Magical Girl Uncle's Grand Heist
I already knew exactly who the ringleader and the mastermind behind this incident were, thanks to my inside sources.
That made for two targets: the president as the instigator and the treasurer as the planner.
In other words, two bastards to shake down.
Before hitting the real prize—Pendragon's mansion, which I could call the main event—I decided to warm up by raiding the treasurer's place first. Feeling the wand in my pocket, I scanned the mansion's interior.
"Looks like they've got decent security for a well-off family. Three guard dogs, and they've even contracted a security firm."
That's why it's more fun to target families with real money or power. The dirtier their gains, the higher the difficulty spikes.
"Time for Magical Girl Uncle mode after all this time."
I stretched and prepared to slip inside. From my rough assessment, the second-floor window by the back door looked like the weakest point.
I pushed off with my toes and leaped lightly upward.
Nothing but empty air below. Like a bird spreading its wings or a cross plunging down, I fell with gravity.
The pleasant breeze brushing my skin reminded me once again that humans could be free.
At just the right moment...
"Black Fog."
I kicked off the air and landed silently on the second-floor railing.
"Phew..."
I slowly straightened my knees and swept my gaze around.
"They haven't noticed a thing, as expected."
It'd be weirder if the security firm's goons spotted me. With the buffs from my gear, sneaking in was child's play. Just the Abyssal Mystery Prison Fur of Dis Pater let me blend into the shadows, while Black Fog silenced my footsteps and muffled my presence.
Alright, let's see what we've got.
"...Door's locked, of course?"
No worries there. I wasn't some civilian—I was an Awakener.
I focused my aura at my fingertips and slowly carved a hole next to the lock, big enough for my hand.
Screeeeech.
The window cut cleanly, like with a glass cutter. I reached in, unlocked it, and slipped inside to reveal the mansion's vast interior.
Aura Sonar
I mapped the interior layout and personnel. One, two, three... twenty-five in total. A few were stationary, emitting faint, steady pulses. Given the location, the treasurer and his family were all asleep.
Might as well check for hidden spaces while I'm at it.
"There it is."
Of course a place like this would have a secret vault. I spotted an empty space underground and headed that way.
"Hmm~"
The guards seemed focused on the perimeter, so the interior was a breeze. That's why complacency is so dangerous.
Humming to myself, I reached the vault in no time. Now it was showtime for Magical Girl Uncle.
"They're banking on this special security safe, huh."
A vault packed with spells and magical crystals, fit for a world of Awakeners. No wonder they felt so secure.
Obviously. Far sturdier than any mundane safe, and even a mage couldn't crack its runes. But I'd trained Magical Girl Uncle for exactly this. My go-to method in those situations was...
"The direct approach."
I laced my fingers, loosened up, then activated ki-sik in one hand and stared down the vault.
"Hoo..."
I focused my mind, channeling aura to its absolute limit. My right hand glowed red-hot. Then I activated the Abyssal Flame Ring from the Don.
Targeting its "Light Devour" ability.
Black flames burn fiercer the more light they absorb. Can be extinguished at the user's will.
My glowing red hand turned pitch black in an instant, and I slammed it over the vault door.
"First batter up!"
Sizzzzzzz—crackle!
Weee-ooo—weee-ooo!
I melted the entrance right off. A piercing alarm blared as the vault's runes triggered, bathing the area in red light.
But...
"Breached!"
I was faster. I yanked open the molten hole and scraped everything inside.
Let's see...
"Gems for magic... oh, Divine Tree leaves? Keeping something this rare here. Grab that too... ah, whatever. Take it all."
I swept it clean into my cube. One last touch, and we're done.
I pulled out the cross from my pocket, jammed it into the now-empty vault, and delicately placed a letter and my signature pink magic wand on top.
Justice Executed
We'll put it to good use~★ Nom nom! So sweet~ …… … -Magical Log
Just a note designed to piss them off royally. Perfect. Treasurer, this is as merciful as it gets.
"Over here! This door's open!"
The guards' shouts echoed from outside. 'Faster than I thought?' Time to play host.
I grabbed "that" from my holster and burst through the door.
"Intruder's here! He's—" Bang bang. One to the chest, one to the head. Calibrated to their aura levels—they'd wake up by morning.
"It's a mage! A mage broke in!"
"Kuh, that's the stuff."
I twirled my pink magic wand and struck a pose. A heart-tipped, cutesy cure-cure wand—disguised Tokarev via Magical Clown Makeup.
For tonight only, chanting a spell fired a justice bolt to knock out villains.
"Abracadabra!"
A guard crumpled, aura shot to the forehead.
"Grab him no matter what! We need to know who's pulling the strings!"
More piled in. No rushing—that's amateur hour. I strolled casually through the gap.
The encircling guards brandished batons or summoned mana, yelling.
"He's a mage! Just rush him!"
These guys really underestimate magical girl magic?
"Pile on!"
"Magic. Stun gun."
Aura-charged right hook to the face—original magical girl spell. Target blacks out.
"Argh!"
"That guy's a mage!!"
"Magic. Flying knee kick."
One of the forbidden spells. Victim doesn't die—just knocks out. Magical girls are non-lethal. Common knowledge.
"That's not magic!"
Feeling the threat from my "magic" (physics), they backed off, probing cautiously. Tsk... fine then.
I pulled a blingy oversized wand from my cube.
"Magic. Silent bullet."
— / — / — / — / — / — / — / — / — / — / — / —
Of course I've got ranged magic too. I'm a magical girl.
The typewriter chatter (silencer ver.) dropped them one by one. My magical carpet bombing shattered the encirclement.
I infused Black Fog with aura and slipped away.
"Sh-She's escaping!"
"Catch her!"
I sprinted down the hall, ignoring their panic. They'd realized catching me was impossible—hence no real pursuit, just yelling.
"Th-Thief!"
The treasurer stumbled out in pajamas, eyes bleary from the commotion, wand in hand. Looked ready to fight.
Perfect timing—I wanted to see him before leaving. How nice of him to come out.
First, a gift.
"Magic, Falcon punch."
Aura-packed fist to the face at full power—ultimate spell. Victim hurts like hell but doesn't die.
BOOM!!
"Gahk!"
He flew back, slammed the wall, and passed out. I tsked at his ugly sprawl.
"No satisfying crunch."
And too violent. I smacked my lips in disappointment.
Truth be told, Magical Girl Uncle was a paladin-thief hybrid. Customized with Skill Customization System for pink effects, but basically a paladin.
Struck foes while healing—no wounds left. Even full-power hits healed instantly mid-collapse, that hand-feel... mmm. And the pink explosions? Pure catharsis.
Ah, the romantic days.
'Named mobs conking out to pink punches? Couldn't get enough.'
Now it'd have to be plain ki-sik punches. Oh well.
"Time to bail."
Ransacking every corner would've been profitable, but I'd cherry-picked the best. No need for more.
My real goal wasn't theft anyway.
Humiliation. Crushing shame.
"Sounds came from that way!"
"The family head is with us!"
Show's over. Time for the finale.
I punched the outer wall, shouting,
"Pass wall."
The corridor wall crumbled into a person-sized hole. I dove through, pulling smoke and flash grenades from my cube, pins yanked.
Last rite: let the neighborhood know Magical Girl Uncle had arrived.
"Magical bomb."
I hurled them wildly. All untraceable, serial numbers scrubbed from Calione stores.
And—
BOOM—BOOM BOOM BOOM—BOOM!!
Massive blasts engulfed the mansion in black smoke.
"Yoo-hooo!"
"Bombs!!"
"Protect the family head!!"
Guards' cries from inside. Confirming the smoke merging with the clouds, I bolted into the bushes.
Black Fog for the getaway. My face, via Magical Clown Makeup, was totally different now.
"Clean getaway."
I mounted my hidden bike and revved it.
Vroooom—
A textbook perfect heist. Any master thief stops here, but Magical Girl Uncle goes further.
I dialed a favorite contact via smart lens.
"Young master? What brings you at this hour."
She picked up before two rings. "Sorry for the late hour. Were you asleep?"
"No, sir. Finishing up the accounting ledgers."
"Good. Could you pull about 500 million credits from my slush fund and donate it anonymously?"
"A... donation, sir? Anonymously?"
"Yeah. In the name of... Magical Log."
"... Magical Log, sir?"
Her puzzled tone said it all. "Details tomorrow. Please make it untraceable."
"Understood, sir."
"Thanks."
Mission complete. Magical Girl Uncle's iron rule: Donate half the loot's value to those in need.
In-game, it was a karma hack for paladin upkeep. But really... isn't this true righteous theft?
Plunder from villains, share with the needy.
"Another score today."
Tomorrow, academy and society would face a storm. I could already picture the morning news.
The brilliant full moon lit my path as the bike smoothly cruised the road.
As long as I was around, justice would always breathe in this harsh world.