Chapter 20
Chapter 20
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 20
Chapter Title: The Saint's Inner Thoughts
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"Oh, this is bad..."
Rubbing her eyes as she awoke, Victoria instinctively realized something was wrong.
The events of last night—drinking heavily and making a scene in front of Astal—came back to her vividly.
- If you... for the sake of defeating the Demon King, would you consider having a child with me?
Just thinking about it again made her cringe so hard she wanted to smash her past self with a hammer. It was a miserable, wretched spectacle.
"Why did I say that...!!"
Victoria gnashed her teeth in anguish. The feeling of shame turned into heat, flushing her face.
Why had she brought that up then?
Was it because the words of the Phantom Dragon, her former enemy, kept nagging at her? Or was it the worry, living on borrowed time, that she couldn't even have the child of the person she loved?
"...Or maybe because I'm feeling less and less like my body is normal."
Victoria rolled her neck and flexed her hands, trying to wake up her senses.
Lately, her waking hours had decreased, and her need for sleep had increased. It was as if the parts of a machine were rusting, gradually losing their function and slowing down.
Victoria knew her life was gradually fading. Renowned physicians across the continent had said, judging from her condition, it would be difficult for her to live past adulthood.
"Coming of age this year... I've held on quite a lot..."
Victoria mumbled to herself, looking at the empty space beside the bed. Her eyes shimmered with a soft, watery light.
The reason Victoria had been able to stay alive until now was thanks to a certain kind mage who wasn't here right now.
"...I was taught that if you treat people harshly in life, their true nature comes out, but I've never seen someone this kind before."
Victoria had learned how to live life from the former Pope.
Because she, who wanted to be kinder and more helpful than anyone, had recklessly performed countless miracles until her body was broken.
So the method she chose—was to provoke others with vicious insults to gauge their true character.
"Astal, I... I hated the thought of you being taken by another woman more than I hated dying."
Hug—.
Victoria brought her body to the spot where Astal had just been lying with his head on the pillow, finding comfort in his lingering scent.
They used the same perfume, so the smells were similar, but she longed to become so close that their scents would mix to the point of being indistinguishable, as if their bodies had melded together.
"...That's why I used the contract relationship trick. I knew you were kind enough not to refuse."
A faint smile touched Victoria's lips as she recalled Astal's expression and words from a few days ago. Even though he knew something wasn't right, he had entered a romantic contract with a woman he didn't even like, for her sake.
The man was too kind, too pure. He tried to save a venomous, wretched woman like her instead of just leaving her be.
"You must hate a bad woman like me, right? Your ideal type isn't a viper-like, sharp-tongued woman like me, but a tolerant, older sister-type."
Victoria opened her hand, which was partially transformed into flowers. Outwardly, it looked as beautiful as a bouquet, but in reality, it was like a parasite eating away at her life.
Afraid Astal might notice her life was limited, she had even used a trick, employing Divine Power to hide the fact that flowers had spread to vital organs like her heart.
"Honestly, I wish I had infinite time with you. I wanted to have a child who looked just like you and me, share love, and build a happy family together..."
This was why Victoria had drunk the strongest liquor yesterday. Because she didn't have much time left.
There was no way she could ask the man she loved to have a child with her while sober.
"But, I don't want to be pitied either. For the last love of my life... If that emotion gets mixed in, it would be too sad, wouldn't it?"
Victoria slowly kissed Astal's pillow as she began talking to herself.
Peck, smooch. Imagining his face, she practiced everything from soft, short kisses to long, deep ones.
She held onto the hope that later, she could really kiss him too, using the contract relationship as an excuse.
"...When I die, you should meet someone new and live a new life. So I think it's better to be hated. So that someday you can just pass by thinking, 'Ah, there was a woman like that.'"
Victoria slowly closed her eyes, imagining the situation after her death. Would Astal make a sad face, or would he pretend to be okay?
No matter what she imagined, it was all painful, as if her chest were being squeezed.
"Because I'm a pathetic woman, Astal."
Victoria had no choice but to hug Astal's pillow and cry. Originally, she would have thought even such emotions were a luxury for her.
"I want to be loved by you, but I also hate being hated later... So I chose the contradictory path of running far away."
Living with the man named Astal Caisaros, she had learned the hope of living as an ordinary woman.
With him, she didn't have to use miracles, deal with the bothersome duties of a Saint, or force herself to act kind.
"...Could you love even someone like me?"
Victoria hugged Astal's pillow tightly to her body, pouring out her true feelings.
She shut her eyes tightly, clasped her hands together, and wished for her heart's desire to come true.
- [...Do you really have no shame?]
As if finding the sight hard to watch, a single voice rang in Victoria's head.
"Heavenly God...?! How are you responding without me even praying...?"
The Heavenly God, Lumina. The god who chose Victoria as the Saint, a being revered by the Holy Kingdom. Victoria flinched in surprise at her sigh.
How could she be trying to deliver a revelation without Victoria even offering a prayer? Victoria's mind couldn't comprehend it.
- [You just prayed a moment ago. You clasped your hands, closed your eyes, and wished, 'Could you love even someone like me?']
"Ah, don't tell me..."
Victoria recalled the situation from a moment ago. Her silently praying for her romantic endeavors to go well had been the trigger.
That had become the signal calling for the Heavenly God's voice, prompting her to come down with a revelation.
- [I was worried you weren't using this contract relationship thing properly... What is this disgraceful spectacle?]
The Heavenly God didn't understand what Victoria was doing now. Hugging, licking the pillow of the man she adored, rubbing her body against it...
If the Heavenly God hadn't intervened, she might have crossed the line. It was such lewd and depraved behavior that she could be called a harlot rather than a Saint.
"I'd appreciate it if you didn't meddle unnecessarily. I can handle it myself..."
- [Right. I really don't know who it was that acted cute yesterday, saying, 'You're not going to play the fake lover role properly, are you? Victoria might throw a tantrum...?'"]
"Hyaaaaaaak...!! I, I absolutely did not say such a thing!"
Victoria jumped up on the spot in surprise. Her gaping mouth and widened pupils couldn't hide her lie.
- [If you really like him, why not try being a little more honest? It seems Astal doesn't completely dislike you either.]
The Heavenly God offered advice, sounding dissatisfied. Lumina, a mother-like figure to her, was quite unhappy with the current situation.
"Ah, are you talking about Sir Astal? That can't be. He's the one who left first because he dislikes me even now..."
Victoria added, as if it were impossible. It was definitely Astal who had carried her, drunk and unable to support herself, to the bedroom last night.
Yet, without touching a single hair on her head, he had fled the scene like a shot at dawn. To anyone, it looked like the action of a man with no romantic feelings.
- [That man, do you know he stays up all night every night trying to fix your body? I think he's figured out to some extent that your time is limited.]
Heavenly God Lumina hadn't liked Astal at first. Having watched the twists and turns of his life from above, she knew how dark and bleak his life had been.
His parents horrifically killed by the Demon King's army, the sole survivor of a village completely burned down.
Gods cannot directly influence the mortal world, which is why they select figures like Heroes and Saints.
Yet the mage Astal was already a being close to a Hero because of his bleak past.
- [That mage is so strong it even surprises us gods. How can a mere human body be that powerful without divine help?]
The Heavenly God had even seen the normally taciturn main god burst out laughing when Astal used his own mana core to create an artificial holy sword.
"That oblivious man, how could he..."
Victoria let out a sigh of disbelief.
Of course, last night he had used informal speech unlike his usual self and confessed to having worries.
Normally, he would have swallowed it all. Smiling blandly over pain and sorrow was a skill she had learned from the former Pope.
- [Then see for yourself with your own two eyes. He probably hasn't gone far yet. If you go outside and walk straight, you'll see what he's doing right now.]
The Heavenly God secretly tipped Victoria off to Astal's location, where he was preparing to open a spatial gate nearby.
What she wanted to see was the Saint, who was like a daughter to her, enjoying a sweet, bittersweet love, not watching them misunderstand each other.
- [No matter how I think about it, you seem to hide your affection by being too harsh with your words. If you started a contract relationship, you should be kinder to him.]
The Heavenly God pointed out Victoria's mistake. No matter how great your fondness, you can't convey that emotion with rough attitudes and harsh words.
"...Are you saying my current way is wrong?"
Victoria couldn't understand the Heavenly God saying such things.
What was wrong with the social skills she learned from the former Pope, and her actions to distance his affection so she wouldn't be hated after her death?
- [To be honest, it's because you seem like a complete lunatic. Your inner thoughts and outer appearance are completely out of sync.]
"......"
Victoria could only stand frozen, hearing the Heavenly God's frank statement.
From her perspective, she knew it was unavoidable due to her limited life and the way she had lived until now, but...
"...Do you really think I look like a madwoman?"
If one couldn't see through Victoria's inner thoughts, it was entirely possible for Astal to think of her as a crazy woman.
- [Yes. So go catch him before it's too late. Who knows? Your wish to be fruitful and multiply with the man you adore might come true.]
The Heavenly God smiled meaningfully at Victoria and left her with a final word, as if cheering her on.