Returning to the Past
Thud.
"Hey, hey, come on, get a grip."
Somewhere beyond my fading consciousness, I could feel someone shaking my body and calling out to me, but I’d already lost all strength. I’d run in to save a child who’d fallen into the water, which had been fine in theory, but then a cramp seized me all at once and I ended up thrashing helplessly before sinking straight under.
As the thought hit me that this was how I was going to die, trapped and unable to move, my whole life flashed before my eyes.
So this is that life-flashing-before-your-eyes thing. Mom, Dad... I’m sorry. If I’d known I was going to die this soon, I would’ve treated you better in life...
Watching the scene of my drowning rewind at impossible speed made death feel real at last.
And among the passing fragments, one thing stood out in painfully sharp relief: all the women I’d never gotten to have.
Even now, at the brink of death, my still-lively thirties were being ruled by my lower body.
If it was going to be like this, I should’ve just done it...
Would I have felt less resentful if I’d never had the chance at all?
I’d held one belief since I was young.
Like my parents, who had been each other’s first love, I vowed that I wouldn’t have sex until I got married.
I’d come close to betraying that conviction more than once under the pressure of instinct and desire, but somehow I’d held on until now... and now it was all going to be pointless.
I should’ve... just once... put it in...
The voices around me began to drift farther and farther away.
Even though I was already out of the water, my body felt heavier and heavier, as if I were still sinking.
Then, all at once, I sucked in a lungful of air that seemed to plunge straight into the depths of my chest and jolted upright.
-Hah, hah...
When I raised my head and looked down, both my hands and both my feet were perfectly fine.
"Am I alive?"
"No, you’re dead."
Where the voice came from stood a woman with an oddly chilly air about her.
The people who had been gathered around me only moments ago were gone, but strangely enough, I didn’t feel frightened or uneasy.
"W-who... who are you?"
"Hmm. What should I call myself? I go by a lot of names, but if I say I’m the Grim Reaper, people usually understand right away."
"G-g-grim... reaper?"
I repeated it reflexively, but some part of me already knew it: I was dead, and the being before me was not something I could refuse.
"See that body of yours lying over there? Procedurally, I have to confirm your death before I can take you."
When I looked where she pointed, I saw myself lying beyond a hazy barrier like the fogged-up mirror of a steamy bathhouse, with people crowding around me.
Someone was pressing hard on my chest with both hands, but my body didn’t twitch.
"So I really died like this...?"
I stumbled forward, flailing my arms, trying to get to the other side of that wall, but no matter how close it seemed, it never came any nearer.
"No use. This place is already cut off from the living world."
If I could only stretch out my hand and reach it, I felt like I could turn everything back... but it was impossible.
"Don’t stare too long. It isn’t something the mind of someone tied to the cycle of death can truly understand. For now, just listen to my voice."
Her tone was gentle, but there was an irresistible compulsion hidden inside it.
Her voice, clear and ringing like a bell, pulled at my consciousness from that limitless space.
The more I focused on it, the more the emotions and regrets I’d felt before dying seemed pointless.
"I see... so this is how I died. Then am I going to the afterlife now?"
But instead of answering, the coldly amused face she’d worn until now crumpled, and for the first time something like an expression appeared on it.
She was staring fixedly at the screen of the tablet in her hand, chewing her lip with evident irritation.
"Ordinarily, yes, but..."
With a sharp click, she closed the tablet and began, her expression thoroughly displeased.
"...There’s been a small change in the afterlife recently. Normally, those who die a righteous death and build up merit are rewarded for it in the next life, but there’s been so much talk lately about human rights and all that..."
Still unable to make sense of the situation, I could only listen quietly.
"The death happened in this life, so why should the reward come in the next? That’s been the general consensus so far, since it’s still the same soul, but..."
"With the times changing, they’ve decided to try out a pilot system. And you’re the first test subject."
As she finished speaking, the Grim Reaper muttered under her breath about why it had to be the one she was in charge of, and it sounded as though the frustrations of fieldwork were the same whether you were in the living world or the dead one.
"So... I might be able to live again?"
For the first time, some life returned to my face. Saying a dead man had "life" in his face was contradictory, of course.
"No? Death is already set by fate. That cannot be undone."
My face fell again, and a disappointed sigh escaped me.
"Instead! Before you go to the afterlife, we’ve decided to remove the single biggest lingering regret of the deceased from this life. Any wish is allowed, as long as it isn’t coming back to life."
Most humans wish for the happiness of the people they leave behind or something like that... so this shouldn’t be a problem.
If she’d known what would happen next, the Grim Reaper eager to wrap this annoying business up quickly would never have thought that lightly.
"Then, Jeong Shin-woo, your lingering regret is...?"
"I... never got to do it even once..."
"Hm?"
At my answer, the Grim Reaper looked as if she couldn’t believe her ears.
"Sex. I mean sex. I never got to have it even once. I want to have sex, sex, sex."
The repeated, indecent words made the Grim Reaper’s face flush bright red.
"A-any wish is possible, I said. I thought you’d ask for the happiness of your parents or something... and yet all you want is se-se-sex?"
The Grim Reaper’s carefully maintained composure finally shattered under that blunt word.
And it seemed she had a pretty vivid imagination, too.
"How could you make such irreverent thoughts...? How dare you ask for my body...?"
"Huh? What do you mean...? Ah, no, that’s not what I meant..."
Seeing the Grim Reaper’s face go red and blotchy like that made me realize she wasn’t all that different from a human being after all, and that gave me a little room to breathe.
Thinking she’d misunderstood me, I decided to have a little fun with her.
"Yeah, you said I could do anything. Then make me have sex."
The Grim Reaper’s pale face was gone now, replaced by one so red it looked ready to burst.
"Kh... once a lofty being has spoken, it cannot take the words back before mere mortals... I-I can’t exactly..."
"Haha, no, I mean I want to do it with a woman I actually had a chance with in life."
The hand that had been heading toward my shoulder suddenly changed direction and yanked up the shirt that had slipped halfway down.
"I-I thought you were joking too. I was just playing along."
If that blush on her face is acting, she should’ve become an actress instead of a Grim Reaper.
I swallowed the retort that had climbed all the way to my throat, deciding it wouldn’t help the situation.
"To be precise, I want to do it with one of the women I could’ve had a chance with."
"Fine. Then look here first."
Hearing my condition, the Grim Reaper turned the tablet around and showed me the screen.
"W-what is all this?"
On the display she showed me were the faces of every woman I had known in my life, both the ones I knew back then and the ones I knew now.
"These are the women you could have been with if you’d set your mind to it in your life. They’ll appear in the basic order in which your ties with them were formed."
It was astonishing. There were even several faces I’d never expected to see.
All of them...? If I’d only set my mind to it, I really could have been with all of these people?
The regret inside me grew even stronger. I swallowed hard without meaning to, and a strange tension pressed down in my groin.
Even dead, this still reacts.
"Now, if you choose one person from this list, I’ll send you to a time when you can have sex with that person."
She still stumbled over that particular word, but somehow she felt more comfortable to me now than she had before.
And if you look at her carefully, she’s a beauty too.
Maybe it was because of her pale complexion, but every time a flush rose to her face, she seemed especially sensual.
My eyes were drawn to the white cleavage visible through the opening in her black clothes.
Having sex with this woman, no, with this Grim Reaper, wouldn’t be so bad... Pull yourself together, Jeong Shin-woo. This isn’t the time.
I tried focusing on the screen again, but the unexpected appearance of so many faces threw me into hesitation.
There are so many people I never imagined would show up that it’s hard to choose... Still, if I had to pick one of them...
"Then I’ll choose this person."
My finger pointed to one woman.
"Good. Then press her directly."
I moved my finger carefully and pressed the screen.
Press.
"Huh? Wait, hold on?"
I panicked. Just before I touched it, the screen scale shifted, and my finger ended up pressing some completely different spot instead of the one I’d intended.
"All right, there’s no taking it back. Then I hope you have a pleasant time."
Unlike the polite posture with which she’d bowed as if she were a butler greeting a guest, her expression was barely holding itself together, as though she were struggling not to burst out laughing.
The moment the Grim Reaper finished speaking, I began to be sucked somewhere.
Just before my body was completely swallowed, she finally let out a snort and burst into peals of laughter.
I couldn’t hear what she was saying as she receded into the distance, but I could just barely read her lips.
"Daring to play a trick on a Grim Reaper?"
"You f*cking—!"
The last thing I managed to shout at her, doubled over with laughter, was the final sound I made before the world went black.
"Aaaagh!"
I was soaked through with sweat from head to toe.
A dream...? Did I dream that? Well, of course. It was a truly horrible nightmare...
But when I looked around, I realized this wasn’t my house.
"Where... am I?"
And yet it felt strangely familiar. It was definitely a place I knew.
When I finally realized where it was, I was left speechless.
"No way..."
Memory returned piece by piece in my head, like puzzle pieces snapping into place.
My first rented room, the one I’d found when I entered university.
It had been years since I’d left, but I was certain.
I picked up the phone on the desk and checked the date.
It was exactly ten years ago.
"Did I go back into the past? If that’s true, then..."
I needed to confirm it.
I hurriedly changed clothes, dashed out of the house, and made my way quickly through the streets.
By then the sun had begun to lean low, and one by one, the signs along the street were starting to light up.
"Hah, hah..."
When I raised my head, gasping for breath, the sign reading YOU&ME Hair Salon came into view.
"The person I clicked on back then was definitely..."
I remembered the day I first visited the salon.
After deciding on a university and finding a place to live, I’d gone to a local salon to get my hair done.
The anxiety I’d felt at entering a new place melted away the instant I saw the young, pretty stylist sitting on the sofa.
After a few visits, the two of us had gotten close enough to call each other noona and little brother, and then, naturally, our connection faded once I graduated and moved away.
There was exactly ten years between Yu-mi and me.
For a boy who had just become an adult, Yu-mi alone was enough to make my heart pound.
I liked the bright smile she always gave me, and even the chemical smell that drifted off her when she came close seemed fragrant to me.
Whenever I bent forward, I would sneak a glance at her chest, and if even a strand of her swaying hair brushed me, my erection would refuse to go down, leaving me hunched over whenever I got back up.
The nights after visiting the salon were always spent jerking off while thinking about Yu-mi.
When I’d seen Yu-mi on the screen the Grim Reaper showed me, I’d remembered those youthful days and all the countless nights I’d spent with her in my imagination.
With noona... really? I can actually do it with her?
No way...
I blinked a few times at the softly lit salon sign.
"Well, I need to check."
I steadied my breathing and carefully opened the door.
Ding-dong.
It was the familiar little chime I’d always heard, but tonight it only made me more nervous.
"Welcome. Oh? Wait... your name’s Shin-woo, right? You’re back again?"
Yu-mi, who had been tidying up her tools as the evening shift was nearly over, smiled warmly when she saw my face.
"H-hello, Yu-mi noona."
"Oh? I like being called noona."
I winced inwardly.
Damn, we aren’t that close yet. I’ve only met her once, and I’m already calling her noona.
Fortunately, Yu-mi’s easygoing nature meant she seemed to let it slide naturally.
With stiff, awkward steps born of nerves, I walked inside the salon.
Yu-mi studied me closely.
"But you just got your hair done not long ago. You want it done again?"
She had a point. I panicked. I’d rushed over here, but I hadn’t thought at all about what I was going to say.
"I... well..."
My eyes rolled around the room, and a promotional phrase about a New Semester Event caught my attention.
"B-because it’s event season! I thought I’d switch up my style again, just for a change of pace. Is that... not okay?"
My mouth was dry as dust, and sweat was already creeping up my palms.
Instead of answering right away, Yu-mi glanced at the clock.
No chance, huh?
Just as I was about to give up, Yu-mi set down the cleaning tools she’d been holding.
"Normally I wouldn’t, but I’ll make an exception today. Sit here."
I moved toward the chair she pointed to, my expression still tense.
Yu-mi swept my hair back with her hand.
Her hands were always soft, as though she took special care of them, despite all the chemicals that should have damaged them.
Even a touch that would normally have meant nothing made me hyperaware today.
Yu-mi seemed to think of something, turned away, went outside to check the area once, then turned off the sign and pulled down the shutter.
Without knowing why I’d come in the first place, she had unknowingly made the stage for me herself.
"I was about to close up anyway, so this is more comfortable, right? You can talk casually if you want."
"Yes, noona," I answered with a nod.
Her friendly, relaxed manner made me feel a little lighter.
Come to think of it, I haven’t seen noona since I graduated.
But my sense of relief was only brief. Remembering why I had come here, I stayed on guard.
"Did you have a style in mind?"
"Could you recommend something, noona?"
After thinking for a moment, Yu-mi showed me a few photos.
"How about something like this? Your face is neat and handsome, Shin-woo. I think a little wave without being too flashy would suit you really well."
"Yeah, that works. Let’s do that."
Even if her easy compliment had just been a business line, it still felt nice.
Yu-mi, reflected in the mirror before me, quickly settled into a focused, professional mode.
And my head filled with only one thought as I watched her.
She doesn’t seem any different from usual... is it really true that I can do it with noona?
While I was lost in thought, time passed mercilessly, and before long the styling had reached its final stages.
"Then come this way."
Following Yu-mi’s guidance, I lay down in the shampoo room, and her chest came level with my eyes.
Even through her clothes, I could tell her breasts were fairly large.
Clack.
"Sorry, the shampoo fell."
The bottle rolled across the floor and came to rest beside me.
As I watched Yu-mi bend to pick up the shampoo, her gathered cleavage came into view.
I must have spent dozens of nights imagining what was inside that blouse.
The sound of running water filled the room, and I closed my eyes tightly, thinking of Yu-mi.
Yu-mi noona beneath me, her legs spread, letting out breathy little moans... I’d imagined it more times than I could count, yet it still didn’t feel real.
Just as I sank deeper into my own torment, Yu-mi’s attention had already shifted elsewhere.
She had noticed the bulge in my pants.
If I’d been my usual self, I would have done everything in my power to hide it and calm it down, but now I had been careless, and my pants were swollen embarrassingly high.
My uncontrolled cock, following its master’s thoughts of Yu-mi, had risen proudly on its own.
Oh...
Yu-mi couldn’t look away.
And then she felt the wetness begin spreading beneath her.
She had always been a woman with a lot of moisture.
Yu-mi had a strong sex drive, but with her busy life, she’d already been alone for almost a year.
Whenever her body heated up from time to time, she took care of it by herself, but that was all it ever was.
And today, of all days, her body happened to be especially hot.
She’d planned to close the salon early and indulge in a little private enjoyment, but instead she decided to settle for securing a new regular customer.
But wasn’t this what they called a blessing in disguise? A tastier piece of prey had just appeared right in front of her.
Yu-mi narrowed her eyes and licked her lips with the tip of her tongue.
"So... do you have a girlfriend?"
Yu-mi decided to press lightly on my scalp while asking a very deliberate question.
"N-no. I’ve never had a girlfriend before."
"Oh? Really? You’re handsome, so I figured you must’ve had one."
Yu-mi’s hands began to slow.
"Not only handsome, but tall and well-built too..."
"R-really? Thanks, noona."
I, too, sensed that the atmosphere was starting to feel strange.
"So having no girlfriend must make nights pretty hard for you..."
By now Yu-mi had fully steered the conversation in a shameless direction. Her hands, which had been working on my hair, began drifting lower little by little.
Passing over my face and chest, Yu-mi’s hand was now stroking my stomach.
I wasn’t stupid enough not to understand what she was doing.
"Haha, yeah, I guess so. But what else can I do? That’s why last time, at night, I was thinking about noona and then, ah, no, that’s not it. What was I even saying?"
At the very least, pretending to be flustered was the bare minimum of decency.
Yu-mi’s hand, which had paused for a moment, tapped its fingers lightly and continued downward, lower and lower.
When it reached the bulging front of my pants, her hand gently closed around it.
"Thinking about me at night... what were you doing?"