Moonlit Confessions
Shinryong-nim…! Shinryong-nim…!
The moon had risen high above the pitch-black starlit sky, casting its light upon my forehead. This must have been the hour when Shinryong-nim would take me flying through the heavens, showing the world to someone as inexperienced as I once was. The sight of her from below had been truly beautiful back then.
Shinryong-nim, what are you doing right now?
It had been so long since I last felt this way. Ever since I became her attendant, we had never been apart without a proper explanation—not even once. It was only a few hours, yet the loneliness gnawed at me. Why did her absence affect me so deeply?
Before she took me in, this hollow feeling had been constant. Ah, how vexing. At this point, it really does seem like she only kept me around to torment me. Yes, that must be it.
I quietly dragged a cushion over to the spot where Shinryong-nim often sat to meditate and settled down. Moonlight gently settled over my cold face. The steady rhythm of the lake’s waves lapping against the rocks created a clear, crisp sound that kept the silence from feeling quite so empty. Still, the loneliness remained.
When Shinryong-nim was here, even her silence never felt lonely. The soft rustle of her robes, the gentle swish of her tail cutting through the air, the faint sounds of her smallest movements, the light patter of her footsteps. The peaceful sight of her sighing softly as the wind tangled her hair around her horns while she meditated. The endearing clumsiness of her tail bumping into doorframes as she passed through hallways.
What should I do? I came here hoping the moonlight would quiet my thoughts, yet my mind only fills further with her. What am I supposed to do? I think I’m already beyond saving.
I used to wonder if I could live well enough without her. Now, I’m not so sure. Without realizing it, the life I share with Shinryong-nim has become far too precious to me.
It isn’t that it wasn’t precious before. It’s just… I miss her. I want to hear what I did wrong. I want to know why she tried to avoid me—whether it was because of love, or because of my own mistakes. I want to see her. I want to hold her.
I don’t mean filling her with love in the messy, chaotic way I usually do. I truly want her to be overflowing with the gentle kind of love. That lonely expression she always wore—I wanted it to be eased by me. That was why I fell in love with her. I know that loneliness all too well. I know how painful and bitter it is.
Yet she never loses the divine light in her eyes. She keeps creating new light, always looking forward. Unlike me, she never lets herself be bound by what lies behind. That was why I respected her. That was why I loved her.
But because of that, the urge to ruin her sometimes overtakes me. It isn’t simply because I am a fallen spirit. Shinryong-nim… she goes too far sometimes. Even when she should focus on the present, she remains fixated on the future. I just… I just want these moments we share to last. I want more of them. Perhaps that impulse has been growing inside me for a long time.
If I could make her fall apart completely, melt her until she could no longer think straight… maybe then she would finally be content with the present.
I looked up at the sky, closed my eyes tightly, and offered a sincere prayer to the heavens. Please, let the two of us never be separated again. Let there be no more days like today.
When Shinryong-nim returns, I will tell her. I will tell her how lonely I am without her. I will make sure this never happens again. I can do that much.
Just then—
“Niyu often comes here when she has a lot on her mind.”
“……”
I had no idea when she had returned. Shinryong-nim sat down on a cushion beside me, gazing out at the night with her usual faint smile. I could only stare at her in a daze.
Bathed in the quiet moonlight, she closed her eyes for a moment and assumed a meditative posture. Then, her tail gently wrapped around my waist as she lowered her head slightly.
“…You stayed up waiting for me at this late hour.”
Why did she seem more talkative than usual? Was it the mood of the early morning?
I continued to watch her profile in silence. Eventually, Shinryong-nim opened her eyes and glanced at me with those beautiful crimson irises.
“If you keep staring so intently, even I… will feel a little embarrassed.”
For some reason, her words brought a smile to my face. I slowly turned my head and looked out at the night alongside her.
“You smell like alcohol, Shinryong-nim.”
Though her expression barely changed, her tail twitched in surprise. She began fussing over her robes with one hand, subtly checking here and there as if trying to find the source of the scent.
“I… I didn’t drink even a single cup…”
She was far too adorable. I dragged my cushion closer and pressed myself right up against her. Her body flinched slightly, and her tail momentarily stiffened around my waist—only to wrap around me more snugly a moment later.
“…Did it seem like I was avoiding you that much?”
Shinryong-nim had clearly picked up on my feelings from my more intense display of affection.
“Anyone could tell.”
I answered with a voice full of grievance and reached out to take one of her hands resting on her knee, holding it tightly.
“I’m sorry.”
Shinryong-nim apologized. As I gazed at her with damp eyes, she continued, still looking up at the distant sky.
“As I thought, I’m terribly unskilled when it comes to sharing my heart… It’s difficult for me to convey my feelings to you.”
She began to slowly reveal the emotions she had been holding inside.
“At first, you were nothing more than my most trusted subordinate. I never imagined we would grow this close.”
“But now… now you are my most trusted subordinate.”
Shinryong-nim turned her head and met my eyes.
“My subordinate whom no one else may touch, whom no one else may take, whom no one… no one is allowed to interfere with.”
A rare, shy smile graced her face. Beneath the pale moonlight, the icy crystals that had once coated her expression were quietly melting away.
“I have… always wanted to say that I love you.”
I could hear a heartbeat pounding loudly. Whether it came from my chest or hers, neither of us could tell.
“Then… doesn’t that just mean I’m your subordinate?”
“Huh? …Ah, no, that’s not—”
How lovely.
“Then what am I to you, if not just your subordinate?”
I laced my fingers with hers, leaned in with a mischievous smile, and looked up at her upright figure.
Shinryong-nim pressed her lips together and stared down at me for a long moment. Then, with an unbearably cute expression, she blinked rapidly before quickly averting her gaze.
“Eek… Y-you are my subordinate.”
Whatever thought had crossed her mind, she couldn’t bring herself to say it aloud. Only the tip of her tail, still wrapped around my waist, fluttered nervously.
“What is it? Tell me~”
I squeezed her hand with both of mine, pressing for an answer. Unable to withstand my persistence any longer, Shinryong-nim squeezed her eyes shut, drew a trembling breath, and finally turned toward me—though she still couldn’t quite meet my gaze.
“Love… I said I love you…!”
She answered in a tiny voice before quickly looking away again.
Those words sent me soaring between heaven and earth. How desperately I had wanted to hear them since yesterday. How much she must have struggled in her own heart, wanting to say them. The reason she had avoided me out of fear now lay clearly before me.
She was so lovable.
With just a single phrase, she could condense all my feelings. Someone so strong, so beautiful, so steadfast—before me, she wore an expression only I was allowed to see and whispered her love in a voice only I was allowed to hear.
It was too much. Far too much.
“I love you too, Shinryong-nim.”
Beautiful.
“……”
From the moment I said those words, the tips of her ears began to flush bright red. Her heartbeat, though calmer than before, now pounded with even greater intensity. Shinryong-nim, still seated in meditation posture, could not regain her composure no matter how hard she tried.
She said nothing, yet I felt as though I understood everything she wanted to say.
“I want to kiss you.”
I quietly alternated my gaze between her translucent lips and her eyes. Shinryong-nim met my gaze once more, closed her eyes briefly, then slowly opened them again. Looking at me with those ruby-like eyes, she whispered,
“Gently… please.”
To my beloved master, I could only answer.
Yes, My sir.