No Oasis in the Place I Fled To
Veronica had not been searching for me for some time.
When Emma arrived with a deeply furrowed brow and said, “Since the young lady is busy, she probably won’t call for a while,” I couldn’t tell.
Since Veronica wasn’t looking for me, no one in the mansion showed any interest in me.
The detached villa where I was alone was actually a poison.
As the pleasure that had heated my body drained away like the tide, negative thoughts flooded my mind like a deluge.
Anxiety and despair intertwined, filling the villa completely.
“You are my toy.”
Even after several days had passed, Veronica’s words still lingered in my ears.
Toy.
To Veronica, I was exactly that kind of existence.
If she wanted to play, she would call me; if she got tired, she would toss me into the corner.
A consumable item with no value, something she could break at any time.
“I don’t want to anymore.”
I no longer wanted to stay here.
It felt as if something human in me was about to shatter completely.
It was a different kind of fear from the fear of being conscripted to the military and shot dead.
This mansion was not a safe refuge for me.
Every moment felt like walking on a minefield, with no place to rest.
I staggered up from the bed and sat hesitantly in front of the desk.
Father.
If it were Father, he wouldn’t just watch me fall apart here.
He was sometimes absent-minded and eccentric, but he wouldn’t simply stand by as his only son crumbled.
With trembling hands, I gripped the pen and unfolded the letter paper.
I couldn’t write the truth about what Veronica had done to me.
After much deliberation, I slowly began to write the letter.
To Father.
How have you been?
Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to adapt to life here.
It’s a precious opportunity you worked hard to arrange, and I’m truly sorry.
Please forgive my weakness.
At first, I started calmly, but the more I wrote, the more my emotions surged.
I can’t endure it anymore.
There must be another way.
I will definitely find it.
If not, I will respond to the conscription.
Even if I have to be dragged to the front lines, it would be better.
Tears fell on the letter paper, smearing the ink.
I wiped away my tears and finished the letter.
Please, Father.
Please come get me.
Your son, Leopold.
A letter without the etiquette of nobility or elegant style.
But it didn’t matter.
As long as my desperation was conveyed.
I hurriedly put the letter into an envelope.
The next morning early, I entrusted it to a butler who knew nothing and sent it by the fastest mail to the capital.
I didn’t forget to add that it was an important letter and to handle it carefully.
That was the end of what I could do.
Now, only waiting remained.
If Father sees my letter, he’ll be surprised.
But he won’t ignore his only son’s earnest plea.
He will definitely come get me by some means.
Yes, he will.
The first day.
I stuck to the window and stared out the window all day long.
Even the sound of a carriage made my heart race.
Since the waiting began the moment the letter was sent, I endured the day imagining the day the reply would come.
Veronica hadn’t called me.
Perhaps she also knew that what happened yesterday had been too much.
The second day.
Still no news.
I knew it would take at least two days to reach the capital from the capital.
No matter how fast, it would have arrived by now.
But I couldn’t help but feel impatient.
Was the letter lost in the middle?
Or had Father gotten angry at my complaints?
Bad thoughts kept swirling in my head.
The third day.
I couldn’t swallow the food.
No matter what I ate, it tasted like sand in my mouth.
At night, I had nightmares.
Dreams of being abandoned by everyone, wearing a dress, and being dragged away by the conscription officer.
The conscription officer’s scolding and the crowd’s laughter echoed in my ears.
I gave up on sleep and sat blankly all night.
Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my cheeks.
The fourth day.
The reply hadn’t come.
There must be some reason.
Yes, Father must be busy with work.
Or perhaps the carriage’s wheel had come off.
I made up various excuses to comfort myself.
But in the cold, extinguished hope, self-consolation was empty.
I locked myself in the villa and didn’t go out.
I didn’t even look at the meals the maids brought.
And on the very day I started refusing food and drink.
In the capital, something unimaginable to me was happening.
At the Army Headquarters.
Hans von Meisen’s office.
“Officer, I have something to report.”
“What is it?”
Hans didn’t take his eyes off the documents as he answered.
Because of the war, there were piles of documents.
Even if I buried myself in documents all day, there was no end in sight.
“…The military police came to find you, Officer.”
At those words, Hans lifted his head.
Two stiff-faced military police stood flatly in front of the office door.
“What is the matter?”
“Army Officer Hans von Meisen.”
One of the military police stepped forward and said in a low voice.
“I am urgently arresting you on charges of military supply corruption, tax evasion, and violation of the military service law by inciting others.”
“…What?”
The smile that had always been on Hans’s face disappeared.
He shot up from his seat and shouted.
“What kind of nonsense is this!”
“Details will be discussed in the investigation room. We will escort you.”
“Stop, let go!”
The military police grabbed his arms from both sides.
Hans struggled, but it was useless.
He was dragged out of the office helplessly.
Many officers and soldiers watched as he was taken away.
Some pointed fingers, some shook their heads.
Some looked at him with pity mixed with sympathy.
Hans von Meisen’s fall happened in an instant.
Despite the passage of time, sticking to the old ways had been his downfall.
And at the very top of the pile of documents he had been about to handle last.
There, the desperate letter from his son lay untouched, the envelope not even opened.
The fifth day.
The sixth day.
Time flowed meaninglessly.
I no longer looked out the window.
It was a luxury to hope.
I had been abandoned.
Upon reaching that thought, I felt my body’s strength draining away.
Father had abandoned me here.
Wasn’t it true that he had always been ashamed of me?
My feminine appearance, my weak personality.
His only son, an army officer, tarnishing his face.
Leopold staggered and approached the mirror.
The wig hadn’t been worn for days, so his hair was short white hair.
But his emaciated face and eyes were no longer Leopold’s.
In the mirror stood a stranger.
Not a man, nor a woman, but something else.
“Hah… haha…”
A hollow laugh escaped.
Yes, I wasn’t Leopold.
I was Katrina.
Veronica’s toy.
A child abandoned by Father.
That was me.
Despair enveloped my whole body.
I wanted to disappear like this.
I even thought I wanted to die.
But I didn’t have the courage to die.
I was a coward.
I just lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
Knock knock—
At that moment, a knock sounded.
I didn’t have the strength to answer.
The door opened, and a familiar voice came.
“You’ve been locked in the room for days. It was true.”
It was Veronica.
She strode over to Leopold and stood beside the bed.
Concern and a hint of irritation were mixed on her face.
“You’re not eating or sleeping. What are you trying to do?”
“……”
“Did I go too far that day? So you’re sulking?”
Veronica placed her hand on Leopold’s forehead.
No fever.
“You have to speak to know. Why are you doing this.”
Leopold didn’t answer.
No, he couldn’t.
He just looked at the ceiling with a blank expression.
Veronica sighed at the sight.
“You sent a letter to Father.”
“…What?”
At those words, Leopold’s eyes moved for the first time.
When Leopold sent a warning look, Veronica said calmly.
“The butler told me. He sent it by the fastest mail to the capital.”
Veronica sat on the bed where Leopold was lying.
“You’re doing this because the reply isn’t coming? Officers are always busy. Especially during war.”
Her voice was softer than usual.
But that kindness felt like a dagger to me now.
Waiting for what?
The reply that wouldn’t come?
I wanted to shout that.
You don’t know anything, I’m the abandoned one.
But I could do nothing.
I just looked at her with trembling eyes.
After that, even though I didn’t say anything, Veronica returned to her room.
Once again, only I was left in the villa.
“Emma, I think we need to investigate what happened to the Meisen family.”
“Yes, young lady. I will hire a few reliable people and send them to the capital.”
“Thank you.”
After Emma took the pouch containing gold coins and left,
Veronica fell into thought.
Hans von Meisen was not a cold person who would ignore his son’s letter.
On the contrary, it was the opposite.
No matter how busy he was, he would have opened his son’s letter.
There must have been something that happened to him.
…Well, actually, what was important to Veronica wasn’t that.
Whether Hans had abandoned his son as Leopold believed, or whether something unfortunate had befallen Hans.
No matter what, this was a good opportunity.