The Maid's Drunk Collapse
I sat roughly on a park bench, blowing on an empty soju bottle, when a KakaoTalk notification from Jeong Sua popped up on my phone. A long, rambling apology message came with a gifticon. The gifticon was for a box of lollipops—the kind I'd grown to like after quitting cigarettes. Summing up the message, it basically said: Can't we just go back to how things were? Don't drift away. And if that wasn't possible, at least go shopping together for Kang Suho's birthday present.
As expected from a woman already hooked on my big carrot, one crack of the whip and she folded immediately.
"Took her longer than I thought, though."
I'd figured Sua would be so anxious she'd message me within an hour. Guess she handled being home without me better than expected. Hopefully she didn't sneak into my room and do anything weird while I was gone.
If she found that new 19+ magazine I bought—the one with the 'Lewd Junior' special—I'd be screwed.
Fortunately, the fact that she sent an apology and a gift meant she hadn't found it. If she had, she wouldn't have sent anything at all.
I pushed the thought aside and was sipping soju while enjoying the view when a familiar face appeared.
"Isn't that Lee Yena?"
She'd been in the same class as me in first year, and now again in second. Not a heroine, but a girl I'd been eyeing to claim for myself. Why? Because she's Cha Yeri's personal maid—the spy she planted in our school. How dare she badmouth me to Cha Yeri? I'll turn her into my personal onahole.
Lee Yena had her blonde hair tied back and was jogging through the park in skin-tight black leggings. For a maid, she seemed to have quite a bit of free time.
"Hey!"
I shouted loud enough for even Lee Yena in the distance to hear. Not only she, but everyone else walking or resting in the park turned to look. When I waved, she realized I was calling her, tilted her head in confusion, and slowly walked over.
As you'd expect, just because we'd been in the same class for a year didn't mean we were close. Whether Cha Yeri ordered it or not, Lee Yena was the biggest social butterfly in our class. Witty, always smiling, pretty face—most of the class were her friends.
Except me, of course.
Whether intentional or not, she'd never had a proper conversation with me. The only time we talked was during a group project when we happened to be in the same group.
"Kang Ijin? Did you just call me?"
"Yeah, I did."
She looked puzzled. Of course she would. Some guy she'd never properly spoken to suddenly calling out to her. I patted the ground beside me, signaling her to sit. Lee Yena smiled and shook her head, trying to dodge the situation.
See? This bitch is definitely avoiding me on purpose.
Why refuse something as simple as sitting down?
"Why'd you call me? I'm in the middle of working out."
"Just felt like it."
"Just felt like it?"
"Saw a familiar face passing by, so I called out. Since you're here, have a drink with me."
I pulled a soju bottle from the black plastic bag and shook it like I was offering a treat to a dog. Her smiling lips twitched slightly.
Wow, she's still smiling? Impressive. As expected of a professional maid—her patience is on another level.
"I literally just told you I'm working out, hehe. No drinking! It's bad for your body while exercising. Let's drink together next time. Can I go now?"
She clearly wanted to escape. Why? I hadn't done anything to her, yet she was avoiding me like this. If I didn't know, I'd just ask.
"Why do you keep avoiding me on purpose?"
"What are you talking about? Why would I avoid you? Your jokes are something else~"
Her fake laugh was obvious as day, you two-faced bitch.
"You're really not avoiding me?"
"Of course not."
"Aha. So you're not avoiding me. For a second I thought someone told you not to get close to me."
"?!"
Lee Yena's eyes widened briefly before she forced another smile. I'd thought she was just some doll that smiled all the time, but apparently not. When I smirked at her reaction, her expression turned ice-cold. There was even a hint of disgust in it.
How dare she look at me like that. Pissed me off.
"Keep that up and I'll hit you. Wipe that look off your face. If you don't want to get beaten and forced to smile."
Though that was my type, I didn't feel like doing it here. Too many eyes around, and in such an open space I'd just get reported and arrested. Only I'd lose out.
"How much do you know?"
Her voice came out cold, devoid of any warmth. She must've assumed I already knew her identity. But I had no intention of revealing that yet. I'd drag it out, make her anxious and paranoid. She wasn't a heroine, just some spy selling information to Cha Yeri. This was how it had to be.
"What are you talking about? What do you mean, 'how much do I know'?"
So I played dumb, smiling as I offered her the soju again.
"I don't know why you're suddenly angry. More importantly, forget the workout and have a drink with me. Let's get along, yeah?"
Lee Yena hesitated, debating whether to accept the bottle—completely different from her earlier outright rejection. She couldn't tell if I knew her secret or not.
Maybe I should help her make a decision.
"Just have one drink with me. You were complaining earlier about how tired you were after running around alone with the president doing student council work."
"What does that have to do with me..."
"Nothing, really. Ah~ If you don't accept, I might get annoyed and bother the president tomorrow."
"?!"
You don't seem to know, but I'm the student council vice president. That childhood friend of yours—the president you serve so loyally—I can be alone with her whenever I want.
If you keep acting like this, I'll start messing with your master from now on.
Realizing this, our dear maid accepted the soju bottle with a forced smile.
"F-Fine. I was actually craving a drink anyway."
"Really? Guess I called you at the perfect time. You should thank me. Go on, say thank you."
Lee Yena stared at me with wide eyes, trying to figure out if I was serious or joking. I met her gaze steadily. If she thought I was joking, she had no talent for espionage. Fortunately, she wasn't completely clueless. She pressed the soju bottle to her cheek and pretended to be happy.
"Thank you. I'll drink it well~"
"Good. And you know soju prices have gone way up lately, right? It's expensive booze, so show some appreciation and finish it all. Don't leave a drop."
"All of this...?"
Her eyes widened adorably. Ah, I shouldn't do this. Every time I see that expression, I just want to torment her more. No wonder those delinquent types grab nerds and force alcohol down their throats. Even with her flashy dyed blonde hair, Lee Yena was actually a diligent girl underneath.
I've seen girls like this plenty in rom-com anime.
These types often fall for the stuttering, socially awkward otaku nerds. I knew it was just otaku fantasy, but it still pissed me off whenever I saw it in anime.
It's unfair that guys who don't put in any effort like I do get to easily win over beautiful girls.
I'd have to thoroughly manage her so she didn't fall for some loser otaku.
"What, can't drink it?"
"It's just... I'm actually really weak to alcohol..."
"The social butterfly can't hold her liquor. You don't look like the type. Guess you party pretty clean after all."
"Ah... haha. What are you even saying~"
She was clearly annoyed by my blunt words but forced a cheerful laugh anyway.
"Then I guess there's no choice."
Don't worry, Lee Yena. I'm not some cliché delinquent. I'm the man who's going to push aside the original protagonist Kang Suho and become the new protagonist. You should consider yourself lucky to have caught my eye. I'm surprisingly generous, after all.
"Here, take this."
"What's this?"
"Can't you tell by looking? It's snacks."
"......"
"Drink it all with the snacks."
I'm such a considerate guy, even providing snacks.
"Ugh... blegh..."
"Shit, what a waste. You're throwing it all up."
Lee Yena had been complaining about nausea before finally vomiting into the grass. She hadn't been lying about being weak to alcohol. There were otaku who called women's saliva holy water, but that was just something virgins who couldn't even talk to girls said. To me, it all just looked filthy. Watching her vomit was even worse.
I rubbed her back as she hunched over, still feeling queasy. Whether from the alcohol or the vomiting, she didn't react much to my touch.
"How's that? Feeling better now that I'm rubbing your back?"
"Mm... th-thank you..."
This girl was properly drunk. I decided to test whether she lost awareness when intoxicated. While pretending to rub her back, I slipped my hand under her t-shirt. Click. I unhooked her bra with my fingertips. Her chest immediately swelled outward.
Breasts: pass. I'm definitely fucking her.
Unable to resist, I grabbed and kneaded her breasts from below. Her body was well-maintained—everything that should stick out did, and everything that should be tucked in was properly in place. Her breasts were especially soft. Grabbing them firmly and pounding her from behind would feel incredible.
"Puhuhu... it tickles... heehee."
"Lee Yena, you're really weak to alcohol, huh?"
"I told you I was weak... ugh... blegh..."
Ah, fuck. Seeing her vomit killed my arousal instantly. I hooked her bra back together. Better stop here—she might sober up. Half the soju's still left. Her tolerance was less than one bottle. And yet she dyed her hair, got piercings, acted like the class's top socialite, and played spy? What a pathetic excuse for a spy. You're a disgrace to the blonde hair association, you bitch.
Still, the cost-performance ratio was good. One bottle of soju and I got to grope her tits. Two thousand won for a handful of breasts? What a bargain.
"Told you so. Who told you to drink when you can't handle it? This is your fault."
"I'm sowwy... I can't drink any more..."
Idiot. I basically forced it down her throat, but her drunk brain couldn't even process that, so she apologized. Plus, the way she slurred her words while drunk was oddly cute. Since she was cute, I'd have to get her drunk before fucking her. No problem with that, right? She was always this adorable in front of me.
"Want me to call a taxi?"
"No... I'm fine..."
"Yeah? Since you said you're fine, I'll head out then?"
"Mm... bye... ugh!"
Thanks to Lee Yena keeping me company, time had passed pleasantly. Just as I was about to head home—
Almost forgot the most important thing.
I approached Lee Yena again as she swayed, clinging to a tree.
"Hey, give me your number. We're friends now."
"M-My number?"
"Yeah. What, aren't we friends? You drank my alcohol and now you're saying we're not? That'd be pretty hurtful. I even rubbed your back because I was worried about you."
Though I'd actually groped her tits plenty. If that wasn't enough, should I have touched her pussy too?
"Ah... right... we're friendsh... gimme your number...?"
"You can't even talk properly. Give me your phone, I'll do it."
"Okay..."
Lee Yena handed me her smartphone without any suspicion. Tsk tsk... Yena, you should never drink. What kind of world did she think this was, handing over her phone so carelessly? I saved my number in her contacts, then opened the camera on her phone.
"Lee Yena, look here. Let's take a photo. Say kimchi~"
"Mm? Kimchii... hehe."
Click.
After taking a commemorative photo of our first time as friends, I handed the phone back to her and gave her a hangover remedy I'd bought at the convenience store.
"Drink this. And hurry home to Cha Yeri."
"Cha Yeri...? How do you know our master..."
Stupid bitch. In the old days, you'd have been exposed and tortured already.
"Ah, slip of the tongue. I meant be careful on your way home."
"Not Cha Yeri, but... car... right, be careful of cars... yeah... be careful of cars... I drank, so..."
Lee Yena kept nodding without noticing anything strange. I'd told her to go home, but leaving her like this made me a bit uneasy. What if some passing thugs dragged her away while she was unconscious? That pussy was marked as mine. I wasn't giving it to anyone.
Ah, our president's life was about to get a lot more interesting. The thought of Cha Yeri rushing over made me smile.