No Dowry Needed, Just Bring Her
"No money needed, just bring the body."
"Reckless bunch." Seo Joo-hwan shook his head, clicking his tongue with a tsk tsk.
Han Su-ah, of course, and even Seo Joo-hee—who would've normally snapped back with a barrage of complaints—both looked down at the floor. Watching the scene quietly, he let out a snort of laughter.
"You two look way too glum for your usual selves. It's awkward, so cut it out."
He hadn't really meant to scold them; they were just a bit ridiculous. But Seo Joo-hee and Han Su-ah responded with genuinely remorseful expressions.
"...No, it's just... Even I think we were too reckless."
"Sorry, Hwan oppa. You just got discharged, so yeah, that was kinda much, huh?"
"Yeah. I spoke without thinking. Oppa, just forget it. We'll figure it out ourselves."
Seo Joo-hee scratched her cheek awkwardly, as if it felt weird even saying it. He gave them both a strange look before blurting out,
"Who said I wouldn't help?"
At that, both of them looked up at him with wide, round eyes. Seo Joo-hwan shrugged.
"Just don't expect too much. I'm no expert either."
"O-Of course! I do have a conscience, you know."
"Hehe. Thanks, Hwan oppa!"
"Ugh. If you're grateful, pay me back when you succeed later?"
"Yep! Don't worry about it!"
"Me too!"
They replied with bright, innocent smiles. What a pair of beagles, he thought.
*
Back home, Seo Joo-hwan sank into thought.
"Where to even start..."
He wasn't an expert on internet broadcasting either. But he planned to draw on his pre-regression experience as a hardcore internet troll.
For a shut-in like him back then, subcultures like novels, comics, and streaming were all too familiar.
"Hmm. First things first, nail down a concept."
Choices and focus were always key. To build a loyal viewer base, the stream needed a clear concept. Dabbling in everything with zero recognition wouldn't cut it.
"Tch. No helping it. Lucy."
> Yes.
"Pull up Han Su-ah and Seo Joo-hee's status windows."
He hadn't checked their status windows despite having made contact ages ago. One was his actual little sister, and the other felt even more like a kid sister, so he'd deliberately skipped it.
What was the point of knowing his little sister's lust levels or fetishes? It'd just be creepy.
But now, he needed to know what they were good at.
With the familiar ding! of the system chime, the status windows appeared.
Fetishes laid bare, without a shred of modesty. Two of them, no less. Did anyone not have fetishes?
>Morphophilia is arousal from size differences in specific body parts like height or hands.
>Ursusagalmatophilia is a preference for bear dolls, especially teddy bears.
"...Huh. Su-ah's fetishes suit her perfectly."
Han Su-ah did love teddy bears. Especially the perverted ones with red tops and exposed bottoms.
"Didn't know she liked 'em big. Probably 'cause she's so tiny?"
Come to think of it, she'd always loved holding hands since they were kids. His hands and feet were bigger than average.
Feeling oddly embarrassed, he skipped the fetishes and checked her talents.
"What the—? Why's her gaming talent like that? She doesn't even play..."
A startled exclamation slipped out.
How insane was S-rank?
> A blessed talent. S-rank makes her a world-class genius.
After Lucy's explanation, he wondered if he should push her straight into pro gaming instead of streaming.
As he scanned her talents, something odd caught his eye.
"Famous Instrument? Don't tell me it's that..."
>Mingi (Brightness)—a bright and pure energy.
"...Oh, that Mingi."
Seo Joo-hwan scratched his eyebrow sheepishly. Su-ah was pretty bright and sunny, after all. Being around her cheered everyone up.
"Ahem. Show me the next one."
> Yes. Seo Joo-hee's status window.
> Her Oculophilia—also called eyeball fetish—is an obsession with specific eye shapes, or arousal from licking/being licked on the eyes.
"Not curious at all..."
Seo Joo-hwan said with a rotten expression, dead serious. He had zero interest in his sister's fetish.
"Still, eyeball fetish is pretty shocking..."
She was his sister, but damn, what a wild one. Was that why she loved those manga eyes?
"She didn't seem aware of it."
> Most people don't know their own fetishes. There are so many varieties, they don't even consider it one.
"Fair enough."
Who walked around knowing about smell fetishes or eyeball fetishes? Seo Joo-hwan ignored the fetish and checked her talents.
"Oh!"
Another exclamation burst out as he scanned them. Editing, design, filming. Perfect for an editor.
She was already on the right path. Pre-regression, she'd worked at an ad agency—wonder how it'd go this time.
Honestly, she might've thrived without his help anyway.
"Hmm. Starting to take shape."
Concept: comprehensive gaming stream. First game?
"Psychic Watch."
A game that had briefly topped PC bang charts nationwide. Beta test in two days.
*
Stream start: 8 PM. Seo Joo-hwan arrived at Han Su-ah's two hours early for dinner.
"Mm. Auntie's still got the magic touch. So good."
"Ho ho. You think so?"
"Totally. That's why I skipped dinner hoping for a free meal here."
"Oh my. You've gotten better at flattery since I last saw you."
"Nah, not flattery. I'd drop dead if I tried. You could seriously open a restaurant."
"Ho ho. Alright, eat up. More rice? Side dishes?"
"Yes!"
Pleased by the lip service, Yoo Sun-ok beamed as she refilled his rice and meat sides. Her husband, Han Jeong-seok, watched with blinking eyes before chuckling.
"You've changed a lot since we last met."
"In a good way, right?"
"Of course. Oh yeah, you caught that killer recently? And brought Su-ah home safe that day. Thanks, even if it's late."
Sincere gratitude. Seo Joo-hwan awkwardly smiled, recalling how the man had bawled like a broken faucet pre-regression.
"Haha... It was nothing."
"Nothing? Impressive stuff. You've gotten reliable."
Yoo Sun-ok chimed in. "Right, honey? Solid enough to marry off Su-ah. Joo-hwan, when're you taking her?"
"Cough!"
The sudden question choked him. Han Su-ah, eating beside him, yelled,
"Mom! Why bring that up outta nowhere?!"
"Oh, embarrassed? You used to sing about marrying Joo-hwan nonstop."
"That was like ten years ago when I was a kid!"
"Five years ago, you sulked 'cause he wouldn't play with you?"
"I-I was still a kid then too."
"Even recently, 'Hwan oppa's finally playing with me!'—mmph."
"Mom, stop!"
Han Su-ah stretched both hands to cover Yoo Sun-ok's mouth, then shot a pleading look at her dad. Han Jeong-seok cleared his throat with a khem! and fixed Seo Joo-hwan with a serious stare.
'Uh oh. Incoming lecture?'
Han Jeong-seok's daughter-love was legendary. Anyone would dote on a girl like Su-ah. Fatherly hearts were all the same.
Tense, Seo Joo-hwan set down his spoon. The 180cm+ man's silent glare was intense.
"Seo Joo-hwan."
"Y-Yes!"
"No money needed, just bring the body."
"...Pardon?"
"I'd love a quick wedding. Grandkids ASAP."
"Dad!!"
"Aigoo, my ears. What's the issue? Great in-law match with the Seos. You're tight with Joo-hee too."
"What does that have to do with marriage?!"
"Tch tch. Skipping school to go with Joo-hee, trailing Joo-hwan to the bathroom 'cause you like him. Says it all. Wait—don't tell me our girl's already playing the field?"
"Eek!"
Han Su-ah could only squeak, face beet-red. Amused, Han Jeong-seok and Yoo Sun-ok burst into laughter.
Come to think of it, these two lived for teasing their daughter.
'Teasing Su-ah is pretty fun, though.'
The problem? It always spilled over to him.
"So?"
"Huh?"
"Gotta answer. Not taking our girl? Surely not?"
Not over yet. Seo Joo-hwan smiled awkwardly.
"Haha. If you're sending a beauty like Su-ah my way, I'd be honored. Would you have me?"
"Oh, really?"
Han Jeong-seok's eyes sparkled; Han Su-ah trembled with rage, face crimson. He quickly added,
"But! Su-ah's opinion matters too? And she's young, so maybe revisit in... ten years?"
"Too long. Five years compromise."
Five years? Plenty of time for her to get a boyfriend. He nodded promptly.
"Got it. Five years it is."
"Mm. Talk again in five. Future son-in-law."
"Great—"
"Great my ass! What kinda negotiation is this?!"
Han Su-ah finally exploded.
*
After dinner, Seo Joo-hwan entered Han Su-ah's room.
'...Teddy bears everywhere.'
Knowing her fetish made it stand out. He shook his head and eyed Han Su-ah, curled up on her chair.
She huffed and turned away primly. Regretting the over-teasing, he spoke carefully.
"Su-ah. Pretty mad?"
"...I'm not mad."
"Your lips say otherwise."
"...Hmph."
"C'mon. I was just playing along with Uncle. You know he never stops if you don't."
"...Hwan oppa dummy."
"Dummy it is, so forgive me this once?"
"Buy me something yummy next time."
"Deal! Anything. I might not for Joo-hee, but you? Totally."
"...Then Joo-hee too."
"Ack."
"No?"
"Sigh. Fine, both."
Surrender declared, her pout vanished. She grinned.
"Hehe. Wasn't really mad. Just acting for treats from oppa."
He snorted. He knew. But admitting it outright? Peak Su-ah.
"Alright, stream time?"
"Yeah! Oh, gotta call Joo-hee."
Seo Joo-hee had stayed home to manage chat as "manager." With zero viewers?
"Don't think we need her."
"No way. We agreed together. Don't ditch our main manager."
"Aye aye."
Quick call to Seo Joo-hee. Han Su-ah looked up solemnly.
"Boot the PC? Oh, your face okay? Mask if it's much; or drop cam?"
"Nah. Fine. Face is already sold out anyway."
If it pulled aggro, even better. Recognition? Maybe.
Whirr— Power button, and the PC booted lightning-fast with a low hum. Worlds apart from his junk rig. Top-spec for streaming, as promised. Even a soundproof booth for a noob with zero fans.
Her family was loaded, after all.
"Su-ah, I set the title?"
"Sure."
"Okay. Time for aggro."
He had one ready.
Psychic Watch: 20-Year-Old Army Vet High School Girl Deploys!
20, army vet, high school girl. Impossible keywords mashed together.
"Hwan oppa."
"Yeah?"
"This right?"
"Yep. Naming sense on point, huh?"
"......"
She stared silently. Don't look at me like that. Aggro was key pre-fans.
He averted his eyes.
'Not lying, though.'
She was a 20-year-old high school girl, and he was the vet. Truth.