Chapter 99
Chapter 99
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 99
Chapter Title: OWN
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It was late, but for some reason, I couldn't sleep, so I quietly went out to the living room.
Park Ji-ham was sitting on the living room sofa, scribbling something.
He was holding the same brown notebook I had seen in the bathroom.
*I was just thinking I wanted to talk to him. This is perfect.*
I carefully approached Park Ji-ham.
He only noticed me when I was right in front of him, his shoulders flinching in surprise.
“What’s up? Why are you still awake?”
The other members were fast asleep, so Park Ji-ham whispered.
“I just can’t sleep. What about you?”
I replied in the quietest voice I could manage.
“I just had something to do.”
As my gaze shifted to the notebook, Park Ji-ham quickly closed it.
I slid onto the sofa next to him.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Is that notebook something important?”
Park Ji-ham seemed reluctant to show it to me, so I had to be cautious.
*If I ask him outright, he’ll probably just hide it and say it’s nothing.*
“Huh? Oh. It’s not that important.”
Park Ji-ham, seemingly not expecting my interest in the notebook, gave an awkward smile.
*Judging by his reaction, there’s definitely something about that notebook.*
“It’s the first time I’ve seen you with a notebook, but it feels like you cherish it a lot.”
“Does it look that way?”
Instead of answering, I gave a slight nod.
“Really?”
Park Ji-ham fell silent, as if lost in thought.
I waited without rushing him.
Only silence filled the living room.
After a long while, I heard Park Ji-ham let out a deep sigh.
“You’re the first person I’m telling this to.”
It seemed I was finally going to hear his story.
“Yeah.”
“At my last agency, after I got vocal cord nodules, they just switched my position to rapper, you know?”
I’d heard this story before, back when we all shared our past experiences.
“Back then, the company used to say it to me like a broken record. That I was useless.”
For a moment, I saw myself in Park Ji-ham’s story.
The me who was intimidated by the manager and the company, who truly believed I was lacking and just kept trying harder.
“Well, it was fine up to that point.”
It was obvious he was trying to look composed.
In reality, it wasn't fine at all.
Park Ji-ham was always like that.
No matter what happened, his only answer was that he was fine.
It was as if he was deceiving himself by saying he was okay, even when things were hard and painful.
Truly okay.
“You always say everything’s fine.”
“You’re the same way. No, all our members are.”
He was so right that I had nothing to say.
“It’s become a habit for all of us. We didn’t have anyone to lean on. Besides our parents, there was no one who would tell us it’s okay if we said we were struggling, so how could we ever say it out loud?”
It was a very insightful remark.
“Well, I guess we’ll get better bit by bit as we become each other’s comfort. That’s why Haru suggested we all get together and talk about our pasts. Of course, part of it is that old wounds start to feel okay if you keep talking about them.”
Park Ji-ham took a breath and then parted his lips.
“Anyway, I wanted to be a little more useful, so I tried a bunch of things. I practiced dancing more, studied rap.”
I listened to Park Ji-ham’s story with a serious expression.
“In the middle of all that, I heard someone say that rap skills start with writing lyrics. So I started reading poetry. I also read books on lyricism.”
*So is that notebook just filled with lyrics?*
It would make sense if the company had turned the lyrics he had into songs.
If he were a composer, it would have been easy to show them his tracks, but with lyrics, he probably wouldn't have been quick to show the company his work.
Especially the Park Ji-ham of today.
“So as I was writing lyrics, I started wanting to put a melody to them.”
At that, my eyes widened.
*Does that mean he learned to compose, too?*
“So I tried making a few things on my own, but honestly, they’re unlistenable.”
Park Ji-ham said, shaking the notebook.
“But I just couldn’t throw them away. It felt like such a waste.”
“Have you ever let anyone else hear them?”
Park Ji-ham shook his head.
*In that case, I can’t believe him.*
Right now, Park Ji-ham clearly lacked objectivity.
Even though his singing had improved a lot as he received treatment for his vocal cord nodules and changed his vocal technique, he still wasn’t satisfied.
He was generous with others but not with himself.
He was the type of person who only looked for his own mistakes when monitoring his performances.
How could such a person ever be satisfied with his own songs?
“Then will you let me hear one?”
“You?”
“Yeah.”
Park Ji-ham hesitated, seeming reluctant.
“You can only know if it’s bad or not if someone else listens to it.”
“That’s true, but.”
“If you’re too burdened or don’t want to, it’s okay to say no.”
I was incredibly curious about his song, but I couldn’t rush him.
*If I had made a song, I would have tried my best not to show it to anyone either.*
“Give me some time to think.”
“Okay.”
I waited for Park Ji-ham’s next words without saying anything.
*I’m doing a lot of waiting today.*
An even longer silence hung in the air.
I held back what I wanted to say and continued to wait.
I was starting to feel sleepy.
Just as my eyelids were about to droop shut…
“Yoon-seul.”
Park Ji-ham called my name.
“Yeah.”
In an instant, my sleepiness vanished.
“Promise me you won’t just say it’s good no matter what.”
“Huh?”
I was taken aback, not expecting such a request.
“Because I feel like you’d say it’s okay even if it’s not good.”
Even I wouldn't go that far.
If the song was unlistenable and I boosted his confidence by saying it was good, that would become a problem in itself.
“I just feel like you’d try to comfort me by saying it’s fine anyway. So promise me first.”
“I promise.”
After hearing my answer, Park Ji-ham got up from his seat.
“I’ll go get my phone and earphones.”
Park Ji-ham tiptoed into his room.
A short while later, he returned with his phone and earphones in hand.
“It’s my first time letting someone listen, so I’m getting nervous for no reason.”
After taking a short, deep breath, Park Ji-ham connected the earphone cord to his phone.
Then he handed the earphones to me.
I took them and immediately put them in my ears.
“I’m playing it.”
“Okay.”
As Park Ji-ham busied himself with his phone, a song began to flow through the earphones.
The bouncy beat was impressive.
—*Da ra da ra da ra da da da ra da ra da ra da da*
It wasn't ‘LUCKY’.
It was a song I had never heard before.
It seemed to be an unreleased track under the RE-V name.
—*My gaze is always fixed somewhere different from others*
Objectively, the song was good.
Good enough that if he had sent it to agencies under a pseudonym, they would be clamoring to claim it.
But Park Ji-ham, worried about something, was closely watching my expression.
—*Some say they'll never understand*
*But why on earth did he say he didn’t like it? If this is the quality he can produce by studying on his own, isn’t that amazing?*
—*I don't care. I don't want to be understood*
I wanted to say, “Hey, this is so good!” right then and there, but I held back, afraid that if I took the earphones out, Park Ji-ham might misunderstand, even for a moment, that his song wasn't good.
Besides, if he had made the difficult decision to let me listen, it seemed only polite to hear it to the end.
—*’Cause I just like myself this way*
*Doo-doo-doong.*
A light drum sound came through.
My head started moving to the beat on its own.
Only then did the tension on Park Ji-ham’s face ease.
—*So don't say anything and just pass by*
*It's not your business*
*Just how much more will he grow once he learns to compose properly?*
His potential for growth was astonishing.
Not just the melody, but the lyrics were good too.
A confident and self-assured feeling.
Perhaps Park Ji-ham was projecting the version of himself he wished to be.
—*Everything about me*
*Is all just my choice*
*My thoughts*
*Belong only to me*
*Wait, did he do the guide vocals himself, too?*
All the work was already finished, to the point where the song could be released right away.
*How did he do it when he probably didn’t have any proper equipment?*
—*Even if they talk trash everywhere*
*I won't be shaken*
*His former agency was completely clueless. To not recognize a talent like this.*
The main reason First Love Oppas failed was their music.
The childish, B-grade songs, choreography, and concept.
The CEO had no sense whatsoever.
It was suspicious how someone with no ability could establish and run an entertainment company.
*The CEO of LM might have been a jerk, but at least he had a good sense for things.*
In any case, having a member who could compose was a really good thing.
Since he knew the members better than anyone, he could distribute parts that fit each person's vocal range.
*It’s also perfect for promoting us as talented idols.*
But one strange thing was that the fact that RE-V’s Park Ji-ham had composing skills had never been made public.
*For a group of RE-V’s stature, if there had been a member who could compose, the articles would have poured in like crazy. There’s no way I would have missed that.*
I cautiously guessed that he probably lacked the courage and only ever showed his lyrics, never letting anyone hear his songs.
—*No matter what anyone says*
*I'll still be me*
The song ended.
I quickly pulled the earphones out of my ears.
“Hey, what’s the title of this?”
“This? ‘OWN’.”
“Did you write the lyrics for all of it, too?”
“Yeah.”
I looked Park Ji-ham straight in the eyes.
“Before I listened to this, I made you a promise. That I wouldn’t just blindly say it was good.”
Park Ji-ham nodded instead of answering.
“Let’s show this to the company.”
“Huh?”
“You have to show it to the company. The song is so good. I’m being serious. Hey, let’s talk to the company and get you proper composition lessons. We can’t let this talent of yours go to waste.”