hundred and seventy years old. That requires treatment as well."

"Hey!!! It's real!! When you were still crawling ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠around, I was already flying, you bastard!"

She glared up at me, fuming. The murderous aura that had looked ready to burn the world to ash moments ago had already twisted into pure disbelief and wounded pride.

…Hooked her.

I smirked and continued as if casually revealing a hidden card I'd been saving.

Now was the moment dialogue could actually work.

"Yes, yes. Of course. Your growth plates must have been sealed shut for three hundred and fifty years, I take it?"

"You… you…! Humans age fast unlike us, but I'm different! Three hundred and seventy is still youth! Youth! Don't you get it, you little brat?!"

She clenched her fists and huffed, but the killing intent from before was gone.

I could see it with my own eyes. Her color.

The effect of Psychological Insight Lv.2.

Her crimson aura was steadily fading.

The more it did, the more I wiped every trace of playfulness from my face and switched fully into serious counselor mode.

"That's enough of the age talk, Miss Ruby Scarlet."

"…It's not just talk."

"However old you may be is irrelevant. What matters is…"

I stroked my chin and muttered with a grave expression.

"…that someone who claims to have lived that long still can't control a single emotion and goes around setting fires all over the neighborhood."

"…"

"Aren't you embarrassed? Three hundred and seventy years old and your idea of stress relief is arson."

The bull's-eye hit home. Ruby's face twisted.

She wanted to argue back, but there was no counter to a pure fact bomb.

Her red aura was shifting color—into a murky gray mixed with shame and self-loathing.

"Fuck… a mere human… what the hell would you know…"

She hung her head and muttered.

"You think I don't hold it in because I don't want to? What am I supposed to do when it just erupts…"

"That's exactly why I said I would fix it for you."

I rose and stepped closer. She flinched, but this time she didn't retreat.

"That flame inside you. It isn't power. Honestly speaking, it's more like a 'scream' from someone who never learned how to express emotion properly."

"…What?"

Ruby lifted her head. Her red eyes wavered. I drove the wedge in with absolute certainty.

"It got so hot that your tears dried up completely. So you forgot how to cry, and only the method of burning remained."

I held out my hand.

"I'll teach you. How to put out the fire. And…"

I smiled softly.

"…how to cry properly."

Ruby looked back and forth between my hand and my face.

It was an expression I had never seen on her before. Not wariness, not murderous intent…

…but the desperate look of a drowning person staring at a floating straw.

Seeing ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the system notification pop up, it seemed the immediate crisis had been averted.

"…Ha."

Ruby let out a hollow laugh and brushed her messy hair back.

"You're kidding me. Cry? Me? This human brat is looking down on me…"

She pointed at me with trembling fingers.

"Humans… what would weak little species like you even know… You hypocritical bastards. Elves, humans—you're all the same."

"…Well now. If every human and every elf were truly the same, would there be any reason for a human like me to be standing in front of you right now?"

"…What are you even saying?"

I chuckled low and sat myself down on the old wooden crate behind me.

"It's simple, isn't it? Who would willingly walk up to a terrifying elf like you? A walking time bomb of a monster who just fires off flames at random."

"…"

"That's why I came. Because I'm different from the others. Different from the cowards who run away because they're scared of you. Do you understand what I mean?"

I held my hand out once more.

"I will assist with your treatment. Client Ruby Scarlet."

"…"

"Well? Will you cooperate?"

She stared hard at my hand, then slowly stepped closer. Clack. Clack. And then—

Smack!

—she coldly slapped my hand away.

"You're kidding me, you quack bastard… Who the hell is treating me."

But…

"…Still. I like the guts, at least. Give it a shot, quack."

The corner of her mouth twisted upward.

"But if you can't fix me… then I'll burn you down to the last bone without leaving a scrap. Be ready."

"Don't worry about that. I will definitely fix you."

If I failed, I died. Failure simply wasn't an option.

One way or another, the contract was sealed.

…There was just one problem.

"So you're saying you'll treat me here?"

Ruby jerked her chin toward the surroundings.

Rats squeaking, the stench of rot thick in the air—an alley like this would give even a perfectly healthy person depression if you tried to do therapy in it.

"No. We need to change locations."

"Where to? Don't tell me that fancy 'surface' of yours?"

Ruby snorted.

"Dream on. I can't go there. Those softies would take one look at me and foam at the mouth."

True enough—walking a top-priority wanted criminal out into the open was a gamble. But as long as my identity was solid, no one would dare lay a hand on me lightly. That noble elf earlier had folded the moment he saw the Holy See ID card, after all.

Besides, it was nearly dawn. Especially the quiet hours when almost no one was around.

Which meant I could freely parade this lunatic around and check into a decent hotel without much trouble.

Of course, setting up a base camp somewhere secluded and conducting quiet sessions would be ideal… but still.

"It doesn't matter. I'm your guardian now."

I gave a lazy smile and hopped down from the crate.

"Let's go for now. I already have a decent lodging spot in mind. At this hour, walking around openly shouldn't be a problem."

While searching the city for Ruby Scarlet, I had already scouted any number of places. Pinpointing a location wouldn't be hard.

"……Crazy bastard."

Ruby grumbled, but she didn't refuse to follow me.

The crimson aura that had wrapped around her had grown noticeably thinner.

All that remained was to get Ruby Scarlet to a safe zone.

"Shall we?"

I adjusted my top hat and took the lead.