The Twin Blades of Certain Defeat

I took one look at the Ancient-grade weapon's damage numbers and its dazzling list of options, then swung it at a Muscle Cow — and realized something had gone terribly wrong the moment a storm of slaughter-energy blades shredded the cow and me along with it.

If the Humanity Clones hadn't frantically burned through Legendary consumables for emergency recovery, and if my still-not-yet-Mythic Ancient-grade helmet hadn't triggered its damage immunity, I would have been unfairly booted all the way back to before I'd even claimed my Mythic-(pending) gear. A truly nightmarish near-death experience.

So yes — normal attacks converted into AoE. The problem was that this was a melee weapon. Dual blades, no less. Which meant the AoE cheerfully carved up my own body every time I swung. A completely deranged, broken piece of garbage.

There was a reason the name had Certain Defeat stamped right on it. That wasn't just flavor text.

Just in case, I fused the twin blades into the greatsword form and tried to defend — only to discover that the parry skill was no longer a simple button-press rhythm game like it had been in the actual game. Reality-patch had rewritten it so I had to physically heft a greatsword bigger than my own body and deflect the Muscle Cow's axe myself.

An absolute nightmare to use. Confirmed trash weapon!!!

In the end, it was still Ancient-grade, so I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I stuffed it deep into my inventory and ground myself raw until I finally evolved the helmet into a Mythic-grade piece. A true triumph of the human spirit — a human victory for the ages!

Is the main body… human?

Okay, "giant victory" sounds weird. And if I say that, the fourth wall might actually collapse. Still feels off, though. How about "non-human victory"?

These guys, I swear.

"Anyway! Time to get out of here!"

My inventory was stuffed with loot, and the slaughter energy and experience from the Muscle Cows were still hefty — but without breaking through my limits, there was a hard ceiling on how much stronger I could get just from grinding. I'd wrapped myself in gear, sure, but if I couldn't earn combat experience no matter how hard I fought, skill proficiency wouldn't rise and I wasn't going to snag any insights that would push my realm higher either.

Time to kill the boss I'd been playing endless tag with.

"MMOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Couldn't even talk anymore, the poor bastard. Charging at me with a roar of pure rage forced through a half-ruined throat, the boss of this hidden dungeon was — naturally — the king of the Muscle Cows: a Dairy Cow King draped in glittering armor and a crown, a massive axe clenched in each hand.

But as those twin axes came crashing down together, Yu Hee's gaze was fixed not on the blades but on the nameplate floating above the Cow King's head.

"Aha?"

Azure ghost-fire flared up from her head like a pair of horns and caught the strike clean. She stared at the startled Cow King, and for the first time a fragment of emotion flickered across her blank face — her blood-red eyes gleaming with murderous light.

"You… don't have a border."

Every elite monster in this place had been carrying a boss designation. This one, on the other hand, only had an elite marker — no boss-frame border in sight. Not that unusual, really. Almost certainly another mod conflict. With that thought, Yu Hee opened her mouth.

"Auto-Battle."

And just like that, the gatekeeper of the Torn Corner of the Beast Realm died by Yu Hee's hand.

"Did a Mythic set piece drop?!"

Nothing but yellow and purple.

"Damn. Close."

I couldn't hide the disappointment, and as the Humanity Clones threw a fit inside me, my body twisted while I shouted back at them in my head.

Conscience? What's that? I don't even have a heart!

As if answering a summons, a golden barcode scanner — no, Yu I-seong's heart — popped out of my chest. I carefully tucked it back in. One accidental press and it wasn't just the heart that vanished; the entire upper body got deleted. Obviously you handled that thing with care.

It was a dedicated weapon stacked entirely into Evil Karma proportional damage, so the only real downside was that it hit me harder than anything else. Other than that, it was a solid weapon.

Anyway — finally, time to leave the hidden dungeon!

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

The moment I stepped out, the secret realm's entrance vanished and that message floated up. I'd half-expected it, and sure enough — no second chances. I'd been running a little hope circuit that maybe, just maybe, Reality-Patch and a mod conflict teaming up would let me farm this honey-sweet hidden dungeon one more time. No such luck. Gone without a trace.

"Base Return!"

I swallowed the disappointment and warped straight back to base — and walked into pure chaos.

"KYAAAAAAAH!!!"

San Gi-yeon was screaming, clinging to the giant chick as it bolted every which way with invasion monsters hot on her heels. I casually dumped a rain of Chopsticks on them and erased the lot. The exhausted chick flopped over, and San Gi-yeon tumbled off in a rolling heap.

"Senior…!"

The hairpin — no, the Chopstick — at the back of her head glowed red, drinking in slaughter energy and rapidly restoring her. I tore my eyes away, yanked out a Legendary shield, and drove it into the ground behind her. Monster corpses came rocketing in like bullets, smashed into the shield, and turned to pulp. Confirmed. Then I looked at the rest of the base, and it was an absolute circus.

A raid boss was fighting the Epic decorations. A raid boss was fighting Cheon Nan-cho. A raid boss was fighting Elder Togo's drones.

Was I seeing this right?

"Three raid bosses from a single invasion event…?"

Wait. Was this because of all those items I'd moved into the base warehouse earlier through Elder Togo's drones?

That's the only explanation, main body!

Hurry! The base buildings are getting wrecked!

Elder Togo's holding the central building!

I moved first to help the drones, who were getting pushed the hardest. Elder Togo was strong, sure — but the allied-enemy correction was absurdly powerful. Having lost his physical body, he'd taken a hit that left him unable to regenerate spiritual power on his own and was still recovering. Even if every single ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠drone was an Epic-grade decoration, the best they could do was pin a raid boss down and buy time. Elder Togo's power was already being spent defending the central buildings, so the drones were running on pure stats alone.

I took the whole situation in at a glance — or rather, the Humanity Clones parsed it for me — and shot forward, both hands wreathed in slaughter energy as I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠tore through space. Tunnel Dig plus Dash put me between the raid boss and the drones in an instant. Azure ghost-fire erupted from above my head and caught the boss's strike, and in the same breath I pulled an Epic-grade weapon from midair, layered Spoon over it, and brought it down.

A flash of searing yellow light. The raid boss's heads shattered in a single blow, its torso caved in, and its legs crumpled like they'd been run through a press as the ground cratered beneath it.

One-shot kill.

I shook out my right arm, still throbbing from the recoil, then stretched my left hand toward the raid boss currently locked with Cheon Nan-cho. A halo of Chopsticks bloomed behind my back and a downpour of slaughter-energy chopsticks rained down, mercilessly shredding the boss.

"Hee-a! You're here! Great, then—!"

Cheon Nan-cho finally registered my arrival. She slammed both hands into the ground and shouted with a burst of spiritual power, and a massive tree trunk erupted from the earth to bind the raid boss tight. It strained and tried to smash free, but the chopsticks hammering into it sapped its strength. Cheon Nan-cho poured out even more spiritual energy, and the trunk crushed the boss flat, wringing it dry of power.

One left, then. I looked over and found the remaining decorations — and San Gi-yeon, somehow already back on the chick — tanking with the Legendary shield I'd left for protection, floating it in front of the chick on a Chopstick while the decorations dogpiled the last raid boss. Death Knight, robot, and rabbit were all hammering away, just barely managing to bring it down.

I sprinted straight for the base warehouse — and my eyes caught fire. Monsters were in the middle of relocating the entire warehouse, the one packed with all the glittering loot I'd just hauled in.

An Eok-kka event. Of course it was.

Three raid bosses spawning at once to wreck the base, plus a timed Eok-kka event that would wipe one hundred percent of everything in the base warehouse after a set period!

"Auto-Battle!!!"

Die! You miserable bugs!

I even burned Auto-Battle and butchered every last monster trying to cart off the warehouse whole — but the real problem was that I had to empty the base warehouse, and fast.

The total value of the items inside had blown so far past my level that the system had triggered an Eok-kka event just for that.

Except the prisoner inventory and my own inventory were both already full. So how the hell was I supposed to deal with this mountain of items?