Ain't That Funny?
Not funny? This generation's heroes were something else. Heroes were, at their core, saviors chosen by the goddess. As champions for the world, it was common for them to possess an arrogance that went beyond mere confidence. Of course, that wasn't strange. Excessive self-assurance could be poison, but lacking it entirely would mean they couldn't even face the Demon King, let alone defeat him.
But even they had 'fear.' When faced with death or grievous injury, they'd turn tail. They were afraid, and some even fled, abandoning all their status and renown.
But not these ones...
"It's real, huh."
These guys were different. Far weaker than the previous generation, yet utterly fearless. More precisely, they valued their lives less than a single coin. As if dying after achieving their goal was no big deal.
Such people had existed before, but they threw their lives away to protect their country, family, or someone dear. Casually tossing away their lives like this 'for fun' wasn't sacrifice.
It was a move with an escape plan.
"Right?"
"......"
I spoke to the hero trapped in the tiny iron cage. The cage was just a bit bigger than my hand, and he'd tried all sorts of escape attempts before half-giving up. Or rather, he seemed to be biding his time for an opportunity.
Heh.
"The first suspicion came from those three heroes trying to steal my treasure. I smashed down on them, but they vanished into thin air."
The doubt started with heroes who disappeared without leaving a corpse. All that lingered was a faint blue smoke, which I'd chalked up to the goddess's power at the time. The goddess must've saved them right before death. Are this generation's heroes getting special attention?
But once I realized they were mass-produced heroes, the questions only grew. What are these guys? Weak as they were, their actions were more brazen than any proper hero's. No fear of death, treating it like a quick trip to the outhouse.
After that, several heroes, starting with Reban who challenged me to a duel, faced mortal peril—but each time, they vanished in blue smoke. The suspicions mounted, and...
Intruders.
Finally, the moment to confirm it arrived.
"I'd caught a few heroes before you came along, but they all vanished. No bodies left behind, naturally."
"......"
"So I was half-convinced, and seeing you sealed it. 'Oh, it's real.'"
This generation's heroes were immortals. No idea what trick the old hag pulled off, but the Demon King must be clutching his neck in agony.
Heroes who don't stay dead. What kind of ridiculous setup was this?
"The old hag prepared something fun. The Demon King must be thrilled to death~."
"...If you know, let me out."
"? Why should I?"
"I'm a hero! A hero to save the world! It's such a shame! Hoarding these rare treasures without using them!"
"Hmm."
"If you'd distributed these weapons sooner, the Demon King's army would've been wiped out long ago..."
"Quit yapping, thief."
I sent a tiny jolt of electricity through the cage. Zappy-zap-zap-zzzzt!!! The thief-hero convulsed without quite dying, smoke rising from his body. He flopped over, passed out.
"Mine's mine. Why share?"
Was I some volunteer dragon? I wasn't a pious saint; there wasn't a speck of reason to hand out my treasures.
Clank!
I securely locked the cage door and strolled lightly toward the nest clearing.
＊
(Photo of treasure vault overflowing with gold coins)
(Photo of golem spewing magic)
Why not just stick to normal raids lmao
Recommends: 699 / Disrecommends: 112
"Pffft..."
Amusing. Haring was sitting in the nest clearing, waiting. She'd planned to smash golems or study magic as usual, but the sudden thieves had derailed that. No mood for it, and the golems were offline anyway, so waiting was all she could do.
"Hoo..."
Of course, she could still circulate mana while sitting still.
"Yeah?"
As Haring breathed and scrolled the forums, a sudden question popped up. The vault entrance was closer than expected but not easy to reach. Originally secure, but after MountainSpirit's failed theft once, and again after NyaNya got her legendary staff and players kept snooping, Lea had resealed it. Two layers of security—even rankers shouldn't breach it easily.
"How'd they get in so fast?"
Even with a diversion, it should've taken ages. The doubt lingered, but Haring shrugged it off and resumed mana circulation. Whatever—they all got caught anyway.
What happened to fearless thieves trying to rob a dragon didn't faze her. The real issue: too many players died in this mess. Even lazy, bored Lea would notice.
Before long, users sharing Haring's sentiment had gathered around her.
"She'll find out, right?"
"Yeah... probably."
"If she hasn't yet, she's pretending not to know."
"How much do we spill?"
"Dunno..."
That heroes were special undying beings was inevitable. They'd hidden it so far, but no longer. So, how much to reveal?
"If we say it's a game..."
"No way."
Hidni shook his head firmly at NyaNya's question. As steady forum posters in the vanguard group, Evan's words—the highest-ranked among them—held weight: high NPCs were extremely sensitive. They'd treat you like heroes until learning you were immortals treating the world like a playground? Trust plummeted for 7-8 out of 10. Most turned hostile, some even murderous.
Even as dragon disciples, things could flip in an instant.
Haa... Yongba sighed deeply.
"Just stay home after one flop. Why come back?"
"Facts."
"Tch."
"Husk, that bastard. Pig bastard. Cow bastard."
"Ugly enough to wear a mask."
"Smells like it too."
The users vented on Husk, the culprit, but it didn't soothe their hearts. The mess was done; they needed damage control.
Haring paused her breathing and stood.
"Time for that method."
"Only choice..."
"Will it work again?"
"Gotta try! Oh, and I have something to say too."
No other options anyway.
＊
"Leaaaa~!"
"Lady Lea!"
"Lea! Lea! Lea!"
"Master!"
"?"
As I entered the clearing with the thief's cage in hand, the heroes rushed over. Arms full of fruits, snacks, meats; their usual rock seat cushioned with a fluffy carpet. Not offering day, yet the clearing looked like a feast.
NyaNya and Haring sidled up, kneading my shoulders and arms.
"Tired, right? Everyone?"
"You must've been exhausted catching this naughty hero—no, the worst thief among heroes."
"Super bad!"
"Nah, wasn't hard."
The one-armed golem did the work. I just strolled to and from the vault.
I naturally sat on the plush carpet as they guided me.
Hm.
So soft~.
"Oh yeah, you guys are immort..."
"Oh, and NyaNya has something to say."
"Ahem!"
"? What?"
I eyed the beaming NyaNya. She looked... different somehow.
"I think I can make my second star soon."
"Really?" I widened my eyes and peered at her chest. Faintly, a second star's shape shimmered.
"Already?"
"Heh... hehehe. It was tough, but I did it."
"Impressive."
One star was quick, but multiples took time. I patted her slightly weary head.
Praising NyaNya at length while munching fed fruits and snacks, I grew drowsy.
I was gonna ask something...
"Yawwwn..."
"Sleepy?"
"Yeah. Gonna nap later."
Ask later. Seemed unimportant anyway...
Clank!
"Um... Lady Lea?"
"Yeah?"
"What's that..."
"Oh. Thief jail."
I grinned and lifted the cage again.
"Immortal, so won't die. Figured I'd lock him up for like 50 years."
"...Pardon?"
"Fifty years?"
"Yeah. Him trying to escape is hilarious."
"......"
"What?"
Not funny?