Chapter 1
Chapter 1
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 1
Chapter Title: Left Alone
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I was an idol trainee for eight years. After my debut at a major agency fell through, I moved to a smaller company and successfully debuted in a four-member group called ‘GANGSTER-M’.
All that was left was to walk a path of success under the spotlight…
“I’m sorry. It’s all true that I bullied other friends in my school days because I foolishly wanted to look cool. There are no excuses. I can’t cause any more harm to the group, so I will be leaving voluntarily. Thank you for all the love you’ve given me.”
Exactly one month after our debut.
The leader I had trusted and relied on left the group due to a school violence controversy.
“We have no choice. Let’s go on as a trio. Let’s change all the parts and choreography and start fresh. We can’t just disband the group like this.”
At the CEO’s words, everyone nodded.
What’s done is done. We had to keep the group going.
But then…
“I have no words. I’m sorry. I have a girlfriend I’ve been seeing since high school. And the fruit of our love arrived a little too soon. I couldn’t bring myself to end a life, so I’ve decided to take responsibility for the fruit of our love. I’m sorry to my group members, but I will be leaving the team to live as one woman’s man. I would be grateful if you could support my decision.”
Exactly three months after that, the main dancer also left the group when his girlfriend, whom he had been dating since his trainee days, became pregnant.
And just when we thought we’d become a duo…
“The first time I drank was because of unbearable stress. After the group members all left, the anxiety about the future crushed me. I knew that as a minor, I shouldn’t have, but without realizing it, I took the hand that was extended to me. After one drink, it felt like the weight on my shoulders disappeared. While drinking, a senior offered me drugs. In my drunken state, I took them without even knowing what they were. I’m sorry. I have nothing more to say.”
Even the youngest member left just like that.
All of this happened within the first year of our debut.
I couldn’t believe it.
It wasn't just one person in the group. We debuted with four members, and all three, besides me, left the group for scandalous reasons, not something like poor health.
But I couldn’t just collapse here.
The company hastily put together a second-generation lineup to cover the losses incurred by ‘GANGSTER-M’.
We continued our activities, but the response was poor.
[I don’t really want to see a group of criminals. Birds of a feather is just science, so what was the name of that one guy left? Yoon-seul? Seo Yoon-seul, was it? Anyway, he’s probably the same. Honestly, how can you like a group when three out of four members bolted? Hey, company. Just drop them. You’re making a mistake right now.]
↳ lol The agency is something else. They should have just launched a new group with a different name. What is this? If they can’t bear to let Seo Yoon-seul go, they should debut him separately. The group's name is already permanently tainted lol. Are they trying for some noise marketing?
↳ I don’t want to trust kids who were in a den of criminals. We all know you don’t manage your artists, so why would we trust you enough to become fans?
↳ But one of them wasn’t a criminal.
↳ Not a crime, but in the idol world, it’s a cardinal sin lol
Only the ridicule of many greeted us.
You might say it’s better than indifference, but it wasn’t.
Being hated by so many people for something that wasn’t my fault was exhausting.
I thought if I worked hard, they would eventually see my sincerity, but reality wasn’t a fairy tale.
[Is it because their name is Gangster? They really act like gangsters.]
↳ It’s true that you become your name.
↳ lol There’s no gangster like a true gangster.
↳ But seriously, how can one group have so many criminals? That’s a skill in itself. It’s so fascinating.
[This is a group that truly made its mark on K-pop history. This should be in the Guinness Book of World Records. The idol group that was ruined by crime in the shortest amount of time. That’s a skill too.]
↳ lol But isn’t Yoo Jin-hyung a bit different? Premarital pregnancy was a mistake, but he’s taking responsibility and living well. Lumping him in with criminals is a bit much…
↳ Yoo Jin-hyung’s wife got their newlywed home sponsored, hurting the fans a second time. She also posts sponsored baby products.
↳ Really? No. Isn’t that crossing a line? Hurting fans even after leaving. That’s true fan deception.
Looking at social media any longer seemed bad for my mental health, so I flipped my phone over.
Unsure if it was my stomach or my throat that was burning, I came out for a drink of water and saw Hyun-soo, one of the second-generation members, about to go out.
“Where are you going?”
“What business is it of yours? What, you think you’re my mom? Knock it off.”
“Don’t go around causing trouble! Public opinion is bad enough as it is.”
“The public opinion is already bad. It’s more comforting to think it’s all true. It’s more exhausting to waste five years clinging to something that’s never going to work out.”
With that, he slammed the door and left.
I could never get along with the second-generation members.
They had joined this team with their own big dreams, but what awaited them was a terrible reality.
‘They must need someone to blame. They can only endure by thinking that if it weren’t for me, this team might have succeeded.’
Honestly, I understood.
I would have done the same in their shoes.
‘Do I really have to leave the team? After trying so hard…’
A bitter taste filled my mouth.
* * *
When I opened my eyes, an all-too-familiar scene greeted me.
I’ve been repeating this scene in my dreams so many times since that day that I could never forget it.
A shabby backdrop made by simply draping a white cloth over the wall of the company practice room, not even a studio, and a spare desk and chair brought from the office.
The black suit they made me wear for the apology broadcast, and even the makeup that muted my lip color to make me look deliberately haggard.
I was having this terrible dream again, without a single deviation from the past.
‘This really sucks.’
“Seo Yoon-seul.”
Kim Seong-cheol, who had been my manager, called my name in a menacing voice.
“……”
He was the one who controlled and oppressed us while living with us since before our debut.
“Are you not going to answer?”
‘Why was I so scared of a threat like that? It’s not like he could actually hit or kill me.’
Before, I would tremble whenever Kim Seong-cheol just called my name.
Even when I had done nothing wrong, I was always walking on eggshells, apologizing first.
“I’ll do as you say, so just stop yelling at me.”
Whenever I had this dream, the same events would always repeat.
But strangely, today, the thoughts in my mind slipped out of my mouth.
“W-what did you say?”
I was surprised, but the manager seemed even more so. His face flushed with anger.
Seeing that, I felt a little bit of relief.
‘If only I could have said something like this sooner.’
“I said I’ll do as you ask, so just leave me alone.”
It was refreshing.
To say the words I had held back for years.
Perhaps today’s dream was a gift for me, for performing my song and dance with all my heart even as no one in the audience responded to us on stage.
“How do you know what crazy things I might say?”
At my words, the manager gripped the back of his neck.
Then he let out a groan of fury, “Ah!”
“Hyung. Calm down.”
“That’s right. There’s no way he’s in his right mind right now. Let it go.”
“Maybe he had a drink. For courage.”
The stylist and the road manager quickly rushed over to soothe the manager.
Watching them, I clicked my tongue inwardly.
‘Since this is a dream, I’d love to hit him hard just once.’
“Yoon-seul.”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem different today.”
It was a staff member who usually took good care of me.
“I’m fine.”
She was the only person who remained a good memory from this company.
‘I really hope she escaped this place and got a new job.’
“Hurry up and sit down. It’s almost time for the live stream. You know what to do, right? Cry and say you’re sorry. Make people feel sympathy for you.”
I said nothing.
I wasn’t going to do as they said.
At that, the manager got angry again.
‘He’s going to age fast if he keeps getting that worked up. Then again, that must be why his skin is already so damaged.’
Though still young, the cause of the manager’s rough skin was surely his ‘anger’.
“Hey. Do you really think I’m a joke? Now you’re just ignoring me when I talk?”
“Yes.”
At my concise reply, the manager raised his hand.
In the past, seeing this would have terrified me, but now, I felt nothing.
No.
On the contrary, it was pathetic.
“This isn’t a fighting ring. Are you going to hit me? Go ahead. I’ll run straight to the police station if you do.”
At the mention of the police station, the manager’s hand froze mid-air.
“You’re lucky it’s almost time for the live stream.”
The manager turned away, breathing heavily.
“Yeah, yeah.”
‘He should have just hit me.’
If I got hit, I would wake up from this crappy dream, and I wouldn’t have to do this stupid live stream.
“Starting the live stream.”
The live stream began.
[An apology broadcast? Did you do something wrong too?]
[lol Seeing him in a suit, he 100% caused trouble.]
[What kind of trouble did you cause this time? Let’s hear it. It’s not the same reason as the other members, right? I’d be disappointed if it was.]
Even before I said a word, comments mocking me flooded the screen.
‘What did I do wrong that they’re telling me to apologize?’
That one word, “apology,” had ruined my life.
My entire life, lived normally without harming others, was being negated.
“I’m not sitting here to apologize.”
It was just a dream, but saying what I wanted to say felt like a heavy weight that had always been lodged in my chest was finally disappearing.
“What do you think you’re doing right now?”
Enraged by my statement, the manager, as if forgetting we were live, created an atmosphere of fear with his harsh voice.
‘That doesn’t work on me anymore.’
“What did I do wrong?”
[What? What’s going on?]
[Is he suddenly fighting with the company? What is this?]
[I thought this was an apology broadcast. But now Seo Yoon-seul is saying he can’t apologize, and the company is getting mad about it?]
The real-time chat began to fill with question marks.
They seemed confused about what was happening.
‘Isn’t it strange to just assume I committed a crime in the first place? After seeing everything that happened, why would I do something like that?’
“Everyone. I can’t apologize. No. I won’t. I haven’t done anything wrong.”
There was no turning back now.
“Why should I apologize for what the other members did? It’s not something I did.”