Pinch Hitter (1)
“Hey, wake up.”
“Huh? Wha—?”
Smack. Smack.
“I said get up.”
What the hell? My friend, who'd dived into bed first claiming he was crashing early, was slapping my cheeks.
Déjà vu?
“Ugh…… When did I even fall asleep?”
“How should I know? You collapsed like you'd passed out on the floor. The alarm went off, I woke up, and I freaked out.”
“R-Really?”
I rubbed my crusty eyes and groped for my phone.
“Phew. Still got time before my shift.”
“Skip the shift. You can't work there anymore anyway, right?”
“Oh. Yeah, you're right.”
Now that I thought about it, I'd turned into a completely different person. Did I even need to go? Hell, I didn't even exist anymore……
“Ah!”
Suddenly, the events before I blacked out flashed back, and I checked the floor.
“Ooh.”
“Huh? Your ID?”
“Ta-da.”
“What's this?”
“It's a long story……”
With my brain still sluggish, I stammered through an explanation of what happened before I passed out, mumbling incoherently.
“Whoa, what an app that royally screws over an easy life.”
“Yeah. This is the savior's reward for saving the world.”
“What? You even remember your past life?”
“Nah?”
“……”
“What? The app called me a savior, so I am one.”
“From what I can see right now, it's kinda believable. Anyway, whatever— the funny part is your name didn't change.”
Just like he said, laughing at my ID, my name was the same. I'd never thought much of it before, but now it felt hilariously mismatched with my looks. Old-fashioned and folksy. Oh well, what could I do? Gotta live with it. It wasn't some total disaster name like those rename stories on the forums.
I lightly smacked the back of the dwarf's head as he stared holes into my ID in awe, then hummed a tune, feeling like the immediate crisis was averted, and started getting ready to head out.
“Where you going?”
“Work.”
“Why work? Just quit. Weren't you gonna anyway? Go explain or something.”
“I was just gonna ghost, but then I thought ditching without notice is kinda rude.”
“Fair point, it's bad manners. But can't you just KakaoTalk something like 'accident' or 'family emergency'?”
“Then someone has to cover the shift. It's Sunday, boss isn't there. The previous shift kid might have plans. Can't do that to 'em.”
“Whoa~ You’ve got more principles than I thought?”
“Ahem. Less principles, more like I got nothing else to do right now, so might as well. No savings either.”
“Oh, right. Gotta do something for a while anyway.”
He scratched his chin, humming.
If the ID issue hadn't been solved, I might've just sent a quick message about some fake accident or funeral and dipped.
“……”
“But what about those ears?”
Oh. Right. That was the problem.
“Can't hide 'em with hair?”
I tried styling my thick, luscious hair, but the tips poked out. Total fail.
“No dice?”
“Nope.”
I ruffled it, draped it over—nothing worked. They asserted themselves every time I moved. Hopeless.
And a hat? Awkward for a whole shift.
“That gold shop got anything?”
“Huh? Yeah? Let's check.”
Right. It had everything under the sun last time. Time to browse.
“Hmm… not this… not that… security gla—? Huh? This?”
“……”
“10 million won? Brutal price. You got that kinda cash?”
“Part-time pay? No way……”
“I’ll lend it to ya?”
A halo seemed to glow behind him as he offered casually, but I tamped down the warm fuzzies and kept a straight face.
“You nuts? And I couldn't pay back 10 mil anyway.”
“I'm enlisting soon anyway, won't need it. By discharge, you'll pay it off.”
“Me? On PC bang wages?”
“Obviously not on that alone. Get into streaming. Then it's interest-free.”
Grin. There it was. I edged away from the loan shark's sleazy smile.
“That's a bit……”
“Dude, why take the hard road when easy's right there? You saw that girl last night. You're in her league now.”
The female streamer raking in massive donations with birthday reruns. Goddess something? ID or real name, whatever— she was printing money. But she oozed talent. Never heard her sing, but her dancing, expressions? Pro level. Plus looks and that internet vibe.
Me? Not chatty, never sung karaoke, skipped every talent show. Decent athleticism and body control, sure—for sports. Dancing? No clue.
“I can't dance.”
“Who said dance? If that seal thing's real, just mukbang with tasty food in front.”
“Gotta eat tasty, though.”
I thought of mukbang YouTubers I knew.
“No need to overact. Clean eating works now. 'Tasty, not'—just keep eating, and……”
He paused mid-pitch, fist to palm like a lightbulb.
“Hey. Instead, just guest on my stream. Once! I'll forgive 5 mil as appearance fee.”
Shady vibes, but 5 mil off for one guest spot? With 10 mil needed? Tempting as hell. Even for a bestie, tough call…… How much did streaming pay? Birds with full barns chirp loud. Gonna stay tight, Yoon.
“One guest spot, for real?”
“Yup. Lend ya the full 10. But pay back by my discharge.”
“Damn, you print money. Show the bank app.”
“Hey! Hands off the hubby's wallet!”
“Gonna beat your ass. Beat it. Wanna die? Huh?”
“Ow! That hurts like hell! Aaaagh!”
I pummeled my blabbering bestie, but damn, good friend. Bit of nonsense, lotsa bravado, huge pride, gamer ego, OnePiece simp—but sweet guy.
Hahaha!
“Okay. Once won't kill me.”
“Ugh, still hurts. Smart choice. Let's record it.”
“Record what?”
“Lending 5 mil? Gotta make it official. Sign and thumbprint.”
“O-Okay.”
A bit thrown, but fair. Money needs clear terms, even with bros.
“Alright, wash up. I'll step out.”
“Where to?”
“Gotta buy you clothes and undies for today. You weren't gonna go in that, right?”
“What's wrong with it?”
Male and female builds differ, but height diff wasn't huge—should fit okay?
Poke.
“Ow.”
The biggest difference stood out.
“Wash up quick. I'll grab undies and basics from the mart nearby.”
“Just undies? This shirt's fine.”
“You'll look broke. Waist's too loose, it'll slip. Not on your tab—wear what I buy.”
“Sniff. You're the best.”
I fake-cried, wiping nothing; he shook his head and left.
“Washing hair now might be overkill?”
Alone, I gathered the waterfall cascade in fistfuls. Looks great, but maintenance nightmare. Drying alone…… eternity.
Shoooo……
Washing my face, hair kept dripping—annoying as hell. Cut it short later?
After brushing and face-wash, debated a nap but felt wasteful. Mirror check.
Unreal beauty hard to get used to. No makeup, yet flawless porcelain skin, lush lashes, neat brows. Cherry-pink lips as the finisher. Face cheats activated.
Elf prestige? Not my old mug, or just too perfect? Felt alien, even on my body.
“Gonna catch narcissism at this rate.”
Tasteful or universal appeal? Staring was pure joy. Like unboxing my first PC—peak life high.
That good. Mood soaring. But…… wished handsome guy instead. Sigh. Guy life more curious than goddess……
Bit down, but mirror refilled confidence.
Fine. Gender whatever. This face opens doors: actor, idol, streamer, model……
Hmm. All anti-me jobs.
Oh. Easy life cheat busted……
That ad promised free ride—total scam. Earth diff, penalties, shop prices insane. 'Wanna die?' thoughts fair game.
Stepped out, realizing I was kinda screwed.
“All clean?”
Grabbed phone to check gold shop from bed—door opened, arms full of bags.
“What'd you buy so much?”
Thought just basics, not a haul.
“Training sets rough guess. Undies—didn't know your cup, so big sizes assorted.”
“Good work. Undies make sense, but clothes? No sizes?”
“Eyed ya, told clerk 180-190cm, slimmer than me. Picked these. Undies? Buy proper later. Clerk said fit matters for bras.”
Streamer no shame. I'd never enter women's section……
“Thanks anyway.”
“Try 'em. Exchange if off.”
“Gotcha.”
Swish. Rustle.
“Yo, hold up.”
“What.”
“Out. Wait outside.”
“Why?”
“Eyes impure as hell.”
Face flushing, gaze lechy—I covered with my shirt.
“Saw ya change already. And we've hit saunas. Sudden modesty?”
“True?”
“Yup.”
“Bullshit. Scram.”
“Bye~”
“Bye my ass. Out, asshole.”
Almost convinced, but no way. For whose eyes?