Under the Bed with Mom (2)
Under the Bed with Mom (2)
I racked my brain, searching for a way past the obstacle in front of me.
'Should I just give up on the dungeon? No, that would be the worst of both worlds.'
Strictly speaking, the dungeon wasn't mandatory. I was only going for my family's sake. I could always laugh it off with a "gotcha, dungeon talk was just a joke" and move on.
But now that things had escalated, there was no backing down. If I gave up now, the same logic would be used to refuse me later whenever I truly needed to go outside.
And if I never left the estate and spent my days penned in as a "boy," what then? Could I really stay the same person until academy enrollment? Wouldn't my dream of freedom slowly fade inside a comfortable mansion?
I pictured my future self, the version of me who'd abandoned freedom and settled into complacency.
Married off to someone I didn't want, spending the rest of my life cooped up at home like a bird in a cage. My sole form of social entertainment reduced to blending in with men who giggled "hohoho" like they were in a danhua café, nibbling sweets at tea parties.
'...Ugh.'
My manly-man instincts recoiled violently. Just imagining grown men covering their mouths and tittering made me sick, and you wanted me to live that way? Hell no. That would be murdering Ryu Si-u as a person. I'd rather die.
Besides, what about my promise to Flare? I swore I'd become an adventurer. That was the first real dream Yune ever had while stuck in his sickbed. I couldn't throw it away.
So outright giving up on the dungeon was out.
Back to square one, then. How could I convince Mom that I absolutely had to go?
No matter how hard I racked my brain, I couldn't find a way.
...Short of confessing to Mom that I carried Ryu Si-u's memories.
But if I did confess, would she believe me? Would she not?
If she didn't believe me, I'd obviously be treated like a lunatic. Far from being allowed outside, I'd be packed straight off to the Temple or a monastery.
On the other hand, if she did believe me...
'That's honestly even worse.'
Confessing Ryu Si-u's memories and having her accept them would explain why I needed to go outside.
But the real question was: after that, would Mom see me as Yune, or as Ryu Si-u?
In my mind, I was both Ryu Si-u and Yune, and I genuinely thought of Mom as my mother. But from her perspective, wouldn't I look like some evil spirit possessing her son?
She might draw a sword and demand I give her son back. She might hate me, convinced a vile demon had stolen him.
...She might throw me away again. I might end up back in that orphanage.
'No. Absolutely not.'
That option was also out. I didn't even want to entertain the possibility.
Yet no other ideas came to mind.
The only remotely sensible choices were those two: give up the dungeon, or gamble on confessing my memories.
The former meant a future where Ryu Si-u's dignity and Yune's dream were utterly crushed. The latter carried the terrifying risk of being abandoned by my family.
But I couldn't stay silent and choose nothing.
'Wait. Did I just dig my own grave?'
Only then did I fully grasp the situation I'd put myself in. A binary choice between the worst-case and the slightly-less-worst, where I had to pick something and sacrifice something else.
...Tch. Fine. I'd give up the dungeon. Give up the future. Give up the dream. Even if it meant shattering the hope Yune had clung to while lying in bed, even if it destroyed the last shred of pride Ryu Si-u had held onto.
Because to both Yune and Ryu Si-u, family was precious.
"It was just a joke. Me, going to a dungeon? Come on."
"Yune?"
There. That settled it.
...Still, I'd only brought it up for my family's sake, and it ended like this. I felt a tiny bit bitter.
"I'm sorry for saying something pointless. I startled you, didn't I?"
"Yune."
"It's late, let's sleep. Ah, I'm so sleepy."
"Yune."
Even though I tried to laugh it off, Mom's expression only hardened further.
And then—
-Squeeze.
"Did I speak too harshly?"
"...!?"
Suddenly, Mom pulled me into her arms and hugged me tight.
The shock stole my breath, but she only tightened her hold.
"I'm sorry. I apologize. So don't make that face."
'Face? What kind of face am I making... wait.'
She told me not to make that face. That was when I realized what expression I wore.
Brows deeply furrowed, lips quivering faintly. The very picture of a child on the verge of tears.
"Ah, huh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
And the moment I recognized my own face,
"I was trying... to do it for the family... but I was scared you'd throw me away... sniff... so scared..."
I abruptly started crying, overcome by a surge of sorrow. In the least manly-man way possible.
"What a sudden thing to say. Thrown away? I have no idea what you mean."
But Mom didn't scold me or demand to know why. Instead...
-Stroke, stroke.
"So tell me, Yune. No, let me hear why you thought that."
Mom carefully rubbed my back. With clumsy hands, full of warm affection.
Receiving those strokes, something inside me began to settle. It felt like anything might be okay. I could feel that Mom truly loved me.
Impulsively, I opened my mouth. To say the words I'd been too afraid to speak, terrified she'd abandon me.
"...There was someone named Ryu Si-u."
* * * * * *
After that, nestled in Mom's arms, I kept talking disjointedly.
About Ryu Si-u's upbringing and a certain mobile game. About how one day I opened my eyes and found myself inside the Nordkirchen Grand Ducal Residence, a place I'd only ever seen in that game.
About how the memories of Yune and Ryu Si-u had blurred together until I couldn't tell whether I was Yune or Ryu Si-u. But how, in order to heal this body, I'd thrown my first real tantrum for Mom.
My rambling went on and on, circling without a proper ending.
"I'm Yune, but I'm also Ryu Si-u. So... I was afraid you'd hate me..."
"That's enough now."
Mom's hand on my back stopped moving, as if to say I'd said enough.
"You believe me? Even though I know it sounds impossible."
"It's certainly a strange story, but I've chosen to believe it. I already knew there was something mysterious about you."
"...What!?"
* * * * * *
Mom looked me straight in the eye and began a quiet explanation. About the events of the past year.
"That mercenary who supposedly healed you... Flare, was it? When you made the excuse that she'd always been famous for healing, I didn't believe a word. How could a fire-element mage become famous for healing in the first place?"
"Ah."
'Now that she mentions it...'
Back then I thought I'd covered it up well, but hearing her now, it absolutely made no sense. A fire-attribute healer—what even was that?
"Yet your condition truly began to improve. And after that, you started wheedling for all sorts of miscellaneous things. That was when I began to suspect you. Wondering if perhaps a demon had possessed my child's body."
"...!!"
"At first, I pretended to indulge you. I planned that if any tainted object arrived, anything needed for a demon's descent, I would hand you straight over to the Temple."
"...Hic."
Her words turned my mind blank. Exactly the possibility I'd been terrified of.
But instead of condemning me, Mom's tone grew even gentler.
"But what you asked for was never anything of that sort. Nearly all of it was food. And plainly, none of it was ordinary."
"Th-those were, actually..."
"Elixirs? I know. After all, didn't you give a few to me? Though you apparently tried to slip them into my tea without me noticing."
"!?"
Those consumables with permanent strength or agility boosts were useless to a mage, and I'd found them too precious to waste, so I'd discreetly passed them to Mom before they expired. She'd noticed?
I gasped in shock at her uncanny perceptiveness, and Mom, uncharacteristically, let out a deep sigh.
"I thought you were doing it on purpose, but it seems you really expected me not to catch on. Hah."
"..."
"In any case, I guessed that some great change had come over you, but I chose not to pry. I suspected you might have received an oracle from some unknown god, and I considered it improper to interrogate divine words."
So while I'd been carefree, my identity had vacillated in Mom's mind between demon and saint. I had to admit, that was probably the more realistic take.
As I sat there dumbfounded, Mom—
-Peck.
"!?"
"But it seems I was wrong. A god sent an angel down to my ailing Yune. An angel named Ryu Si-u."
And she kissed my forehead.
...Mom did? The Northern Grand Duchess?
The shock struck like lightning to the crown of my head. Ah, so this was how my sisters felt when they watched Mom and me. I'd never dreamed Mom would be the one to kiss me first. Unbelievable.
Still, I barely clung to reason and protested.
"Uh, but. Ryu Si-u isn't an angel. He was an orphan, and..."
"No, he is an angel. Such a pure and good being could never be anything else."
But Mom was adamant, insisting that Ryu Si-u was no sinister presence but an angel.
Hearing that, a tingling, ticklish warmth rose inside my chest.
"Do you really see me as Yune? Not as Ryu Si-u wearing Yune's skin, or saying I'm not really your son...?"
I asked as if seeking final confirmation. My reason screamed at me for it, but my heart craved certainty. It wanted the words Ryu Si-u had most wanted to hear.
And Mom answered, as if granting my desperate wish.
"No matter what anyone says, Yunes von Nordkirchen, you are my beloved child."
...Honestly, why had I been so pointlessly anxious all this time? I loved Mom, and Mom loved me back just as much.
I'd thought I'd cried a whole bucket earlier, but my vision began swimming with tears again. Unlike before, though, these were tears of emotion.
"Yune. Why are you crying?"
Mom looked at me, her voice still stiff but filled with love and concern.
I sprang up from the bed and blurted out the emotion overflowing inside me.
"...Because I love you, Mom! Mom, I love you!"
* * * * * *
After that, Mom and I held each other tight in bed and chatted quietly until we fell asleep.
"Yune. Aren't you clinging a bit too much?"
"Call me your son. Son!"
"...My son."
"Hehe. I love you, Mom. Seriously, I'm gonna marry you."
"...!?"
More precisely, I was the one clinging to her.
Pressed against her with all four limbs, like I was latched onto a tree, an indescribable happiness began to spread through my entire body as a cozy warmth.
"Ahem. At any rate, you said you wanted to go to a dungeon. Was that also because of information Ryu Si-u obtained from a place called... a 'game'?"
"Yes! Ah, well, the reason I need to go is a secret from you, though..."
"A secret kept only from me, hmm. Fine, you don't need to say. I have a rough idea. But let me ask one thing first. Must you personally go to this dungeon?"
"Yes. I'm probably the only one who can find it."
"Hmph. Very well. As a one-time exception, I grant you permission for this dungeon exploration."
"Really?! Mom, I love—"
"On the condition that I go with you."
"...Eek."