100 - Couldn't Afford Mana, So I Started Streaming

Park date with current GF? Movie date with crush #1? Motel date with crush #2? Screw 'em all, us total NoName simps are glued to her screen lol lmao

— Upvote cuz no way, I think NoName, the newbie streamer with a busted skull who's got a trash schedule, is Gallery Lord – Downvote

But those waiting for her weren't just WoA Gal users.

[202] Kariri (Avg Viewers 16,956) vs NoName (Avg Viewers 1,634)

1. Is she a girl? Both yes

2. Good at games? Kariri's Bronze-Silver no matter the game lol. WoA she's barely toeing Plat. NoName? Ironclad top-tier Korean addict with 80k LoL games, WoA first run story hell mode. Straight pro talent. NoName win.

3. Engagement? Kariri just bitches lately lol? Makes me pissed and I close it. NoName's Cinderella kiddo who has to sleep at midnight but streams an hour late rubbing her eyes (NoName yawn.gif). NoName win.

NoName 2 wins 1 draw. Kariri executed.

But why's she playing LoL instead of WoA?

***

Popularity breeds more popularity, they say.

A waterfall, a downpour—no natural phenomenon could describe the storm of text. Over 20,000 eyes locked on me at once. Their words wriggled like living protein clumps, arms, hands, strangling my throat. I could barely breathe. A short sigh escaped in place of a dying scream.

"Ah..."

Before my brain could process it objectively, my hands flew. I killed the camera showing my face, hid behind the voice changer people hated.

A donation came in, but I couldn't respond. My mouth wouldn't open. Why? How?

I had to give a formal thanks. I flapped my mouth like a fish in a tank, but no sound came out no matter how I squeezed my vocal cords. In this brain-melting panic, the only thought was the "End Stream" button. No fingers needed—one eye flick to eject 25,000 people into space.

But I didn't.

"Haa... haa..."

My chest felt crushed, like someone sliced my skin and wrung my heart dry. Suddenly, even the text blurred. Vision went pitch black. Without closing my eyes.

Flames rising from my soles scorched my eyes first. Burning meat stench everywhere, yet chills racked my body.

***

It was terrifying. Everything I felt terrified me. I don't know what the sun is. The only light I've seen was a dying LED bulb. But I knew why the sun sets, why the wind shifts, why cold raises goosebumps on skin.

It was terrifying. I knew Seola was my mother even before she confessed. If not, why would she sob silently at night, tear her hair, pat my back with trembling hands so I wouldn't wake?

It made sense. I didn't need toys. I already knew how things worked. Why a star-shaped plastic piece only fits a star hole was obvious: kids can't overcome electromagnetic repulsion between plastics.

Words' meanings hit like nails hammered into my skull. Kid, strength, plastic, repulsion. But I didn't care about that. Why couldn't Mom ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠be with me? I wanted to run to her, bury my face in her huge embrace, sob endlessly.

So scary. Why's my body like this? What memory is this?

But logic wouldn't let go. Realizing it'd only hurt Seola more? Little sly me wore a sheep's skin like a wolf, innocent-faced.

I knew why my body was like this. Experienced it in my past life, so accepting it again wasn't hard.

But... but... My heart wouldn't calm. "I know all commands come from the brain," yet why does my heart rebel alone? Ancients mistaking emotions for heart-stuff wasn't so wrong.

Defying orders to endure, my heart yearned to burst free. Better if it exploded in rampage...

I feared becoming an adult. If enduring forever is adult "logic," I don't want it. Ignoring obvious haters who don't speak my language, suppressing win-lust, grinding repeat quests like a hamster wheel—that's my task. Purpose. Duty. Logic.

Some days, I want to drop everything and die. On those days, I asked the princess living for me: How are you so stoic? I couldn't even imagine her repeated gruesome deaths.

Head torn off, body burned, killed by dearest friend—yet she endured. Her simple answer: "Truth is, you want to live too."

Yes. She knew, understood, empathized every emotion. Never scolded child-me for claiming adulthood.

Complicated heart shattered. I declared to all battlefield travelers stealing my heart: "Truth is, I want to live too."

I thought I was a puppet controlled in every desire. But she fought, raged, cried for me alone.

Yeah, I'm a being with desires, human. Want to live, eat, hang out, dream. Fantasized escaping with princess, what I'd do—but one day, even she vanished. Exhaustion from escape goal, shrunken brain from malnutrition forgot everything but escape.

Death's fear is instinctual. Never fades, no matter deaths. Creeping debt was no different from the mob tying me to the pyre.

"Hic... hngh..."

"It was... scary... Every day I've lived... Wondering if I'm on the right path... If I messed up again."

Intense fear from tiny mistakes. Couldn't shake delusions of 20k judges X-ing me to instant beheading.

Couldn't shake sudden intense terror. "People scare me... All of you... Just watching terrifies me..."

Truth: Streaming didn't suit me at all. In this era, only streaming for easy cash?

Was I trapped in fragmented thinking?

No way. I always knew the reason. Just never fully aware.

The sobering chat calmed my heart too. Eyes drifted up.

Burned by human malice or not, no one survives winter night without a campfire. People's warmth ached more than their malice.

See? Clumsy comforts, but head clears, chest warms. Suppressed a laugh, cleared my throat, appealed calmly.

"I... whew..."

15,000 viewers waited breathlessly. Unlike palace ministers who cut me off mid-sentence.

"I really hated humans."

"Looking back, for so long... so long I was alone. Didn't want to be, but ended up that way."

"Why I started streaming. Obvious: needed money."

That was the start.

"But your warmth felt good. Your dumb faces when I teach magic, cheers at Master rank, warm pity for Adella..."

Like the match-girl unable to stop striking, I overused magic for warmth.

"So I admitted it. Gonna be honest. Love the attention. Love our time together. Want to keep meeting fans who hype worthless me."

Money was side-reason. Loved eyes on my lines, actions, habits. But without excuses, I'd crash fast—always prepped some.

"See this? To keep seeing you longer, I overdid magic, racked debt. Ten mil, now twenty. Gotta stream to pay it off."

"Won't quit till all debt paid. Gonna exploit your time and money."

Troll NoName's always been selfish, self-centered.

"So use me freely. Entertainment, proxy thrill—whatever. Just stay till the end."

Yeah. Game change means title change. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Didn't take long. Honest.