The Net Novel Problem

After that day, the relationship between the Holy Fire Order and the Black Magic Tower changed completely.

It was only natural — we were the tower that had hired the Saintess herself, so High Inquisitors and holy knights began taking regular shifts stationed at the Black Magic Tower to guard her.

The tower had once been a boring, tedious place they only visited for long-distance travel, but now it had become something of an IT company maintaining and servicing the hottest thing in all the dimensions — Soul Net. The holy knights and High Inquisitors who came to work here had a hard time adjusting to the atmosphere.

"Reporting for duty. A grand and glorious morning to you all, kahahaha."

The tower mages showed up for work wearing casual everyday clothes — something no other tower would ever have imagined tolerable.

"Third Elder, an advertiser is here to see you."

"Ohhh! Where? So it's this gentleman! Welcome, welcome! Welcome to the Black Magic Tower! Hahaha!"

He had once been a dignified, courteous mage, but thanks to a system that paid out a portion of the ad revenue as a bonus for every deal he closed, the Third Elder had fallen headlong into capitalism and was now such a shark at negotiation that even professional merchants clicked their tongues in admiration.

"Tower Master, good to see you. I've been studying that spatial teleportation magic, and there's a part I can't quite wrap my head around."

"Which part? Long-range teleportation? Or short-range jump points?"

"Teleportation. I wanted to ask about stability control, actually......."

"I could explain it myself, but I'm heading out to run system maintenance on Kraken with Elsie right now. Instead, let me recommend you a truly excellent lecture video. The dusky-skinned brown brothers of the Murca Kingdom give some absolutely top-notch lectures."

"You mean the ones with the slurred Common pronunciation who beg you to subscribe to their channel and smash the like button every single time?"

"Their teaching quality is inversely proportional to their pronunciation. It's mind-blowing. Genuinely."

And so on — the Tower Master wandering the halls in his everyday clothes with snacks in hand, pointing students not to his own teachings but to Kraken channels.

To holy knights and inquisitors armed with strict discipline and piety, the tower was, frankly, a chaotic mess of an establishment.

"Sir Akram, I've never seen a tower with an atmosphere like this."

"And yet no one seems to complain or push back, even with us clergy present. The Order and the tower do... have a history of conflict, do they not?"

"The culture is so free and loose it's almost disorienting."

So at first, the holy knights and High Inquisitors reacted the way anyone would expect. But then, at some point —

they started going down the path of IT corruption, one step at a time.

Well, it was only natural.

The Saintess herself was a hardcore Soul Net addict, so how could her bodyguards possibly stay away from it?

"Whenever I look at someone's face, I can read all their emotions and even their past memories. It's a bit overwhelming, so....could we just talk over Soul Talk instead? It has Face Chat too, you know."

"You mean... Soul Talk?"

"Give it a try. It's fun."

That was how they started on Soul Net — to communicate with the Saintess.

It was always the small things that started it all.

"An Exorcism Ritual Gallery? You're telling me there's a net page where the priests of the Seven Orders gather to share information with each other?"

"Indeed there is. I'm a user there myself."

"Y-you are, Sir Akram?"

One by one, then.

Their eyes began drifting to Soul Net's other features, and the holy knights and priests started falling into it at breakneck speed.

On top of that, since the guard rotation changed regularly, the number of people in the Holy Fire Order familiar with Soul Net kept growing as time went on.

Started with Soul Talk, then moved on to the galleries.

From the galleries to Kraken.

While on Kraken, they figured they'd dabble in games as well.

Then they became War Era 2 fans, or started watching live streams, or... well.

That was the pattern.

And then, decisively —

"Goddess."

Speak, Orphea.

"You know that chat you sent me?"

Yes.

"Could something like that strain Soul Net, or cause problems for the dimension itself?"

According to Elsie, text-based chat and writing are as far as it can safely go. He told me that if we tried to use other functions like Face Chat or video, the magic itself couldn't bear the weight of divinity, and the dimension could be torn apart.

"Then how about gallery activity? Or opening a single group chat? Only a chosen few like Saints and Saintesses can carry a divine voice directly to the mortal world, aren't we? And sending your own voice down to the human realm costs you a fortune in divine authority."

True. But Soul Net chat costs no divine authority at all, does it?

"Right!"

A splendid idea. I must speak with Elsie.

Unable to forget the thrill of actually using a Soul Net feature herself, the Goddess came to me directly with a request to activate the group chat and gallery functions.

Did I have any reason to refuse?

"I'll make the gallery a little special. Only priests and holy knights who can verifiably prove their membership in the Holy Fire Order will be able to join, read, and post. And for the real-time group chat, I'll build a custom one that puts security and stability first."

You have my gratitude. Chatting is certainly far easier than sending down my own voice.

"Haha! Use it as much as you like! Thank you for choosing our Soul Net! If anything ever feels inconvenient, or if you have any suggestions, just tell me directly and I'll patch it up immediately."

And so, the Holy Fire Order Gallery — with the Goddess of Fire and Purification, Yurs, installed as its Juddak — was created, along with one very special group chat.

And once things reached this level —

"Teach me how to register for Soul Net."

"Y-your Holiness the Pope?!"

"This is a chance to read the Goddess's own words with my own eyes! I command every believer of the Order to register for Soul Net. It is a chance to speak directly with the Goddess — to hear and understand her will!"

Even His Holiness the Pope was transformed into a Soul Net user, weeping tears of joy.

And so —

- This Holy Fire Order Gallery I have created exists so that I may draw closer to you all. Here, seek out and understand my will.

Thus was born the most closed-off, the most peculiar gallery of them all —

a gallery operated by a living divinity.

The Goddess was a wildly active Soul Net user.

She would personally watch over and tend to her flock, sending Soul Talk messages to members of the Order to comfort or scold them, and so on.

The act of sending her own voice down — something the barrier between the God Realm and the human realm had never let her do with ease — she now performed more freely than at any time in history.

And naturally —

"Ahh! O Goddess! Thou hast answered my anguished prayer with a chat message!"

"She is watching over us all! Look at this chat and these gallery posts! This is proof that the Goddess looks upon us!"

The faith of the Order's believers, having received chat messages directly from the very being they worshipped, absolutely exploded.

The Goddess found it convenient and pleasant, and the believers were delighted.

As if that were all.

"Sh-she can chat directly with the Goddess?! Sign me up! Take me into the Holy Fire Order as one of its own!"

"I wish to send a chat to the Goddess! Please! Please grant me entry to the group chat!"

The number of people flooding into the Holy Fire Order began to skyrocket.

It was, quite literally, an absurdly powerful faith amplifier.

And there were a few more beings who looked at this and had lightbulbs flicker on above their heads..........

Elsy Bwener.

"AAAGH! Wh-who goes there?!"

Fear not. I am one of the Seven Chief Gods of the dimension — Kuomorai, of Darkness and Secrets.

"Wh-what business brings you to my dream?"

I have watched the Goddess of Fire and Purification. I have watched her faith amplify. Can you provide me with a gallery and group chat like hers? Though in my case, I would prefer a net page that places even greater emphasis on security and secrecy.

Some of the Seven Chief Gods themselves, along with a handful of mid-tier divinities — not quite Chief God rank, but possessed of considerable faith — began visiting my dreams to request galleries and group chats of their own.

Well, what could I do?

These were not your ordinary ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠customers.

These were beings who, if I refused or got cheeky with them, could smite me with divine punishment on a dimensional scale.

"Of course. However, because this gallery and chat place special emphasis on security and stability, maintenance takes considerable effort. I would gladly offer such services free of charge to the Chief Gods of the dimension, but we are humble beings who starve without payment, you see......."

Worry not. I shall grant you compensation befitting my divinity, and in abundance. I have no intention of disregarding your toil and labor.

And so, a divinity-exclusive Soul Net page business was newly added to the Black Magic Tower's portfolio of business models.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

In exchange for dedicated support staff and round-the-clock page stability and security care, we helped the divinities communicate freely with their own congregation.

And the divinities, it seemed, absolutely loved the service.

"If the need arises, we could even petition the Chief Gods directly for problem-solving now, Tower Master."

"Excellent. Just don't make a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠habit of it. The moment you ask the divinities for even trivial matters, you risk falling out of their favor. The gods are not our servants. Never — never — work them like hired hands unless the matter is truly grave enough to warrant their intervention."

"Of course."

And just like that, I now had the strongest backer in the entire dimension standing behind me, ready to pull strings if need be.

I'd hired the Saintess to root out Soul Net troublemakers.

I'd roped divinities in as Soul Net users.

The Black Magic Tower had been through a few incidents and accidents, but it was still riding high, business booming.

If only it had kept going smoothly like that, without a hitch........

that really would have been nice.

"Elsy Bwener."

"Commander of the Imperial Guard?"

A being whose mere appearance now made my skin crawl.

The one who had come for me back during the Synthesis incident in Randor's stead, dragged me off, and orchestrated that terrifying tea party where I got to confirm my head was still attached to my body in the presence of His Majesty the Emperor.

Her showing up at the Black Magic Tower was absolutely not a good sign.

"Follow me. Her Highness the First Princess is looking for you."

"The Princess is looking for me? What would this be about?"

"Insult. Insulting comments about Her Highness have been posted on Soul Net."

The world went dark before my eyes.

Wait — I'm someone with friendly ties to a Saintess and actual divinities now, right? Hm? How dare the imperial family treat me like some errand boy?

If I came out swinging with that attitude, I'd end up getting smited by the gods with a divine bolt of "Do we look like we're here to wipe your ass? You think we're your servants?" — exactly as the Tower Master had warned — and living out my days in such abject misery that getting beaten up by the imperial family would honestly be the preferable fate.

Problems within my jurisdiction had to be handled within my jurisdiction.

Please.

Please, you Soul Net degenerates.

Which ball-less lunatic with a death wish left hate comments on Her Highness the First Princess?

I put out a full-site announcement telling everyone not to touch the imperial family or the High Races, didn't I?!

Whoever it was, I would absolutely not let this go.

Grinding my teeth, I was hauled off to the imperial palace.

And the moment I arrived, I realized I was well and truly screwed.

One Crown Prince and three Imperial Princesses.

And among those three princesses, the one rated the most ruthless, the most brilliant, and the most terrifying.

The one who had vied with the current Crown Prince for the succession, and only slipped from her claim by the barest, thinnest of margins after he proved himself the very slightest bit superior.

Raw strength? She had it.

Magic skill? She had that too.

But above all, what set her apart was said to be her razor-sharp perceptiveness and political instincts.

She hadn't become heir, but His Majesty the Emperor installed her as head of the Imperial Inspection Bureau — and she was the mastermind who subsequently turned the Bureau into the most feared and terrifying institution in the Empire.

If the Crown Prince was the Heir of Light, the First Princess was the one they called the Heir of Darkness.

And against her —

some lunatic had left hate comments.

The inside of Her Highness's private palace was, frankly, lethal.

As the head of the Inspection Bureau — which handled the imperial family's most closely guarded secrets and was deployed for every manner of espionage and counterintelligence — her palace was packed wall-to-wall with court mages and Imperial Guard knights. It was a spine-chilling space where the atmosphere alone was enough to suffocate you.

But all of them were nothing but backup dancers.

Stunning beauty.

Yet at the same time, an expressionless face radiating the cold chill of a glacier.

Because the First Princess was the one who projected the most murderous presence and atmosphere in the entire palace.

"Leave us."

At the Princess's single word, the Imperial Guard knights snapped to attention with surgical precision and withdrew, every last one of them.

Only the Princess and I remained in the garden.

By all normal standards, this should never have happened.

This was a world where even children could wield magic.

Since an ambush bearing murder spells or curses could always come at a member of the imperial family, nobles and royals were supposed to keep their guards close at all times.

But the Princess couldn't have cared less.

The woman before me was a veteran combat battlemage who had personally fought in an actual war.

She was on a level that a dimensional-magic specialist of the Black Magic Tower like me couldn't even dream of touching.

"Take it."

The Princess held out a single sheet of luxurious paper to me.

No introduction of any kind.

No greeting of any kind.

I took the paper ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠with trembling hands.

Written on it were several nicknames that appeared to belong to Soul Net users.

"These are the ones who insulted me. Punish them. They must be dealt with severely — never again permitted to use Soul Net."

At those words, I bowed my head quickly.

"Of course. However, Your Highness....... nicknames alone aren't enough for punishment. If I knew at least which net page you were active on at what time when the insults occurred, I could track them down."

"You do not need to know that. That is all you are permitted to know. Punish them with what you have."

At that icy voice, I found myself swallowing dryly, again and again.

"I'm truly....... truly sorry, but. Soul Net guarantees anonymity, so to find whoever caused this, I need at least minimal data. Please tell me at least which net page you were insulted on. Otherwise, tracking them down will be genuinely difficult."

"Did I not just tell you that you do not need to know? Must I say the same thing twice?"

Terrifying.

I could feel cold sweat running down my forehead.

"Understood, Your Highness. I'll find them somehow and punish—"

The moment I said it, bowed my head, and glanced down at the nicknames on the paper —

The moment I read a few of the nicknames written on that paper, I had to freeze solid.

Wait.......

Don't tell me.......

"Your Highness."

I carefully raised my head and looked at the Princess.

"By any chance... do you write on Net Novel?........"

In that instant, the Princess shot up from her seat and closed the distance between us.

Blade already drawn, her expression nothing short of murderous —

"Silence! The moment you reveal that truth, I will arrest every single soul connected to you! Do you understand me?!"

She began threatening me.