Chapter 5
Chapter 5
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 5
Chapter Title: One Last Chance
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“Hey. I have something to tell you.”
I spoke up, feeling I'd never find the courage if not now, as we were all gathered around the table for dinner.
I was so nervous my throat felt parched.
I took a sip of water from the glass on the table and let out a soft breath.
“What is it?”
When I hesitated, my sister asked in a blunt tone.
She seemed to be urging me to hurry up.
“It’s called RED CUBE. NTV is planning a survival show for a second debut, gathering only people who used to be idols. I had a meeting today, and I told them I’d do it. I felt like this might be my very last chance. I’m sorry for deciding on my own without talking to you first.”
A sudden silence fell over the dinner table, and the air grew heavy.
The space now felt suffocatingly quiet.
Not even the sound of breathing could be heard.
Because of that, I could feel my own heart pounding like crazy.
It felt like my mom, dad, and even my sister could hear it.
“I really want to give it one last try. If I fail this time, I’ll find a different path. I can promise you that right here. This is truly my last attempt. I know the reality of the situation. Mom, you told me I’m still young and can do anything, but I know that doesn't mean being an idol.”
My words tumbled out faster and faster, driven by my anxiety.
“Yoon-seul.”
My dad cut me off.
“Yes, Dad.”
“...Are you going to be okay?”
The moment I heard my dad's words, I understood the meaning of the silence that had made me so anxious.
They weren't angry or shocked that I'd made a decision on my own; they were worried about me.
“Yeah. I’m okay. I still really want to be an idol. I want to stand on stage and be loved.”
To be honest, GANGSTER-M wasn't hated by everyone from the start.
There was a month of happiness, before our leader Su-hyeol’s school violence controversy blew up after our debut.
Thirty days.
Back then, our song played wherever we went, and we were met with passionate cheers when we stood on stage.
Perhaps it's the memory of that time that still holds me captive.
“If you’re that determined, then give it a try.”
Once my dad gave his permission, my mom spoke up as well.
“Yes. Your father’s right. You’re an adult now, and it’s not like you’re doing anything wrong. How could we stop you?”
“If you’re going to do it, do it right. Nothing else to say? I’m hungry. Let’s eat.”
And just like that, the atmosphere returned to normal.
“So if you rank high enough, you get to debut again?”
My mom asked cautiously as we continued our meal.
“Yeah.”
“When does it start?”
“In a month. So I have to start preparing for my performance now.”
“What kind of performance are you planning?”
My sister, who had been listening to our conversation, suddenly threw in a question.
“I’m still thinking about it. I’ll watch some videos today and choose carefully.”
“Right. Take your time. You’re a good singer. You even won the grand prize at a children’s song contest when you were little.”
My sister said, jutting her chin toward the wall of our living room, which was covered in awards.
Whenever my sister or I brought home an award, our parents would hang it on the wall. It was their way of praising us.
One by one, they added up until they filled an entire wall.
My sister's awards were all related to academics, while mine were all for singing.
I had loved singing since I was young, so I participated in many children’s song contests and youth music festivals, winning numerous awards.
“You were just unlucky. So if things don’t work out this time either, just think of it as bad luck and shake it off.”
It was a surprisingly sincere consolation, coming from my sister.
“Being an idol isn't just about skill. This didn't happen because you weren't good enough.”
Her words were an immense comfort and encouragement.
* * *
After dinner, I went to my room and calmly looked through the songs I used to practice.
The choice of song was crucial, as I had to showcase my skills as a person in a single performance.
‘But there’s another, bigger problem.’
A practice room.
I needed to practice, but I had no space to do it.
Since we live in an apartment, I couldn't sing or dance at home.
‘It’s inconvenient not having a practice room. Should I go to a karaoke place? There’s a clear limit to practicing at home.’
‘Nothing really clicks.’
The songs I used to practice were so famous it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say every trainee had sung them at least once.
A song like that would lack impact and would inevitably be compared to the original.
And I couldn't rule out the possibility that others might choose the same song.
‘What song should I sing? Come to think of it, what did I sing for the Stunning audition?’
The first place I started my trainee life wasn't at LM, the agency I debuted with, but at ‘Stunning,’ a company famous for being a corporate giant.
I even made it into the debut lineup there as the main vocalist, but they said I didn’t fit the group’s image and introduced me to LM.
At the time, I thought it was the best option, since it would take at least a few years for Stunning to launch their next boy group.
‘I should have just held on and gone to another agency.’
If I had, at least I wouldn't have ended up like this.
Even if we had disbanded due to a lack of popularity, it would have been a graceful farewell.
Maybe I wouldn't be filled with so many lingering regrets.
I might have thought I’d given it my all and moved on to a different career path.
‘Contracts are usually for seven years. If I had debuted at nineteen like everyone else, my contract would have ended when I was twenty-six, assuming no major issues.’
But thinking about that now wouldn’t change anything, so I quickly shook my head to clear away the stray thoughts.
Instead of dwelling on such things, I needed to pick a song.
For some reason I didn’t understand, I had been thankfully sent back to the past.
Thanks to that, I had already changed the future once.
I no longer had to continue as a member of GANGSTER-M’s second generation, and I had gained the opportunity to appear on ‘RED CUBE,’ a survival show so popular it was called a national phenomenon.
This was not the time to keep ruminating on the past and regretting it, but to work harder to change the future.
‘The first song I auditioned with was that one, right?’
I searched my memory and played the song.
—You, who resemble the sparkling sea
It was the OST of a sports movie, and I had chosen it because its title, ‘Yoon-seul,’ was the same as my name.
I loved this song.
I liked the lyrics, which said that you, too, are shining, like the small ripples that glitter in the sunlight or moonlight.
—Let’s cross the surging waves
‘Should I go with this one?’
It felt like singing this song on the show would be meaningful.
Not only because the title was the same as my name, but also because it was my first audition song.
‘Then all that’s left is to choose a dance.’
In truth, the dance was a bigger worry than the song.
‘What are my strengths?’
I began to think carefully, trying to find my strengths in dancing.
‘Ah, right. There was that. With that, I can stand out and properly show my skills.’
* * *
The month flew by quickly.
With no space to practice, I ended up dancing in the apartment parking lot and singing my heart out at karaoke rooms.
Thanks to that, I managed to prepare my performance one way or another.
My mom even took a day off from work, insisting on driving me to the broadcast station.
“Do well.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
After getting out of the car, I took a deep breath and headed for the studio.
“Seo Yoon-seul? Is that right? Here’s your name tag. Please attach this to your chest.”
“Okay.”
As soon as I arrived, I was given a name tag.
I pinned it on and followed the staff’s directions, which led me to a long row of chairs behind the stage.
It seemed they couldn't arrange a proper waiting area due to the large number of participants and had resorted to this method.
“Here. You can sit here.”
“Okay.”
My seat was at the very end.
‘Of all places, I’m last.’
It seemed they had arranged the order this way on purpose.
‘Since a lot of people are paying attention because of the live broadcast, they’ll probably just show me in the preview and edit me out of the first episode. I’ll likely appear around the middle of the second episode.’
I had spent 8 years as a trainee and 6 years as an idol.
I’d had my foot in this industry for over a decade.
There was no way I wouldn't know how variety shows worked.
‘And it’s not like I haven’t been a victim of the so-called ‘devil’s editing’ once or twice.’
Occasionally, we would get booked for a variety show during our comeback period.
I’d go to the set with no great expectations, planning to just react appropriately, but I would be bombarded with rude questions.
Even if I didn’t answer, they would edit it to show my awkward smile or hesitant expression right after the question and broadcast it that way.
To avoid falling prey to the devil's editing, I analyzed variety shows.
And I never showed the slightest opening.
Only then would I appear on screen as just a normal person reacting.
‘It meant I never became a hot topic, but… becoming a hot topic for the wrong reasons was awful, so I had no choice.’
“Hello.”
A man wearing black leather pants and a black shirt, even though it was summer, greeted me as he sat down in the seat next to mine.
“Ah. Hello.”
I returned the greeting lightly.
A moment ago, I had been too nervous to see my surroundings clearly, but looking at the person next to me, I felt incredibly plain.
‘Everyone else came with their hair and makeup perfectly done, not to mention their outfits.’
Come to think of it, most of the people here probably had agencies.
Unlike the others, who were properly styled by their companies, I was just in a white t-shirt and jeans.
My hair was just neatly combed, and the only makeup I had on was sunscreen.
‘No. It’s okay. As long as I do well on stage. As long as the performance is good…’
While having visuals that could instantly captivate people was important for an idol, skills were what mattered most.
I repeated that fact to myself, trying to calm the anxiety within me.
“Alright, now that everyone is seated, I’ll give a brief explanation. You will be going up on stage in the order you are sitting. So, those of you in the back, please keep moving up to fill the empty seats. Those who have finished their performance will move to the chairs behind you.”
“Yes.”
“Okay then, we will begin recording in 10 minutes!”
And so, the filming for ‘RED CUBE’ officially began.